Toilet Mis-habs!
Discussion
Not so much a Mishap though what would you do?
Was out for dinner one evening with my wife at some friends house.
Ate dinner was lovely had a few drinks then though "I need the loo"
Made my way to the loo, sat down, did the deed, went to wipe only one piece of roll left.
Looked around, in a cupboard, no sign of any more, did not want to shout down.
Suddenly spied the face cloth on the sink, thought that will do, wiped with the flannel, then washed it thoroughly and put back on the sink.
Went back downstairs to the do, thought I would be polite, so told them what I had done involving the flannel.
Well wish I had not bothered, you would have thought I had just told them I had been upstairs and buggered the baby, disgusted.
I could have said nothing and no one would have been the wiser, my wife went mental with me, were practically thrown out.
What would you have done in the circumstances and would you have let on.
Was out for dinner one evening with my wife at some friends house.
Ate dinner was lovely had a few drinks then though "I need the loo"
Made my way to the loo, sat down, did the deed, went to wipe only one piece of roll left.
Looked around, in a cupboard, no sign of any more, did not want to shout down.
Suddenly spied the face cloth on the sink, thought that will do, wiped with the flannel, then washed it thoroughly and put back on the sink.
Went back downstairs to the do, thought I would be polite, so told them what I had done involving the flannel.
Well wish I had not bothered, you would have thought I had just told them I had been upstairs and buggered the baby, disgusted.
I could have said nothing and no one would have been the wiser, my wife went mental with me, were practically thrown out.
What would you have done in the circumstances and would you have let on.
frankenstein62 said:
Arsewiping misadventure
I would have said nothing you told them to much. I learnt my lesson about to much information when i told my ex's dad that i had pulled the shower curtain down by accident. She had told him that she did it, 2 and 2 were put together to make an absolutley accurate 4 and i was no longer allowed to stay over.
Never giv away to much information.
frankenstein62 said:
Not so much a Mishap though what would you do?
Was out for dinner one evening with my wife at some friends house.
Ate dinner was lovely had a few drinks then though "I need the loo"
Made my way to the loo, sat down, did the deed, went to wipe only one piece of roll left.
Looked around, in a cupboard, no sign of any more, did not want to shout down.
Suddenly spied the face cloth on the sink, thought that will do, wiped with the flannel, then washed it thoroughly and put back on the sink.
Went back downstairs to the do, thought I would be polite, so told them what I had done involving the flannel.
Well wish I had not bothered, you would have thought I had just told them I had been upstairs and buggered the baby, disgusted.
I could have said nothing and no one would have been the wiser, my wife went mental with me, were practically thrown out.
What would you have done in the circumstances and would you have let on.
I would have felt bad but definitely kept quiet. Was out for dinner one evening with my wife at some friends house.
Ate dinner was lovely had a few drinks then though "I need the loo"
Made my way to the loo, sat down, did the deed, went to wipe only one piece of roll left.
Looked around, in a cupboard, no sign of any more, did not want to shout down.
Suddenly spied the face cloth on the sink, thought that will do, wiped with the flannel, then washed it thoroughly and put back on the sink.
Went back downstairs to the do, thought I would be polite, so told them what I had done involving the flannel.
Well wish I had not bothered, you would have thought I had just told them I had been upstairs and buggered the baby, disgusted.
I could have said nothing and no one would have been the wiser, my wife went mental with me, were practically thrown out.
What would you have done in the circumstances and would you have let on.
ETA: Or I would have been more inventive and hopped in the shower.
Taita said:
FROM AJCJ:
I confess to feeling selfconscious when last night's lamb dhansak, chana massala, keema naan and Cobra is struggling its way out and making a lot of fuss while it does, especially when the traps to either side are occupied by chaps who seem to be able to lay one down with barely a splash, but for true embarrassment, you need a hotel room on your first night away with a new cutie.
So lots of charming conversation and civilised behaviour and attention to personal hygiene and nipping outside to fart have paid off, and several months in it's time for a romantic weekend away. The hotel room is in a dead trendy boutique place, and the wall between bedroom and bathroom is frosted glass. All other bathroom walls are tiled for maximum reverb. The door is also glass, and does not seal in any way - half-inch gaps all round. So you are effectively in the same room as the bed, which is where you leave your amour, curled up and warm ("hurry back", she murmurs) on the morning after a nice moroccan meal with plenty of chickpeas, spiced lamb, felafel and so on, plus a couple of bottles of rough red, and whisky to finish. You pace with measured tread to the echo chamber, then hunker down to answer the insistent call from the lower colon.
To begin with, it sounded like a duck being strangled half-underwater, then as if thirty clowns wearing oversize rubber shoes were having a sprinting race over a massive bowl of jelly, then as I desperately applied restrictive pressure, it faded into an anguished squeak like a deflating balloon, then as my muscle control gave out, a series of small escaping explosions escalated into a titanic rasp that echoed for several seconds.
Having done the paperwork, brushed everywhere in the bowl, including the underside of the seat (how in the name of gravity could that have happened?), washed hands, and assumed as nonchalant an expression as I could muster, I strolled back in to find her sitting up, covers drawn protectively up under her chin, eyes like a lemur, asking whether I was ok, and did I need medical attention?
Kind of killed the mood, rather.
"The Echo Chamber".I confess to feeling selfconscious when last night's lamb dhansak, chana massala, keema naan and Cobra is struggling its way out and making a lot of fuss while it does, especially when the traps to either side are occupied by chaps who seem to be able to lay one down with barely a splash, but for true embarrassment, you need a hotel room on your first night away with a new cutie.
So lots of charming conversation and civilised behaviour and attention to personal hygiene and nipping outside to fart have paid off, and several months in it's time for a romantic weekend away. The hotel room is in a dead trendy boutique place, and the wall between bedroom and bathroom is frosted glass. All other bathroom walls are tiled for maximum reverb. The door is also glass, and does not seal in any way - half-inch gaps all round. So you are effectively in the same room as the bed, which is where you leave your amour, curled up and warm ("hurry back", she murmurs) on the morning after a nice moroccan meal with plenty of chickpeas, spiced lamb, felafel and so on, plus a couple of bottles of rough red, and whisky to finish. You pace with measured tread to the echo chamber, then hunker down to answer the insistent call from the lower colon.
To begin with, it sounded like a duck being strangled half-underwater, then as if thirty clowns wearing oversize rubber shoes were having a sprinting race over a massive bowl of jelly, then as I desperately applied restrictive pressure, it faded into an anguished squeak like a deflating balloon, then as my muscle control gave out, a series of small escaping explosions escalated into a titanic rasp that echoed for several seconds.
Having done the paperwork, brushed everywhere in the bowl, including the underside of the seat (how in the name of gravity could that have happened?), washed hands, and assumed as nonchalant an expression as I could muster, I strolled back in to find her sitting up, covers drawn protectively up under her chin, eyes like a lemur, asking whether I was ok, and did I need medical attention?
Kind of killed the mood, rather.
Vesuvius996 said:
At a wedding of a Scottish friend and Gleneagles Hotel. Kilted up.
Managed to convince a girl to stay in my room that night.
Got her back to the room. Went to the bathroom to brush the teeth before getting down to it. Emerge from the bathroom to find her spread eagled naked on the top of the crisp white bed with her legs wide open.
I run towards the bed and leap Superman-like onto it, skidding across the pristine sheets. My kilt rides up around my middle, exposing my bare ar5e, whereupon I leave a three foot long "ginger wheelspin" of st on the bedcovers.
She leaves.
from this thread:Managed to convince a girl to stay in my room that night.
Got her back to the room. Went to the bathroom to brush the teeth before getting down to it. Emerge from the bathroom to find her spread eagled naked on the top of the crisp white bed with her legs wide open.
I run towards the bed and leap Superman-like onto it, skidding across the pristine sheets. My kilt rides up around my middle, exposing my bare ar5e, whereupon I leave a three foot long "ginger wheelspin" of st on the bedcovers.
She leaves.
http://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&a...
silverthorn2151 said:
Thankfully 4 o’clock came, the race started, and all the cars came blasting past us. I managed to get seven or eight really good photos of the wire fence by the time they all went past for the first time.
I tentatively relaxed my arse muscles for the first time in approximately two hours, and felt a vacuum forming in my chest as the mother and father of all turds headed south and out quicker than Nelson Mandela on release day, and almost as smelly.
Comedy genius!I tentatively relaxed my arse muscles for the first time in approximately two hours, and felt a vacuum forming in my chest as the mother and father of all turds headed south and out quicker than Nelson Mandela on release day, and almost as smelly.
frankenstein62 said:
Not so much a Mishap though what would you do?
Was out for dinner one evening with my wife at some friends house.
Ate dinner was lovely had a few drinks then though "I need the loo"
Made my way to the loo, sat down, did the deed, went to wipe only one piece of roll left.
Looked around, in a cupboard, no sign of any more, did not want to shout down.
Suddenly spied the face cloth on the sink, thought that will do, wiped with the flannel, then washed it thoroughly and put back on the sink.
Went back downstairs to the do, thought I would be polite, so told them what I had done involving the flannel.
Well wish I had not bothered, you would have thought I had just told them I had been upstairs and buggered the baby, disgusted.
I could have said nothing and no one would have been the wiser, my wife went mental with me, were practically thrown out.
What would you have done in the circumstances and would you have let on.
Polite? "You know that flannel, the one that you use to wash your face? Well I just wiped my anus with it. Don't worry, I gave it a once over with some hot water and a bit of dove"Was out for dinner one evening with my wife at some friends house.
Ate dinner was lovely had a few drinks then though "I need the loo"
Made my way to the loo, sat down, did the deed, went to wipe only one piece of roll left.
Looked around, in a cupboard, no sign of any more, did not want to shout down.
Suddenly spied the face cloth on the sink, thought that will do, wiped with the flannel, then washed it thoroughly and put back on the sink.
Went back downstairs to the do, thought I would be polite, so told them what I had done involving the flannel.
Well wish I had not bothered, you would have thought I had just told them I had been upstairs and buggered the baby, disgusted.
I could have said nothing and no one would have been the wiser, my wife went mental with me, were practically thrown out.
What would you have done in the circumstances and would you have let on.
You thoroughly washed it and put it back, as in you expected them to reuse it? Good god man, either bin it and maybe buy a new one, or at worse surreptitiously enter it into the laundry system.
Beyond Rational said:
Polite? "You know that flannel, the one that you use to wash your face? Well I just wiped my anus with it. Don't worry, I gave it a once over with some hot water and a bit of dove"
You thoroughly washed it and put it back, as in you expected them to reuse it? Good god man, either bin it and maybe buy a new one, or at worse surreptitiously enter it into the laundry system.
That made me laugh. Except I have a cold and can't really laugh, so all that happened was I choked and a large snot bubble burst out of my nose. You thoroughly washed it and put it back, as in you expected them to reuse it? Good god man, either bin it and maybe buy a new one, or at worse surreptitiously enter it into the laundry system.
Muntu said:
Don't google "Linda Blemski" and go to the first link, whatever you do.
If you do, and you are braver than me, you could repost it on this thread for everybody to enjoy.
ETA: Potentially NSFW due to the odd naughty word within the text
If you do, and you are braver than me, you could repost it on this thread for everybody to enjoy.
ETA: Potentially NSFW due to the odd naughty word within the text
Edited by Muntu on Friday 8th April 14:14
Back when i was a stupid youngster : Barcelona, a miss placed use of a micro dot, local night club and a dose of the squits.
I was gone a long time. A very long time. I came back to my friends a different person.
Thought i was ok as i spent 2 hours naked in the bathroom that afternoon, sweating and jobbying for Scotland before we went out. I thought i had nothing left. I was wrong.
A trip i never, EVER wish to go through again.
I was gone a long time. A very long time. I came back to my friends a different person.
Thought i was ok as i spent 2 hours naked in the bathroom that afternoon, sweating and jobbying for Scotland before we went out. I thought i had nothing left. I was wrong.
A trip i never, EVER wish to go through again.
At a house warming party a few years ago.....
The place was completely unfurnished, totally and utterly bare i.e. Best time to invite a load of drunken idiot mates around to warm your house.
We arrived as a group of 4 lads, one of whom had his bint in tow; she was desperate for the loo, so as soon as we got there, she headed upstairs to christen the bog.
We headed for the kitchen, collected some beers and were admiring the garden from the conservatory when we heard a loud thud on the glass roof. We all looked up to see a large turd rolling / sliding down the glass and fall into the gutter, leaving a brown smear on the glass. We're gobsmacked for a minute, completely shocked. Then we start to laugh as we realise that it is really a turd. Then she walks in. Sees what we see. Sees us laughing. Turns and runs out. We never see her again for months.
Turns out she had a poo she couldn't flush. No bog brush to poke it down or break it up. So, not knowing about the conservatory, she just picked it up and threw it out the window.
The place was completely unfurnished, totally and utterly bare i.e. Best time to invite a load of drunken idiot mates around to warm your house.
We arrived as a group of 4 lads, one of whom had his bint in tow; she was desperate for the loo, so as soon as we got there, she headed upstairs to christen the bog.
We headed for the kitchen, collected some beers and were admiring the garden from the conservatory when we heard a loud thud on the glass roof. We all looked up to see a large turd rolling / sliding down the glass and fall into the gutter, leaving a brown smear on the glass. We're gobsmacked for a minute, completely shocked. Then we start to laugh as we realise that it is really a turd. Then she walks in. Sees what we see. Sees us laughing. Turns and runs out. We never see her again for months.
Turns out she had a poo she couldn't flush. No bog brush to poke it down or break it up. So, not knowing about the conservatory, she just picked it up and threw it out the window.
alfa pint said:
At a house warming party a few years ago.....
The place was completely unfurnished, totally and utterly bare i.e. Best time to invite a load of drunken idiot mates around to warm your house.
We arrived as a group of 4 lads, one of whom had his bint in tow; she was desperate for the loo, so as soon as we got there, she headed upstairs to christen the bog.
We headed for the kitchen, collected some beers and were admiring the garden from the conservatory when we heard a loud thud on the glass roof. We all looked up to see a large turd rolling / sliding down the glass and fall into the gutter, leaving a brown smear on the glass. We're gobsmacked for a minute, completely shocked. Then we start to laugh as we realise that it is really a turd. Then she walks in. Sees what we see. Sees us laughing. Turns and runs out. We never see her again for months.
Turns out she had a poo she couldn't flush. No bog brush to poke it down or break it up. So, not knowing about the conservatory, she just picked it up and threw it out the window.
Reminds me of thisThe place was completely unfurnished, totally and utterly bare i.e. Best time to invite a load of drunken idiot mates around to warm your house.
We arrived as a group of 4 lads, one of whom had his bint in tow; she was desperate for the loo, so as soon as we got there, she headed upstairs to christen the bog.
We headed for the kitchen, collected some beers and were admiring the garden from the conservatory when we heard a loud thud on the glass roof. We all looked up to see a large turd rolling / sliding down the glass and fall into the gutter, leaving a brown smear on the glass. We're gobsmacked for a minute, completely shocked. Then we start to laugh as we realise that it is really a turd. Then she walks in. Sees what we see. Sees us laughing. Turns and runs out. We never see her again for months.
Turns out she had a poo she couldn't flush. No bog brush to poke it down or break it up. So, not knowing about the conservatory, she just picked it up and threw it out the window.
From 4:06, although the whole thing is worth watching.
Edit: to say the link may be slightly NSFW, but then I think most people would assume similar when they clicked on this thread...
Edited by muppets_mate on Thursday 14th April 23:39
muppets_mate said:
alfa pint said:
At a house warming party a few years ago.....
The place was completely unfurnished, totally and utterly bare i.e. Best time to invite a load of drunken idiot mates around to warm your house.
We arrived as a group of 4 lads, one of whom had his bint in tow; she was desperate for the loo, so as soon as we got there, she headed upstairs to christen the bog.
We headed for the kitchen, collected some beers and were admiring the garden from the conservatory when we heard a loud thud on the glass roof. We all looked up to see a large turd rolling / sliding down the glass and fall into the gutter, leaving a brown smear on the glass. We're gobsmacked for a minute, completely shocked. Then we start to laugh as we realise that it is really a turd. Then she walks in. Sees what we see. Sees us laughing. Turns and runs out. We never see her again for months.
Turns out she had a poo she couldn't flush. No bog brush to poke it down or break it up. So, not knowing about the conservatory, she just picked it up and threw it out the window.
Reminds me of thisThe place was completely unfurnished, totally and utterly bare i.e. Best time to invite a load of drunken idiot mates around to warm your house.
We arrived as a group of 4 lads, one of whom had his bint in tow; she was desperate for the loo, so as soon as we got there, she headed upstairs to christen the bog.
We headed for the kitchen, collected some beers and were admiring the garden from the conservatory when we heard a loud thud on the glass roof. We all looked up to see a large turd rolling / sliding down the glass and fall into the gutter, leaving a brown smear on the glass. We're gobsmacked for a minute, completely shocked. Then we start to laugh as we realise that it is really a turd. Then she walks in. Sees what we see. Sees us laughing. Turns and runs out. We never see her again for months.
Turns out she had a poo she couldn't flush. No bog brush to poke it down or break it up. So, not knowing about the conservatory, she just picked it up and threw it out the window.
From 4:06, although the whole thing is worth watching.
Edit: to say the link may be slightly NSFW, but then I think most people would assume similar when they clicked on this thread...
Edited by muppets_mate on Thursday 14th April 23:39
frankenstein62 said:
Not so much a Mishap though what would you do?
Was out for dinner one evening with my wife at some friends house.
Ate dinner was lovely had a few drinks then though "I need the loo"
Made my way to the loo, sat down, did the deed, went to wipe only one piece of roll left.
Looked around, in a cupboard, no sign of any more, did not want to shout down.
Suddenly spied the face cloth on the sink, thought that will do, wiped with the flannel, then washed it thoroughly and put back on the sink.
Went back downstairs to the do, thought I would be polite, so told them what I had done involving the flannel.
Well wish I had not bothered, you would have thought I had just told them I had been upstairs and buggered the baby, disgusted.
I could have said nothing and no one would have been the wiser, my wife went mental with me, were practically thrown out.
What would you have done in the circumstances and would you have let on.
id do the same as you but i wouldnt av washed it just stuffed it behind the pedastle or the bog pipe for them to find some dayWas out for dinner one evening with my wife at some friends house.
Ate dinner was lovely had a few drinks then though "I need the loo"
Made my way to the loo, sat down, did the deed, went to wipe only one piece of roll left.
Looked around, in a cupboard, no sign of any more, did not want to shout down.
Suddenly spied the face cloth on the sink, thought that will do, wiped with the flannel, then washed it thoroughly and put back on the sink.
Went back downstairs to the do, thought I would be polite, so told them what I had done involving the flannel.
Well wish I had not bothered, you would have thought I had just told them I had been upstairs and buggered the baby, disgusted.
I could have said nothing and no one would have been the wiser, my wife went mental with me, were practically thrown out.
What would you have done in the circumstances and would you have let on.
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