You find a suitcase with £1 million in it. What would you do

[PoleDriver]

Good plan, split it 3 ways!

[KFC]

matthias73 said:

Start my own translation and language tutoring business. All done from home, and pay the taxman as if I'm earning 200k a year. Deposit money in bank account regularly.

Buy gold in cash, just small amounts from various places.

Convert money to euros and dollars, put money into my Canadian bank account and my German one.

Buy a fiat multipla and crash it.

So £4k a week from translations, yet you can't provide proof of any of them existing as customers when you clearly should have records of them etc.

You'd be better with a burger van or something and couple of pigs in your back garden. Buy bread rolls and cheap hot dogs every week from cash & carry, feed them to the pigs. Bank cash as proceeds of burger sales, show receipts from Costco as legitimate business expenses.

Pigs get fat, eat them to celebrate getting away with my master plan

[Usget]

Could you work with the sort of jewellery dealer who only keeps, at best, inconsistent records of his transactions: purchase some rather fine gems, have them made into some jewellery, claim it's just turned up in a loft and that Auntie Jean used to pick up all sorts of tat at rummage sales, and auction it off? A bit like the gold idea... but more fabulous

[KingNothing]

Would HMRC find out relatively quickly, if you were giving out say a grand a month to close friends and relatives, and they were paying you back using BACS transfers?

It's a long game yes, but if you use that money for a mortgage deposit eventually, could be a way onto the property market?

[Amirhussain]

The problem with playing the long game is, during that period of time, what if the notes change?

[KFC]

KingNothing said:

Would HMRC find out relatively quickly, if you were giving out say a grand a month to close friends and relatives, and they were paying you back using BACS transfers?

It's a long game yes, but if you use that money for a mortgage deposit eventually, could be a way onto the property market?

How are you going to explain all these apparent £1k gifts from dozens/hundreds of friends?

[vinnie83]

I doubt it would be as complex as many are making out.

I imagine (not that I know any of course) many shop owners are rolling in money that they can't put in the bank, and they manage to get it spent/in the right places without attracting attention from the tax man.

The idiots who get caught are the ones who want to be flash with the cash - like the drug dealers (low scale - high scale are far wiser I imagine).

I know someone who ended up doing 6 months because he attracted the wrong attention from the police due to his excessive lifestyle vs. his past earnings which led the police to put him under surveillance.

[Caruso]

I would buy a knackered old Porsche 928 and try to get everything working as it should.

[B17NNS]

Amirhussain said:

The problem with playing the long game is, during that period of time, what if the notes change?

If that looks likely change into gold, watches etc.

[Steviesam]

I hate to make this simple, but 4 times in 3 years I have bought cars for approx £23k in cash from private sellers and when the time came, I sold them privately and 3 of the 4 buyers paid me in cash. Went into my current account, no questions asked (only questions I was asked was when withdrawing it-they wanted to know what it was for).

So, you could buy used cars privately, being careful when viewing to choose the sellers bearing this in mind. (I know some will not accept cash, but that could be established during the chat while looking-walk away if a no go)

[vinnie83]

Caruso said:

I would buy a knackered old Porsche 928 and try to get everything working as it should.

You'd need more money.

[Amirhussain]

B17NNS said:

Amirhussain said:

The problem with playing the long game is, during that period of time, what if the notes change?

If that looks likely change into gold, watches etc.

Won't you be asked where you got the money to but gold?

[vinnie83]

Amirhussain said:

B17NNS said:

Amirhussain said:

The problem with playing the long game is, during that period of time, what if the notes change?

If that looks likely change into gold, watches etc.

Won't you be asked where you got the money to but gold?

Judging by how much gold normal working people around Leicester buy (the golden mile in Belgrave is full of Indian gold shops) I can't imagine buying a load from lots of different shops would leave a trail.

I doubt they ask for names of purchasers for records, and even if they do one could give a false name.

[KM666]

I'd open one of them posh bondage clubs that MPs and the sort frequent. Make myself some powerful 'friends', make a few tidy donations and any worries of investigation will wash away. I'd drive a 1970s Cadillac with tigerprint seats and cushed velvet rooflining.

Edited by KM666 on Sunday 3rd November 22:40

[B17NNS]

Amirhussain said:

Won't you be asked where you got the money to but gold?

You can buy £5k in cash at a dealer without providing ID.

[OLDS]

No Country for Old Men.

I would search the cash for any sign of a tracking device and ditch the suit case.

Then,.....???

[KFC]

B17NNS said:

You can buy £5k in cash at a dealer without providing ID.

Sure, buying untraceable items is not a problem at all - explaining where they all actually came from is another.

[robinessex]

Being as I did the original posting, I ought to add my contribution. Firstly, 98% of you are dishonest, as you've decided to keep the money. Shame on you all ! Mind you, if you were honest enough to hand it in. some idiot would blabber to the comics, and your name would be all over the front pages as a (stupidly) honest citizen. Thus the drug ring who 'lost' it would soon be on your tail. So onto how to get rid of it. Little and often is my method. According to the FSA, there are 154 banks in the UK. Plus a few building societies. So, let's say pick 50, and open up a simple account in each. Right, that's now £20,000 per bank. Divide that by say 50 weeks for the year, thus you've got to deposit £400 into each bank each week. So each week, make it a random amount ± £50 on the £400. Then via internet banking, send the monthly input on each account abroad to a 'friendly' country. One year later, all the £1,000,000 is abroad. Then close all bank accounts. Leave country. Now where did I put that suitcase ?

[Greg_D]

turn it into gold as quickly as you can with a multitude of different dealers melt it all down and cast it into rough ingots, bury it in the garden, leave it for a few months to 'age', suddenly become a metal detecting fan and 'find' it. job jobbed...

You could also 'find' it near a shipwreck and claim it as bullion. It's gotta be the way to go... nice and clean

[shakotan]

callmedave said:

Bail out Mallory park via an anonymous gift?

They'd only fk it up again, you'd need to put your own team in there to ensure the agreement is abided by.