Friendship issue, am I in the wrong?
Discussion
I'm quite firmly in the 'bros before hoes' camp but to be honest there's 2 things that come to mind reading your post
1. Your friend may well have not liked the fact that you were seeing a lot of her behind his back and then getting together. I feel there's a point there but if he has issue with that he should say it to your face.
2. If your other friends have all decided to believe his lies etc then they are clearly not your friends. Move on.
There's a lot of people that think they have friends/mates whatever but in reality they're friends when going on a night out or having a laugh but when it comes to doing the right thing and making a choice they will always side with the majority. Fair weather friends, some people call them. If that's what your friends are then move on, there's plenty more where they came from.
1. Your friend may well have not liked the fact that you were seeing a lot of her behind his back and then getting together. I feel there's a point there but if he has issue with that he should say it to your face.
2. If your other friends have all decided to believe his lies etc then they are clearly not your friends. Move on.
There's a lot of people that think they have friends/mates whatever but in reality they're friends when going on a night out or having a laugh but when it comes to doing the right thing and making a choice they will always side with the majority. Fair weather friends, some people call them. If that's what your friends are then move on, there's plenty more where they came from.
It is a very long story. I have edited it, so only the most pathetic bits remain.
James2593 said:
one of which was seeing a girl, wouldn't call it dating, they saw each other like once a week.
Start of january 2013 and my friend decides to end the relationship via text
he kept her away from us and told a few lies so we would dislike her.
It was getting to the point where we liked each other
I didn't want things to happen over respect for my friend, but emotions came over me.
then came the duty, out of respect, to tell my friend that his ex would be my girlfriend.
I wanted to protect his feelings so just told him straight
removed me off facebook and didn't speak to me.
Fast forward 5 months and it's still unresolved, he won't face it head on
2 attempts to liaise failed when he ignores me.
I have to do it over the internet
will speed walk off
there has been none, and don't intend on bringing any violence into this,
i'm a laid back guy
my social events are now limited as they believe his side of the story.
Start of january 2013 and my friend decides to end the relationship via text
he kept her away from us and told a few lies so we would dislike her.
It was getting to the point where we liked each other
I didn't want things to happen over respect for my friend, but emotions came over me.
then came the duty, out of respect, to tell my friend that his ex would be my girlfriend.
I wanted to protect his feelings so just told him straight
removed me off facebook and didn't speak to me.
Fast forward 5 months and it's still unresolved, he won't face it head on
2 attempts to liaise failed when he ignores me.
I have to do it over the internet
will speed walk off
there has been none, and don't intend on bringing any violence into this,
i'm a laid back guy
my social events are now limited as they believe his side of the story.
Dusty964 said:
It is a very long story. I have edited it, so only the most pathetic bits remain.
Your ex friend is a classic control freak, this situation is now out of his control and he doesn't like it, he would prefer the girl to be sitting around in the hope he calls her, with life experience you will learn to recognise such tossers.James2593 said:
one of which was seeing a girl, wouldn't call it dating, they saw each other like once a week.
Start of january 2013 and my friend decides to end the relationship via text
he kept her away from us and told a few lies so we would dislike her.
It was getting to the point where we liked each other
I didn't want things to happen over respect for my friend, but emotions came over me.
then came the duty, out of respect, to tell my friend that his ex would be my girlfriend.
I wanted to protect his feelings so just told him straight
removed me off facebook and didn't speak to me.
Fast forward 5 months and it's still unresolved, he won't face it head on
2 attempts to liaise failed when he ignores me.
I have to do it over the internet
will speed walk off
there has been none, and don't intend on bringing any violence into this,
i'm a laid back guy
my social events are now limited as they believe his side of the story.
Start of january 2013 and my friend decides to end the relationship via text
he kept her away from us and told a few lies so we would dislike her.
It was getting to the point where we liked each other
I didn't want things to happen over respect for my friend, but emotions came over me.
then came the duty, out of respect, to tell my friend that his ex would be my girlfriend.
I wanted to protect his feelings so just told him straight
removed me off facebook and didn't speak to me.
Fast forward 5 months and it's still unresolved, he won't face it head on
2 attempts to liaise failed when he ignores me.
I have to do it over the internet
will speed walk off
there has been none, and don't intend on bringing any violence into this,
i'm a laid back guy
my social events are now limited as they believe his side of the story.
Up until the age of 30 I tended to move around the country a lot, I had to start over again and again, I know no one from my school days as such, I suspect a lot on here are the same, the point I would make is you will make other friends, meet other people, this isn't the end of the world you thought it would be, tell your friends your side of the story without d
head around, if they don't except that fk em and move on, they don't sound like good friends anyway, you will only meet a handful of friends over your lifetime anyway, everyone else will come and go, in time you will recognise true friends, look after these.sc0tt said:
Bro's before hoe's.
Rule of life.
Utter rubbish; the bloke sounds an idiot, why would you want someone like that as a friend?Rule of life.
Me and one of my old mates used to always go out with each others ex girlfriends and we were best mates- probably because of it! In fact one night we pulled two girls and swapped halfway through; but that's another topic lol......
BMRuss said:
You said they were not really dating, but had been in a relationship for a year?
It comes across to me that perhaps you liked her when they were a bit, closer?
But, he sounds like a prat from what you've said and if she likes you and you like her, win win.
Yeah, not easy to explain. They we're together but never did the things BF and GF do, almost like friends with benefits. That's the best way I can put it.It comes across to me that perhaps you liked her when they were a bit, closer?
But, he sounds like a prat from what you've said and if she likes you and you like her, win win.
No, I didn't like her until I got the know her after the Op. We got along the 2/3 times I saw her in a year when she was going out with my friend, but I didn't like her in an emotional way.
slow_poke said:
Why are you telling us this story instead of your group of mates?
I'be told them bits, emphasising on the points that I didn't touch her while they were together and the fact I tried my best to respect his feelings on the matter. I didn't want to tell them absolutely everything at first as I didn't want to make it sound as if I was automatically in the right and he was wrong just because he was a stty boyfriend. The stty boyfriend business is/was between him and her. I tried to bide my time on it, hoping it would cool down and answers would over time, come out. I guess that never happened as he 'got to' them first.GC8 said:
Hold on: was it your lass and you dumped her when she came out of hospital so that you didnt have to look after her?
Not sure if serious? But no, not true, I have the girl now.Thanks again for contributions, I guess that if my friends deserted me over something like this then they will have done it sometime in the future when I really needed them.
Grow a pair, and tell him he's a cockroach.
As for the mates, I dunno, I had one snivelling creep of a "mate" poison a whole group against me a good few years ago and being the stubborn pighead that I am just figured they must be a bunch of flakes so could just fk off, ie it's beneath my dignity to pander and justify myself against such petty infantile tales, in wiser later years though I realise that people like said creep have a way of working people so you probably shouldn't make my mistake, if you do nothing they assume it all to be true.
As for the mates, I dunno, I had one snivelling creep of a "mate" poison a whole group against me a good few years ago and being the stubborn pighead that I am just figured they must be a bunch of flakes so could just f
k off, ie it's beneath my dignity to pander and justify myself against such petty infantile tales, in wiser later years though I realise that people like said creep have a way of working people so you probably shouldn't make my mistake, if you do nothing they assume it all to be true.James2593 said:
GC8 said:
Hold on: was it your lass and you dumped her when she came out of hospital so that you didnt have to look after her?
Not sure if serious? But no, not true, I have the girl now. You don't date a mates girl then drop the bomb (on him, or in her).
Should have started with:
"I was chatting to Karen the other day"
Then
"Karen mentioned such and such"
Then
"Karen fancied a drink, should I go..."
If he is used to the idea of this Karen chatting to you, then drinking with you, you won't have to drop a bombshell on him saying you are smashing her back doors in out of the blue.
The only other way around it is to talk about your encounters with this woman in third person, about her exploits with a guy named Yodel. Then when you are seeing her properly, change your name by deed poll to yodel and wait for him to find out. Hell feel a right muppet them = you win girl who can't have kids without any trouble.
Should have started with:
"I was chatting to Karen the other day"
Then
"Karen mentioned such and such"
Then
"Karen fancied a drink, should I go..."
If he is used to the idea of this Karen chatting to you, then drinking with you, you won't have to drop a bombshell on him saying you are smashing her back doors in out of the blue.
The only other way around it is to talk about your encounters with this woman in third person, about her exploits with a guy named Yodel. Then when you are seeing her properly, change your name by deed poll to yodel and wait for him to find out. Hell feel a right muppet them = you win girl who can't have kids without any trouble.
GC8 said:
Read it all again a little more carefully James. You will see that I was mocking the fool who told you to 'find your own woman'.
Ah, Gotcha! The no quote in your post threw me off, didn't realise you'd double posted! Heff said:
Why has no one suggested setting fire to his house yet?
That would appear to be the most satisfying option 
, but i'd rather not be on the wrong end of a police investigation or ruin innocent peoples lives i.e neighbours 
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