Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
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I am surprised one of you did not instigate the financial order process a long time ago, if nothing it concentrates the mind to come to an agreement along the way. Bitter exes often don't think like us, they are very irrational beasts who will drag things out and bury their heads in the sand even to their own detriment.
We had agreed financial terms, I even have the email here stating she was very happy with the settlement, she then took it to her solicitor to simply legalise and a week later I am served with an occupation order and she starts the ball rolling through the courts. Instead of a £500 legal bill she ended up with a £20k plus one, got more of the house but I got 30% of her very nice pension that I didn't even want.
Judges are not accountants though, they carve things up in a scarily basic way, it wont be 50/50 if you have children, she will push for custody even if she does not want it and expect a min 60/40 in her favour as a result, mine ended up being 70/30 as the judge fell for her sob stories.
In hindsight if that had not happened we would still be at your stage 3 years later!
Completed on the sale of my property last week, last link to the past, no one has been able to pull my strings for nearly a week now, and oh boy is it bliss.
We had agreed financial terms, I even have the email here stating she was very happy with the settlement, she then took it to her solicitor to simply legalise and a week later I am served with an occupation order and she starts the ball rolling through the courts. Instead of a £500 legal bill she ended up with a £20k plus one, got more of the house but I got 30% of her very nice pension that I didn't even want.
Judges are not accountants though, they carve things up in a scarily basic way, it wont be 50/50 if you have children, she will push for custody even if she does not want it and expect a min 60/40 in her favour as a result, mine ended up being 70/30 as the judge fell for her sob stories.
In hindsight if that had not happened we would still be at your stage 3 years later!
Completed on the sale of my property last week, last link to the past, no one has been able to pull my strings for nearly a week now, and oh boy is it bliss.
anonymous said:
[redacted]
That's the thing, legally you have actually agreed nothing at all, and the way its going never will, her solicitor will just keep stoking the fire and racking up their nice fat bill, a woman scorned is a licence to print money for them. We had "agreed" 55/45 in her favour but someones word is worth nothing though, the judge simply said she was allowed to change her mind if she wanted to!If you want an end point then start the financial order process asap, but you wont keep 50% or anything like it if you go all the way to a final hearing as the judge will allocate 10% to each of any children out of your share, which will go to her.
Edited by PAUL500 on Sunday 29th January 23:10
Not worth the paper its written on who evers handwriting it is, I tied my agreement up via emails with direct links to all parties so none of the contents could be disputed. Total waste of time. Family law and contract law are very different.
Only legally binding once its been signed off by a judge in a family court.
My ex was a deputy head in a high school, made no difference to her not understanding the very basics of agreements, it was like I was talking another language, I often turned to my then 10 yr old and put the same things to her instead, even she understood what I was saying! when clearly it went in one ear and out the other with the ex.
Last I heard mine is retraining to be a counsellor, oh the irony, do as a I say not as I do.
Only legally binding once its been signed off by a judge in a family court.
My ex was a deputy head in a high school, made no difference to her not understanding the very basics of agreements, it was like I was talking another language, I often turned to my then 10 yr old and put the same things to her instead, even she understood what I was saying! when clearly it went in one ear and out the other with the ex.
Last I heard mine is retraining to be a counsellor, oh the irony, do as a I say not as I do.
Edited by PAUL500 on Sunday 29th January 23:29
I thought my divorce had been tough, but the more of these I read the more I think I actually got lucky. We managed to mostly agree a figure between us, and although I agreed to less than I would have wanted at least it was done and dusted (with full and final settlement included in the paperwork obviously!).
Nearly 3 and a half years after splitting up I am now in the process of buying my own house in my own name. No way would I ever get married again and risk it being taken away from me.
Any guys going through divorce you have my sympathy. Any guys on here going through their second divorce you get no sympathy from me you idiots.
Nearly 3 and a half years after splitting up I am now in the process of buying my own house in my own name. No way would I ever get married again and risk it being taken away from me.
Any guys going through divorce you have my sympathy. Any guys on here going through their second divorce you get no sympathy from me you idiots.
Joey Deacon said:
I thought my divorce had been tough, but the more of these I read the more I think I actually got lucky. We managed to mostly agree a figure between us, and although I agreed to less than I would have wanted at least it was done and dusted (with full and final settlement included in the paperwork obviously!).
Nearly 3 and a half years after splitting up I am now in the process of buying my own house in my own name. No way would I ever get married again and risk it being taken away from me.
Any guys going through divorce you have my sympathy. Any guys on here going through their second divorce you get no sympathy from me you idiots.
CharmingNearly 3 and a half years after splitting up I am now in the process of buying my own house in my own name. No way would I ever get married again and risk it being taken away from me.
Any guys going through divorce you have my sympathy. Any guys on here going through their second divorce you get no sympathy from me you idiots.
I thought he pretty much nailed it throughout!johnwilliams77 said:
TheLordJohn said:
He's absolutely right, tbf.
In both of your opinion. No opinion is correct since there is no one answer. I am sure there are plenty of people in a second marriage doing just fine.johnwilliams77 said:
singlecoil said:
Indeed, they change from people in love to a couple where one of them wants to get divorced (with all the financial advantages which will follow).
Not if you sign an agreement before you get married..A good friend of mine is a building contractor. Done extremely well out of it: a proper self made man.
He was telling me when he got divorced some 20 years ago- the ex was arguing about assets- at the time, 2 new build houses he had physically built himself, on owned outright land. I guessed they lived in one.
He had no debts, no mortgages.
he remarked at one stage threatening the ex and solictor's involved that he'd just pull them down and leave them as empty land- ie lose the asset and F her. money wasn't an issue to him to hang onto, he'd just start again. who could possibly stop him demolishing his own homes, she'd not built or financed them ?
This seemed to work well to get things moving !
20 some years later, he has a new partner, children- but has refused to get married !
He was telling me when he got divorced some 20 years ago- the ex was arguing about assets- at the time, 2 new build houses he had physically built himself, on owned outright land. I guessed they lived in one.
He had no debts, no mortgages.
he remarked at one stage threatening the ex and solictor's involved that he'd just pull them down and leave them as empty land- ie lose the asset and F her. money wasn't an issue to him to hang onto, he'd just start again. who could possibly stop him demolishing his own homes, she'd not built or financed them ?
This seemed to work well to get things moving !
20 some years later, he has a new partner, children- but has refused to get married !
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