Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
best riposte in a long time 
Vipers said:
Fluffsri said:
glenrobbo said:
Vipers said:
Old Scottish joke spoken in a Glaswegian accent.
Man getting out his John Thomas.
Look at this hen.
I canna look, it's gruesome.
Look again, its grew some more.
Vipers, why would he call his hen "John Thomas?" Man getting out his John Thomas.
Look at this hen.
I canna look, it's gruesome.
Look again, its grew some more.
Don't you mean "Look at this cock."?
You're welcome, please carry on. 
I was out with my girlfriend last night who had recently divorced her husband.
He was obviously pissed off that his ex Mrs was out with someone else and shouts across the crowded room at me
"what's the secondhand fanny like"
I replied "the first 3 inches are a bit worn but the rest is like brand new"
He was obviously pissed off that his ex Mrs was out with someone else and shouts across the crowded room at me
"what's the secondhand fanny like"
I replied "the first 3 inches are a bit worn but the rest is like brand new"
A high court judge is presiding over a murder case on the Northern circuit. He discovers the defending barrister has left a vital document at his chambers in London.
The judge says, "Mr. Finebone-Carruthers, I fail to see how this case may proceed in the absence of this pivotal statement."
Th barrister simply makes a helpful suggestion..
"Fax it up, m'lud?"
"Yes, it does rather..."
True tale.
The judge says, "Mr. Finebone-Carruthers, I fail to see how this case may proceed in the absence of this pivotal statement."
Th barrister simply makes a helpful suggestion..
"Fax it up, m'lud?"
"Yes, it does rather..."
True tale.
Edited by davhill on Thursday 9th March 17:06
A judge asks a surly defendant if he has anything to say for himself. The defendant mutters, "f
k all."
"What did you say?" asks the judge. The court clerk turns to the judge and says, "the defendant said, "fk all", your honour."
"Really?" replies the judge, "I could have sworn I saw his lips move."
k all.""What did you say?" asks the judge. The court clerk turns to the judge and says, "the defendant said, "f
k all", your honour.""Really?" replies the judge, "I could have sworn I saw his lips move."
Shoegrip said:
I was out with my girlfriend last night who had recently divorced her husband.
He was obviously pissed off that his ex Mrs was out with someone else and shouts across the crowded room at me
"what's the secondhand fanny like"
I replied "the first 3 inches are a bit worn but the rest is like brand new"
He was obviously pissed off that his ex Mrs was out with someone else and shouts across the crowded room at me
"what's the secondhand fanny like"
I replied "the first 3 inches are a bit worn but the rest is like brand new"
B'stard Child said:
Shoegrip said:
I was out with my girlfriend last night who had recently divorced her husband.
He was obviously pissed off that his ex Mrs was out with someone else and shouts across the crowded room at me
"what's the secondhand fanny like"
I replied "the first 3 inches are a bit worn but the rest is like brand new"
He was obviously pissed off that his ex Mrs was out with someone else and shouts across the crowded room at me
"what's the secondhand fanny like"
I replied "the first 3 inches are a bit worn but the rest is like brand new"
Edited by Kenty on Thursday 9th March 19:36
mybrainhurts said:
Vipers said:
Fluffsri said:
glenrobbo said:
Vipers said:
Old Scottish joke spoken in a Glaswegian accent.
Man getting out his John Thomas.
Look at this hen.
I canna look, it's gruesome.
Look again, its grew some more.
Vipers, why would he call his hen "John Thomas?" Man getting out his John Thomas.
Look at this hen.
I canna look, it's gruesome.
Look again, its grew some more.
Don't you mean "Look at this cock."?
You're welcome, please carry on. Mans car breaks down and he pulls into a lay by.
Another driver pulls up behind him jumps out and says "Anything I can do"
He says, "Are you a mechanic"
He says, "No I am a chropodist"
He says, "Well can you give me a tow"
Edited by Vipers on Saturday 11th March 17:39
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