14yr old- flash point over him living on his PlayStation
Discussion
After reading some of the advice here it seems many of you bully your children into submission.
It’s no wonder many kids say they have mental health problems,their parents are ill equipped for the modern age.
Times have changed massively and so our parenting skills have to change.The big stick approach just doesn’t work.
It’s no wonder many kids say they have mental health problems,their parents are ill equipped for the modern age.
Times have changed massively and so our parenting skills have to change.The big stick approach just doesn’t work.
I have nothing against gaming and it is one of the ways kids socialise these days. But by eck it doesn't half cause some upset. I've 2 teenage sons, and the bickering over bloody Fortnite does my head in. However, I'm fortunate that gaming is only a small part of their life, as they train 5 nights a week, and they really enjoy their sports. But some of their friends are permanently connected to a controller outside of school and that's just not healthy IMHO. I have a 2hr 30 limit on a school night and a 3 hour limit at weekends, but if they push the boundaries too far, I shut down their game time for that day. Yeah they sulk but "meh", learn your mistake and move on. So far they've not started shooting up heroin in the front room.
Edited by Shrugging for victory on Sunday 7th April 19:08
Give him 1.5hrs max on weekdays. On Friday night and Saturday let him play whenever he wants on the on the proviso all homework/chores have been done. Sunday, turn it off by 7pm. No drama, I did the same with my kids who are both now high achievers in life so no detrimental effect!
Gaming helps build interpersonal skills, clear communication, teamwork, friendships etc. and provides a chance for stress relief. Life is short and at a time of mental illness let them have an outlet / hobby.
Gaming helps build interpersonal skills, clear communication, teamwork, friendships etc. and provides a chance for stress relief. Life is short and at a time of mental illness let them have an outlet / hobby.
Obviously there is more to life than PlayStation but you should try playing a game together. Last of us is an amazing experience you can do together as it’s an incredible story and is great in every way. If you do that together you’ll have fun and also be connecting.
Just a though but some people write games off as being for kids, but that isn’t the case nowadays.
Just a though but some people write games off as being for kids, but that isn’t the case nowadays.
NRG1976 said:
Give him 1.5hrs max on weekdays. On Friday night and Saturday let him play whenever he wants on the on the proviso all homework/chores have been done. Sunday, turn it off by 7pm. No drama, I did the same with my kids who are both now high achievers in life so no detrimental effect!
Gaming helps build interpersonal skills, clear communication, teamwork, friendships etc. and provides a chance for stress relief. Life is short and at a time of mental illness let them have an outlet / hobby.
I wonder if there are any chores to be done. Gaming helps build interpersonal skills, clear communication, teamwork, friendships etc. and provides a chance for stress relief. Life is short and at a time of mental illness let them have an outlet / hobby.
You will be on a constant back foot unless your wife agrees the time AND stays firm.
I have lost count over the years when my wife came along and moaned to me about one of our boys and so we would agree a Playstion time out, as a result.
Only for her to give in and let them have it back early, because she didn’t want to keep saying no.
And repeat….. and repeat….
I have lost count over the years when my wife came along and moaned to me about one of our boys and so we would agree a Playstion time out, as a result.
Only for her to give in and let them have it back early, because she didn’t want to keep saying no.
And repeat….. and repeat….
For those with younger children this should be compulsory reading.
Trying to turn around a 14 year old is bloody hard work. The real plan is to not to let them get into these scenarios in the first place. Good parenting starts from day one.
Set those boundaries as young as possible and stick to them. Always ensure they know what is expected of them. Work, play with them and don't be surprised if when just leaving them to their own devices all the time they end up doing things you're not happy with.
Whilst times have changed generally us fathers still have an easy ride of it as parents. We can be fun and engaging. We've got the experience and we've got cash and there's still a child in most of us. Let's face it this site is mainly about toys. Surely we can come up with stuff we can do together with our children that's more engaging than a computer.
Let's get those chores knocked on the head and then we can play. Together. In my experience it was sometimes hard work to get going after a day at the grind stone but in the end it was always bloody good fun. It takes a bit of effort to fing those hobbies you both equally enjoy together.
Think it was Steve Jobs that said something along the lines of, the greatest achievement in life is that when our children are fully grown they still want to spend time with us.
Trying to turn around a 14 year old is bloody hard work. The real plan is to not to let them get into these scenarios in the first place. Good parenting starts from day one.
Set those boundaries as young as possible and stick to them. Always ensure they know what is expected of them. Work, play with them and don't be surprised if when just leaving them to their own devices all the time they end up doing things you're not happy with.
Whilst times have changed generally us fathers still have an easy ride of it as parents. We can be fun and engaging. We've got the experience and we've got cash and there's still a child in most of us. Let's face it this site is mainly about toys. Surely we can come up with stuff we can do together with our children that's more engaging than a computer.
Let's get those chores knocked on the head and then we can play. Together. In my experience it was sometimes hard work to get going after a day at the grind stone but in the end it was always bloody good fun. It takes a bit of effort to fing those hobbies you both equally enjoy together.
Think it was Steve Jobs that said something along the lines of, the greatest achievement in life is that when our children are fully grown they still want to spend time with us.
Edited by Harry H on Monday 8th April 10:23
This is why we never allowed devices/tv's in my Sons room when he was growing up. If he wanted to use the playstation he had to use it in the gaming room, portable devices were left in the there to charge overnight. Now when my grandsons come over to stay their phones are left downstairs overnight.
You have to agree boundaries and rules (with all parties so that includes your wife and your son) and then you have to enforce them with very clear outcomes for infractions. TBH if my son had told me to shut up and go away in the manner you describe the playsation would have gone in the bin.
You have to agree boundaries and rules (with all parties so that includes your wife and your son) and then you have to enforce them with very clear outcomes for infractions. TBH if my son had told me to shut up and go away in the manner you describe the playsation would have gone in the bin.
simon_harris said:
This is why we never allowed devices/tv's in my Sons room when he was growing up. If he wanted to use the playstation he had to use it in the gaming room, portable devices were left in the there to charge overnight. Now when my grandsons come over to stay their phones are left downstairs overnight.
You have to agree boundaries and rules (with all parties so that includes your wife and your son) and then you have to enforce them with very clear outcomes for infractions. TBH if my son had told me to shut up and go away in the manner you describe the playsation would have gone in the bin.
I agree with this but based on my experience (N=2) what is also important:You have to agree boundaries and rules (with all parties so that includes your wife and your son) and then you have to enforce them with very clear outcomes for infractions. TBH if my son had told me to shut up and go away in the manner you describe the playsation would have gone in the bin.
- Building a positive relationship with kids so you don't just end up saying no to stuff, even just a quick 20mins of the console with them.
- Admit when sometimes you were wrong to them and appologise.
- On stuff that doesn't really matter let them occasionally break the "rules" or say yes to their pleading.
Seems to me the lack of consistency is making your life harder than it needs to be. If he's got to age 14 and feels confident enough to speak out of turn, that's based off his experience of getting away with it on previous occasions. One or both of you appear to have slipped from "raising a child" to "watching a mate grow up". The two are significantly different.
A chap I worked with a few years ago for 4 weeks in the middle of summer would take all TV's, games stations etc and stick them in the attic. Phones were switch off at 5.30pm and stuck in a bowl. Every year.
This forced them as a family to plan activities every single night. The first year apparently was hard going but each year it got easier as they had experience as to what worked and what didn't. After a couple of years they all started to look forward to it . A sort of detox and proper family time.
Not that I had the strength to do it but always admired them. To this day a very close knit family.
This forced them as a family to plan activities every single night. The first year apparently was hard going but each year it got easier as they had experience as to what worked and what didn't. After a couple of years they all started to look forward to it . A sort of detox and proper family time.
Not that I had the strength to do it but always admired them. To this day a very close knit family.
Edited by Harry H on Monday 8th April 11:09
Harry H said:
A chap I worked with a few years ago for 4 weeks in the middle of summer would take all TV's, games stations etc and stick them in the attic. Phones were switch off at 5.30pm and stuck in a bowl. Every year.
This forced them as a family to plan activities every single night. The first year apparently was hard going but each year it got easier as they had experience as to what worked and what didn't. After a couple of years they all started to look forward to it . A sort of detox and proper family time.
Not that I had the strength to do it but always admired them. To this day a very close knit family.
Interesting.This forced them as a family to plan activities every single night. The first year apparently was hard going but each year it got easier as they had experience as to what worked and what didn't. After a couple of years they all started to look forward to it . A sort of detox and proper family time.
Not that I had the strength to do it but always admired them. To this day a very close knit family.
Edited by Harry H on Monday 8th April 11:09
I was talking to a work colleague a while back and her household is different again: all the kids have jobs (youngest is 8) for which they are all paid. In fact, she said she had to take down the “price list” because there was too much competition for the work..!
There’s definitely not one size fits all to parenting (I wouldn’t do the above due to our own circumstances). And probably something in all of these approaches for everyone.
Completely agree that these things start young - and equally it’s never too late to start.
surveyor said:
It's a phase. It may be a long phase, but a teenager not wanting to go out on a bike ride with his dad is pretty normal.
I'm sure there's an evolutionary theory that kids are basically hard-wired to, at some point, want to get as far away from their parents & village, to prevent in-breeding. surveyor said:
It's a phase. It may be a long phase, but a teenager not wanting to go out on a bike ride with his dad is pretty normal.
I think "it depends".Dad isn't cool when you are a teenager, but I know plenty of teens who go to watch rugby/football with their dad with peers - treating them as adults at an event.
Hobbies is a trickier area but it depends on the kids.
Either way OP you and your wife need to agree a compromise that you will both stick by or he will quickly exploit whoever stands down first.
Also you could consider a really grown up chat with him to agree some compromise ground rules that you can all buy into - if he is involved in forming the rules then you might get some more compliance (I stress might)
bigandclever said:
surveyor said:
It's a phase. It may be a long phase, but a teenager not wanting to go out on a bike ride with his dad is pretty normal.
I'm sure there's an evolutionary theory that kids are basically hard-wired to, at some point, want to get as far away from their parents & village, to prevent in-breeding. 
tholes too for a similar reason. I have a 14 yr old son also. He has a PS4 which he loves. We give him 2-3 hours a day when it's st weather and 1.5 when it's good. He has a great laugh with his mates online but also has a strong interest in mountain/jump biking which keeps him outdoors as well. We tell him the 2 hours is up and let him finish the current game he's playing on. If he starts again, I pull the plug and he knows it's fair.
I feel your pain in terms of what he should do when Playstation time is up and he is bored. He's not a sit and read type of lad. Whereas I am....
Just a case of being strong and letting him know his behaviour isn't acceptable.
t weather and 1.5 when it's good. He has a great laugh with his mates online but also has a strong interest in mountain/jump biking which keeps him outdoors as well. We tell him the 2 hours is up and let him finish the current game he's playing on. If he starts again, I pull the plug and he knows it's fair.I feel your pain in terms of what he should do when Playstation time is up and he is bored. He's not a sit and read type of lad. Whereas I am....
Just a case of being strong and letting him know his behaviour isn't acceptable.
Sway said:
bigandclever said:
surveyor said:
It's a phase. It may be a long phase, but a teenager not wanting to go out on a bike ride with his dad is pretty normal.
I'm sure there's an evolutionary theory that kids are basically hard-wired to, at some point, want to get as far away from their parents & village, to prevent in-breeding. tholes too for a similar reason. (I have 4.)
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