Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[kowalski655]

V for Vendetta Vanished.

[Steve vRS]

PoleDriver said:

I went to the florist today and asked for a large bunch of flowers for my girlfriend.
"What is it you're after?" The florist asked.
"A shag!" I replied!

Will be plagiarising shamelessly.

[Vipers]

Steve vRS said:

PoleDriver said:

I went to the florist today and asked for a large bunch of flowers for my girlfriend.
"What is it you're after?" The florist asked.
"A shag!" I replied!

Will be plagiarising shamelessly.

Try that in Essex and she will probably tell you where the nearest carpet shop is.

[K12beano]

[sparkythecat]

[ApOrbital]

Well that did hurt.

[Vipers]

The Trump and the phone are crackers.

[K12beano]

[Halmyre]

K12beano said:

I think Roger Waters should be suing.

[Dr Interceptor]

My girlfriend just sent me a message saying:

“helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative”

What does ‘ternative’ mean?

[Laurel Green]

Dr Interceptor said:

My girlfriend just sent me a message saying:

“helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative”

What does ‘ternative’ mean?

...being related to-->

?

[Allyc85]

A man entered a pun contest...

He entered 10 different puns, hoping that at least one of them would win.

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

[JustinF]

Dr Interceptor said:

My girlfriend just sent me a message saying:

“helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative”

What does ‘ternative’ mean?

[K12beano]

[Muntu]

Mexican's view of Trump:

[turbobloke]

JustinF said:

Dr Interceptor said:

My girlfriend just sent me a message saying:

“helpmyspacebarbrokecanyoucomeoverandgivemeanalternative”

What does ‘ternative’ mean?

[deeen]

Sources close to the President say he's breeding a dog with an unusually musical bark...















...It'a a Trump pet.

[deeen]

Vipers said:

Steve vRS said:

PoleDriver said:

I went to the florist today and asked for a large bunch of flowers for my girlfriend.
"What is it you're after?" The florist asked.
"A shag!" I replied!

Will be plagiarising shamelessly.

Try that in Essex and she will probably tell you where the nearest carpet shop is.

What do you call 10 Essex girls, one on top of another?

[deeen]

Vipers said:

The Trump and the phone are crackers.

No, The Trump is crackers, the phones were just a good joke.

[sparkythecat]

deeen said:

What do you call 10 Essex girls, one on top of another?

The height of stupidity?