Saw this on facebook, couldn't find it on youtube so stole it to make it easier to link..

A load of not very legal motocrossers on a little jaunt around the streets..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00-ziAP7SwI&fe...

I kept hoping that the "Thamesmead Bus Drifter Gang" would be coming the other way but remain disappointed.

Halb

53,012 posts

185 months

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Friday 11th April 2014

A funny/informative video about owls, owls doing some stuff, but the faux Morgan Freeman-like voice over is what makes it amusing. Some facts in there too.

http://blog.petflow.com/i-promise-youre-going-to-l...

VEA

4,785 posts

203 months

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Friday 11th April 2014

Halb said:

Very amusing.

shakotan

10,733 posts

198 months

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Friday 11th April 2014

BigsimonY said:

AlVal said:

thetapeworm said:

AlVal said:

Sh*te in the bucket

http://youtu.be/azLlTKIxIP4

Turn the captions on, it's even funnier then.

Lyrics

impressive lol

ksake, did you have to quote that entire post for your highly insightful and informative reply?

Timsta

2,779 posts

248 months

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Friday 11th April 2014

shakotan said:

BigsimonY said:

AlVal said:

thetapeworm said:

AlVal said:

Sh*te in the bucket

http://youtu.be/azLlTKIxIP4

Turn the captions on, it's even funnier then.

right, I'm making this dvd here as a cry-back to Smelly Martin

Smelly Martin, I've a few facts today I've to put straight to you today.

You've a daughter called [removed to protect identity of a minor], and you're feckin' your own daughter since the age she was 12, and you can't deny that because I know it, and every traveller in the country knows it.

and the other one that went on talkin' about you, there's a young one called Sharon West, right?

Martin Nevin, with yer gummy mouth of ya - the other day, you was well Billy, says how that we wouldn't come to Longford to you, right?

We ran ye halloween night, I met Martin Nevin that night, I gave an auld bh slap, I put the blood in over his big jelly mouth he has, right?

He sent for me next day, I went to Longford next day, I got Thomas Oliver.

I've never sent for you Martin, because you're too old of a man, well I'm sayin yer too auld, that doesn't mean I wouldn't kick the face off ya when I get ya in the right place.

Ya wouldn't fight me, right? good enough.

Now, we're talkin' about Johnny's ? here

Adam, bring over Martin Nevin's house.

Billy, you've a mother that can't even walk as far as the toilet, and when she has to ste, that bucket, or even bigger, that's what she has to ste in, and Billy she fills that 4 or 5 times a day.

You, Martin, you and Billy has to grab her by one leg, hold it out, Michael has to grab her by the other leg, hold it out, while Martin Gerard the faggot has to get the yard brush then and clean the ste away from the hole of her arse whereas he can't get his hand up far enough for toilet roll.

Adam, move Martin Nevin's House away there for a second, son.

Now Martin Gerard, ya dirtly little puff, you went there and you got married, right? ya had every old townie of a yoke around Longford town, all old Connor boys in your trailer. You had your wife thrown over in a cold trailer in a bunk what wrapped around with a quilt round her, right?

You would not sleep with your wife for 6 months.

Your old grandfather, god rest the man, got up a blue movie. He says "Martin Gerard, will you put that old tape on, what you see the man doin' to the woman, in the name of God will you do the one thing to your wife, and don't have the travellers talkin' about it"

So I have to give you one thing, you done it, and I'm gonna give you a clap for it.

But then you went down along and you also feckin' Dick Hackett, ya dirty old queer ya. You're a dirty old faggot of a yoke, right?

Now Mick, you with yer jelly legs, you won't fight no-one.

You said you'd fight me Brother-in-law, Eddie - Eddie is fightin ya, right?

You're goin' around the country, ya haven't got a poor box that you have robbed around the place.

you get on the video as you are, you're like a downs syndrome person, and the reason why I'm calling downs syndrome - you're the first ones the other day that went on and called downs syndromes and handicaps.

Well, including my family, there's a lot of families out in Ireland that has people with this is belonging to them, and Martin Nevin, you have one. Paul Huey ? , that's a handicapped boy. You're ashamed of the young fella, you have him down the town at all hours at nighttime.

He's eatin' the slops that the people is leavin behind in Luigi's chippys, he's goin in, and that's what he's gettin fed.

I remember down the town one night, he asked me "have you got the price of an old bag of chips Bernie?"

I took pity on him. I gave him 15 euro right? - all I had in my pocket.

But if I was back again, instead of giving him 15 euro, I'd have give him 15 stitches.

You put a few words there now - go on.

Billy, you got on the tape again the other day, said you was goin to beat me with one hand, when I go out to you on 15th March I'll let you know that it'll take a better man than you to beat me with one hand, you're callin names the whole time.

Since you were married, just before you were married you were down in the back of Luigi's , eating nothing but the slops out of the out of dustbins. And the back of Fallons junior lookin for blue buns? In the back of Fallon at nighttime eatin the stale buns at the back of at

And Mick Nevin, big chin, if I was you, I'd stay out of Cana, if I was you I'd stay out.

Now boys, you're in and out Thomas Oliver, you want to fight us beforehand.

I'm just sayin, me and my son Johnny, we're not fighters.

I'm puttin myself down as the worst man of a Joyce there

The Faggot Martin Gerard, ridin' the hole of Dick Hackett, I'm puttin you down as one of the worst men of your people in Longford.

I've seen you fightin, Martin Gerard, you're a pansy, you're a queer of a yoke.

You called me a junkie, a druggie, I won't deny that, I am that, but when this 41 year old beats you on the 15 of March, and you're only a 26 year old young fella, how big of a shame is that for you.

Now you called me brother Paddy simple that he lived on the ground

My brother Paddy fighted James Quinn. On the day Paddy lost his fight, no excuses whatsoever, he lost his fight.

But do you ever remember the beating I gave your uncle Paddy in Longford? That I gave him two thumps.. at least my brother Paddy, he walked.. he got up and he got on himself, but your uncle Paddy was dragged from that place, there had to be a bucket of water thrown on top of him, where it should have been a bucket of feckin' ste that was thrown on top of that dirty lookin' yoke.

He went to England and he's hiding ever since. Now his sons is looking for a fight.

Paddy Nevin and his sons - they'll get as much fight as they want.

For the last 8 or 9 year or more I'm going to Longford, I have your fathers terrorised. I have Joby terrorised, (the mouldy penguin's feet), and I've Martin Nevin, "Bluebottles", the man I gave a slap with the other day, and he.. when he ran, all he left behind him was the smell of ste and about the hundred bluebottles surrounding me car.

Go on there lad, second round.

to his Patrick, you sent through a message the other day about you're trying to get the fight changed again mascara eyes.... Why do you not fight Paddy like a man, not a woman sayin you want to poke his eyes when you get him down the town. You're the faggot of a yoke, and do you know your.. your brother Martin (the big square face called "Hairy Face") - you're going around, you're riding the arse of him in the back of your own van, you know that's true Patrick, you know it's true.

Now Billy, you says the other day about my nephew Paddy, that he had a carving knife, and that if you get him, you're going to do this, that, and the other

David?

Yeah, David, right? You said you were going to stick it up his arse.

Well, as far as I'm concerned, you're like Martin Gerard, you like stickin' yokes up in his arses, right?

But I'll tell you one thing, I've a carving knife, and you told me not to go to Longford, right? To keep out of Longford. I was in Longford about two days ago, when I got my daughter to go down and beat the face of your sister, right? You're goin around now saying this about her and that about her. My daughter is sixteen years of age, beat the face of her, right?

When we get your men, we're going to beat ye (we'll call ye men..)

When our daughters are out and against yours, we're going to do the exact same back again.

Now let's give a pause for a second

Now Martin Nevin, I haven't got really a big load to say about you, 'cause I'd be here for a week if I had to say everything, right?

Michael, with your overgrown head on you - Shrek - when my nephew ? gets you, the only beating he says you're ever going to get, you're going to get off him, right?

Do you know the day Michael I went in to Fallon's store and took out a knife, a carving knife, I put it like that to your throat, you hid.. you hid under the cameras like that. Says I "be a man and come outside".

You went up there and Joby with the penguin's feet turned and went, right?

Ye're nothin' only vermin.

The men I'm on about now in Longford is these men:

I'm on about Smelly Martin

Tucket feet Joby

"Jelly Legs" Mick

and I'm on about everyone that's on the videos and the cameras with them also and all. Whichever man gets on them yokes, the one thing is going to ye.

I seent you Joby the other day and one of your sons going on with a beard over him, and the vermin hangin' out of it, and he's like a little pot bellied pig jumpin' around the place. That's what he's like, is a pot bellied pig.

I seent your little son, what's his name ("Makeup-face")?

"Queer boy Patrick"

Queer boy Patrick, and he didn't talk, he was screaming about I'll scrape your eyes, scrape them right?

If I'm going to say something, I'll just simply say "I'll bust ya face", I'm not walking around sayin' scraping, right? He's a little faggot of a yoke with his makeup face.

Now Joby, my advice to you is this:

Send him in, and take the makeup off his dirty-looking face.

And ? Eamonn, right then.

You know what they had to?.. they had to get the two houses built into one for you, why you're the size of a whale, and you're the people that's calling names?

The shops in Longford is running out of buckets, so wait 'til I get you Martin's equipment again.

As you know, these is Martin's tools here.

Martin, your poor wife Helen fills one..one.. one of these yokes, twice as big as this, three times a day, as I..like I says.

Martin Gerard, ya faggot ya, your old job is.. you have to scrape the ste off of them pink lardy arse, right?

Michael and Billy - Michael has to grab this handle (we'll call it), while Silly Billy has to grab that one, and you're struggling, youre bent from the knees then while you're pushin' that stuff away.

See Martin, I heard that a farmer out in Cana that buys her ste for silage, he doesn't have to make silage, he buys the ste off o' ye, he has it in bucketloads.

You call about rats, I heard Martin Nevin, with your gummy mouth of ya, that you have to go to bed at nighttime, you have a spade besida ya, where the.. you beatin' the rats off - heading them, where the rats are eating.. trying to get the ste off her - ya dirty looking yokes.

Now, give me the pause again there.

Now Jelly Belly Mick - belly of words.

You went along and says that the name is backbiting

Well let me tell you this, you didn't tell me it, because I wouldn't talk to you, because you're vermin - that's what you are, but you told a lot of people of Longford that your brother Martin, "the man with three teeth" I call him, was sitting in your car once chatting, and you said to your own man "will you hit that man getting out of my car, there was a smell out of him".

When he did get out of the car, your wife was an hour or more scrubbing the ? out of it, not alone that with spray that get every bluebottle, we had fumicated the car that you had

I have them terrorised like I says for a long long time.

You're a guardsman, so I'll mention no names.

You Joby, your van wants ? - it's a lump of scrap. You puts masking tape all around it to try to keep it together, you're driving around that for months.

Not too long after that, you insulted one of my people again, you did, right?

A certain person with down.. I won't mention his name, but ye know who that one person is, right?

He never left a window in your house, that he put in on top of ya.

And if they keep.. and if you keep making these tapes, I'm going to.. cause there's no better man than meself, and I don't care how low you're going, I'll go lower.

me sore throat, my throat is gettin' sore here

and Shane, I saw you're going around far

If I get you Shane, I'll put me foot on ya head, and I'll make you grow.

You're that height, you little dwarf of a yoke. I'll pull you and I'll stretch you when again I'll get ya.. and your big overgrown brothers - Michael that wouldn't come out and fight me when I asked him outside Fallon's, and Joby you're witness to that.

And I'll be up and down with yokes, and we'll see him.. we..

The fight's on the 15th of March, but if we meet beforehand, we'll fight - that's the truth.

Ah, where you going with Martin Nevin's tools?

I hear he needs them down in Longford, but he might need help

Ah, that's ok then - go on. But you'd want to get a bigger bucket.. a bigger bucket..

And Martin that big elephant yoke..

And do you know what you want? Martin Gerard, instead of a yard brush, you want an angle grinder to fkin' angle grind the ste away from her dirty hole.

The poor woman, I've nothin' against that woman, she didn't see daylight the last 20 year or more, where she can't fit out through the door of the house.. and you're talking about this fella's weight?

You're a shower of disgrace.

And the way that ye are, ye're shovin up of a stirrorise up your hole.

And Billy I'll let you know on the 15th, queer, I'll let you know faggot face

And now, me brother L

Like I says, I'm making no excuses Martin Gerard, I'm 41, you're 26, 15th of March, the only beating you ever got, you're getting it, and when Dick Hackett sees the face I'm leaving you with, he will not let you touch his hole for a long long time.

But I'm willing to go down today, tomorrow, I'll fight jelly belly wobbly belly Mick, me brother Paddy wants to fight Martin Nevin, get a small bit at first, and Joby with your penguin's feet - I don't know who I'll get to fight with you - I have an uncle that's dead - he's 70 years of age, and if he was alive today and I'd get him to beat you - that's what I think of ye people.

I have ye terrorised.

Now, the reason why I'm thinking of this - ye young men, may we call ye men.. ye're tryin to make a stand for yerselves now up against me, cause of all the torture I put ye through - Well, I have sons that's gettin older, I have nephews that's older, and their childer is gettin older.

Ye'll never, never be able for us.

I'm not made of steel - far from it, I know that if ye get me in the right place, you can beat me, you can beat my son, but believe me - beating doesn't beat us right, because when we're beating ye, we're not gonna give three old marks like you gave Lurch on the back, far far from it.

It'll be these yokes ye'll be gettin'.

See that scar? Martin junior you already got one out of the ste that was done to him, but I'll give ye more of them, I'll leave your faces like maps, that's what'll be done to ye.

Me daughter went down the other day Billy, I'm blaming you Billy for getting your little sister beat.

You got the yoke saying "Bernie don't.. keep out of Longford", but like I says, the best witness of all people is Thomas Oliver. When I sent.. when I sent with him to go over to ye, you would not come over.

I was in Longford the next day, I got me daughter to beat your sister Billy. I was under one camera, while my daughter was beating them. That's the way it's going to be done.

She tore her like .. she tore her like a rag doll she did, right?

Her other sister that was there, I don't know her name, she let a child fall out of.. out of the pram god bless the child, and she ran.

We're beatin' ye for a long time, we're runnin' ye for a long time. We know some day, as people says, when a rat is cornered, a rat will fight. Ye're rats, so please, please, we're begging ye, make some effort to fight us.

You're in with Thomas Oliver enough, "fightin ye [this] day or [that] day". If it all came down to me, we're not fightin' ye fair until the 15th of March, but like I says, before that when we meet, all things goes.

Just leave it there for a second...

Now I'm going to finish up with this, right, to be honest with you - we will not make another DVD unless ye make one, and if ye make 20, I'm willing to make 40 of them.

Now go back to what you're calling handicaps, right? Like I says, I don't want to call people handicaps, I have people genuine belonging to me that is it. But old Mark Nevin, you have a daughter that you had when travellers would come ceilidh with you years ago, you'd lock her up in a room you would, for you're ashamed of her. Martin Nevin, you're ashamed of your handicapped son, Huey Anthony, that you won't even dress him. And like everything else, I suppose if you won't dress yourself, you're hardly going to dress your son.

So, like I says, Joby, there's.. Joby with the penguins feet, Smelly Martin "Bluebottles", "Lucky Bag", Mick.. I'm on about ye and your families and all the little ratty faces that I see in your crowd with ye - they're the men I'm on about.

Now, all I can say to ye is this - sit on that, ya dirty lookin' faggots.

impressive lol

ksake, did you have to quote that entire post for your highly insightful and informative reply?

I thought it was quite useful. tongue out

Kawasicki

13,138 posts

237 months

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Friday 11th April 2014

Mojooo said:

tune though.

na na naaaa na

Bisonhead

1,568 posts

191 months

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Friday 11th April 2014

Just posted this in the Laughing thread and thought it worthy of this marvelled place!

Billy Connolly regales us with stories of farting. The host also has a cracker!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHfllwAUdIM#aid=P6...

billybuds

264 posts

220 months

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[news]

Friday 11th April 2014

thetapeworm said:

s p a c e m a n said:

I kept hoping that the "Thamesmead Bus Drifter Gang" would be coming the other way but remain disappointed.

I spent 9 mins watching that and NO ONE fell off?? I feel cheated!

Ray meerkat

197 posts

144 months

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[news]

Friday 11th April 2014

Bisonhead said:

Thanks for making me choke on my milk. I took a drink right at the wrong moment (thought it was the horse bit) and my milk went down the wrong hole. My girlfriend thought she may have to revive me haha

Fishtigua

9,786 posts

197 months

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Friday 11th April 2014

Ray meerkat said:

Bisonhead said:

Tears are rolling down my face, funny as f

Bisonhead

1,568 posts

191 months

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[news]

Friday 11th April 2014

Fishtigua said:

Ray meerkat said:

Bisonhead said:

Tears are rolling down my face, funny as f

The bit about Steve Buschemi doing the splits gets me, Connolly is one funny f

ker

Bisonhead

1,568 posts

191 months

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[news]

Friday 11th April 2014

Peter Kay almost kills Pete Waterman on Britains Got The Pop Factor.

Something about watching people laugh uncontrollably that gets me going as well.

Quality not great so you'll have to turn it up. Worth it though -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iHC2KbHKPs

Halb

53,012 posts

185 months

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[news]

Friday 11th April 2014

Bisonhead said:

The very last bit was funny, but it led me onto the film with Steve.
Never heard of it, deserves a look up.
The Impostors
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Impostors

carreauchompeur

17,870 posts

206 months

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[news]

Friday 11th April 2014

On the subject of Traveller videos...

6.20 rofl