Attention Toilet User! Rant

[The Curn]

We have two sets of cubicles at my building site. One set downstairs that the site operatives use and one set up stairs that the office bods use.

Damage, graffiti, and blockages have now got so bad downstairs we have a full time attendant in place who checks cubicles after use. He started yesterday and so far so good, all clean.

I came in this morning and some bd has gone in to the cubicles upstairs and blocked all those. I had to go to Debenhams for my daily turn out.

Animals.

[lawrence567]

Currently @ our offices we have 3 mens traps & 2 womens.
We have about 5/6 women staff & about 15 men.
The mens isn't heated & is off the side of the building & it's like stting in a fking freezer, honestly, if you sit down too long your arse will stick to the seat.
However, apart from the god awful smell of what smells like an alien has taken a giant galactic thunder st in the toilets it's not that bad.
The women's however.
Apparently has a phantom crapper, who has repeatedly left a giant, stinking st, lodged in the toilets.
None of them admit it & none of them admit to even stting in the toilets.
It had however happened continuously for over 3 months.
I have my suspsions over who it could be..
The other dept who in the last 3 days have had bacon sandwiches each, then a pasty when the pasty van comes round, then a pizza hut, followed by cake & copius amounts of coffee & tea.
All topped off with a ncie & healthy "diet" coke.

[senor jones]

Mazda Baiter said:

omgus said:

However there are some deliberate bad crappers, one shat mostly liquid crap into the cistern of the ladies loos, when it was flushed it caused quite a reaction.

Aaah, the upper decker. An often misused classic.

It is a must-do job on your last day of work for a company.

The gift that keeps giving.

A lad who left our work st all over the floor on his last day. Very funny at the time and the boss didn't have a clue who it was.
I'll remember the upper decker for my last day

[acricha3]

Tow Vehicle Rqrd said:

omgus said:

Where2Guv said:

Ayahuasca said:

Apparently some dirty bds squat on the rim, which must increase the blast radius by an order of magnitude.

What the fk?

We have loads of staff working in my offices who transfer across from our Indian office for 6-12months, a lot of them Squat, and seem to be good shots as it is often in the bowl, unfortunately UK toilets cannot hold the weight of a man squatting on them. They will eventually come away from the wall and then the soil pipe will fill up the partition until it leaks into the ladies loos below about once a month.
However there are some deliberate bad crappers, one shat mostly liquid crap into the cistern of the ladies loos, when it was flushed it caused quite a reaction.
Or the person who like to crap on the floor infront of the cubicle, at least 1 staff member has stepped in it as they open the cubicle door.

This squatting business backfired very badly for one particularly unfortunate chap when my Dad was working as an engineer in a factory in Hounslow. The gents were blocked up almost on a weekly basis, and to save money on drainage specialists, a system was divised whereby the bog lids would be weighted down, and a high-pressure airline inserted into the first khazi in line to blast away the lodged logs and associated paperwork. On this occassion, the usual fleeting pre-checks were carried out prior to blast-off, ie; a quick glance beneath the partition to ensure no feet were visible. Finding all was clear, the airline was cranked up to full capacity, followed by the sounds of churning ste, an expolsion and a high pitched scream from one of the traps towards the end of the row. The door flew open, and the wailing squatter emerged, covered from head to toe in crap.

If this wasn't all bad enough, the squatter had to be hosed down in the factory coutyard - in the middle of February! And to top it off completely, one of the company's drivers saw him about an hour later having a raging argument with a bus driver who was refusing to let him on the bus!

Damn you! Ive just burst out laughing in the middle of a serious but boring meeting with a customer (yes I am sat at the back on pistonheads), cue silence followed by people staring at me, just had to leave the room and spend 10 minutes calming down!

[D900SP]

It's Friday morning in Seattle, the day after Thanksgiving, I'm at work and this thread has put me in a good mood for the rest of the day.

Brilliant!!!!!!! and tasefully British.

[bazking69]

Sounds like you need a 'chat' with the missus...

[Pigeon]

Tow Vehicle Rqrd said:

This squatting business backfired very badly for one particularly unfortunate chap when my Dad was working as an engineer in a factory in Hounslow. The gents were blocked up almost on a weekly basis, and to save money on drainage specialists, a system was divised whereby the bog lids would be weighted down, and a high-pressure airline inserted into the first khazi in line to blast away the lodged logs and associated paperwork. On this occassion, the usual fleeting pre-checks were carried out prior to blast-off, ie; a quick glance beneath the partition to ensure no feet were visible. Finding all was clear, the airline was cranked up to full capacity, followed by the sounds of churning ste, an expolsion and a high pitched scream from one of the traps towards the end of the row. The door flew open, and the wailing squatter emerged, covered from head to toe in crap.

If this wasn't all bad enough, the squatter had to be hosed down in the factory coutyard - in the middle of February! And to top it off completely, one of the company's drivers saw him about an hour later having a raging argument with a bus driver who was refusing to let him on the bus!

He's lucky he didn't work for a plant hire company that stocked pangos...

140litre said:

Toilet blocks,cubicles ! Luxury !
As my office is the cab of a locomotive I have to stop and go o'naturale.just have to get the timing right with passing trains.Got it wrong a few times though.

I was leaning out of the window of a train once and was somewhat disturbed to observe that the locomotive's coolant circuit had apparently sprung a leak.

Was somewhat more disturbed when I noticed it didn't taste of antifreeze.

You bd.

[Halb]

In one place I worked a poor unfortunate had projectile vomited and shat all around the disabled (VIP) loo. The stuff was on floor, wall and ceiling. It was so bad the cleaners refused to clean it, it was like a living creature had exploded inside spraying the crapulence over everything. Everyone thought the lil fella (looked like an Indian Danny DeVito) wouldn't come back to work because of the shame. He was ill apparently/.

[philthy]

Ayahuasca said:

Apparently some dirty bds squat on the rim, which must increase the blast radius by an order of magnitude.

I had the misfortune to visit a chicken processing plant in Okeford fitzpaine, Dorset. They had a large number of immigrant workers, who apparently don't like to sit on the seats, so stand/squat on them.
The cisterns and the back of the seat/toilet,were frequently pebbledashed!

Dirty bds !

snowy slopes said:

A lad i know works for a company in doncaster called prosper de mulders, and they are a one of the largest companys dealing with waste by products from slaughterhouses. They extract the fat and bones for other uses, pet foods etc. Anyway, before the law changed, they used to get all sorts of exotic animals come through their doors, including a gorilla. Seems they had a lad who used to hide in the bogs to get out of work, so one time his work mates hid the gorilla in his favourite trap ready for him. He goes in, sees said gorila, races out of the kazi babbling, and wasnt seen again

I heard this exact story from a mate of mine that did some work on this site.
I once saw a giraffe in a skip at the Exeter depot.
[/offtopic]

Edited by philthy on Friday 26th November 19:45

[m444ttb]

I work in a good sized head office (3k people or so) and we have c20 mens toilets in the building. Unfortunately my area is close to the operations area populated by teenagers. Piss all over the floor is a good day. There now seems to be some ahole blocking toilets on purpose. Then there are numerous 'tards who simply don't know how to use the flush.

[wildoliver]

Lets be honest the worst is finding that wee beige jobby floating in there.

[OlberJ]

an SPT special.

Edited by OlberJ on Friday 26th November 23:23

[Toyo Jim]

philthy said:

I had the misfortune to visit a chicken processing plant in Okeford fitzpaine, Dorset. They had a large number of immigrant workers, who apparently don't like to sit on the seats, so stand/squat on them.
The cisterns and the back of the seat/toilet,were frequently pebbledashed!

Dirty bds !

I used to live <2 miles from that place, was called Webbs back in the day... My dad worked there when I was in nappies. The whole factory (and surrounding 2 mile radius) stank probably as bad as one of those pebbledashed bogs

[4988cc]

snowy slopes said:

A lad who used to hide in the bogs to get out of work, so one time his work mates hid the gorilla in his favourite trap ready for him. He goes in, sees said gorila, races out of the kazi babbling, and wasnt seen again

[Benni]

They liked that word soo much a street was named in its honour,
I can never drive past it without a small giggle now.

[Pommygranite]

The OH says that for real filth ladies toilets take first prize, specifically when used by asians (both far east and Indian sub continent) for the simple reason many stand on the seat to squat.

So take your stty filth, coupled with litres of piss and mix in copious amounts of menstrual blood. Lovely.

At least as guys we can just stand and point most times.

[Mazda Baiter]

Pommygranite said:

The OH says that for real filth ladies toilets take first prize, specifically when used by asians (both far east and Indian sub continent) for the simple reason many stand on the seat to squat.

So take your stty filth, coupled with litres of piss and mix in copious amounts of menstrual blood. Lovely.

At least as guys we can just stand and point most times.

Especially if there are a lot of them living in close proximity and they start to synchronise...

[dickymint]

Bookmarked to read later on

[Urban Sports]

Pommygranite said:

The OH says that for real filth ladies toilets take first prize, specifically when used by asians (both far east and Indian sub continent) for the simple reason many stand on the seat to squat.

So take your stty filth, coupled with litres of piss and mix in copious amounts of menstrual blood. Lovely.

At least as guys we can just stand and point most times.

I had a conversation last night about squat toilets and found this little write up about them on wikipedia.

The benefits are amazing

Some benefits of using squat toilets are:

[1] It is less expensive and easier to clean and maintain.

[2] It does not involve any contact between the buttocks and thighs with a potentially unsanitary surface.

[3] The absence of water in the bowl avoids the problem of water splashing upwards. Squatting might help to build the required exhaust pressure more comfortably and quickly.

[4] Squatting makes elimination faster, easier and more complete.

[5] Elimination in squatting posture protects the nerves that control the prostate, bladder and uterus from becoming stretched and damaged.

[6] Squatting relaxes the puborectalis muscle which normally chokes the rectum in order to maintain continence.

[7] Squatting securely seals the ileocecal valve, between the colon and the small intestine. In the conventional sitting position, this valve is unsupported and often leaks during evacuation.

[8] For pregnant women, squatting avoids pressure on the uterus when using the toilet. Daily squatting helps prepare the mother-to-be for a more natural delivery.

[9] Squatting may reduce the occurrence or severity of hemorrhoids and possibly other colorectal disorders such as diverticulosis and appendicitis.

Edited by Urban Sports on Sunday 28th November 09:57

[matchmaker]

140litre said:

Toilet blocks,cubicles ! Luxury !
As my office is the cab of a locomotive I have to stop and go o'naturale.just have to get the timing right with passing trains.Got it wrong a few times though.

I understand that in third rail electrified areas you have to pee in bursts.