Damsel in distress!

[Sabz86]

Matt Harper said:

I'm confused. How, while working in a bank, do you earn bonus for writing fawning poetry to your fudge packing boss?
Or is this how the last meltdown started?

No. I work bloody hard for my bonus. This earns a small percentage towards it from self gen business.

[Curry Burns]

I wouldnt panic to much sabz, You'll get used to Silent's rubbish sooner or later.

The only funny thing he's ever said was 'it's Welsh you 'tard '

[NoNeed]

Sabz86 said:

I need help... mentally. But that's a different story!

I do actually need some help. I have an opportunity at work to increase ones bonus! I have to come up with a poem that starts with 'I like working with Grant because...'

To help, the guy I work with is gay. He's a Senior Financial Consultant so sells alot of bonds, investments, pensions, Life Cover and Critical Illness. He also loves to eat Haribo all the time. He's carb conscious and always wears a back pack. He travels from branch to branch and is quite posh to say the least.

I need a short poem that includes as much of this information as possible. It would also help to Rhyme and the funnier it is the better!

Anyone skilled enough to attempt this for me?

Replies appreciated. Sabz

I'll have a go

First attempt...........

I like working with Grant
because he's not the type to rant.
He stays calm with the deals
And moves on his heels
as he moves from branch to branch.
I once stole his sweet
made of sugar and jelly
he was very suspicious
as I rubbed my belly
He gave me an unusual butch look
and checked his bag, for the sweet I took.
He reached for his rucksack
and pulled out a packet
That macthed his tie
his shirt and jacket
He counted with care, his jelly candy
I just stood there, my legs going bandy

[Sabz86]

Curry Burns said:

I wouldnt panic to much sabz, You'll get used to Silent's rubbish sooner or later.

The only funny thing he's ever said was 'it's Welsh you 'tard '

Haha! I'll try not to hunt him down.

I'll post up the poem later when I'm back from work. That way, I can say whether I 'won' or not. I'm pretty sure I will, everyone posted up some really funny poems!

[cal72]

Sabz86 said:

I work bloody hard for my bonus

Well come up with you're own poem then. Let see what you got so far.

[Sabz86]

NoNeed said:

Sabz86 said:

I need help... mentally. But that's a different story!

I do actually need some help. I have an opportunity at work to increase ones bonus! I have to come up with a poem that starts with 'I like working with Grant because...'

To help, the guy I work with is gay. He's a Senior Financial Consultant so sells alot of bonds, investments, pensions, Life Cover and Critical Illness. He also loves to eat Haribo all the time. He's carb conscious and always wears a back pack. He travels from branch to branch and is quite posh to say the least.

I need a short poem that includes as much of this information as possible. It would also help to Rhyme and the funnier it is the better!

Anyone skilled enough to attempt this for me?

Replies appreciated. Sabz

I'll have a go

First attempt...........

I like working with Grant
because he's not the type to rant.
He stays calm with the deals
And moves on his heels
as he moves from branch to branch.
I once stole his sweet
made of sugar and jelly
he was very suspicious
as I rubbed my belly
He gave me an unusual butch look
and checked his bag, for the sweet I took.
He reached for his rucksack
and pulled out a packet
That macthed his tie
his shirt and jacket
He counted with care, his jelly candy
I just stood there, my legs going bandy

Hahah! Oh, so many good poems! Thanks

[Sabz86]

cal72 said:

Sabz86 said:

I work bloody hard for my bonus

Well come up with you're own poem then. Let see what you got so far.

Ya know, usually I'm pretty good with poetry but this time I got stuck. I think maybe because I had to start it with 'I like working with Grant because...'

[NoNeed]

Sabz86 said:

Curry Burns said:

I wouldnt panic to much sabz, You'll get used to Silent's rubbish sooner or later.

The only funny thing he's ever said was 'it's Welsh you 'tard '

Haha! I'll try not to hunt him down.

I'll post up the poem later when I'm back from work. That way, I can say whether I 'won' or not. I'm pretty sure I will, everyone posted up some really funny poems!

We can't wait, this is Pistonheads. at least tell us who is in the lead!!!!

[Poledriver]

RB26DETT said:

Silent1 said:

WTF is all this faggotry? Some bint posts on ph with sod all history asking you to write poems to earn her money and most of you do the right thing and take the piss but some of you White knights must see it as a conquest or something between this and the bint offering free dodo juice for a HPI PH needs to learn how to avoid trolls pretending to be women

Theres a random pic of a woman in her profile.

EFA

[Sabz86]

Poledriver said:

RB26DETT said:

Silent1 said:

WTF is all this faggotry? Some bint posts on ph with sod all history asking you to write poems to earn her money and most of you do the right thing and take the piss but some of you White knights must see it as a conquest or something between this and the bint offering free dodo juice for a HPI PH needs to learn how to avoid trolls pretending to be women

Theres a random pic of a woman in her profile.

EFA

It's not a random picture! But I will take it as a compliment. :-) Alexdaredevilz will tell you it's not fake! =P

[Sabz86]

NoNeed said:

Sabz86 said:

Curry Burns said:

I wouldnt panic to much sabz, You'll get used to Silent's rubbish sooner or later.

The only funny thing he's ever said was 'it's Welsh you 'tard '

Haha! I'll try not to hunt him down.

I'll post up the poem later when I'm back from work. That way, I can say whether I 'won' or not. I'm pretty sure I will, everyone posted up some really funny poems!

We can't wait, this is Pistonheads. at least tell us who is in the lead!!!!

Ok Chukka64 is in the lead so far although I really do like some others too. Clearly I wasn't trying hard enough! Thanks everyone.

[elster]

Sabz86 said:

Poledriver said:

RB26DETT said:

Silent1 said:

WTF is all this faggotry? Some bint posts on ph with sod all history asking you to write poems to earn her money and most of you do the right thing and take the piss but some of you White knights must see it as a conquest or something between this and the bint offering free dodo juice for a HPI PH needs to learn how to avoid trolls pretending to be women

Theres a random pic of a woman in her profile.

EFA

It's not a random picture! But I will take it as a compliment. :-) Alexdaredevilz will tell you it's not fake! =P

There is a lot of z action with you and your friend, are you American?

[Conian]

I like working with Grant because..
Otherwise he'll shoot that kitten

[308mate]

Petrolhead_Rich said:

Sabz86 said:

I have to come up with a poem that starts with 'I like working with Grant because...'

GTIR said:

Roses are red violets are blue
I like it up the arse and Grant does too.

Doesn't start with the correct line!!

Here's my ste attempt!!

I like working with Grant because...
He never looks down my tops
He's as gay as Graham Norton
but hasn't fked my daughter
instead he had my son up the bum!

Grant is a puff, he likes it up the chuff
He doesn't like women because they cant fk him
and he likes shopping with my mum
he goes to gay pride and shags on the side
he always takes it up the bum

Give grant a reach around and he'll wear a leotard
he'll wear spandex and spank it
cos hes a puff he wont get up the duff
even if you cum in his bum!

Hes a financial advisor who will give me a fiver
but the bonus will go to Mr.Mcguiver
cos he has lube and is more fun!

this is my rhyme, for which I'll get a fine
for homophobic and offensive posts
but I don't give a ste cos I'll have a tight
bum hole that isn't full of cum!



I know it doesn't rhyme anywhere but in my head, and is probably going to get me bannned from PH

but I hope you find it as funny as I did!!

Thats not really funny though, is it? Or witty. Or even satirical. Or even a half decent piss-take of the OP.

I mean its hilarious, if you roll about in the aisle at Roy Chubby Brown. Or Sesame Street.

But really, its just an amalgamation of as much of the anti-gay graffiti as you could find on the back of the bog door in your Upper School toilet, isnt it?

Great work.


ETA: Im sorry, I've done you a disservice. You rhymed "bum" and "cum". Clever stuff.

Edited by 308mate on Wednesday 4th August 08:53

[deeen]

I like working with Grant because
He brings me lots of luck
He gives me treats
And yummy sweets
But never tries to f...iddle with anything he shouldn't

Edited by deeen on Wednesday 4th August 09:00

[elster]

308mate said:

Thats not really funny though, is it? Or witty. Or even satirical. Or even a half decent piss-take of the OP.

I mean its hilarious, if you roll about in the aisle at Roy Chubby Brown. Or Sesame Street.

But really, its just an amalgamation of as much of the anti-gay graffiti as you could find on the back of the bog door in your Upper School toilet, isnt it?

Great work.

No different to her original post, pointing out this as his defining feature. Like it matters.

[308mate]

elster said:

308mate said:

Thats not really funny though, is it? Or witty. Or even satirical. Or even a half decent piss-take of the OP.

I mean its hilarious, if you roll about in the aisle at Roy Chubby Brown. Or Sesame Street.

But really, its just an amalgamation of as much of the anti-gay graffiti as you could find on the back of the bog door in your Upper School toilet, isnt it?

Great work.

No different to her original post, pointing out this as his defining feature. Like it matters.

Indeed. Im sure he's really looking forward to seeing what new and inventive ways his staff have found to mock his sexuality today.
Then again, if youre going to use it as an incentive for staff bonuses, you deserve everything you get.

[elster]

308mate said:

elster said:

308mate said:

Thats not really funny though, is it? Or witty. Or even satirical. Or even a half decent piss-take of the OP.

I mean its hilarious, if you roll about in the aisle at Roy Chubby Brown. Or Sesame Street.

But really, its just an amalgamation of as much of the anti-gay graffiti as you could find on the back of the bog door in your Upper School toilet, isnt it?

Great work.

No different to her original post, pointing out this as his defining feature. Like it matters.

Indeed. Im sure he's really looking forward to seeing what new and inventive ways his staff have found to mock his sexuality today.
Then again, if youre going to use it as an incentive for staff bonuses, you deserve everything you get.

True, I hope this doesn't go on with any companies I work with. I want the best achiever to be given the biggest bonus, no some namby pamby system with no relevance.

[Jgtv]

I like working with grant a Haiku

Grant Seller of bonds
shagger of arses
wears backpack full of sweets.

[UncleRic]

I Like Grant because..
Well, actually I hate his guts.
He spends all day eating kiddie sweets
and that backpack, god, what a 'puttz.

He likes to ponce around the branch
to keep himself in shape,
he's a financial consultant of senior grade
but posh? The mans an Ape!

And now he's offered a sodding bribe
with money being the onus,
'write me a poem, all about me,
the winner gets a bonus'!

Stuff this crap. I'm off, goodbye,
The knob can keep his ego,
because, as far as I'm concerned,
The fat gay s a paedo!