Toilet Mis-habs!
Discussion
I recall a story from my chum about his father who used to be a travelling salesman.
Being on the road a lot and out on a job in the country he was bursting for a crap. Couldn't wait so decided to pull into a layby and nip behind a tree. Leaving his jacket in the car and armed with a newspaper he nipped round the back of a large oak slipped off his braces to drop his trousers and assumed the position.
Being ever so careful wiping his arse and feeling somewhat lighter and releaved, in the rush to not get caught he quickly went to pull up his trousers when a turd hit him on the back of the head! He had crapped on his braces.
A useful tale and a good reason to wear a belt.
Being on the road a lot and out on a job in the country he was bursting for a crap. Couldn't wait so decided to pull into a layby and nip behind a tree. Leaving his jacket in the car and armed with a newspaper he nipped round the back of a large oak slipped off his braces to drop his trousers and assumed the position.
Being ever so careful wiping his arse and feeling somewhat lighter and releaved, in the rush to not get caught he quickly went to pull up his trousers when a turd hit him on the back of the head! He had crapped on his braces.
A useful tale and a good reason to wear a belt.
maxrider said:
MX5guy said:
Not me, but I was a bit worried to find yesterday that one of the toilets had spray droplets that occur when your bowel explodes. Bad, but what was worse was it looked to be blood, 
That'll be piles then.I am sure I cannot be the only one this has happened to.
There was broken toilet seat, I didn't notice the crack when I sat down, or it could be that there was a small crack and my not inconsiderable arse cause the crack to complete its path across the seat. Anyway sitting down was not an issue and I can assume from later events that the weight cause the crack to open. Anyway job done, just the paperwork to be sorted out, eased myself onto one cheek and the crack slammed shut on the slightly raised cheek. Bloody painful, a toilet seat clamped to my right arse cheek.
There was broken toilet seat, I didn't notice the crack when I sat down, or it could be that there was a small crack and my not inconsiderable arse cause the crack to complete its path across the seat. Anyway sitting down was not an issue and I can assume from later events that the weight cause the crack to open. Anyway job done, just the paperwork to be sorted out, eased myself onto one cheek and the crack slammed shut on the slightly raised cheek. Bloody painful, a toilet seat clamped to my right arse cheek.
WIN!.mini me said:
That story should be marked NSFW. I cry every time, Just had o stare at a blank year planner in the office just to get myself straight again.
Comedy gold!
Currently experimenting with self-harm in a vain attempt to wipe the stupid grin off my face after reading that again Comedy gold!
MitchT said:
Currently experimenting with self-harm in a vain attempt to wipe the stupid grin off my face after reading that again
Same 
Its popped up often, worth a read every time.
I more or less recited it to my GF last night whilst we were out.
She laughed out loud at the half underwater strangled duck and 30 sprinting clowns on a giant jelly (which made me happy) and then said afterwards "rather like you, then"
First night in Hong Kong a friend and I decided to go for a few beers.
Long story short, we ended up playing some drinking games and it turned out I wasn't very good at them. Needless to say I was pretty pissed. Anyway, after a while I decided I needed a trip to the loo so I wandered off and found the traditional squat toilet instead of what I had been expecting.
So down came the pants and trousers and I assumed the position....but wait I though...not being familiar with this style of toilet I wasn't really sure of the required overhang needed to stop me deficating in my own trousers, so in my boozy state it seemed a good idea to take my trousers and pants off and then to hang them on the hook behind the door (as I didn't want them to get dirty). All this was done very carefully, one leg out at a time so I could put my foot back in my shoe and not have to put my socks on the grim looking floor. This had probably taken me about 10 minutes and I thought as I was at it I may aswell take my t shirt off aswell.
So there I was, standing in a Hong Kong toilet in just my shoes and socks ready for my first go on these kind of toilets and I had been very careful to keep everything clean and reduce the risk of getting dirty.
And what do I do, turn round, slip on a bit of toilet paper, hit the ground pretty hard and end up lying naked on the floor with my head about an inch from the toilet bowl.
Wasn't my best first experience but i'll never forget that minute or two I spent lying on that floor before I could be bothered to get up.
Long story short, we ended up playing some drinking games and it turned out I wasn't very good at them. Needless to say I was pretty pissed. Anyway, after a while I decided I needed a trip to the loo so I wandered off and found the traditional squat toilet instead of what I had been expecting.
So down came the pants and trousers and I assumed the position....but wait I though...not being familiar with this style of toilet I wasn't really sure of the required overhang needed to stop me deficating in my own trousers, so in my boozy state it seemed a good idea to take my trousers and pants off and then to hang them on the hook behind the door (as I didn't want them to get dirty). All this was done very carefully, one leg out at a time so I could put my foot back in my shoe and not have to put my socks on the grim looking floor. This had probably taken me about 10 minutes and I thought as I was at it I may aswell take my t shirt off aswell.
So there I was, standing in a Hong Kong toilet in just my shoes and socks ready for my first go on these kind of toilets and I had been very careful to keep everything clean and reduce the risk of getting dirty.
And what do I do, turn round, slip on a bit of toilet paper, hit the ground pretty hard and end up lying naked on the floor with my head about an inch from the toilet bowl.
Wasn't my best first experience but i'll never forget that minute or two I spent lying on that floor before I could be bothered to get up.
difontaine42 said:
First night in Hong Kong a friend and I decided to go for a few beers.
Long story short, we ended up playing some drinking games and it turned out I wasn't very good at them. Needless to say I was pretty pissed. Anyway, after a while I decided I needed a trip to the loo so I wandered off and found the traditional squat toilet instead of what I had been expecting.
So down came the pants and trousers and I assumed the position....but wait I though...not being familiar with this style of toilet I wasn't really sure of the required overhang needed to stop me deficating in my own trousers, so in my boozy state it seemed a good idea to take my trousers and pants off and then to hang them on the hook behind the door (as I didn't want them to get dirty). All this was done very carefully, one leg out at a time so I could put my foot back in my shoe and not have to put my socks on the grim looking floor. This had probably taken me about 10 minutes and I thought as I was at it I may aswell take my t shirt off aswell.
So there I was, standing in a Hong Kong toilet in just my shoes and socks ready for my first go on these kind of toilets and I had been very careful to keep everything clean and reduce the risk of getting dirty.
And what do I do, turn round, slip on a bit of toilet paper, hit the ground pretty hard and end up lying naked on the floor with my head about an inch from the toilet bowl.
Wasn't my best first experience but i'll never forget that minute or two I spent lying on that floor before I could be bothered to get up.
I'm sure Armitage Shanks has fitted toilets in HK. What the hell were you trying to sit on? I only know of two types - the hole in the floor with foot platforms and the 'normal' type WC.Long story short, we ended up playing some drinking games and it turned out I wasn't very good at them. Needless to say I was pretty pissed. Anyway, after a while I decided I needed a trip to the loo so I wandered off and found the traditional squat toilet instead of what I had been expecting.
So down came the pants and trousers and I assumed the position....but wait I though...not being familiar with this style of toilet I wasn't really sure of the required overhang needed to stop me deficating in my own trousers, so in my boozy state it seemed a good idea to take my trousers and pants off and then to hang them on the hook behind the door (as I didn't want them to get dirty). All this was done very carefully, one leg out at a time so I could put my foot back in my shoe and not have to put my socks on the grim looking floor. This had probably taken me about 10 minutes and I thought as I was at it I may aswell take my t shirt off aswell.
So there I was, standing in a Hong Kong toilet in just my shoes and socks ready for my first go on these kind of toilets and I had been very careful to keep everything clean and reduce the risk of getting dirty.
And what do I do, turn round, slip on a bit of toilet paper, hit the ground pretty hard and end up lying naked on the floor with my head about an inch from the toilet bowl.
Wasn't my best first experience but i'll never forget that minute or two I spent lying on that floor before I could be bothered to get up.
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