Cheating wife - what to do?
Discussion
M@verick said:
She had a workmate back to HIS HOUSE. She was openly talking about a shagging a guy on facebook. Come on, does that sound like a case of a minor indiscretion caused by a "lack of affection". I am not the bitter divorcee at all - there is however no way I would take that Harpy back.
as for the bloke - I do hope when you walked in on him, in your lounge you said: You know, you can ball my wife if she wants you to. You can lounge around here on her sofa, in her ex-husband's dead-tech, post-modernistic bulls
t house if you want to. But you do not get to watch MY fkING TELEVISION SET
R.
Who do you think you are, al pacino?as for the bloke - I do hope when you walked in on him, in your lounge you said: You know, you can ball my wife if she wants you to. You can lounge around here on her sofa, in her ex-husband's dead-tech, post-modernistic bulls
t house if you want to. But you do not get to watch MY fkING TELEVISION SET R.
As long as you're with her you will suffer erection problems, everytime you get on top, you will see a vision of him doing the deed. She's contaminated, its done. The kid and coin are now your priority. Don't waste anger on her, the kid will get the fallout from it. Sort your life out. Lots of advice about doing the fella harm, but i'd be surprised if anyone here actually has the bottle to give someone a couple of taps on the kneecaps or similiar. And if you do go down that route, thats a 5 stretch in which time she'll get the lot and the kid will be calling someone else Dad. (Although the current trend to do a shorter sentence and get tagged may help)
Move on, be clinical and thorough in seperating your lives, just make sure the kid is ok, because they deserve all the love you have, the trout who let you down deserves nothing.
Move on, be clinical and thorough in seperating your lives, just make sure the kid is ok, because they deserve all the love you have, the trout who let you down deserves nothing.
Kateg28 said:
... I did have an affair for 5 years but I was the other woman. He left home after 3 years for me, but eventually it ended for us (for many unrelated reasons) and then I heard he went back home and according to all reports they are happy. Not sure how she can possibly accept it all but that is her problem. I have nothing at all to do with him now.
fking hell, you sound like a really nice person.I think we have to be fair to the OP.
Bravado and diversionary tactics by bonking something else is not the whole picture.
Firstly there is a child. Secondly he may have been in love indeed may still be.
His real difficulty is trust. I agree with others her cuddling up in the OP's home to someone else is the real killer here. That is an absolute betrayal of their relationship and one I could not forgive and I agree this will eat away at the OP unless he separates.
But there is a child: this is not a simple problem solved by laddish behaviour.
A single act of infidelity is common in relationships. Modern women are becoming as daft as most men have always been. Many, many couples simply do not reveal their indiscretions to each other.
The killer here is the intimacy in their joint home and the flagrant disregards for any feelings in the part of the OP. Actions like these require a recognition that your relationship has to an extent been a downright lie.
But it is the OP's relationship. Entirely up to him.
I would not put up with it because of the reason's above.
Bravado and diversionary tactics by bonking something else is not the whole picture.
Firstly there is a child. Secondly he may have been in love indeed may still be.
His real difficulty is trust. I agree with others her cuddling up in the OP's home to someone else is the real killer here. That is an absolute betrayal of their relationship and one I could not forgive and I agree this will eat away at the OP unless he separates.
But there is a child: this is not a simple problem solved by laddish behaviour.
A single act of infidelity is common in relationships. Modern women are becoming as daft as most men have always been. Many, many couples simply do not reveal their indiscretions to each other.
The killer here is the intimacy in their joint home and the flagrant disregards for any feelings in the part of the OP. Actions like these require a recognition that your relationship has to an extent been a downright lie.
But it is the OP's relationship. Entirely up to him.
I would not put up with it because of the reason's above.
ZesPak said:
Kateg28 said:
... I did have an affair for 5 years but I was the other woman. He left home after 3 years for me, but eventually it ended for us (for many unrelated reasons) and then I heard he went back home and according to all reports they are happy. Not sure how she can possibly accept it all but that is her problem. I have nothing at all to do with him now.
fking hell, you sound like a really nice person.If the "really nice person" is sarcastic, I can understand your feelings but you don't know details and I am not prepared to share. I made a mistake and an incredibly bad judgement of character and got bitterly hurt but I have moved on.
As for the OP, it takes a woman emotion to cheat and to do it in your house and then brag about it means she has no emotion for you.
Time to walk away and hold your head up high.
As for the OP, it takes a woman emotion to cheat and to do it in your house and then brag about it means she has no emotion for you.
Time to walk away and hold your head up high.
We have a winner ! cal72 said:
In another thread thread there was a poster who whilst he took his wife on holiday sold the house and told her to do one.
With the OP having a kid this is possibly impossible but i think that if he is able to plan ahead he could be able to hatch a quality plan of his own.
:smug:With the OP having a kid this is possibly impossible but i think that if he is able to plan ahead he could be able to hatch a quality plan of his own.
roofer said:
Lots of advice about doing the fella harm, but i'd be surprised if anyone here actually has the bottle to give someone a couple of taps on the kneecaps or similiar.
Agreed, much of it I'm sure is bravado I am sure. Also good advice, I can never see the point of giving the guy that cheated with your missus a shoeing ?, is it a "you have defiled my property" type response ?. Its pointless, the problem and the blame lies 100% with the woman (or indeed man, if the situation is reversed) that does the cheating, it is their decision to sleep with someone else - the other guy might well have not known initially that she was married, he might have been fed some "oh we have been unhappy for years the marriage is just a sham, its basically over" type story - who knows ?, who cares. Im not saying make a date to go out with the new guy for a beer and compare notes, but seriously why direct anger at him he isnt the problem. Personally I would not get involved with a married woman, but thats not everyone sees the distinction. R.
Kateg28 said:
If the "really nice person" is sarcastic, I can understand your feelings but you don't know details and I am not prepared to share. I made a mistake and an incredibly bad judgement of character and got bitterly hurt but I have moved on.
As for the OP, it takes a woman emotion to cheat and to do it in your house and then brag about it means she has no emotion for you.
Time to walk away and hold your head up high.
Lay off ^^^ this lady, please, chaps. I'll bet there are many PH'ers who, whilst married, have either had affairs or shagged a hooker, but don't own up to it so they have some sense of false moral high ground. Sanctimonious As for the OP, it takes a woman emotion to cheat and to do it in your house and then brag about it means she has no emotion for you.
Time to walk away and hold your head up high.
s.OP: I hope you resolve your issue, one way or another.
OP there's some excellent advice in this thread, particularly about your workplace etiquette where your colleague(s) seem to have no respect for you. 2 things I would do is..
See a divorce lawyer and started draining the joint bank account etc right now - may seem harsh but she may get there first
Remember that the best punishment you can give to a man who sleeps with your wife is to let him keep her
Good luck.
See a divorce lawyer and started draining the joint bank account etc right now - may seem harsh but she may get there first
Remember that the best punishment you can give to a man who sleeps with your wife is to let him keep her
Good luck.
Classic line that one. 
Ok, so i have avoided the thread. i have even asked for it to be closed, if I am honest. I have received several emails which have some great advice, so to those of you who have emailed - thankyou.
I have been a st husband for a long time - taking for granted, never complementing, no affection, caring about work over my wife. These are things i knew were wrong, but had ignored and thrown myself further into work. As a result, things between us had become distant - plently of arguing, then making up, but more bad times than good. This was realised before the affair.
She has admitted to me sleeping with him once. Part of me wants to throw her out, but a larger part of me understands why she strayed. I will never understand why she had to have sex with him, as we have a great sex life, but I feel it was the affection and intimacy she wanted, more than the physical act.
At the moment, we are together. We are both seeing / speaking to counsellors, and are trying to sort Relate or similar out. I love this woman more than anything else (child excepted), and would give up everything for her. She had admitted mistakes, and we both know we have things to work out. At the moment, we are focussing on spending time together. I am trying to put everything out of my mind, and focus on 'us'. It's difficult, but already I know the pain will go away. I can forgive her for cheating, but will never forget it. I have no intention of dragging it up to throw at her, although she may deserve it. I guess i might be stupid, but I don't want to lose her and everything we have made.
I have been a s
t husband for a long time - taking for granted, never complementing, no affection, caring about work over my wife. These are things i knew were wrong, but had ignored and thrown myself further into work. As a result, things between us had become distant - plently of arguing, then making up, but more bad times than good. This was realised before the affair. She has admitted to me sleeping with him once. Part of me wants to throw her out, but a larger part of me understands why she strayed. I will never understand why she had to have sex with him, as we have a great sex life, but I feel it was the affection and intimacy she wanted, more than the physical act.
At the moment, we are together. We are both seeing / speaking to counsellors, and are trying to sort Relate or similar out. I love this woman more than anything else (child excepted), and would give up everything for her. She had admitted mistakes, and we both know we have things to work out. At the moment, we are focussing on spending time together. I am trying to put everything out of my mind, and focus on 'us'. It's difficult, but already I know the pain will go away. I can forgive her for cheating, but will never forget it. I have no intention of dragging it up to throw at her, although she may deserve it. I guess i might be stupid, but I don't want to lose her and everything we have made.
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