Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
...IVANHOE
k around at Air Traffic Control", I said.Two ladies walk into a mortician’s office.
The first woman says to the mortician, “I’ve got my husband here in his very best blue suit, but what I’d really appreciate is if you could have him in a black suit for the funeral. Here’s a blank check, use whatever you need, I just want him in a black suit.”
The mortician agrees and thanks the woman and the first woman leaves. Now the second woman comes in and says, “I know I’ve brought my husband wearing a black suit, but I’ve always really loved him in blue. Is there any way you can have him in a blue suit for his funeral?”
The mortician assures her that it’s not a problem and the second woman thanks her and leaves. A few days later the mortician shows up at the first man’s funeral and his widow walks up and says, “Thank you so much for doing this. My husband looks wonderful in the black suit you found him.”
The mortician replies, “Of course, I was happy to do it. And here’s your check back.”
“No, I really appreciate it and I want to pay you, just take whatever you need.”
“Oh no really, it didn’t cost me anything. You see, right after you came in a woman showed up with her husband in a black suit and she wanted him wearing blue. So in the end all I had to do was switch the heads.”
The first woman says to the mortician, “I’ve got my husband here in his very best blue suit, but what I’d really appreciate is if you could have him in a black suit for the funeral. Here’s a blank check, use whatever you need, I just want him in a black suit.”
The mortician agrees and thanks the woman and the first woman leaves. Now the second woman comes in and says, “I know I’ve brought my husband wearing a black suit, but I’ve always really loved him in blue. Is there any way you can have him in a blue suit for his funeral?”
The mortician assures her that it’s not a problem and the second woman thanks her and leaves. A few days later the mortician shows up at the first man’s funeral and his widow walks up and says, “Thank you so much for doing this. My husband looks wonderful in the black suit you found him.”
The mortician replies, “Of course, I was happy to do it. And here’s your check back.”
“No, I really appreciate it and I want to pay you, just take whatever you need.”
“Oh no really, it didn’t cost me anything. You see, right after you came in a woman showed up with her husband in a black suit and she wanted him wearing blue. So in the end all I had to do was switch the heads.”
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music.
No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827".
Then he realizes that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward!
Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed.
This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backwards.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.
When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backwards.
The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed,
the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread, and a crowd has gathered around the grave.
They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
"I would have thought it was obvious," the caretaker says.
"He's decomposing."
No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827".
Then he realizes that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward!
Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed.
This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backwards.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.
When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backwards.
The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed,
the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread, and a crowd has gathered around the grave.
They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
"I would have thought it was obvious," the caretaker says.
"He's decomposing."
Laurel Green said:
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears music.
No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827".
Then he realizes that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward!
Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed.
This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backwards.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.
When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backwards.
The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed,
the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread, and a crowd has gathered around the grave.
They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
"I would have thought it was obvious," the caretaker says.
"He's decomposing."
Very good!No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.
He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770- 1827".
Then he realizes that the music is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony and it is being played backward!
Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him.
By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed.
This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backwards.
Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar.
When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backwards.
The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed,
the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th.
By the next day the word has spread, and a crowd has gathered around the grave.
They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward.
Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group.
Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.
"I would have thought it was obvious," the caretaker says.
"He's decomposing."
Halmyre said:
What's the difference between Mozart and Andrew Lloyd Webber?
One's a composer who farts* a lot and one's a fart who composes a lot.
Reported for inaccuracy. Lloyd Webber isn't a composer, he just steals from people who are dead and therefore can't sue him.One's a composer who farts* a lot and one's a fart who composes a lot.
- helps if you have seen 'Amadeus'
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