Thinking of leaving the OH
Discussion
SeanyD said:
DoTheRightThing said:
I .
Says it all really.OP - it's not about you
It's not about your fiancé (the one you have promised to marry by making her such)
It's not Ben about your feelings for the OW
It IS about your daughter
Can you live without HER in your life everyday? Because when you leave, she won't be. No matter what you think now.
Can you live without being there for her firsts? Can you cope that another man will be?
If yes - great, leave & have fun with OW. Be warned, when your daughter hits an age she can choose whether or not to spend a weekend with you, or her mates, you'll not see her!
If not...
Edited by ali_kat on Wednesday 8th October 20:54
AndStilliRise said:
DoTheRightThing:
Do the right thing:
1. Go home to your beautiful wife
2. Play with your daughter who adores you
3. Reinstate date night
4. Make your marriage work
5. Enjoy your life, within the rules of marriage
6. Watch your daughter grow, learn, play and go to school
7. Get yourself a new hobby (running/gym?)
8. Your wife will learn to love you more than you will know
2 cents.
Before he does any of that, he really needs to get a wife. He doesn't have one at the moment.Do the right thing:
1. Go home to your beautiful wife
2. Play with your daughter who adores you
3. Reinstate date night
4. Make your marriage work
5. Enjoy your life, within the rules of marriage
6. Watch your daughter grow, learn, play and go to school
7. Get yourself a new hobby (running/gym?)
8. Your wife will learn to love you more than you will know
2 cents.
okgo said:
Staying together when you don't mean it will be obvious to all concerned. Including your kid.
Best thing my parents ever did was split up and get divorced.
I'd argue the OP doesn't even know what happiness is. He has made a connection with someone else and thinks he'll be happier if he bolts. The truth is, if OW gets knocked up too in the next few years, bang goes all the talk about art, culture and the rest of the pish, and its straight back to 'Mammas and Pappas' and stretchmarks being the order of the day. If he can't make that work with the woman he has now, why would it be different with this new one?Best thing my parents ever did was split up and get divorced.
Motherhood, as far as I have seen, is a massive leveller. It can turn the worldliest women into baby-obsessed shut-ins.
You've got to make sure you're not conning yourself, OP. If you plan on leaving the family you have now for this woman, what do you think your future together is going to contain? Is it going to be 40 years of hedonism, or is it - more likely - going to be 5 years max of fun and then kids. Have you even discussed this with her?
If you actually know the answer to this, then maybe you can say: "Yes. I will be happier if I leave". But at the moment it doesn't seem like you have the answers you need and it just looks like short-termism on your part (possibly a habit since you were at one point near-death - I can understand that).
Actually, thats another thing. You thought you were going to pop your clogs, so you gave your fiancee a baby that you thought you would never see grow up. Now you've been given the chance to do so thanks to your return to health, you are STILL thinking about ditching out. Thats insane, man.
And don't get me - also an engaged man - started on how wrong you are about what being engaged means. That was clunker of the year, that one...
DoTheRightThing said:
What is an engagement for if not to contemplate and explore you relationship before taking it to the next level.
I think you mean what the oldies would call 'courting'. Just pre-Boyfriend and Girlfriend stuff, you then agree that you're compatible on some levels, you learn more about the person, and decide over the course of time whether you're in it for the long term together, or whether you need to go your separate ways. Not when you're engaged to be married. DoTheRightThing said:
I don't think the advice was as unanimous as some proclaim. There have been some thoughtful and less hysterical posts from people and I'm grateful for the those. Of course the populist view was always going to be dominant with some notable keyboard warriors leading the charge but thankfully I am able to sift through that and consider both sides of the story.
As in, I only want advice if it sounds good to me and is looking towards the same blinkered view I have? Or just that you'll read something if it's not insulting, because you like to appear to look goodDoTheRightThing said:
Anyway, not much has changed since I last posted and people ignored my commitment to spend time with my OH and not doing anything rash.
You still f
king the other woman, or stopped that now? You have shame and pride issues. Get em looked at.
FredClogs said:
Bluebarge said:
DoTheRightThing said:
What is an engagement for if not to contemplate and explore you relationship before taking it to the next level.
It's an agreement to get married. Not "try before you buy".That's how it's always been.
I'm quite lucky in that I do actually love my wife and she's also my best mate, but in her eyes I play second fiddle to the children and rightly so, she does also to me, they're number 1.
What you should realise that the arrival of a little one means that you are no longer the centre of attention when you get home (from your other half) but I presume, much like I, when you get home, your child (children in my case) are the first to leap on you and are the very reason you actually go to work in the first place. You're the provider.
I'm going to guess before children (and importantly, before this other lady came on the scene) you were sufficiently happy to move in with your other half and take on that kind of commitment. What you must do, as other people have said, is to ignite what existed before.
Even now, the missus and I have a bh at each other, never anything serious, usually because I've left my pants on the floor and I'll moan because she's bought the entire stock at Next.
We all have our heads turned by other people, us men are stupid when it comes to women, it's human nature for a woman to try and lure the alpha male from elsewhere. I often wonder what it would be like to throw one up the blonde who walks past my office each day, but should the opportunity present (it won't) I will turn it down. Why.
Because I'd "Do The Right Thing" no matter how great that shag and subsequent fag and pillow talk conversation may be. I've made my bed and I'm sleeping in it.
Once I've raised my children and they're on the road of self sustenance, they're polite well mannered and settled themselves, then my job in life is done.
Then I'm simply hoping to enjoy the spare time (if I get any) doing things I've earned the right to do.
Although I appreciate life is short, but it's also not fair sometimes too. Sometimes you just have to deal with it.
What you should realise that the arrival of a little one means that you are no longer the centre of attention when you get home (from your other half) but I presume, much like I, when you get home, your child (children in my case) are the first to leap on you and are the very reason you actually go to work in the first place. You're the provider.
I'm going to guess before children (and importantly, before this other lady came on the scene) you were sufficiently happy to move in with your other half and take on that kind of commitment. What you must do, as other people have said, is to ignite what existed before.
Even now, the missus and I have a b
h at each other, never anything serious, usually because I've left my pants on the floor and I'll moan because she's bought the entire stock at Next. We all have our heads turned by other people, us men are stupid when it comes to women, it's human nature for a woman to try and lure the alpha male from elsewhere. I often wonder what it would be like to throw one up the blonde who walks past my office each day, but should the opportunity present (it won't) I will turn it down. Why.
Because I'd "Do The Right Thing" no matter how great that shag and subsequent fag and pillow talk conversation may be. I've made my bed and I'm sleeping in it.
Once I've raised my children and they're on the road of self sustenance, they're polite well mannered and settled themselves, then my job in life is done.
Then I'm simply hoping to enjoy the spare time (if I get any) doing things I've earned the right to do.
Although I appreciate life is short, but it's also not fair sometimes too. Sometimes you just have to deal with it.
dirty boy said:
I'm quite lucky in that I do actually love my wife and she's also my best mate, but in her eyes I play second fiddle to the children and rightly so, she does also to me, they're number 1.
What you should realise that the arrival of a little one means that you are no longer the centre of attention when you get home (from your other half) but I presume, much like I, when you get home, your child (children in my case) are the first to leap on you and are the very reason you actually go to work in the first place. You're the provider.
I'm going to guess before children (and importantly, before this other lady came on the scene) you were sufficiently happy to move in with your other half and take on that kind of commitment. What you must do, as other people have said, is to ignite what existed before.
Even now, the missus and I have a bh at each other, never anything serious, usually because I've left my pants on the floor and I'll moan because she's bought the entire stock at Next.
We all have our heads turned by other people, us men are stupid when it comes to women, it's human nature for a woman to try and lure the alpha male from elsewhere. I often wonder what it would be like to throw one up the blonde who walks past my office each day, but should the opportunity present (it won't) I will turn it down. Why.
Because I'd "Do The Right Thing" no matter how great that shag and subsequent fag and pillow talk conversation may be. I've made my bed and I'm sleeping in it.
Once I've raised my children and they're on the road of self sustenance, they're polite well mannered and settled themselves, then my job in life is done.
Then I'm simply hoping to enjoy the spare time (if I get any) doing things I've earned the right to do.
Although I appreciate life is short, but it's also not fair sometimes too. Sometimes you just have to deal with it.
sums it all up for me!!!What you should realise that the arrival of a little one means that you are no longer the centre of attention when you get home (from your other half) but I presume, much like I, when you get home, your child (children in my case) are the first to leap on you and are the very reason you actually go to work in the first place. You're the provider.
I'm going to guess before children (and importantly, before this other lady came on the scene) you were sufficiently happy to move in with your other half and take on that kind of commitment. What you must do, as other people have said, is to ignite what existed before.
Even now, the missus and I have a b
h at each other, never anything serious, usually because I've left my pants on the floor and I'll moan because she's bought the entire stock at Next. We all have our heads turned by other people, us men are stupid when it comes to women, it's human nature for a woman to try and lure the alpha male from elsewhere. I often wonder what it would be like to throw one up the blonde who walks past my office each day, but should the opportunity present (it won't) I will turn it down. Why.
Because I'd "Do The Right Thing" no matter how great that shag and subsequent fag and pillow talk conversation may be. I've made my bed and I'm sleeping in it.
Once I've raised my children and they're on the road of self sustenance, they're polite well mannered and settled themselves, then my job in life is done.
Then I'm simply hoping to enjoy the spare time (if I get any) doing things I've earned the right to do.
Although I appreciate life is short, but it's also not fair sometimes too. Sometimes you just have to deal with it.
STW2010 said:
This has been asked a number of times now and the OP hasn't replied. So I think the answer is likely to be yes.
This could all in hypothetical. i.e He is asking us what would happen if he did. Extreme Troll anyone? Considering he does not answer any key questions however does read and keeps saying that he has made up his mind. Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff