Being told " I don't love you anymore"
Discussion
Skyedriver said:
There's a whole lot of truth and good advice in this rather strange post.
Stuttgartmental always turns up in these threads. Bonkers but somewhat true. stuttgartmetal said:
For anyone going through this situation log on to wikivorce.com
You'll get everything you need to know there.
To W.
It's over
She's moved on
Monkey hanger another branch etc it applies.
Is it like a switch has been turned off?
Like a fuse has blown?
She's totally cold.
Well, believe it or not there will be someone else.
You just refuse to accept that
She's got absutely no feeling for you mate.
And believe me, I've been there
First, control everything you can control
Get ahold of your money
She'll already have an escape plan
All women do
They're much cleverer than men
I know you won't believe that, but they always have a plan B
Get a solicitor pronto.
Post on wikivorce
You'll shine some light into the void you're facing.
The experience they have there is what you need right now.
And that applies to the other guys posting on here as well
Go there. It helps
It's tough.
Divorce is ten out of ten the most traumatic scenario you'll ever be faced with
Ten out of ten
It's gonna get a whole lot worse before it get better.
It hasn't even started.
Screw the furniture, all all the other crap
Concentrate in the house, and getting that sold.
Everything falls into place once that's sale agreed.
You need to secure your future.
Don't be a mug.
Big mistake moving out
Put up with the sh t she gives you
You've gotta process the sh t running round your brain, and any decision you make at the moment
Is not gonna be right, cos your not thinking straight
The only way to understand the situation you're going through right now is to process it
ThTs why it's the only thing you can think of from when you open your eyes in the morning till you close your eyes at night
I've been throught it
From front to back
You need to reach acceptance, that's the hardest bit.
In your mind. I guarantee you think this'll all resolve it self, and she'll have second thoughts.
You'll come home and she'll say she doesn't know what happened and that she really loves you deeply, and you'll be holding her, and kissing her and laughing and crying and saying you thought you'd lost her and that it'll be alright.
Well forget that.
It's never ever ever gonna happen
It's over
Over
Until you reach acceptance, you're fooling yourself.
Look after number one
You're just standing in her way
Best advice I got was..
Don't go out birding it
Dont go getting smashed
Don't do a load of drugs
Don't get nicked for D and D
Tell your boss what your going through
Keep your job, it's the one thing that will keep you focussed keep your mind together
Lose that and you'll end up in a shop doorway, or in a poxy room on the dole
Draw into yourself.
Your gonna suffer till this is over
You're peaking and trough ing at the moment
Either on a high high, or a black low.
It's normal.
Your brains get bashed
Unburden yourself to your Dad, or better your best friend.
Throw a shutter down on her
Don't let her know anything, because if you take a look, she's not telling you diddly squat
Get legal Advice
Keep Schtum.
Do not leave the house
If you have, then friggin well return
Ignore any conversation. Just move back in unannounced
Itll cost a fortune trying to move her out in legal bills if she becomes stubborn
Much much easier if you live there
If anything get her out of there.
Get it on the market
Brace yourself, she's going to hit you with everything
Rottweiller solicitor and divorce papers from her is next.
You're not gonna believe how spiteful she now is
Wikivorce will clue you up, so use it
Vent on there if you need to
It kept me sane, and believe me, I thought long and hard about topping myself for a long long time
I was in my car in the garage once, with the keys in the ignition.
Your going on an emotional rollercoaster ride
It's up and down, backwards and forwards, so hang on tight to the rail, you've just gotta get through it.
I've been there
Done it
Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
And revenge?
Forget bashing up the guy
It's just not worth it
You'll get bird
Your life would be ruined.
Takes two to tango.
It's not his fault
Concentrate in yourself
Eat
Sleep.
I got out the other side and believe me, so will you.
You'll meet someone else
You'll be happy
You don't believe me now, but you will
You'll look back at this and you'll wonder how you got through it
You'll see her in the future, and wonder what you saw in her
With the distance of time, you'll get perspective
You're a young man
You've got your whole life ahead of you
Take control of everything you can control
Don't be easy in her, she's not going to be with you
Beli e me, she's not
She's moved on, you've got a lot of catching up to do.
Look after number one.
There's nothing tougher than what you're facing, because you love her with all your heart, and would do
anything for her, give her everything, can't she see that?
Mate.
It's over.
She just wants to f ck you off.
Fact.
Deal with it.
You'll get everything you need to know there.
To W.
It's over
She's moved on
Monkey hanger another branch etc it applies.
Is it like a switch has been turned off?
Like a fuse has blown?
She's totally cold.
Well, believe it or not there will be someone else.
You just refuse to accept that
She's got absutely no feeling for you mate.
And believe me, I've been there
First, control everything you can control
Get ahold of your money
She'll already have an escape plan
All women do
They're much cleverer than men
I know you won't believe that, but they always have a plan B
Get a solicitor pronto.
Post on wikivorce
You'll shine some light into the void you're facing.
The experience they have there is what you need right now.
And that applies to the other guys posting on here as well
Go there. It helps
It's tough.
Divorce is ten out of ten the most traumatic scenario you'll ever be faced with
Ten out of ten
It's gonna get a whole lot worse before it get better.
It hasn't even started.
Screw the furniture, all all the other crap
Concentrate in the house, and getting that sold.
Everything falls into place once that's sale agreed.
You need to secure your future.
Don't be a mug.
Big mistake moving out
Put up with the sh t she gives you
You've gotta process the sh t running round your brain, and any decision you make at the moment
Is not gonna be right, cos your not thinking straight
The only way to understand the situation you're going through right now is to process it
ThTs why it's the only thing you can think of from when you open your eyes in the morning till you close your eyes at night
I've been throught it
From front to back
You need to reach acceptance, that's the hardest bit.
In your mind. I guarantee you think this'll all resolve it self, and she'll have second thoughts.
You'll come home and she'll say she doesn't know what happened and that she really loves you deeply, and you'll be holding her, and kissing her and laughing and crying and saying you thought you'd lost her and that it'll be alright.
Well forget that.
It's never ever ever gonna happen
It's over
Over
Until you reach acceptance, you're fooling yourself.
Look after number one
You're just standing in her way
Best advice I got was..
Don't go out birding it
Dont go getting smashed
Don't do a load of drugs
Don't get nicked for D and D
Tell your boss what your going through
Keep your job, it's the one thing that will keep you focussed keep your mind together
Lose that and you'll end up in a shop doorway, or in a poxy room on the dole
Draw into yourself.
Your gonna suffer till this is over
You're peaking and trough ing at the moment
Either on a high high, or a black low.
It's normal.
Your brains get bashed
Unburden yourself to your Dad, or better your best friend.
Throw a shutter down on her
Don't let her know anything, because if you take a look, she's not telling you diddly squat
Get legal Advice
Keep Schtum.
Do not leave the house
If you have, then friggin well return
Ignore any conversation. Just move back in unannounced
Itll cost a fortune trying to move her out in legal bills if she becomes stubborn
Much much easier if you live there
If anything get her out of there.
Get it on the market
Brace yourself, she's going to hit you with everything
Rottweiller solicitor and divorce papers from her is next.
You're not gonna believe how spiteful she now is
Wikivorce will clue you up, so use it
Vent on there if you need to
It kept me sane, and believe me, I thought long and hard about topping myself for a long long time
I was in my car in the garage once, with the keys in the ignition.
Your going on an emotional rollercoaster ride
It's up and down, backwards and forwards, so hang on tight to the rail, you've just gotta get through it.
I've been there
Done it
Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.
And revenge?
Forget bashing up the guy
It's just not worth it
You'll get bird
Your life would be ruined.
Takes two to tango.
It's not his fault
Concentrate in yourself
Eat
Sleep.
I got out the other side and believe me, so will you.
You'll meet someone else
You'll be happy
You don't believe me now, but you will
You'll look back at this and you'll wonder how you got through it
You'll see her in the future, and wonder what you saw in her
With the distance of time, you'll get perspective
You're a young man
You've got your whole life ahead of you
Take control of everything you can control
Don't be easy in her, she's not going to be with you
Beli e me, she's not
She's moved on, you've got a lot of catching up to do.
Look after number one.
There's nothing tougher than what you're facing, because you love her with all your heart, and would do
anything for her, give her everything, can't she see that?
Mate.
It's over.
She just wants to f ck you off.
Fact.
Deal with it.
Edited by stuttgartmetal on Friday 2nd January 09:59
Chin up op. Hope 2015 is a better year for you.
Mate, it's a life experience you just don't want.
Truth is, I'll never ever get over my wife leaving me
Ever
I think of her every f cking day
Sometimes I accept it's over, then sometimes, just sometimes I think well be back together
one day.
Five years on.
What a crock of sh t eh?
Get a grip of the rail
Hold the f
k on
You'll come out if it the other side.
Truth is, I'll never ever get over my wife leaving me
Ever
I think of her every f cking day
Sometimes I accept it's over, then sometimes, just sometimes I think well be back together
one day.
Five years on.
What a crock of sh t eh?
Get a grip of the rail
Hold the f
k onYou'll come out if it the other side.
Edited by stuttgartmetal on Friday 2nd January 18:19
stuttgartmetal said:
Mate, it's a life experience you just don't want.
Truth is, I'll never ever get over my wife leaving me
Ever
I think of her every f cking day
Sometimes I accept it's over, then sometimes, just sometimes I think well be back together
one day.
Five years on.
What a crock of sh t eh?
Get a grip of the rail
Hold the fk on
You'll come out if it the other side.
No offence intended but you need professional help.Truth is, I'll never ever get over my wife leaving me
Ever
I think of her every f cking day
Sometimes I accept it's over, then sometimes, just sometimes I think well be back together
one day.
Five years on.
What a crock of sh t eh?
Get a grip of the rail
Hold the f
k onYou'll come out if it the other side.
Edited by stuttgartmetal on Friday 2nd January 18:19
5 years. You must be in a mental prison.
stuttgartmetal said:
Mate, it's a life experience you just don't want.
Truth is, I'll never ever get over my wife leaving me
Ever
I think of her every f cking day
Sometimes I accept it's over, then sometimes, just sometimes I think well be back together
one day.
Five years on.
What a crock of sh t eh?
Get a grip of the rail
Hold the fk on
You'll come out if it the other side.
I like this guy. Going on hunt for further reading.Truth is, I'll never ever get over my wife leaving me
Ever
I think of her every f cking day
Sometimes I accept it's over, then sometimes, just sometimes I think well be back together
one day.
Five years on.
What a crock of sh t eh?
Get a grip of the rail
Hold the f
k onYou'll come out if it the other side.
Edited by stuttgartmetal on Friday 2nd January 18:19
stuttgartmetal said:
Mate, it's a life experience you just don't want.
Truth is, I'll never ever get over my wife leaving me
Ever
I think of her every f cking day
Sometimes I accept it's over, then sometimes, just sometimes I think well be back together
one day.
Five years on.
What a crock of sh t eh?
Get a grip of the rail
Hold the fk on
You'll come out if it the other side.
I know its bad now mate, and will possibly get worse before it gets better. In fact I know it will!!Truth is, I'll never ever get over my wife leaving me
Ever
I think of her every f cking day
Sometimes I accept it's over, then sometimes, just sometimes I think well be back together
one day.
Five years on.
What a crock of sh t eh?
Get a grip of the rail
Hold the f
k onYou'll come out if it the other side.
Edited by stuttgartmetal on Friday 2nd January 18:19
To be honest, I am expecting a s
tstorm of doom, gloom and general bks.Hard seeing my family cry for me I will admit. Like you, I f
king miss her.However, I need to move on, and move on I will.
100% I know I will. Pissed up now, which is when I get emotional and all that crap, but no, even dying inside as I feel, I am on my own now.
I owe it to all the family that love me to be strong, and sort this, and to other fellas that go through it!
And I loved stuttgartmetal's post. Brilliant, possibly an award there? And I mean it!
Stupidly, and ghey as it sounds, I am, looking forward to someone wanting me for who I am, and being the centre of their attention. Yep, gheyyyy
I know that at 30 odd, 20 years partner/wife behind me, and the rut that I've made for myself, will hold me back. I have become boring, lost the build, and possibly even my sense of humour.
Cheers
Wolfer said:
I know its bad now mate, and will possibly get worse before it gets better. In fact I know it will!!
To be honest, I am expecting a ststorm of doom, gloom and general bks.
Hard seeing my family cry for me I will admit. Like you, I fking miss her.
However, I need to move on, and move on I will.
100% I know I will. Pissed up now, which is when I get emotional and all that crap, but no, even dying inside as I feel, I am on my own now.
I owe it to all the family that love me to be strong, and sort this, and to other fellas that go through it!
And I loved stuttgartmetal's post. Brilliant, possibly an award there? And I mean it!
Stupidly, and ghey as it sounds, I am, looking forward to someone wanting me for who I am, and being the centre of their attention. Yep, gheyyyy
I know that at 30 odd, 20 years partner/wife behind me, and the rut that I've made for myself, will hold me back. I have become boring, lost the build, and possibly even my sense of humour.
Cheers
Dont start loosing it now. There is only one thing that is worst than a boring man and that is man who is emotional and ready for depression.To be honest, I am expecting a s
tstorm of doom, gloom and general bks.Hard seeing my family cry for me I will admit. Like you, I f
king miss her.However, I need to move on, and move on I will.
100% I know I will. Pissed up now, which is when I get emotional and all that crap, but no, even dying inside as I feel, I am on my own now.
I owe it to all the family that love me to be strong, and sort this, and to other fellas that go through it!
And I loved stuttgartmetal's post. Brilliant, possibly an award there? And I mean it!
Stupidly, and ghey as it sounds, I am, looking forward to someone wanting me for who I am, and being the centre of their attention. Yep, gheyyyy
I know that at 30 odd, 20 years partner/wife behind me, and the rut that I've made for myself, will hold me back. I have become boring, lost the build, and possibly even my sense of humour.
Cheers
...and WTF are you doing on here? You should have at least 10 porn subscriptions to be getting on with.
Nardies said:
Good points here, just to add from personal experience, it's very easy to build someone up to be something they're not, i.e thinking they're super attractive, intelligent, or just 'get you'. It's only when you land them, and spend more time with them you realise what you've really landed.
It certainly works both ways.
This certainly seems to be the case with my ex and an old school friend of hers. They had been secretly messaging each other for months and had met a couple of times when she had lied to me about going out with friends. I think they lasted 2 whole weeks after we split when she realised what he was really like without all the excitement of sneaking around!It certainly works both ways.
Paddy_N_Murphy said:
Amazed at there being no other "shoe on the other foot" versions here.
No Fellas decided : " Nope. Not for me anymore" ?
Never walked on a marriage or live in relationship but I don't think men are any different from women once their head is turned. They'll try and keep both relationships on the go until they are 110% certain one is a better and safer bet OR they are forced to decide, usually as a result of being found out.No Fellas decided : " Nope. Not for me anymore" ?
wow! Just finished reading this complete thread and my faith in PistonHeads is restored. Far from it losing its mojo and the incessant petty ranting / keyboard fightsd of a select few, this thread has really drawn many people together. Complete strangers offering the OP for a night out and a shoulder to cry on.
Fortunately I have not had the displeasure of a divorce and I can see from all the postings here it is a heartbreaking, soul destroying affair.
To all who have posted so far, take a bow for the great support offered to the OP and several others. I know if I have to ever go thought anything messy like this, it will be worth starting a thread.
OP. Best of luck getting thought what must be the most difficult period in your life and I sincerely hope you find happiness since it sounds like you genuinely deserve it. You will come out the other side stronger and wiser.
Happy to catch up and buy you a drink if you find yourself in Sydney!
Fortunately I have not had the displeasure of a divorce and I can see from all the postings here it is a heartbreaking, soul destroying affair.
To all who have posted so far, take a bow for the great support offered to the OP and several others. I know if I have to ever go thought anything messy like this, it will be worth starting a thread.
OP. Best of luck getting thought what must be the most difficult period in your life and I sincerely hope you find happiness since it sounds like you genuinely deserve it. You will come out the other side stronger and wiser.
Happy to catch up and buy you a drink if you find yourself in Sydney!
Impasse said:
Pommygranite said:
No offence intended but you need professional help.
5 years. You must be in a mental prison.
Some people take longer to repair than others, especially if it's a particularly deep wound.5 years. You must be in a mental prison.
Paddy_N_Murphy said:
Amazed at there being no other "shoe on the other foot" versions here.
No Fellas decided : " Nope. Not for me anymore" ?
I was with someone for 6 years but we didn't have kids or even a house together. She wanted to get married and get a house but I had cold feet partially as she didn't ever want kids. I was working away from home and with a bunch of lads who were always on the piss and chasing women so jumped into it instead of going home at weekends.No Fellas decided : " Nope. Not for me anymore" ?
I met somone else who found out I was already in a relationship. She gave me a choice of her or my GF so I did the "it's not you, I just want to be single" thing to the ex which was admittedly very lame and cowardly of me. Within a year I was engaged to the new girl and we had a kid. We are now married and the child is 4.
As others have said the excitement soon dries up and you end up with similar to what you had before. I'm my case I traded my exes sponging and alcoholic catholic family for a wife and a son I adore.
Edited by dai1983 on Sunday 9th August 20:39
Have read all of this and what is astonishing is the amount of posters who share the same story, namely the woman drops a bombshell out of the blue
To those that have split up like this, I have a very important question:
Did she split up with you because:
a) You married a wrongun but you didn't know it (i.e. she had a wicked side to her personality that she kept hidden from you)
b) She genuinely didn't love you anymore (i.e. it's your fault that you changed, it was nothing to do with her)
c) She made a mistake or a hasty decision in getting rid of you, and now she has made her bed, she has to lie in it
Would genuinely like to know because I am in a great relationship but all these "bombshell" stories ("I never saw it coming") have got me interested in how British women operate in the 21st century.
Thanks
To those that have split up like this, I have a very important question:
Did she split up with you because:
a) You married a wrongun but you didn't know it (i.e. she had a wicked side to her personality that she kept hidden from you)
b) She genuinely didn't love you anymore (i.e. it's your fault that you changed, it was nothing to do with her)
c) She made a mistake or a hasty decision in getting rid of you, and now she has made her bed, she has to lie in it
Would genuinely like to know because I am in a great relationship but all these "bombshell" stories ("I never saw it coming") have got me interested in how British women operate in the 21st century.
Thanks
Hasbeen said:
Get the hell out of there, right out, & stay out.
If you need the money from selling the house, pay a solicitor to clean up the mess & sell it for you. Don't go near her or the place, now you've been silly enough to move out.
When I broke up with my first wife, I took the clothes I wanted, & left the rest, house, car, dogs, & the mortgage. I closed my bank accounts & started new ones, to avoid any other problems.
I was a bit luckier than you, I'd sold my racing car & bought a yacht. I moved onto it at a marina, & it & the new people I met that way changed my life, & avoided too much looking back.
I went off in the yacht, & spent a couple of years working a thousand miles away, only communication Christmas cards.
Yes I walked away from the best part of half a million at today's values, [only about $10,000 then], but it was the best thing I ever did.
IMO, replies like this really don't help!!If you need the money from selling the house, pay a solicitor to clean up the mess & sell it for you. Don't go near her or the place, now you've been silly enough to move out.
When I broke up with my first wife, I took the clothes I wanted, & left the rest, house, car, dogs, & the mortgage. I closed my bank accounts & started new ones, to avoid any other problems.
I was a bit luckier than you, I'd sold my racing car & bought a yacht. I moved onto it at a marina, & it & the new people I met that way changed my life, & avoided too much looking back.
I went off in the yacht, & spent a couple of years working a thousand miles away, only communication Christmas cards.
Yes I walked away from the best part of half a million at today's values, [only about $10,000 then], but it was the best thing I ever did.
You may (or may not) have read my post on page 20 where sadly I am going through the same as the OP.....sadly, I have an 8 year old son who I completely adore involved.
I know the way the law works, and no doubt my son will spend most of his time with my wife in the family house that we spent our married life in (10 years).
I am self employed and pay myself a very minimal wage!
My chances of getting a mortgage are as good as zero, so the prospect of renting a one bedroom flat are really quite depressing, but that is the harsh reality that faces me.
I wish I had a racing car to sell.......I wish I had a yacht to move into..........and good on you for having your wealth, but sadly, we are not all that lucky!
Oh, and for those that say MTFU and get out......real life isn't always that simple.
I love my wife, the 'I don't love you anymore' came out the blue, completely unexpected and it has hit me hard.
No matter what happens, things will work out, but being away from my son will be a huge thing for me.
ATV said:
Have read all of this and what is astonishing is the amount of posters who share the same story, namely the woman drops a bombshell out of the blue
To those that have split up like this, I have a very important question:
Did she split up with you because:
a) You married a wrongun but you didn't know it (i.e. she had a wicked side to her personality that she kept hidden from you)
b) She genuinely didn't love you anymore (i.e. it's your fault that you changed, it was nothing to do with her)
c) She made a mistake or a hasty decision in getting rid of you, and now she has made her bed, she has to lie in it
Would genuinely like to know because I am in a great relationship but all these "bombshell" stories ("I never saw it coming") have got me interested in how British women operate in the 21st century.
Thanks
I don't think it's quite as cut and dry as highlighted above and as for understanding how women operate that will forever be the unanswered question.... Much wealth would follow to any man that works that out..!! In my case she had become desperately unhappy for reasons I will never understand hell I'm pretty sure she doesn't know either. That unhappiness ultimately led to the catastrophic breakdown of our relationship and marriage due to her behaviour.To those that have split up like this, I have a very important question:
Did she split up with you because:
a) You married a wrongun but you didn't know it (i.e. she had a wicked side to her personality that she kept hidden from you)
b) She genuinely didn't love you anymore (i.e. it's your fault that you changed, it was nothing to do with her)
c) She made a mistake or a hasty decision in getting rid of you, and now she has made her bed, she has to lie in it
Would genuinely like to know because I am in a great relationship but all these "bombshell" stories ("I never saw it coming") have got me interested in how British women operate in the 21st century.
Thanks
That's not to say I don't hold some of the blame but all told I was a pretty decent husband, dad, partner, friend but that wasn't quite good enough. The key for me now is to chalk that upto experience, recognise the warning signs and do my utmost to not get myself into that situation ever again. Yes, I'm somewhat guarded now with relationships I've had since my marriage breakdown but once bitten twice shy I suppose.
stuttgartmetal said:
Mate, it's a life experience you just don't want.
Truth is, I'll never ever get over my wife leaving me
Ever
I think of her every f cking day
Sometimes I accept it's over, then sometimes, just sometimes I think well be back together
one day.
Five years on.
What a crock of sh t eh?
The nature of this thread and openness of posts have got to be helpful to others so with that in mind, forgive a personal question and feel free not to answer. If your ex did indeed ask you to take her back, would the lack of trust or reduced level of trust really allow for a 'normal' relationship from that point? For me, lack of trust is a deal breaker but I appreciate that we are all different.Truth is, I'll never ever get over my wife leaving me
Ever
I think of her every f cking day
Sometimes I accept it's over, then sometimes, just sometimes I think well be back together
one day.
Five years on.
What a crock of sh t eh?
I remember going through a rough patch which seemed to last for a couple of years.
In my case I had done nothing wrong. Loving husband and a farther who would spend time with the kids. Including sports on the weekend and trips to museums, zoos and restaurants. I would take her out and would be met with the silent treatment throughout the evening and when we got back it was different rooms.
It got to the stage where she would cook food for herself and the kids and i was left to fend for myself. Not a biggie but I do remember going to bed several times hungry. Again not an issue, as it would help with training. However started wondering if it was a phase or that this was the way things would be for the future.
I wondered what would happen if she would be more supporting, if she supported my aspirations and desires. How much further in life we would we be? In a sense I made some notes and these were the things she wanted:
1) further and deeper commitment from me for her wants and desires
2) a third child
3) someone who would do everything for her at the drop of a hat
They were all related points. It was a standoff between me and her in the sense that she wanted the third child. I understood it as if we had the third child it would have given her a free license for the other points. I offered to comprise with adoption but again did not wash. She was convinced that a divorce would solve all her problems.
I offered her the divorce and then she suggested that i get all the papers sorted out and contact a solicitor? I then understood her to mean that I would have to divorce her. Then the game changed. Once i understood what she really wanted i bucked up and created a mental barrier between us. I made her realise how much I actually did do to support her and the family.
For me, it was the fact that my 2 kids meant more to me than she did so if she wanted a divorce she would have to do the hard work and get the paperwork sorted. Which she was not prepared to do.
In the end, with my work moving me away for 6 mths and she taking the kids on hols for 2 mths we had what she wanted a separation and she didn't like it. Then came flying back with a different attitude.
I know this doesn't help, but I wanted to show you people do have similar problems. If there is anything unclear with my post please do ask.
In my case I had done nothing wrong. Loving husband and a farther who would spend time with the kids. Including sports on the weekend and trips to museums, zoos and restaurants. I would take her out and would be met with the silent treatment throughout the evening and when we got back it was different rooms.
It got to the stage where she would cook food for herself and the kids and i was left to fend for myself. Not a biggie but I do remember going to bed several times hungry. Again not an issue, as it would help with training. However started wondering if it was a phase or that this was the way things would be for the future.
I wondered what would happen if she would be more supporting, if she supported my aspirations and desires. How much further in life we would we be? In a sense I made some notes and these were the things she wanted:
1) further and deeper commitment from me for her wants and desires
2) a third child
3) someone who would do everything for her at the drop of a hat
They were all related points. It was a standoff between me and her in the sense that she wanted the third child. I understood it as if we had the third child it would have given her a free license for the other points. I offered to comprise with adoption but again did not wash. She was convinced that a divorce would solve all her problems.
I offered her the divorce and then she suggested that i get all the papers sorted out and contact a solicitor? I then understood her to mean that I would have to divorce her. Then the game changed. Once i understood what she really wanted i bucked up and created a mental barrier between us. I made her realise how much I actually did do to support her and the family.
For me, it was the fact that my 2 kids meant more to me than she did so if she wanted a divorce she would have to do the hard work and get the paperwork sorted. Which she was not prepared to do.
In the end, with my work moving me away for 6 mths and she taking the kids on hols for 2 mths we had what she wanted a separation and she didn't like it. Then came flying back with a different attitude.
I know this doesn't help, but I wanted to show you people do have similar problems. If there is anything unclear with my post please do ask.
Edited by AndStilliRise on Saturday 3rd January 16:12
AndStilliRise said:
I remember going through a rough patch which seemed to last for a couple of years.
In my case I had done nothing wrong. Loving husband and a farther who would spend time with the kids. Including sports on the weekend and trips to museums, zoos and restaurants. I would take her out and would be met with the silent treatment throughout the evening and when we got back it was different rooms.
It got to the stage where she would cook food for herself and the kids and i was left to fend for myself. Not a biggie but I do remember going to bed several times hungry. Again not an issue, as it would help with training. However started wondering if it was a phase or that this was the way things would be for the future.
I wondered what would happen if she would be more supporting, if she supported my aspirations and desires. How much further in life we would we be? In a sense I made some notes and these were the things she wanted:
1) further and deeper commitment from me for her wants and desires
2) a third child
3) someone who would do everything for her at the drop of a hat
They were all related points. It was a standoff between me and her in the sense that she wanted the third child. I understood it as if we had the third child it would have given her a free license for the other points. I offered to comprise with adoption but again did not wash. She was convinced that a divorce would solve all her problems.
I offered her the divorce and then she suggested that i get all the papers sorted out and contact a solicitor? I then understood her to mean that I would have to divorce her. Then the game changed. Once i understood what she really wanted i bucked up and created a mental barrier between us. I made her realise how much I actually did do to support her and the family.
For me, it was the fact that my 2 kids meant more to me than she did so if she wanted a divorce she would have to do the hard work and get the paperwork sorted. Which she was not prepared to do.
In the end, with my work moving me away for 6 mths and she taking the kids on hols for 2 mths we had what she wanted a separation and she didn't like it. Then came flying back with a different attitude.
I know this doesn't help, but I wanted to show you people do have similar problems. If there is anything unclear with my post please do ask.
Hi,In my case I had done nothing wrong. Loving husband and a farther who would spend time with the kids. Including sports on the weekend and trips to museums, zoos and restaurants. I would take her out and would be met with the silent treatment throughout the evening and when we got back it was different rooms.
It got to the stage where she would cook food for herself and the kids and i was left to fend for myself. Not a biggie but I do remember going to bed several times hungry. Again not an issue, as it would help with training. However started wondering if it was a phase or that this was the way things would be for the future.
I wondered what would happen if she would be more supporting, if she supported my aspirations and desires. How much further in life we would we be? In a sense I made some notes and these were the things she wanted:
1) further and deeper commitment from me for her wants and desires
2) a third child
3) someone who would do everything for her at the drop of a hat
They were all related points. It was a standoff between me and her in the sense that she wanted the third child. I understood it as if we had the third child it would have given her a free license for the other points. I offered to comprise with adoption but again did not wash. She was convinced that a divorce would solve all her problems.
I offered her the divorce and then she suggested that i get all the papers sorted out and contact a solicitor? I then understood her to mean that I would have to divorce her. Then the game changed. Once i understood what she really wanted i bucked up and created a mental barrier between us. I made her realise how much I actually did do to support her and the family.
For me, it was the fact that my 2 kids meant more to me than she did so if she wanted a divorce she would have to do the hard work and get the paperwork sorted. Which she was not prepared to do.
In the end, with my work moving me away for 6 mths and she taking the kids on hols for 2 mths we had what she wanted a separation and she didn't like it. Then came flying back with a different attitude.
I know this doesn't help, but I wanted to show you people do have similar problems. If there is anything unclear with my post please do ask.
Edited by AndStilliRise on Saturday 3rd January 16:12
this is one of those posts that slightly gives me some hope (I know, I know!) But in the back of my mind I had been hoping she would miss me while gone.....however in my case that doesn't seem to be.
I know its only been a week away, but even so, nothing there.
cookmysock said:
wow! Just finished reading this complete thread and my faith in PistonHeads is restored. Far from it losing its mojo and the incessant petty ranting / keyboard fightsd of a select few, this thread has really drawn many people together. Complete strangers offering the OP for a night out and a shoulder to cry on.
Fortunately I have not had the displeasure of a divorce and I can see from all the postings here it is a heartbreaking, soul destroying affair.
To all who have posted so far, take a bow for the great support offered to the OP and several others. I know if I have to ever go thought anything messy like this, it will be worth starting a thread.
OP. Best of luck getting thought what must be the most difficult period in your life and I sincerely hope you find happiness since it sounds like you genuinely deserve it. You will come out the other side stronger and wiser.
Happy to catch up and buy you a drink if you find yourself in Sydney!
I agree, when I wrote / posted this, I must admit I thought at best it would be met with less than helpful replies, couldn't have been more wrong.Fortunately I have not had the displeasure of a divorce and I can see from all the postings here it is a heartbreaking, soul destroying affair.
To all who have posted so far, take a bow for the great support offered to the OP and several others. I know if I have to ever go thought anything messy like this, it will be worth starting a thread.
OP. Best of luck getting thought what must be the most difficult period in your life and I sincerely hope you find happiness since it sounds like you genuinely deserve it. You will come out the other side stronger and wiser.
Happy to catch up and buy you a drink if you find yourself in Sydney!
Something therapeutic about talking to anonymous people and it bloody does help!
Thanks all
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