Management bulls**t phrases
Discussion
Kermit power said:
BritishRacinGrin said:
The current buzzword seems to be 'expedite', which seems like an unnecessarily long way of saying 'do'.
Do = do.Expedite = prioritise it over other things to get it done more quickly.
That's only bulls
t bingo if they're actually using it everywhere they could use "do", as this would be physically impossible, given that you can't prioritise everything.Expedite (Do f
king NOW!).Value Added task (i actually love this - something we should do as part of our service agreement, but if we make a point of doing it separately we can charge the client for it).
Easy win (Something we should do anyway that we can't charge the client for).
I was covering one of my area managers recently, one of the people i was dealing with told me, "this task is like the hole in the doughnut!"
Kermit power said:
10 Pence Short said:
Symbolica said:
dfen5 said:
Good to touch base on this.
I've yet to hear a satisfactory explanation for what "Touch base" means.Bloody consultants
Still the work of
s mindsebhaque said:
wiki said:
It defines "a flexible, holistic product development strategy where a development team works as a unit to reach a common goal",
If I translate that, it defines a team working to complete a project. If management bulls
t phrases wind you up then that article should comprehensively boil your piss.t that main focus of this thread and what Scrum is intended to avoid. 
Scrum is flexible because it avoid weeks/months/years of bureaucratic processes and up front decision making. The team is empowered to make the decision themselves when something blocks progress.
It is holistic because the team contains all the people needed to deliver the product. It avoids lumping people together simply because they do the same or similar jobs.
Scrum deliberately use the term product to promote a focus on an actually end product and not some intangible 'project' bs.
The scrum team is a 'unit' because it intended to be as much as possible self contained and has a single goal rather some self perpetuating existence. Scrum teams continuously form and dissolve much like they do in a Rugby games.
The name Scrum does come from rugby Scrum where each person has a specific role and they both depend and support each other.
As somebody who has suffered through 15 years of tradition project management and spent the last five using agile and Scrum, I can assure you that Scrum is actually exactly the opposite of what you suggest but feel free to dismiss it on a whim.
Martin4x4 said:
Nice rant that is rather characteristic of the institutionalised failure and bureaucratic bullst that main focus of this thread and what Scrum is intended to avoid.
Scrum is flexible because it avoid weeks/months/years of bureaucratic processes and up front decision making. The team is empowered to make the decision themselves when something blocks progress.
It is holistic because the team contains all the people needed to deliver the product. It avoids lumping people together simply because they do the same or similar jobs.
Scrum deliberately use the term product to promote a focus on an actually end product and not some intangible 'project' bs.
The scrum team is a 'unit' because it intended to be as much as possible self contained and has a single goal rather some self perpetuating existence. Scrum teams continuously form and dissolve much like they do in a Rugby games.
The name Scrum does come from rugby Scrum where each person has a specific role and they both depend and support each other.
As somebody who has suffered through 15 years of tradition project management and spent the last five using agile and Scrum, I can assure you that Scrum is actually exactly the opposite of what you suggest but feel free to dismiss it on a whim.
t that main focus of this thread and what Scrum is intended to avoid. Scrum is flexible because it avoid weeks/months/years of bureaucratic processes and up front decision making. The team is empowered to make the decision themselves when something blocks progress.
It is holistic because the team contains all the people needed to deliver the product. It avoids lumping people together simply because they do the same or similar jobs.
Scrum deliberately use the term product to promote a focus on an actually end product and not some intangible 'project' bs.
The scrum team is a 'unit' because it intended to be as much as possible self contained and has a single goal rather some self perpetuating existence. Scrum teams continuously form and dissolve much like they do in a Rugby games.
The name Scrum does come from rugby Scrum where each person has a specific role and they both depend and support each other.
As somebody who has suffered through 15 years of tradition project management and spent the last five using agile and Scrum, I can assure you that Scrum is actually exactly the opposite of what you suggest but feel free to dismiss it on a whim.
Exactly so.
Mind you, this is The Lounge so ignorantly putting something down to score 'cool points' trumps knowledge and experience of something any day.
toon10 said:
Out of interest, do people use these techniques outside of the software development arena? I've recently done a Scrum Master Agile course which was geared towards software but we don't actually use it properly where I work. I'm just wondering if the principals are transferable to other forms of projects.
Yes, there are companies that use it to create electronic devices and medical consumables.The very point of Scrum is to deliver something concrete to production quality within a tight timescale. Any business that needs those could use Scrum.
Scrum does have some great advantages. It often stops you going down blind alleys (and/or allows very rapid and flexible responses to fluid requirements), the daily reporting of what you did allows team members to recognise where someone is struggling or making insufficient progress and offer help, it also helps developers avoid duplicating effort by knowing on a day-to-day basis what the other members of your team are working on.
Downsides are that Sprints promote short-term thinking and allow Management to lurch from one crisis to another and/or change their minds on a whim and render weeks or months of development wasted because a more long-term design could have allowed developers to either write it the right way in the first place or at least make design decisions that allow for future expansion in the intended direction.
Like any tool or methodology, it can be used correctly or abused.
Downsides are that Sprints promote short-term thinking and allow Management to lurch from one crisis to another and/or change their minds on a whim and render weeks or months of development wasted because a more long-term design could have allowed developers to either write it the right way in the first place or at least make design decisions that allow for future expansion in the intended direction.
Like any tool or methodology, it can be used correctly or abused.
Edited by JonRB on Tuesday 13th January 18:58
Kermit power said:
Do = do.
Expedite = prioritise it over other things to get it done more quickly.
That's only bullst bingo if they're actually using it everywhere they could use "do", as this would be physically impossible, given that you can't prioritise everything.
Try telling some of my former bosses that. One for legendary for having said 'this project is so important that more important projects can't be allowed to interfere with it'.Expedite = prioritise it over other things to get it done more quickly.
That's only bulls
t bingo if they're actually using it everywhere they could use "do", as this would be physically impossible, given that you can't prioritise everything.
JonRB and Martin4x4 said:
Interesting stuff
I'm not afraid to admit I was a bit overzealous with the scrum lambasting. Feel a bit hypocritical as I often have to explain what my role at work is and that it's not just writing manuals ( ILS if you're interested, and yes I'm aware of the irony of what I posted before).
At work we've adopted the IPT approach, in my uninformed opinion it sounds somewhat like Scrum/Agile in that we're teamed up to work on a certain project, rather than sitting in the tooling team or the repair team etc. The blame perhaps rests on me for not doing my homework but given none of us have had any agile training (I've only experienced a minor amount of six sigma in the month before I changed jobs) the term "scrum", for lack of knowledge, was met with some disdain.
My lesson has been learnt.
sebhaque said:
I'm not afraid to admit I was a bit overzealous with the scrum lambasting. Feel a bit hypocritical as I often have to explain what my role at work is and that it's not just writing manuals ( ILS if you're interested, and yes I'm aware of the irony of what I posted before).
...
My lesson has been learnt.
...
My lesson has been learnt.
This is why I still post on PH after 13+ years (dear god is it that long?) - because you can still have reasoned debate with people who are prepared to adjust their position.
MKnight702 said:
Shaolin said:
That's just reminded me. There's a company round here that has a number of vans, with everyone of them painted with "Demonstrating a more excellent way of doing business" on the back in a place where you can't not-read it when sat behind one. What a pretentious prissy fking phrase, as far as I can tell the company look after what used to be council houses.
I know the company in question as I went there a few years ago for an interview. One of the questions was "Our mission is "Demonstrating a more excellent way of doing business", what does that mean to you?" I had to bite my tongue and avoid saying "It means that you have had a bunch of consultants in."king phrase, as far as I can tell the company look after what used to be council houses.Luckily, I didn't get offered the job as I'm not sure I could have stood working there.
lord trumpton said:
Kermit power said:
10 Pence Short said:
Symbolica said:
dfen5 said:
Good to touch base on this.
I've yet to hear a satisfactory explanation for what "Touch base" means.Bloody consultants
Still the work of
s mindIt has been brought to the Managing Director's attention that some ex-servicemen throughout the organisation have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their civilian work colleagues.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may have been easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.
Therefore, a list of 13 new and innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1.Try Saying: "I think you could do with more training."
Instead Of: "You don't have a ****ing clue, do you Lofty ?"
2.Try Saying: "She's an aggressive go-getter."
Instead Of: "She's a ****ing power-crazy bh."
3.Try Saying: "Perhaps I can work late."
Instead Of: "And when the **** do you expect me to do this ?"
4.Try Saying: "I'm certain that isn't feasible."
Instead Of: "**** off you ******** !"
5.Try Saying: "Really ?"
Instead Of: "Well, **** me sideways with a telegraph pole !"
6.Try Saying: "Perhaps you should check with............"
Instead Of: "Tell someone who actually gives a **** !"
7.Try Saying: "I wasn't involved in the project."
Instead Of: "Not my ****ing problem, shippers !"
8.Try Saying: "That's interesting."
Instead Of: "What the ****?"
9.Try Saying: "I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale."
Instead Of: "No ****ing chance, mate !"
10.Try Saying: "It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in."
Instead Of: "Why the **** didn't you tell me that yesterday - you knob jockey ?"
11.Try Saying: "He's not familiar with the issues."
Instead Of: "He's got his head up his ****ing arse !"
12.Try Saying: "Excuse me, Sir."
Instead Of: "Oi, **** face !"
13.Try Saying: "Of course, I was only going to be at home, anyway."
Instead Of: "Yeah, who needs ****ing holidays, anyway”
Due to complaints received from some employees who may have been easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.
Therefore, a list of 13 new and innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1.Try Saying: "I think you could do with more training."
Instead Of: "You don't have a ****ing clue, do you Lofty ?"
2.Try Saying: "She's an aggressive go-getter."
Instead Of: "She's a ****ing power-crazy b
h."3.Try Saying: "Perhaps I can work late."
Instead Of: "And when the **** do you expect me to do this ?"
4.Try Saying: "I'm certain that isn't feasible."
Instead Of: "**** off you ******** !"
5.Try Saying: "Really ?"
Instead Of: "Well, **** me sideways with a telegraph pole !"
6.Try Saying: "Perhaps you should check with............"
Instead Of: "Tell someone who actually gives a **** !"
7.Try Saying: "I wasn't involved in the project."
Instead Of: "Not my ****ing problem, shippers !"
8.Try Saying: "That's interesting."
Instead Of: "What the ****?"
9.Try Saying: "I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale."
Instead Of: "No ****ing chance, mate !"
10.Try Saying: "It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in."
Instead Of: "Why the **** didn't you tell me that yesterday - you knob jockey ?"
11.Try Saying: "He's not familiar with the issues."
Instead Of: "He's got his head up his ****ing arse !"
12.Try Saying: "Excuse me, Sir."
Instead Of: "Oi, **** face !"
13.Try Saying: "Of course, I was only going to be at home, anyway."
Instead Of: "Yeah, who needs ****ing holidays, anyway”
JonRB said:
Like any tool or methodology, it can be used correctly or abused.
Mainly abused, in my experience. I've seen numerous situations where companies think that because their developers have a daily standup and because they run development in Sprints, they have implemented Scrum. Then when their project fails, the methodology gets the blame.
ColinM50 said:
It has been brought to the Managing Director's attention that some ex-servicemen throughout the organisation have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their civilian work colleagues.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may have been easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.
Therefore, a list of 13 new and innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1.Try Saying: "I think you could do with more training."
Instead Of: "You don't have a ****ing clue, do you Lofty ?"
2.Try Saying: "She's an aggressive go-getter."
Instead Of: "She's a ****ing power-crazy bh."
3.Try Saying: "Perhaps I can work late."
Instead Of: "And when the **** do you expect me to do this ?"
4.Try Saying: "I'm certain that isn't feasible."
Instead Of: "**** off you ******** !"
5.Try Saying: "Really ?"
Instead Of: "Well, **** me sideways with a telegraph pole !"
6.Try Saying: "Perhaps you should check with............"
Instead Of: "Tell someone who actually gives a **** !"
7.Try Saying: "I wasn't involved in the project."
Instead Of: "Not my ****ing problem, shippers !"
8.Try Saying: "That's interesting."
Instead Of: "What the ****?"
9.Try Saying: "I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale."
Instead Of: "No ****ing chance, mate !"
10.Try Saying: "It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in."
Instead Of: "Why the **** didn't you tell me that yesterday - you knob jockey ?"
11.Try Saying: "He's not familiar with the issues."
Instead Of: "He's got his head up his ****ing arse !"
12.Try Saying: "Excuse me, Sir."
Instead Of: "Oi, **** face !"
13.Try Saying: "Of course, I was only going to be at home, anyway."
Instead Of: "Yeah, who needs ****ing holidays, anyway”
Due to complaints received from some employees who may have been easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.
Therefore, a list of 13 new and innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that the proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.
1.Try Saying: "I think you could do with more training."
Instead Of: "You don't have a ****ing clue, do you Lofty ?"
2.Try Saying: "She's an aggressive go-getter."
Instead Of: "She's a ****ing power-crazy b
h."3.Try Saying: "Perhaps I can work late."
Instead Of: "And when the **** do you expect me to do this ?"
4.Try Saying: "I'm certain that isn't feasible."
Instead Of: "**** off you ******** !"
5.Try Saying: "Really ?"
Instead Of: "Well, **** me sideways with a telegraph pole !"
6.Try Saying: "Perhaps you should check with............"
Instead Of: "Tell someone who actually gives a **** !"
7.Try Saying: "I wasn't involved in the project."
Instead Of: "Not my ****ing problem, shippers !"
8.Try Saying: "That's interesting."
Instead Of: "What the ****?"
9.Try Saying: "I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale."
Instead Of: "No ****ing chance, mate !"
10.Try Saying: "It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in."
Instead Of: "Why the **** didn't you tell me that yesterday - you knob jockey ?"
11.Try Saying: "He's not familiar with the issues."
Instead Of: "He's got his head up his ****ing arse !"
12.Try Saying: "Excuse me, Sir."
Instead Of: "Oi, **** face !"
13.Try Saying: "Of course, I was only going to be at home, anyway."
Instead Of: "Yeah, who needs ****ing holidays, anyway”
mattdaniels said:
Mainly abused, in my experience. I've seen numerous situations where companies think that because their developers have a daily standup and because they run development in Sprints, they have implemented Scrum. Then when their project fails, the methodology gets the blame.
A poor workman always blames their tools. JonRB said:
Scrum does have some great advantages. It often stops you going down blind alleys (and/or allows very rapid and flexible responses to fluid requirements), the daily reporting of what you did allows team members to recognise where someone is struggling or making insufficient progress and offer help, it also helps developers avoid duplicating effort by knowing on a day-to-day basis what the other members of your team are working on.
Downsides are that Sprints promote short-term thinking and allow Management to lurch from one crisis to another and/or change their minds on a whim and render weeks or months of development wasted because a more long-term design could have allowed developers to either write it the right way in the first place or at least make design decisions that allow for future expansion in the intended direction.
Like any tool or methodology, it can be used correctly or abused.
I've just been sick into my mouth. Downsides are that Sprints promote short-term thinking and allow Management to lurch from one crisis to another and/or change their minds on a whim and render weeks or months of development wasted because a more long-term design could have allowed developers to either write it the right way in the first place or at least make design decisions that allow for future expansion in the intended direction.
Like any tool or methodology, it can be used correctly or abused.
Edited by JonRB on Tuesday 13th January 18:58
JonRB said:
A poor workman always blames their tools.
Or their "Japanese quality principle" 
Jon - I seem to remember meeting you at a TR many moons ago, I can't have been older than 19. I was probably paxing with Donny back when he had his purple Cerb. Small world - and I'm sure you didn't have a Sag at the time!
ETA:
mattdaniels said:
Mainly abused, in my experience. I've seen numerous situations where companies think that because their developers have a daily standup and because they run development in Sprints, they have implemented Scrum. Then when their project fails, the methodology gets the blame.
Given the first I've ever heard of the term is when I wanted to ridicule it on PH, I'd assume that sadly my department is heading the same way. Unfortunately, I'm not surprised.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff