Just how much did your life change when you had children?

[DervVW]

havoc said:

SkepticSteve said:

Providing this family support is very important to us, as they need both incomes to survive.
We "went without" when my wife stayed at home with our children, so she can't stand the thought of strangers bringing up our Granddaughter in day care.

Good on you for helping, but to offer another perspective, our little lad LOVES nursery - he gets to play with other kids all day long (22mths, has been there nearly 12 months and has a couple of genuine friends already), the girls (women, but mostly late-teens/early-20s) at the nursery are pretty much all really caring people, and the nursery has structured play and exposes them to all sorts of different stuff.

We've not had the choice - limited grandparental support locally - but we've not regretted sending him there for one minute - think it's helped his development and his interaction with other kids (he's our first, so only child at home).

So, much as it WILL cost, a day or two per week in nursery might be good for your GD. Won't lie - first few weeks were hard for him and for us, but once he settled we've not looked back. Few more bugs brought home than otherwise, but that's part of being a kid, eh???

Agree with this.
Ours is an only child (For now I guess) he has a day a week with my mom, but two a day at nursery, its structured and ordered and a routine, and hopefully will prepare him for when he has to go to school too.
My wife was a former nursery worked, her perspective was that kids attending nuresery always did better at socializing with other kids, I knew no better so I went with that logic, seems to be the case, in my experience, anyway

[Fattyfat]

Some people told us that having 2 kids wasn't really any more work than 1. These people lied to us.

Love taking my 3 year old out on a Sunday morning for some boys time in my MR2 roadster.

[DervVW]

Fattyfat said:

Some people told us that having 2 kids wasn't really any more work than 1. These people lied to us.

Love taking my 3 year old out on a Sunday morning for some boys time in my MR2 roadster.

Been told the same thing, maybe when they are older, but when they are under 3, no way, no way!

[Bullett]

So this afternoon I thought I'd spend some time building the remote control car back up. Read the paper maybe then a few drinks in the pub before a nice meal with the wife and early to bed.

No, hang on.


Kids party. Soft Play.... Terrific.

[Ari]

sampsan said:

My life changed, 3 children and one with ASD, no chance of babysitters and no relatives nearby.

House gets wrecked, wall paper ripped things broken all the time. Partner can't work due to child with ASD so only one wage which is livable as well paid.

Not been out as a couple in about 8 years, can't go on holiday due to a) cost b) travel is difficult c) fear of holiday accomodation getting wrecked and generally not enjoyable.

Child with ASD is 5 and still in nappies and cant talk, plays with poo and gets it everywhere, cant be left fot a moment.

Home life is screaming kids and working 110% just to get by!!!

Before children.... enjoyed holidays, 2 wages always doing things with cars and motorbikes, doing houses up, hiking and camping etc now all gone

So imagine could be great if you are lucky, have loads of friends and family near by but you are in the lap of the gods and is no going back!!!

Wow! Really sorry to hear that.

[DJFish]

+1
As hard as it is sometimes, I really do have to remind myself how lucky I am compared to some......

As an aside, we're getting our youngest (1yr) used to tooth brushing & give her a brush in the bath to chew on, this evening her sister (3) pinched her brush & when told to give it back she refused & stuck it straight down the crack of her arse.

I reckon she gets that sort of behaviour from her mother.

[Spanna]

I was 18 when girlfriend became pregnant. At the time I was finishing up at college whilst working part time and looking at further education, university or an apprenticeship of some sort. My girlfriend was 17, also studying at college, no job. We were just your average teenage fling really, had been together for about 6 months, nothing serious just casual meet up at weekends and maybe stay over in the week a couple of times.

Then the pregnancy news came. Holy fking Jesus what the fk am I going to do etc. the panic set in. I didn't immediately tell my family, her mum knew but I talked to her and she understood that I needed time to tell my family myself. She wasn't in the slightest bit fussed about her daughter being pregnant. Abortion was never even discussed.

I gave up all plans of further education and started working for my uncle, he had a couple of ventures going on with properties, maintenance and development and needed a small role filling. It was good money for my age, but I had a baby to save up for. I moved in with my girlfriend at her mum's house, then the income went on pushchairs, cots and decorating the baby's room.

We became another nice teen parent statistic for the government and our son was born in December 2009. The absolute reality of having a baby only really hit me when I saw him for the first time. I cut the cord and to be fair his mum did brilliantly during the whole of the labour, no problems and delivered on only gas and air.

After this our life continued with a little one in tow. I felt no regrets at the time and we were doing okay for a while. Our relationship took a turn for the worse in 2010 and we split just before Christmas. I reallly enjoyed being a dad, although so young at the time and she tried to stop contact with my son and I as soon as I moved out. I had a miserable Christmas, I let that pass before starting proceedings at court for access. In total it cost me £2,200 whilst she got legal aid, a real nice kick in the teeth, but I'm glad to know the women can't pull that one anymore.

I won a joint custody (residence) order, completely shared 50% care. Elation doesn't begin to describe my feelings strolling out of court that day and I would be having my boy the very next day. I felt no contempt for my ex, I just didn't understand her actions. We were never violent or had massive house shattering arguments, we split on fairly amicable grounds and I never left my son without something he needed.

2011 until now has been uneventful with regards to my ex and life in general. There will always be small disagreements with decisions about kids with split parents, but there's never an argument. The joint residence order was stuck to perfectly by both of us from day 1 and we allow each other a bitnof flexibility these days. I moved on in jobs and can work flexible hours on a decent enough wage for me. My son is now 4 (and a half), healthy, happy and starts primary school in September.

TL;DR
Teen parent.
Stopped plans of further education.
Baby born, split up.
Court, won!
Life's good.

[Pommygranite]

Spanna said:

TL;DR
Teen parent.
Stopped plans of further education.
Baby born, split up.
Court, won!
Life's good.

Good for you - very pleased for you.

Your ex was probably telling all her friends what a pain you are and how stressful you were making it but all with absolutely trying to be the best, most involved dad you could be.

Strange how some people can slam an ex for trying to be involved in their kids lives and do the right thing.

Also strange how you can be a good enough partner to have kids with/be with but the moment you arent a good enough partner you are suddenly not good enough to be an involved parent on the same basis as the other.

[Spanna]

Pommygranite said:

Spanna said:

TL;DR
Teen parent.
Stopped plans of further education.
Baby born, split up.
Court, won!
Life's good.

Pommygranite said:

Good for you - very pleased for you.

Thanks for your kind words. It was a difficult time, very hard to go through at any age I imagine. Luckily, I have a good supportive family, I have a lot to thank them for.

Pommygranite said:

Your ex was probably telling all her friends what a pain you are and how stressful you were making it but all with absolutely trying to be the best, most involved dad you could be.

She was! I used to get texts from some of her friends I didn't even know telling me how terrible I was. I completely ignored all of them at the time. The only one of her friends I did speak to was my mate's girlfriend. Even she was slightly corrupted by the ex despite seeing me regularly with my son. She's changed her tune these days, still with my friend and now understands a bit more the whole situation and found out how my ex can be having fell out with her herself.

Pommygranite said:

Strange how some people can slam an ex for trying to be involved in their kids lives and do the right thing.

Also strange how you can be a good enough partner to have kids with/be with but the moment you arent a good enough partner you are suddenly not good enough to be an involved parent on the same basis as the other.

Which is why I like the push towards mediation instead of offering up legal aid and forcing fathers into debt just for access to their children. I had equal rights yet I had to take her to court! It doesn't even make sense on a legal or logical level.