Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
Salgar said:
Justin Cyder said:
Terrible shame about Robin Williams, I loved that song Angels.
Haha I just told someone exactly this without seeing yours first. Even thought about which song it should be for ages.
A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat "I do not have a Headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.."
It Worked! The headaches are all gone."
The husband replies, "Well, thats wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"
The husband agrees to try it
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
He goes into the Bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and
makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Boy that was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than The First time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says,
"Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom, She sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife, she's not my wife, she's not my wife..."
His funeral service will be held on Friday.
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies, Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat "I do not have a Headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.."
It Worked! The headaches are all gone."
The husband replies, "Well, thats wonderful."
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of Fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the Hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?"
The husband agrees to try it
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom.
He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
He goes into the Bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and
makes Passionate love to his wife like never before.
His wife says, "Boy that was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than The First time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says,
"Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the Bathroom, She sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife, she's not my wife, she's not my wife..."
His funeral service will be held on Friday.
Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub watching the Tour de France on TV.
Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t' blazes do they do that?"
"Do what?" asked Mick.
"Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends, day after day, week after week. No matter if it's oicy, rainin?, snowin?, hailin? ... why would they torture themselves like that?"
"Tis all for the prestige and the money," replied Mick, "You know the winner gets about a half a million Euros?.
"Yeah, I understand that." said Seamus, "But why do all the others do it?"
Seamus shook his head and asked, "Whoi t' blazes do they do that?"
"Do what?" asked Mick.
"Go on them boikes for moiles and moiles, up and down t'e hills, round t'e bends, day after day, week after week. No matter if it's oicy, rainin?, snowin?, hailin? ... why would they torture themselves like that?"
"Tis all for the prestige and the money," replied Mick, "You know the winner gets about a half a million Euros?.
"Yeah, I understand that." said Seamus, "But why do all the others do it?"
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