Why did you have children?
Poll: Why did you have children?
Total Members Polled: 195
Discussion
RayDonovan said:
thebraketester said:
RayDonovan said:
I wasn't bothered either way really. Now have a 8 year old and (generally) love being a Parent.
Yes it's hard work, expensive and time consuming but the good parts outweigh the bad easily. I did really struggle when he was between 0-3 but it does get better, especially if you have a boy and can do activities with them.
I'd love a proper lie in now and again though
Can't one do activities with girls? Yes it's hard work, expensive and time consuming but the good parts outweigh the bad easily. I did really struggle when he was between 0-3 but it does get better, especially if you have a boy and can do activities with them.
I'd love a proper lie in now and again though
I was never so proud as when my grandson 7 stripped all the accessories of a spare nurf rifle and fitted them to his own to max out his load out
Petrus1983 said:
This thread is a real eye opener. Not in a good/bad way - just in general.
I would agree with that!I had my one and only son when I was 37 (wife was 39) we had spent 7 years together travelling, having fun, going out, spending all our money on ourselves and we just decided to go for a kid.
I think the main mistake is where people assume when they want a kid, they can just get pregnant, we needed a small amount of intervention. But I have heard from so many friends how difficult it was and various sad miscarriages.
That aside, my lad is brilliant. He is now 12 going on 16 so is harder to communicate with, I understand this is a thing and just being patient with it.
The one thing that really boils my piss though is when you have people who have no intention of having kids, never had kids, but feel like they can tell a parent on how to parent. I was on a tube into london once and a baby was crying in a pushchair, the mum seemed to be just ignoring it and just browsing her phone. A young couple next to me were commenting how bad a parent she was, so I moved seats sat next to the mum and asked if she was ok. She literally burst into tears when I asked if she was ok. Turned out she was looking up local support groups for single parents on her phone. Yes, that could apply to anything, and yes there are bad parents, but I do find judgement of parents by non parents is so much more common than it should be.
coldel said:
Petrus1983 said:
This thread is a real eye opener. Not in a good/bad way - just in general.
I would agree with that!I had my one and only son when I was 37 (wife was 39) we had spent 7 years together travelling, having fun, going out, spending all our money on ourselves and we just decided to go for a kid.
I think the main mistake is where people assume when they want a kid, they can just get pregnant, we needed a small amount of intervention. But I have heard from so many friends how difficult it was and various sad miscarriages.
That aside, my lad is brilliant. He is now 12 going on 16 so is harder to communicate with, I understand this is a thing and just being patient with it.
The one thing that really boils my piss though is when you have people who have no intention of having kids, never had kids, but feel like they can tell a parent on how to parent. I was on a tube into london once and a baby was crying in a pushchair, the mum seemed to be just ignoring it and just browsing her phone. A young couple next to me were commenting how bad a parent she was, so I moved seats sat next to the mum and asked if she was ok. She literally burst into tears when I asked if she was ok. Turned out she was looking up local support groups for single parents on her phone. Yes, that could apply to anything, and yes there are bad parents, but I do find judgement of parents by non parents is so much more common than it should be.
vaud said:
heisthegaffer said:
Fair play for doing that. Kids can be incredibly tough and push a parent to breaking point.
Starting with sleep deprivation.
coldel said:
I do look back and wonder how on earth I did it, literally an hour or two sleep then up, then repeat, then get up at 7am and go to work for 8 hours...we stuck on one and decided that will do!
Our first didn't sleep through until 4. Thinking it couldn't be any worse, we had a second, who didn't sleep through until 4 and a half.coldel said:
vaud said:
heisthegaffer said:
Fair play for doing that. Kids can be incredibly tough and push a parent to breaking point.
Starting with sleep deprivation.Edited by HTP99 on Monday 29th April 16:17
coldel said:
Petrus1983 said:
This thread is a real eye opener. Not in a good/bad way - just in general.
I would agree with that!Others that spring to mind are:
Religion
Brexit
Best routes into London
Business class
I recall one virtual pub-fight over the topic of HiFi speaker cable once.
It’s always interesting to read threads like this as they serve as a reminder of just how tough parenting and even just becoming a parent can be. I really feel for anyone who struggles as it’s difficult enough without extra problems or regrets getting in the way.
I never really wanted to have kids, not that it was ever an option as I was generally single, but when I met my now wife at the grand old age of 39 we decided very early on that we were going to have a family. It simply felt right.
Ten years later we have three of them aged 6, 4 and 5 months. I’m an old new dad at 49, and I’m a stay at home dad too so I have a long road ahead of spending lots of time with them every day, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. As far as I’m concerned I have the best job in the world, but I’m sure many people would think I’m crazy for doing this and I wouldn’t blame them.
I never really wanted to have kids, not that it was ever an option as I was generally single, but when I met my now wife at the grand old age of 39 we decided very early on that we were going to have a family. It simply felt right.
Ten years later we have three of them aged 6, 4 and 5 months. I’m an old new dad at 49, and I’m a stay at home dad too so I have a long road ahead of spending lots of time with them every day, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. As far as I’m concerned I have the best job in the world, but I’m sure many people would think I’m crazy for doing this and I wouldn’t blame them.
StevieBee said:
coldel said:
Petrus1983 said:
This thread is a real eye opener. Not in a good/bad way - just in general.
I would agree with that!Others that spring to mind are:
Religion
Brexit
Best routes into London
Business class
I recall one virtual pub-fight over the topic of HiFi speaker cable once.
Don't even start me on speaker cables
coldel said:
but I do find judgement of parents by non parents is so much more common than it should be.
It’s not just non parents! My wife had a bit of a go at my mum when she complained about some mothers at the soft play just sitting on their phones ignoring their kids.What my wife pointed out was that for all she knew that half hour could be the sole bit of down time that woman’s had all week.
Our first was a screamer, just f
king screamed non stop to the point we thought there was something wrong with her (there isn’t)! Couple to being breast fed for two years and I reckon my wife didn’t get more than a two hour sleep for two years until we put her in her own bed.She was so bad that when we accidentally fell pregnant with our second she seriously thought she couldn’t do it-it was actually me who persuaded her! Oh and it was an accident for whoever believes that doesn’t happen
Once you get them sleeping through think carefully about treating the wife to a hot tub and what you get up to in it.The second was actually so good she then fancied a third but I’ve put a stop to that! Didn’t help when the first kid came out after 40 mins of labour and the second, I kid you not in 20! I nearly missed it getting the bag from the car. Mid wife said “you’re made for this girl! You should have half a dozen!”.
coldel said:
Aye fair point! I guess I was coming from that 'you really have no idea what you are talking about' angle than the 'i reckon i totally know what im talking about i had 6 kids 40 years ago' angle 
More like 50 year ago! It's funny, it's been quite a cathartic thread for me this one and it's strange there isn't a more family-centric thread about fatherhood on PH (unless I've missed it?) as I'm sure there's loads of folk who not only need help but also just need validated that they're doing the right thing.I absolutely love the family I've created and there's something to be proud of in discussing them and listening to others stories.
okgo said:
Suspect 105.4 has a fairly severe victim complex judging from most of the things he posts on PistonHeads.
Hmmm 
The question was asked, “why did you want children?” I replied honestly.
Did I want children? No.
Did I think I’d make a good parent? No.
Could my definition of ‘good’ differ from the definition of others? Of course.
Is having children something that a couple can compromise on? No.
Did I feel that I was painted into a corner regarding this? Yes, but I suspect that a fair percentage of men find themselves in the same position, (as we have seen from some of the replies to this thread).
Is my Wife from a culture where children can do no wrong? Yes, but the same could be said for large portions of the globe.
Is our child spoilt? Yes. I’d guess that many children are.
Do we, as parents, make a great many sacrifices to try and provide as much as we can for our child? Yes, but isn’t that part of being a parent?
I’m unsure how any of the above corresponds to me having a “severe victim mentality”
Considering that the parts of this forum that I frequent the most are the business section, (are you quiet?), the £200 and under watch topic, and recently asking a few questions on which home EV charger where I was along for recommendations, I’m still perplexed how any of the above could paint the picture in your mind that I have a “severe victim mentality” based upon “most of the things I post on PH”?
Whilst it is true that life is full of ups and downs, I’m reasonably content just to be left to my own devices to plod along with my lot. My life isn’t champagne and caviar, but nor is it bread and water either. I’m neither happy nor unhappy. I suspect that many others are in a similar lane with their lives.
Or do you have a bee in your bonnet about something else in particular?
Clearly there is something built into us that means if we have kids we are likely to end up loving them and thinking is the best thing ever, it doesn’t always turn out that way but it’s a natural response with a pretty high hit rate.
But more than 50% in this poll that didn’t really want kids in the first place. I am not sure if it’s more upsetting to see the level of evolutionary biological brainwashing that happens, or if it’s worse to hear from the ones that it doesn’t work for and still feel as they did before they were tricked/coerced into it.
But more than 50% in this poll that didn’t really want kids in the first place. I am not sure if it’s more upsetting to see the level of evolutionary biological brainwashing that happens, or if it’s worse to hear from the ones that it doesn’t work for and still feel as they did before they were tricked/coerced into it.
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