I just sneezed and...
Discussion
crikey said:
KingRichard said:
I once sneezed so hard a little bit of poo came out 
Git. I've just laughed out loud while in a meeting. I now have several directors giving me funny looks 
ETA, I once snapped my banjo string while frolicking with my first wife in the car.
Edited by crikey on Thursday 10th January 10:28
Jumps off to go for a slash, looks back at the bed covered in blood, looks at the red trail across his cream carpet, looks at his nob.
Faints in a crumpled heap. She gets up, see's all the blood and calls an ambulance.
He'd split his bell end from the japs eye, right open each side - like a tin of peaches
Turns out he had to waddle out to the ambulance with a bright red tea towel wrapped round his cock
We called him stitch after that
Plotloss said:
Hand through steering wheel to reset odometer.
You can guess the rest.
Never actually hit anything but have done it a couple of times and amazed myself at the level of complete and utter stupidity.
I still do that, but to reset the instrument panel illumination (Honda thought it would be useful to dim it when you turn the lights on You can guess the rest.
Never actually hit anything but have done it a couple of times and amazed myself at the level of complete and utter stupidity.
)cronk-flakes said:
KingRichard said:
Oh my god... What the 
... Jesus...Somethings you just cant 'unsee'
I did warn you!
I was once biking along, and a bee alighted on my arm.
"OH ST, BEEEEEEEEEEEEE" exclaims I, and go about smartly brushing it off. Except now I'm not looking where I'm going.
With the bee skillfully brushed from my arm, I turn my attention back to the road, and the parked Vauxhall Vectra now just inches in front of me.
Arse. Ouch.
There was also the time I was driving my work van and a bee flew in the open window, hit my face just under my eye and panic-stang the crap out of it. That was nice. And the next week when another bee flew in the same window, and I was panicking so much to get it out again that I punched myself hard on the nose.
I hate bees.
"OH S
T, BEEEEEEEEEEEEE" exclaims I, and go about smartly brushing it off. Except now I'm not looking where I'm going.With the bee skillfully brushed from my arm, I turn my attention back to the road, and the parked Vauxhall Vectra now just inches in front of me.
Arse. Ouch.
There was also the time I was driving my work van and a bee flew in the open window, hit my face just under my eye and panic-stang the crap out of it. That was nice. And the next week when another bee flew in the same window, and I was panicking so much to get it out again that I punched myself hard on the nose.
I hate bees.
Edited by Graebob on Thursday 10th January 10:48
Timmy!!dickymint said:
Brothers ex wife held in a sneez by pinching her nose and keeping her mouth shut. She ended up in a comma for 4 days after bursting a blood vessel in her brain 
A comma?I know someone who overdosed on curry and lapsed into a korma.
Thanks, I'm here all week. Try the liver.
Vesuvius 996 said:
dickymint said:
Brothers ex wife held in a sneez by pinching her nose and keeping her mouth shut. She ended up in a comma for 4 days after bursting a blood vessel in her brain
A comma?I know someone who overdosed on curry and lapsed into a korma.
Thanks, I'm here all week. Try the liver.
Plotloss said:
Neil_Sc said:
I have actually slipped over on a banana skin
Honestly?Really?
Fan-bloody-tastic!
I've been looking for a genuine banana skin slipper for many years as I was convinced, much like people who dont like Jaffa Cakes (but I was wrong about that as well) that they dont exist.
Also, working on the old Mini (fitting hew sills), got the rotary twisted wire brush attachment onthe angle grinder & was wizzing away when it caught & came out of my hand, smacked me clean in the face.
Black eye, thick lip & a very interesting pattern across the RHS of my face.
I won't do that again, well not until the next time anyway.
Black eye, thick lip & a very interesting pattern across the RHS of my face.
I won't do that again, well not until the next time anyway.
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