Best mate just found out wife is having an affair
Discussion
Hope the knowledge base on here can help . My best mate has discovered wife of 25yrs is having an affair. they have 2 children (17 and 21) who live at home .he needs to see a solicitor pronto , but he is away on business till Monday . They both work, but he earns more than her there is a joint bank account where bills are paid from . ive suggested he remains in the house as she has been told to aswell bu her friends ,I Also suggested set up new bank account and get his wages paid there , and then transfer bills money to the joint account .. any thing else he can do for damage limitation till sees a solicitor ? there is no going back on this for either of them
Why does he need to see a solicitor pronto..??
If he's away on business he needs to get home, take some time out from work, sit down with his wife and decide what the next steps are for both of them. Like adults I hasten to add.
Going all legal when he'll be in emotional turmoil is not the answer imho and with the benefit of experience.
If he's away on business he needs to get home, take some time out from work, sit down with his wife and decide what the next steps are for both of them. Like adults I hasten to add.
Going all legal when he'll be in emotional turmoil is not the answer imho and with the benefit of experience.
kin hell....this is harsh...ShyTallKnight said:
Why does he need to see a solicitor pronto..??
If he's away on business he needs to get home, take some time out from work, sit down with his wife and decide what the next steps are for both of them. Like adults I hasten to add.
Going all legal when he'll be in emotional turmoil is not the answer imho and with the benefit of experience.
Just been through this with a good mate, he'd been married 21 years. Wife denied any affair but of course it eventually turned out there'd been another bloke for at least a year. If he's away on business he needs to get home, take some time out from work, sit down with his wife and decide what the next steps are for both of them. Like adults I hasten to add.
Going all legal when he'll be in emotional turmoil is not the answer imho and with the benefit of experience.
Sitting down like adults, working out what's best, all that is great advice in theory but in practice the woman in question (just like my mate's wife) has already proved she can't be trusted, so anything agreed is worthless as she can (and will) simply change her mind.
OP, I went to see a solicitor with my mate and this was the crux of it.
He needs to stay in the house, no matter how difficult. He also needs to understand that if she doesn't want him there, she can make life very difficult and he needs not to rise to it. For example, in my mate's case, his wife came home drunk late one night, came into his room and started screaming abuse at him and haranguing him. He tried to get her to shut up (they have young kids who were woken up and were disturbed and crying), eventually physically pushing her out of the room and locking the door on her. The next day, mission accomplished, she went straight to the Police and claimed he'd attacked her and tried to have them eject him from the house. (He hadn't, he's scared of her!) Fortunately they saw straight through her and weren't interested.
Courts these days, we were told, are much fairer regarding division of assets. He was told to expect a 50/50 split on the house, at worst 60/40. He got 50/50 but had to swallow some credit card debts she'd racked up in his name (it wasn't worth fighting them).
Bear in mind that some solicitors are better than others. We saw two. The first was all for going for her pension, half the credit card bills, etc etc. For a fee of course. The second was far more expensive but highly recommended. She said, forget all that, if you can get half the house then you'll spend more trying to recover the rest than you will actually get. Basically she wasn't chasing the business. But they both said STAY IN THE HOUSE! Don't know why that is important, but apparently it is.
In a nutshell, get him to a GOOD solicitor, go with him (I asked most of the questions and wrote down the answers as mate was too shell shocked by the whole thing). Tell him to stay in the house. Get it up for sale and gone, take his half and walk away from the little stuff.
I hope that is of some help.
paul71a said:
And you want to become his professional advisor together with the combined masses of PH?
I'd suggest you leave the advice alone past what you've already given him (go and see a solicitor) and be a "best mate" and give him the emotional support he's going to need.
Nothing more
Sense at last. I'd suggest you leave the advice alone past what you've already given him (go and see a solicitor) and be a "best mate" and give him the emotional support he's going to need.
Nothing more
If you can't offer any practical advice yourself, don't seek it from strangers on a car forum - this is your best mate for goodness sake, he deserves better I'm sure.
P-Jay said:
Finds out Wife of 25 years is cheating on him - can't get away from work for 5 days...
I wonder what caused the cracks in that relationship.
Wife has an affair - the blokes fault, working too long, not giving her attention etc.I wonder what caused the cracks in that relationship.
Husband has an affair - the blokes fault, lying cheating scumbag etc.
Funny how that works.....
Ari said:
P-Jay said:
Finds out Wife of 25 years is cheating on him - can't get away from work for 5 days...
I wonder what caused the cracks in that relationship.
That's a reasonable reason in your world is it? I wonder what caused the cracks in that relationship.
I'd be more concerned if it was the 20th or more thread in the last few weeks from a poster with almost zero posting history asking a question almost perfectly designed to start moral debate - it feels like PH is some sort of test bed of public opinion sometimes.
Edited by P-Jay on Wednesday 16th July 16:54
DaveGoddard said:
There seems to be a worrying trend in topics of this nature on here lately.
Reading many of the posts in here, if I were married to a typical PH Lounger, I'd be screwing someone else, too. At least that way you don't have to listen to how the shoes/house/car/holiday/clothes/children's school/teaspoon/TV/sound system/phone/favourite fast food/sex position/lube you chose is somehow crap because it isn't expensive/unique/hip enough, 24 bleeding hours a day. Obviously, in between being raped up the bottom and filmed, which to some here seems acceptable.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff