Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
blindswelledrat said:
Fishtigua said:
1st Brummie: - "Have yow seen The Voice?"
2nd Brummie: - "Course I 'ave, it's on the bench in me shed next to me woodworking tools.
Bostin' ar kid.
Sorry to be picky but Im sure that not how a Brummie pronounces "Vice". Or was it supposed to be a different word?2nd Brummie: - "Course I 'ave, it's on the bench in me shed next to me woodworking tools.
Bostin' ar kid.
Should be a farmer in that joke surely?
Edited by Distant on Tuesday 16th April 17:51
All this talk of dangerous, genetically modified food tasting horrible is nonsense. I mean, just today I had a delicious leg of salmon.
My kids reported me to Social services for hitting them, so I snuck into their room and nailed them together.
I figured if you can't beat them, join them.
My girlfriend thinks it's hilarious that my mates call me 'Kermit'.
She thinks they're implying that I'm skinny and neurotic.
She doesn't know they only began calling me that when I started shagging her.
A Pakistani Bloke came up to me yesterday and said "Short Back and Sides", then he said "Mohawk", and finally he spurted "Crew Cut".
Turns out he only Speaks in Hairdo.
My kids reported me to Social services for hitting them, so I snuck into their room and nailed them together.
I figured if you can't beat them, join them.
My girlfriend thinks it's hilarious that my mates call me 'Kermit'.
She thinks they're implying that I'm skinny and neurotic.
She doesn't know they only began calling me that when I started shagging her.
A Pakistani Bloke came up to me yesterday and said "Short Back and Sides", then he said "Mohawk", and finally he spurted "Crew Cut".
Turns out he only Speaks in Hairdo.
Ayahuasca said:
There was controversy at the marathon when it emerged that the winner of the wheelchair event had started the race with two perfectly good legs.
that is actually very funny.I was watching the end of the race seeing all those people being pushed in wheelchairs thinking - I could win that!
Imagine getting to the finish line and thinking "I've run a PB time...."
Two men walking through the desert, desperate for a drink of water, get to the top of a dune and see a Bedouin market in the next valley. Overjoyed, they run down to the market and approach the nearest stallholder to ask him for some water.
"Sorry", he says, "I don't have any water. Only custard, jelly or sponge cake". Frustrated, they try the next stall. And the next, and the next one after that. Every stallholder just says the same thing, "sorry, I only have jelly, sponge cake or custard". Getting more and more thirsty, they leave the market and continue their search for water.
"That was very strange, back there" says the first man to his friend.
"I agree", says his friend, "it was a trifle bazaar".
"Sorry", he says, "I don't have any water. Only custard, jelly or sponge cake". Frustrated, they try the next stall. And the next, and the next one after that. Every stallholder just says the same thing, "sorry, I only have jelly, sponge cake or custard". Getting more and more thirsty, they leave the market and continue their search for water.
"That was very strange, back there" says the first man to his friend.
"I agree", says his friend, "it was a trifle bazaar".
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