The best insult you've ever heard

[Flying Fish]

My line manager at work to our Jewish production manager:

Jews like you make me wish the holocaust really had happened.

[Disastrous]

Flying Fish said:

My line manager at work to our Jewish production manager:

Jews like you make me wish the holocaust really had happened.

fking hell!

[nsa]

When I was 21 I had the opportunity to use this line:

Him: "When I piss I use four fingers to hold my dick"
Me: "but three get wet"

It got a massive laugh at the time and I have waited 17 years for it to come up again again but no joy.

[Mr Gearchange]

Flying Fish said:

My line manager at work to our Jewish production manager:

Jews like you make me wish the holocaust really had happened.

What? That's the best insult you have ever heard?

That sounds more like hateful abuse spouted by a class 1 wker to me

[GTIR]

nsa said:

When I was 21 I had the opportunity to use this line:

Him: "When I piss I use four fingers to hold my dick"
Me: "but three get wet"

It got a massive laugh at the time and I have waited 17 years for it to come up again but no joy.

I'd go see a doctor if I were you.

[Mr Roper]

GTIR said:

nsa said:

When I was 21 I had the opportunity to use this line:

Him: "When I piss I use four fingers to hold my dick"
Me: "but three get wet"

It got a massive laugh at the time and I have waited 17 years for it to come up again but no joy.

I'd go see a doctor if I were you.

I think it may have something to his secret orientation.

Come out fella...Nobody will judge you.

[Rude-boy]

Mr Gearchange said:

Flying Fish said:

My line manager at work to our Jewish production manager:

Jews like you make me wish the holocaust really had happened.

What? That's the best insult you have ever heard?

That sounds more like hateful abuse spouted by a class 1 wker to me

That said, in the 70's, my Dad knew a very unpleasant chap who happened to be of Jewish decent and hit almost every single negative stereotype you can read on the internet relating to people of that religion/race.

Anyway story goes that this chap was arguing with an official at a German race meeting and being very, very unpleasant and rude. Lots of "I'll bet you helped push my family into the ovens" type comments. After much ranting and raving he eventually has run out of steam and stomps off.

Dad has been standing there listening to all of this and making and "nothing to do with me" type body language. The German chap, looking about 60ish, turns to my father and says, deadpan:-

“How did we miss that one.”

[haggishunter]

In the pub waiting to be served I was chatting to a somewhat unattractive girl her boyfriend came over and politely asked "are you trying to shag my bird?" I replied "I wouldn't ride her into battle". He laughed and she went apest

[rambo19]

Ive never been fussy when it comes to women, and my dad always takes the p*ss out of me for it.
The saying he says all the time to me;

'son, you set yourself extemely low standards, which you constantly fail to achieve'.

[mybrainhurts]

You look like my bks in a cold shower...

[Rude-boy]

mybrainhurts said:

You look like me

:shudder:

[mybrainhurts]

Disastrous said:

fking hell!

You must eat lots of Weetabix and drink Carling Black Label by the bucketful...

[Snowboy]

I once knew a bloke called Clit.
He got the name because he was a bit of a .

[ArmaghMan]

In work.
One of the guys was late in and a smartass passed comment on his lateness.......
Sorry just as I was finished with your wife, your ma called round.

[Buff Mchugelarge]

In response to any retort.

If I'd have wanted come back, I'd wipe it off your chin..

[mybrainhurts]

Rude-boy said:

mybrainhurts said:

You look like me

:shudder:

You, sir, are an abominable arse....

[LoonR1]

Rude-boy said:

Mr Gearchange said:

Flying Fish said:

My line manager at work to our Jewish production manager:

Jews like you make me wish the holocaust really had happened.

What? That's the best insult you have ever heard?

That sounds more like hateful abuse spouted by a class 1 wker to me

That said, in the 70's, my Dad knew a very unpleasant chap who happened to be of Jewish decent and hit almost every single negative stereotype you can read on the internet relating to people of that religion/race.

Anyway story goes that this chap was arguing with an official at a German race meeting and being very, very unpleasant and rude. Lots of "I'll bet you helped push my family into the ovens" type comments. After much ranting and raving he eventually has run out of steam and stomps off.

Dad has been standing there listening to all of this and making and "nothing to do with me" type body language. The German chap, looking about 60ish, turns to my father and says, deadpan:-

“How did we miss that one.”

That one is funny. The original in the quote would result in a stoved in face.

[mattdaniels]

In response to anyone who says they've never won anything.

"Don't put yourself down - you were the fastest sperm, you'll always have that"

[mybrainhurts]

Rude-boy said:

Mr Gearchange said:

Flying Fish said:

My line manager at work to our Jewish production manager:

Jews like you make me wish the holocaust really had happened.

What? That's the best insult you have ever heard?

That sounds more like hateful abuse spouted by a class 1 wker to me

That said, in the 70's, my Dad knew a very unpleasant chap who happened to be of Jewish decent and hit almost every single negative stereotype you can read on the internet relating to people of that religion/race.

Anyway story goes that this chap was arguing with an official at a German race meeting and being very, very unpleasant and rude. Lots of "I'll bet you helped push my family into the ovens" type comments. After much ranting and raving he eventually has run out of steam and stomps off.

Dad has been standing there listening to all of this and making and "nothing to do with me" type body language. The German chap, looking about 60ish, turns to my father and says, deadpan:-

“How did we miss that one.”

No he didn't...


He said....How did ve miss zat von?

[Spanglepants]

Neither of these are really severe, sitting in the works canteen with 3 workmates (one of who is the angriest man in the world) we'd just finished our dinner and one mate says "who's having a pudding?" Mr Angry says I don't like puddings" Quick as a flash other mate says "How 'd you get that shape then?" Funniest thing was Mr Angrys double take like he couldn't believe what he just heard.

Same canteen, the canteen manager was a very overweight woman who used to order the food from a phone on the canteen wall stuff like 10 loaves , 50Ib of potatoes etc. I used to shout out "Oi, how about ordering some for the rest of us?" While she was still on the phone she'd give me the death stare then when she finished she'd go "I'm gonna fg smack you right in the mouth!" She used to use the same threat when I'd ask her not to shut her legs so the flies would stay off my food. She loved it really.