Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 7)
Discussion
havoc said:
GuitarTech said:
A man comes home from work one day to see his wife waiting at the bus stop with a case.
"Where are you going to love, he asks"
She replies "I found out today that you're a pedophile so I'm leaving you"
" Pedophile? That's a big word for a 9 year old "
Variant on an Emo Philips joke."Where are you going to love, he asks"
She replies "I found out today that you're a pedophile so I'm leaving you"
" Pedophile? That's a big word for a 9 year old "
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.....What does he think this place is an auto parts store?'
'No,'' the cook said. 'Three flat tires mean three pancakes;
a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards... are 2 slices of crisp bacon!'
'Oh... OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of baked beans and gave it to the customer.
The truckie asked, 'What are the beans for, Blondie?'
She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well fill up on gas!!.
'No,'' the cook said. 'Three flat tires mean three pancakes;
a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up; and a pair of running boards... are 2 slices of crisp bacon!'
'Oh... OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of baked beans and gave it to the customer.
The truckie asked, 'What are the beans for, Blondie?'
She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well fill up on gas!!.
Edited by MartG on Wednesday 12th August 23:20
k line!!K12beano said:
vx220 said:
K12beano said:
Woof
Woof, woof, woof?
Woof, woof!
Sitting waiting for a prescription, laughing like an idiot at this one!Woof, woof, woof?
Woof, woof!
Has someone dog-related died, or is it just random?
How about...
"My dogs got a builders bum!"
"How does he smell?"
"...awful"
A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Sorted! They're coming for Christmas and they're paying their own way."
"Dad, what are you talking about?" the son screams.
“We can't stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says. “We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”
Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. “Like hell they're getting divorced!” she shouts, “I'll take care of this!”
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Sorted! They're coming for Christmas and they're paying their own way."
GuitarTech said:
havoc said:
GuitarTech said:
A man comes home from work one day to see his wife waiting at the bus stop with a case.
"Where are you going to love, he asks"
She replies "I found out today that you're a pedophile so I'm leaving you"
" Pedophile? That's a big word for a 9 year old "
Variant on an Emo Philips joke."Where are you going to love, he asks"
She replies "I found out today that you're a pedophile so I'm leaving you"
" Pedophile? That's a big word for a 9 year old "
vx220 said:
K12beano said:
vx220 said:
K12beano said:
Woof
Woof, woof, woof?
Woof, woof!
Sitting waiting for a prescription, laughing like an idiot at this one!Woof, woof, woof?
Woof, woof!
Has someone dog-related died, or is it just random?
How about...
"My dogs got a builders bum!"
"How does he smell?"
"...awful"
http://www.thetimes.co.uk/tto/arts/film/article452...
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