The best insult you've ever heard

[NormalWisdom]

Well James Blunt of all people has some beautifully crafted putdowns

http://www.thepoke.co.uk/2013/12/31/26-reasons-why...

[Greg_D]

A double insult from my good self

to set the scene, when i started my business, our office was in a pretty grotty area (to paint a picture, i once had to clean a human stool off our front step in the morning)

Anyway, I was reversing out of my parking space at the same time as one of the local fat mouth breathers was waddling past. I was presented with a barrage of abuse to which i replied "i'm surprised i didn't see you!!!!......anyway, if you had a job you wouldn't have been there" before driving off. Surprisingly venomous for me

[LeftmostAardvark]

From an impeccably dressed older gentleman to a fat, militant female getting lairy at some random demo:

'good grief, who lit the fuse on your tampon?'

[thismonkeyhere]

LeftmostAardvark said:

From an impeccably dressed older gentleman to a fat, militant female getting lairy at some random demo:

'good grief, who lit the fuse on your tampon?'

Awesome. Must remember.

[Skipppy]

'......and she's got a fanny like an argos stockroom.'


As heard on a tv program on BBC 3 featuring puppets (cannot remember the name of it?!).

[ajprice]

Skipppy said:

'......and she's got a fanny like an argos stockroom.'


As heard on a tv program on BBC 3 featuring puppets (cannot remember the name of it?!).

Mongrels

[Rude-boy]

Council Baby said:

At school we had a mad Latin teacher, one of the kids in the class was a right little with some ADHD thing going on. The teacher turned around one day and said:

"There are times when I question why your mother didn't have an abortion"

To an 11 year old

“You do realise that the best of the genes in your family dribbled down the inside of your mother’s leg don’t you?”

[ajprice]

Rude-boy said:

Council Baby said:

At school we had a mad Latin teacher, one of the kids in the class was a right little with some ADHD thing going on. The teacher turned around one day and said:

"There are times when I question why your mother didn't have an abortion"

To an 11 year old

“You do realise that the best of the genes in your family dribbled down the inside of your mother’s leg don’t you?”

"I wish I swallowed you"

[Council Baby]

ajprice said:

Rude-boy said:

Council Baby said:

At school we had a mad Latin teacher, one of the kids in the class was a right little with some ADHD thing going on. The teacher turned around one day and said:

"There are times when I question why your mother didn't have an abortion"

To an 11 year old

“You do realise that the best of the genes in your family dribbled down the inside of your mother’s leg don’t you?”

"I wish I swallowed you"

Unoriginal but I said to a bird on Friday night after a blow job.

"That's the most intelligent thing that's come out of your mouth since I met you"

[Justin Cyder]

Mum, when I grow up, I want to be fired into space.

If your dad had done what I told him, you would have been.

[Disastrous]

Justin Cyder said:

Mum, when I grow up, I want to be fired into space.

If your dad had done what I told him, you would have been.

Hell of a range on him! I'd struggle to hit the ceiling.

[Fishtigua]

Disastrous said:

Justin Cyder said:

Mum, when I grow up, I want to be fired into space.

If your dad had done what I told him, you would have been.

Hell of a range on him! I'd struggle to hit the ceiling.

In space, no one can hear you cream.

[Alfa numeric]

killingjoker said:

Workmate "You're a c*nt"
Me "Well, you are what you eat"

On a similar note, a market trader I worked for as a teen once told another lad "I'd call you a c*nt, but then you'd be useful".

[sjc]

Kenty said:

Best I've heard - not in person but TV I think, was
Very big chavvy girl with two kids really mouthing off, casual observer looked at baby in pram and asked if it was hers,
"Course it's mine you w*nker, who's do you think it is"
" I well is can't believe you've been sha**ed twice"

Or perhaps better......"what a lovely pram".

[TwigtheWonderkid]

I often use "It's hard to believe, 50 million sperm and you were the quickest!"

[Justin Cyder]

TwigtheWonderkid said:

I often use "It's hard to believe, 50 million sperm and you were the quickest!"

Then perhaps you should think about the company you keep.

[s111dpc]

A few years back I worked with a rather large female colleague. One day she sauntered into the office with gold shoes, big sunglasses, fancy dress etc and exclaimed to the room "oh, do you think I look like a film star today?" to which I replied without hesitation (or thinking for that matter) "yes, Godzilla"

[Council Baby]

"I'm going to call you Thrush from now on, you irritating "

[CedGTV]

We've got a chippy on site called Thrush......

He hasn't worked it out yet.

That and the 30 jobs he's supposed to have done since early Dec.

[MrCarPark]

70s footballer (Dennis Tueart IIRC) upon disagreeing with a referee's decision:

"Oi ref. Am I allowed to call you a c*nt?"
"No you are not."
"Am I allowed to think you're a c*nt?"
"You can think what you like Dennis, it's a free country."
"Alright then. I think you're a c*nt."