Just how much did your life change when you had children?
Discussion
My wife is due in 9 weeks with our first (found out Boy) I'm really excited. We are both 33 years old with good jobs and kind of just put having children off until now basically because we were really enjoying ourselves.
We both like going out for drinks, meals, a few holidays a year & a fair bit of disposable income etc.... Many of our friends have children and for some of them (not all) they have literally let their own lives disappear, I mean they literally do nothing themselves.
When I was growing up my parents were in a similar situation to how we are now but still lead a very healthy social life.
I know things will change and I'm excited at the prospect of the change. I'm just curious as to how much it has changed other people? Good or bad.
We both like going out for drinks, meals, a few holidays a year & a fair bit of disposable income etc.... Many of our friends have children and for some of them (not all) they have literally let their own lives disappear, I mean they literally do nothing themselves.
When I was growing up my parents were in a similar situation to how we are now but still lead a very healthy social life.
I know things will change and I'm excited at the prospect of the change. I'm just curious as to how much it has changed other people? Good or bad.
sa v8 mate said:
So my friend, enjoy it when it comes. It'll change you for the better, yes you might be skint, yes you''ll be jealous when all your mates are going out, you'll crave for a good night's sleep.
But you'll meet new friends, you won't ever be selfish, your life will not revolve round you for the next 18 yrs, but you'll love every minute.
ThanksBut you'll meet new friends, you won't ever be selfish, your life will not revolve round you for the next 18 yrs, but you'll love every minute.
Most of my mates have kids and don't go out anyway, I already have the big house.
The rest sounds great apart from the sleep, but then again I suffer from insomnia anyway.
Sheets Tabuer said:
My life change in the following ways:
Made to feel like a 5th wheel in the in the family
Felt like a visitor in my own home.
OH always worked weekends so that was the end of Friday nights out and Saturdays doing sports.
Got in to fights on the living room floor which I always won.
Became an expert tickler.
Got to know the most charming and funny mate ever.
Made to feel like a 5th wheel in the in the family
Felt like a visitor in my own home.
OH always worked weekends so that was the end of Friday nights out and Saturdays doing sports.
Got in to fights on the living room floor which I always won.
Became an expert tickler.
Got to know the most charming and funny mate ever.
aww999 said:
My little boy is almost 10 months old now.
His arrival was like a bomb going off - my wife had an absolutely terrible time during the birth, and to be frank I think we both hated him for what she went through. I felt as if I had watched her being tortured for three days, and was then expected to dote on her torturer. She has had severe post-natal depression (now being controlled), and I think I have had bouts of something similar myself. Despite being an intelligent, financially secure, solid couple, and having a baby which friends describe as "easy", we have been on the brink of divorce, adoption and even suicide.
Maybe we're not as tough or as smart or as selfless as those who found it a walk in the park, but the last ten months have been absolute hell for both of us. My wife has often been incapable of watching the kid on her own, so I have gone weeks without any break in caring for him. I've been worried sick about her, worried sick about him and his future, and resenting the pair of them for putting me in this s
tty situation when I would have been quite happy filling my simple life with maths, physics and fooling around with old cars. We have gone from having fulfilling and stimulating professional and academic lives to endless hours of mindless drudgery, waiting hand and foot on this little pointless blob.
Things have finally started improving recently (eg in the last couple of weeks), and we are both a lot happier. However, the long-term implications of having a kid still terrify me, and with hindsight I wouldn't have had him. That sounds terrible and I feel bad for writing it, especially when he's been so charming and giggly this afternoon, but I think I mean it - for me, the bad outweighs the good a lot of the time. Ask me again in a year, and hopefully I will have changed my mind about that - regardless, I have a son now and I will always be around for him whether I like it or not.
We both wish people had been more honest with us about their genuine experiences of being a parent - because of our troubles a lot of people who present a brave face in public, and appear to be perfect families, have confided that they also had a st time of it. I don't want to put you off, or try and scare you; but on paper we should have been great parents and it was very nearly the end of us. Just be aware that it is not a garden of roses, and be prepared for a lot of potentially awful stuff that NO ONE EVER WARNS YOU ABOUT!
Thanks for being so honest.His arrival was like a bomb going off - my wife had an absolutely terrible time during the birth, and to be frank I think we both hated him for what she went through. I felt as if I had watched her being tortured for three days, and was then expected to dote on her torturer. She has had severe post-natal depression (now being controlled), and I think I have had bouts of something similar myself. Despite being an intelligent, financially secure, solid couple, and having a baby which friends describe as "easy", we have been on the brink of divorce, adoption and even suicide.
Maybe we're not as tough or as smart or as selfless as those who found it a walk in the park, but the last ten months have been absolute hell for both of us. My wife has often been incapable of watching the kid on her own, so I have gone weeks without any break in caring for him. I've been worried sick about her, worried sick about him and his future, and resenting the pair of them for putting me in this s
tty situation when I would have been quite happy filling my simple life with maths, physics and fooling around with old cars. We have gone from having fulfilling and stimulating professional and academic lives to endless hours of mindless drudgery, waiting hand and foot on this little pointless blob.Things have finally started improving recently (eg in the last couple of weeks), and we are both a lot happier. However, the long-term implications of having a kid still terrify me, and with hindsight I wouldn't have had him. That sounds terrible and I feel bad for writing it, especially when he's been so charming and giggly this afternoon, but I think I mean it - for me, the bad outweighs the good a lot of the time. Ask me again in a year, and hopefully I will have changed my mind about that - regardless, I have a son now and I will always be around for him whether I like it or not.
We both wish people had been more honest with us about their genuine experiences of being a parent - because of our troubles a lot of people who present a brave face in public, and appear to be perfect families, have confided that they also had a s
t time of it. I don't want to put you off, or try and scare you; but on paper we should have been great parents and it was very nearly the end of us. Just be aware that it is not a garden of roses, and be prepared for a lot of potentially awful stuff that NO ONE EVER WARNS YOU ABOUT!Hope everything works out well
I'll be absolutely honest, I really don't know in hindsight that I would have started this thread.
It has made for some very interesting and eye opening reading, my wife is now 8 weeks (ish) to go, I'm still excited and am preparing myself as much as is possible for the change to come.
I think I'm more worried / scared about the little fella being healthy and my Wife having not too bad a time when it gets down to the actual business day.
Thanks for all of the replies, I did ask for good and bad
It has made for some very interesting and eye opening reading, my wife is now 8 weeks (ish) to go, I'm still excited and am preparing myself as much as is possible for the change to come.
I think I'm more worried / scared about the little fella being healthy and my Wife having not too bad a time when it gets down to the actual business day.
Thanks for all of the replies, I did ask for good and bad
Scuba_steve said:
Urban Sports said:
2 weeks to go now and it's suddenly starting to feel really real (IYKWIM?) still feels like lots to do and I'm very nervous, and excited!
Congratulations, is it your first?We've got 5 weeks to go now, packed the hospital bag the other day, just in case
New POD said:
Urban Sports said:
My wife is due in 9 weeks with our first (found out Boy) I'm really excited. We are both 33 years old with good jobs
So you think you can both hack full time jobs, no sleep, and problems with the child care ? Ha. Urban Sports said:
and kind of just put having children off until now basically because we were really enjoying ourselves.
It'll be one stty nappy after another. and every sober night will leave you feeling like the worst hangover in the morning (after 2 hours sleep) Urban Sports said:
We both like going out for drinks,
Cancelled.Urban Sports said:
meals,
Cancelled Urban Sports said:
a few holidays a year
You can park that idea now & Urban Sports said:
a fair bit of disposable income etc....
Start saving for his University fees Now - now that you'll have any money to save any time soon Urban Sports said:
Many of our friends have children and for some of them (not all) they have literally
I'm splitting this sentence for impact
Urban Sports said:
let
Seriously LET ? I think not. You become a father, and that means your life is not yours alone.
Urban Sports said:
their own lives disappear,
Or did they get a new completely different life ?Cause the one you described is FUN but shallow.
Urban Sports said:
I mean they literally do nothing themselves.
It's not like Downton Abbey where they just hand the baby over the the nanny, and get on with life ? Urban Sports said:
When I was growing up my parents were in a similar situation to how we are now but still lead a very healthy social life.
They did ? Mine did too. Not sure they experienced 15.5% mortgage rate like me and the wife, which may not have helped us much. Urban Sports said:
I know things will change and I'm excited at the prospect of the change. I'm just curious as to how much it has changed other people? Good or bad.
You have no idea how much it will change, or how much you will hate your old self, or how often you will ask why you wasted all those years, whilst at the same time wishing that you could just use the bog in peace. You have no idea how proud you will feel when they gain 3 A*'s at a level and how you will miss them tearing through the house on the way to the kitchen, shouting "more food !" once they leave home (oh yes the first born will be home for Xmas soon and I can't wait, to go to the pub with him, and have him drink me under the table - again)
Many of your points whilst obviously valid for yourself don't really fit in with our circumstances and some probably do.
You are wide of the mark when it comes to some of the points especially in relation to disposable income, childcare and holidays. But then you don't know me
However your last 2 sentences are what I'm hoping it is all about.
ETA as seen as you live local to me on "Miseryside" then do you fancy some baby sitting if the Grandparents are busy?
Edited by Urban Sports on Thursday 27th October 09:37
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