I just sneezed and...
Discussion
I have a few.
I once gave myself the mother of all nosebleeds while trying to fit a handbrake return spring when the pliers I was using let go of the spring!
While trying to swat a fly I managed to smash my windscreen.
And finally, while demonstrating a TEMS/TENS <?> machine to my wife for her back pain while she was pregnant, I attached all four pads to my arm and switched the thing on. Unbeknown to me, it was on full power and I proceeded to uncontrollably and repeatedly whack myself over the head with my right arm. Of course it was quite difficult to switch the thing off as I was holding it in my right hand.
My wife nearly gave birth right there and then.
I once gave myself the mother of all nosebleeds while trying to fit a handbrake return spring when the pliers I was using let go of the spring!
While trying to swat a fly I managed to smash my windscreen.
And finally, while demonstrating a TEMS/TENS <?> machine to my wife for her back pain while she was pregnant, I attached all four pads to my arm and switched the thing on. Unbeknown to me, it was on full power and I proceeded to uncontrollably and repeatedly whack myself over the head with my right arm. Of course it was quite difficult to switch the thing off as I was holding it in my right hand.
My wife nearly gave birth right there and then.
Big Rod said:
And finally, while demonstrating a TEMS/TENS <?> machine to my wife for her back pain while she was pregnant, I attached all four pads to my arm and switched the thing on. Unbeknown to me, it was on full power and I proceeded to uncontrollably and repeatedly whack myself over the head with my right arm. Of course it was quite difficult to switch the thing off as I was holding it in my right hand.
Plotloss said:
Neil_Sc said:
I have actually slipped over on a banana skin 
Honestly?Really?
Fan-bloody-tastic!
I've been looking for a genuine banana skin slipper for many years as I was convinced, much like people who dont like Jaffa Cakes (but I was wrong about that as well) that they dont exist.
On holiday with family about 10+ years ago I decided to buy a cheap fishing rod and have a go. Near the end of the holiday I was casting out and managed to lodge the fish hook into the back of my head.
to make matters worse I thought it was just caught in hair and tried to yank it out.
My dad nearly fainted in the doctors surgery when he extracted the hook from my head....
that one took ages for everyone to forget, I got called john west for a while
to make matters worse I thought it was just caught in hair and tried to yank it out.
My dad nearly fainted in the doctors surgery when he extracted the hook from my head....
that one took ages for everyone to forget, I got called john west for a while
TonyHetherington said:
Big Rod said:
I attached all four pads to my arm and switched the thing on. Unbeknown to me, it was on full power and I proceeded to uncontrollably and repeatedly whack myself over the head with my right arm.
Absolutely bloody brilliant This has brightened up my day
I ran into a table-edge once. I was at Brownies (I was 7) and we were playing football indoors. I missed it so had to get it, ran after it, saw it go under the table, but the table part didn't register so I ran head first into it. My feet carried on going though so I end up on my back, thus whacking the back of my head too.
Had to be escorted home by one of the Pack Leaders so that if I passed out they didn't have to deal with it. Had a huge bruised lump on my head and a bit of a headache but no concussion.
Had to be escorted home by one of the Pack Leaders so that if I passed out they didn't have to deal with it. Had a huge bruised lump on my head and a bit of a headache but no concussion.
Oh god. This brings painful memories flooding back, but PMSL at some of the posts.
I Have-
Fallen backwards over £5k worth of camera equipment while the owner was shooting my car for Track and sprint magazine.
Had the bonnet pins fracture and the bonnet tore off my car @ 120mph on the straight at bruntingthorpe.....while being shot for Retro car magazine.
Hit my thumb with a hammer so hard it split round the edges.
Had burning weld spatter in my ear
Blinded myself in one eye for 4 days with flying grinder sparks.
Set myself on fire. Twice. Just the legs though and a bit of psychotic chicken dancing soon put it out.
Had arc-eye. That is THE worst pain EVER.
Was undoing the rear diff drain plug on my R21 Quadra. Pulling on the 3/8 ratchet towards me lying under the car....the alloy bung cracked off suddenly and a smacked myself square in the face. Felt like a right t
t.
Working under the car reaching up to undo a 16mm bolt. Fumbled the spanner. Lay there with my arms up in the engine bay listening to the clatter-clatter of the spanner dropping down towards me. Saw it 1/1000th of a second before it smacked my right in the middle of the forehead. Left a half-ring shaped bruise....damn did I swear.
Picked up a bit of tube right after welding it without thinking. Left my fingerprints on it.
Amateur mistake a few years back- Undid the expansion tank cap when a rad hose got a small split in it. Engine was about 120deg. Coolant exploded out the exp tank all over my right forearm and removed most of the skin and nerve endings. Still have scars ten years on.
Caught my top in a wire brush attachment on a drill. Unfortunately the button was pressed in to keep it running when I didnt have the trigger pressed. It snatched out of my hand and proceeded to try and throttle me as it wound my jumper up around itself.
Thats enough for now I Think, save for on my first car in 1996 when I first started arsing about with cars....
Filled the engine oil back up but forgot to put the sump plug back in......
ETA> Also, boarded the loft out. Stood back to admire my work.....save I tried to stand where the hatch was. I ended up hanging in mid air with one leg dangling down, One leg still in the attic, trying to scramble back before I fell. Hit the floor about a second later and woke the baby with the noise. I'm lying on the floor groaning and the Mrs scrambles up the stairs.....not to help, but to chastise me for waking the little'un up!!!
I Have-
Fallen backwards over £5k worth of camera equipment while the owner was shooting my car for Track and sprint magazine.
Had the bonnet pins fracture and the bonnet tore off my car @ 120mph on the straight at bruntingthorpe.....while being shot for Retro car magazine.
Hit my thumb with a hammer so hard it split round the edges.
Had burning weld spatter in my ear
Blinded myself in one eye for 4 days with flying grinder sparks.
Set myself on fire. Twice. Just the legs though and a bit of psychotic chicken dancing soon put it out.
Had arc-eye. That is THE worst pain EVER.
Was undoing the rear diff drain plug on my R21 Quadra. Pulling on the 3/8 ratchet towards me lying under the car....the alloy bung cracked off suddenly and a smacked myself square in the face. Felt like a right t
t.Working under the car reaching up to undo a 16mm bolt. Fumbled the spanner. Lay there with my arms up in the engine bay listening to the clatter-clatter of the spanner dropping down towards me. Saw it 1/1000th of a second before it smacked my right in the middle of the forehead. Left a half-ring shaped bruise....damn did I swear.
Picked up a bit of tube right after welding it without thinking. Left my fingerprints on it.
Amateur mistake a few years back- Undid the expansion tank cap when a rad hose got a small split in it. Engine was about 120deg. Coolant exploded out the exp tank all over my right forearm and removed most of the skin and nerve endings. Still have scars ten years on.
Caught my top in a wire brush attachment on a drill. Unfortunately the button was pressed in to keep it running when I didnt have the trigger pressed. It snatched out of my hand and proceeded to try and throttle me as it wound my jumper up around itself.
Thats enough for now I Think, save for on my first car in 1996 when I first started arsing about with cars....
Filled the engine oil back up but forgot to put the sump plug back in......
ETA> Also, boarded the loft out. Stood back to admire my work.....save I tried to stand where the hatch was. I ended up hanging in mid air with one leg dangling down, One leg still in the attic, trying to scramble back before I fell. Hit the floor about a second later and woke the baby with the noise. I'm lying on the floor groaning and the Mrs scrambles up the stairs.....not to help, but to chastise me for waking the little'un up!!!
Edited by DaveL485 on Thursday 10th January 11:36
Plotloss said:
Hand through steering wheel to reset odometer.
You can guess the rest.
Never actually hit anything but have done it a couple of times and amazed myself at the level of complete and utter stupidity.
I am so glad I'm not alone, I ended up in a field, couldn't believe the absolute stupidity I was capable of! You can guess the rest.
Never actually hit anything but have done it a couple of times and amazed myself at the level of complete and utter stupidity.
Got a good one for my brother.
He broke his wrist, walking backwards across a rugby pitch. His foot got caught in a hole and he fell backwards, put his hands out to save himself and all his weight ended up on one wrist. I think it was called a "tree branch" fracture?
So when your children walk backwards along the pavement, you can now say "Did I ever tell you the story of BrotherSarcasm?"
He broke his wrist, walking backwards across a rugby pitch. His foot got caught in a hole and he fell backwards, put his hands out to save himself and all his weight ended up on one wrist. I think it was called a "tree branch" fracture?
So when your children walk backwards along the pavement, you can now say "Did I ever tell you the story of BrotherSarcasm?"
DaveL485 said:
Oh god. This brings painful memories flooding back, but PMSL at some of the posts.
I Have-
Fallen backwards over £5k worth of camera equipment while the owner was shooting my car for Track and sprint magazine.
Had the bonnet pins fracture and the bonnet tore off my car @ 120mph on the straight at bruntingthorpe.....while being shot for Retro car magazine.
Hit my thumb with a hammer so hard it split round the edges.
Had burning weld spatter in my ear
Blinded myself in one eye for 4 days with flying grinder sparks.
Set myself on fire. Twice. Just the legs though and a bit of psychotic chicken dancing soon put it out.
Had arc-eye. That is THE worst pain EVER.
Was undoing the rear diff drain plug on my R21 Quadra. Pulling on the 3/8 ratchet towards me lying under the car....the alloy bung cracked off suddenly and a smacked myself square in the face. Felt like a right tt.
Working under the car reaching up to undo a 16mm bolt. Fumbled the spanner. Lay there with my arms up in the engine bay listening to the clatter-clatter of the spanner dropping down towards me. Saw it 1/1000th of a second before it smacked my right in the middle of the forehead. Left a half-ring shaped bruise....damn did I swear.
Picked up a bit of tube right after welding it without thinking. Left my fingerprints on it.
Amateur mistake a few years back- Undid the expansion tank cap when a rad hose got a small split in it. Engine was about 120deg. Coolant exploded out the exp tank all over my right forearm and removed most of the skin and nerve endings. Still have scars ten years on.
Caught my top in a wire brush attachment on a drill. Unfortunately the button was pressed in to keep it running when I didnt have the trigger pressed. It snatched out of my hand and proceeded to try and throttle me as it wound my jumper up around itself.
Thats enough for now I Think, save for on my first car in 1996 when I first started arsing about with cars....
Filled the engine oil back up but forgot to put the sump plug back in......
ETA> Also, boarded the loft out. Stood back to admire my work.....save I tried to stand where the hatch was. I ended up hanging in mid air with one leg dangling down, One leg still in the attic, trying to scramble back before I fell. Hit the floor about a second later and woke the baby with the noise. I'm lying on the floor groaning and the Mrs scrambles up the stairs.....not to help, but to chastise me for waking the little'un up!!!
You've just been dodging the Darwin Awards for years, haven't you....?I Have-
Fallen backwards over £5k worth of camera equipment while the owner was shooting my car for Track and sprint magazine.
Had the bonnet pins fracture and the bonnet tore off my car @ 120mph on the straight at bruntingthorpe.....while being shot for Retro car magazine.
Hit my thumb with a hammer so hard it split round the edges.
Had burning weld spatter in my ear
Blinded myself in one eye for 4 days with flying grinder sparks.
Set myself on fire. Twice. Just the legs though and a bit of psychotic chicken dancing soon put it out.
Had arc-eye. That is THE worst pain EVER.
Was undoing the rear diff drain plug on my R21 Quadra. Pulling on the 3/8 ratchet towards me lying under the car....the alloy bung cracked off suddenly and a smacked myself square in the face. Felt like a right t
t.Working under the car reaching up to undo a 16mm bolt. Fumbled the spanner. Lay there with my arms up in the engine bay listening to the clatter-clatter of the spanner dropping down towards me. Saw it 1/1000th of a second before it smacked my right in the middle of the forehead. Left a half-ring shaped bruise....damn did I swear.
Picked up a bit of tube right after welding it without thinking. Left my fingerprints on it.
Amateur mistake a few years back- Undid the expansion tank cap when a rad hose got a small split in it. Engine was about 120deg. Coolant exploded out the exp tank all over my right forearm and removed most of the skin and nerve endings. Still have scars ten years on.
Caught my top in a wire brush attachment on a drill. Unfortunately the button was pressed in to keep it running when I didnt have the trigger pressed. It snatched out of my hand and proceeded to try and throttle me as it wound my jumper up around itself.
Thats enough for now I Think, save for on my first car in 1996 when I first started arsing about with cars....
Filled the engine oil back up but forgot to put the sump plug back in......
ETA> Also, boarded the loft out. Stood back to admire my work.....save I tried to stand where the hatch was. I ended up hanging in mid air with one leg dangling down, One leg still in the attic, trying to scramble back before I fell. Hit the floor about a second later and woke the baby with the noise. I'm lying on the floor groaning and the Mrs scrambles up the stairs.....not to help, but to chastise me for waking the little'un up!!!
Edited by DaveL485 on Thursday 10th January 11:36
MentalSarcasm said:
Got a good one for my brother.
He broke his wrist, walking backwards across a rugby pitch. His foot got caught in a hole and he fell backwards, put his hands out to save himself and all his weight ended up on one wrist. I think it was called a "tree branch" fracture?
So when your children walk backwards along the pavement, you can now say "Did I ever tell you the story of BrotherSarcasm?"
I did that when I was 13 but it was in a gym lesson. It didn't feel to bad until some bugger put ice on it.He broke his wrist, walking backwards across a rugby pitch. His foot got caught in a hole and he fell backwards, put his hands out to save himself and all his weight ended up on one wrist. I think it was called a "tree branch" fracture?
So when your children walk backwards along the pavement, you can now say "Did I ever tell you the story of BrotherSarcasm?"
I had a mate called Phillip Binny at school.
We played badminton on Friday afternoons. We had to put up the nets with two poles on stands. The net was stretched across and then the remaining string was tied arounda hook half way up the posts.
One friday afternoon Phil climed the pole on his side and threaded the net. He then slid down the pole "fireman style" and an doing so caught his ballsack on the hook, ripping his scrotum open like a torn paper bag.
His screams as his bo
ocks dangled round his knees hanging only by the sinewy vas deferens were really quite someting.He still (at 41)known as "Adolf...."
To many to remember.
Most recent trying to remove the caliper from the front Upright, and the socket slipped cur me falling backwards at great speed through a hedge and ending up flat on my arse in the middle of this hedge.
In line with some of the other Bee posts, I was careening down a hill on my bike, during one summer many years ago and saw this huge Bumble bee at least 100 meters away as it was the size of a small boulder, even at that distance and with it meandering aimlessly up the hill, it met my forehead with a pain inducing smack, I subsequently crashed off the road into an ajoning field, legs entangled in bike with a bumble bee shaped bruise right in the centre of my forehead.
Last one I was in the bath after having played football and for some un known reason was moving onto all fours when I was suddenly struck with cramp in both legs, cue me screaming in agony whilst trying to straigten my legs and avoid droawing all at the same time.
Most recent trying to remove the caliper from the front Upright, and the socket slipped cur me falling backwards at great speed through a hedge and ending up flat on my arse in the middle of this hedge.
In line with some of the other Bee posts, I was careening down a hill on my bike, during one summer many years ago and saw this huge Bumble bee at least 100 meters away as it was the size of a small boulder, even at that distance and with it meandering aimlessly up the hill, it met my forehead with a pain inducing smack, I subsequently crashed off the road into an ajoning field, legs entangled in bike with a bumble bee shaped bruise right in the centre of my forehead.
Last one I was in the bath after having played football and for some un known reason was moving onto all fours when I was suddenly struck with cramp in both legs, cue me screaming in agony whilst trying to straigten my legs and avoid droawing all at the same time.
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