Caught peeing in the kettle.
Discussion
XJSJohn said:
911motorsport said:
got back from the pub and the wife caught me peeing into the kettle.
Why not straight into the sink or in the back garden / back wall before you came in?!
i suppose at least t wasn't "number two's"
H_Kan said:
It's always got to be the garden in this scenario!
Man, of all the things you could have used like a saucepan, it had to be the kettle??!?!!
I can imagine this'll be a funny one to try and explain tomorrow!
Be sure to keep us posted.
The kettle was the closest (second closest) thing to hand. Plus I thought it would be easy to sterilise. I feel a bit sick.Man, of all the things you could have used like a saucepan, it had to be the kettle??!?!!
I can imagine this'll be a funny one to try and explain tomorrow!
Be sure to keep us posted.
Tunku said:
Well, it's a new kettle at the very least. 
Peing directly into a sink, or out of a window seems much more refined, considering. She may just be pissed off that she can't do the same.
Don't get me wrong, I know the correct protocol. I would have opted for the sink if it didnt have washing up in it, and I reckon she'd have been just as able with the kettle; it's a wide one with a fold flat handle (and now I think about it..............)Peing directly into a sink, or out of a window seems much more refined, considering. She may just be pissed off that she can't do the same.
XJSJohn said:
911motorsport said:
Tunku said:
Well, it's a new kettle at the very least.
Peing directly into a sink, or out of a window seems much more refined, considering. She may just be pissed off that she can't do the same.
Don't get me wrong, I know the correct protocol. I would have opted for the sink if it didnt have washing up in it, and I reckon she'd have been just as able with the kettle; it's a wide one with a fold flat handle (and now I think about it..............)Peing directly into a sink, or out of a window seems much more refined, considering. She may just be pissed off that she can't do the same.
t!! just heard the 'thunderfoot' across the bedroom floor
Edited by 911motorsport on Sunday 9th March 02:29
Edited by 911motorsport on Sunday 9th March 02:33
All clear.
Well, here I am again on the marital bed (sofa) and the cold rain is driving hard against the window. I have now thrown all caution to the wind and have BOTH bars glowing brightly on the electric fire; my quilt (as in the stained quilt from the spare room) is tucked under my chin and a 'luxury' corduroy cushion from House of Fraser is propping up my weaery head. The other cushion is propped under my calves so as to avoid 'sofa knee'.
Married life?........... priceless
Well, here I am again on the marital bed (sofa) and the cold rain is driving hard against the window. I have now thrown all caution to the wind and have BOTH bars glowing brightly on the electric fire; my quilt (as in the stained quilt from the spare room) is tucked under my chin and a 'luxury' corduroy cushion from House of Fraser is propping up my weaery head. The other cushion is propped under my calves so as to avoid 'sofa knee'.
Married life?........... priceless
Edited by 911motorsport on Sunday 9th March 02:47
Oh dear Oh dear Oh dear. I really did go online and post this didn't I. The thought of what I had done slowly crept over me as I was trying to get up from the sofa with a terrible stiff kneck (head was at a right angle to my body). I note that the kettle is at the bottom of the back garden, along with my socks and underpants????? I'm sure all will be made clear to me as the day progresses.Can everyone forget what I did please? This is not typical behaviour for me and I think someone might have slipped something into my drinks*
- triple vodka (at my request)if I remember rightly
it would seem that I have caused considerably more upset than I at first thought. The spare bed has been made up and I am not being spoken to :-( except for when I went to remove the 'evidence' and was told to leave them EXACTLY where they are. Oh, and her lentalist man hating girl friend is on the way over 
to no doubt stir it all up I am typing this of my own free will and without any outside influence. I am very ashamed of my actions and think there is nothing clever about me peeing in the kettle. My lovely wife has been very understanding and said to me that anyone would have been equaly upset. I am stupid for getting so drunk when I have a family to consider.
And she bought a new kettle from John Lewis (the really expensive Russell Hobs one with the selectable temperatures)
And I've promised to do some things
Edited by 911motorsport on Sunday 9th March 23:42
And she bought a new kettle from John Lewis (the really expensive Russell Hobs one with the selectable temperatures)
Edited by 911motorsport on Sunday 9th March 23:43
And I've promised to do some things
Edited by 911motorsport on Sunday 9th March 23:45
'Mrs 911' here. Thanks for leaving this on. I have already explained to your work why you are realy running late. Very impressed. Just to say that I can now see how genuine you were Marcus!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and how sorry you realy were (N O T)!. I'm glad you felt you wanted to share it with all your little freinds on here. Thank you for doing that! I've dropped H off at J's so enjoy your 'internets'. I suppose the 'kettle versus Toilet' decision was determined by the relative scale sizes.
hondafanatic said:
As long as no-one points out the picture he put up in Fantasy Man/Woman thread with the attached comment I'm sure he'll be fine.
OK. I am now obviously aware that I am in a not inconsiderable amount of trouble. I would appreciate it if people would not try and make it worse for their own enjoyment. If you have had any PMs from me please disregard.
Right, where to begin?
As is painfully evident, I have been caught with my cyber trousers firmly round my ankles!
I was going to just change my user name and bury the whole episode, but (very much like my old kettle) that would have stunk. I also wanted the opportunity, as alien as this might seem, to defend the actions of Mrs 911. Not because I 'need to grow some' but because I think it only fair to her that I colour the picture a little.
For her sins, she works for a bank, and like many other bank workers, is having a pretty st time of it at the moment i.e. she is under a lot of pressure and stress and not her normal happy go lucky self. The whole peeing in the kettle thing would not normaly drive her to blood lust (although it would/did 'piss' her off, as it would anyone). However..... the day before yesterday she had to tell a close freind (who also happens to work with her) that the bank no longer requires her services. She was genuinely in tears over this because she knows the impact this is going to have on her family (hubby laid off a few weeks ago)............
Cue the next morning: she goes to check her email and stumbles into my PH account that I have left open mid thread on the screen! being inquisitive she poked her nose in. Right or wrong, that is what she did. No malice intended, just a temptation thrust in front of her. If I'm honest, I would likely have done the same.
Really could not have happened at a worse time. On seeing that I had told the world of my drunken kettle pissing antics she flipped out! big time, and well we all know what happened next
The 'late for work' thing was an idle threat that was not acted on, and Marcus is NOT my real name. She called me Marcus after a particularly unsavoury character we once had the misfortune of knowing. (The poor chap in the picture is a Marcus she randomly selected from google images in a moment of fervour).
So there you have it! Just make sure you sign out when you're finished
As is painfully evident, I have been caught with my cyber trousers firmly round my ankles!
I was going to just change my user name and bury the whole episode, but (very much like my old kettle) that would have stunk. I also wanted the opportunity, as alien as this might seem, to defend the actions of Mrs 911. Not because I 'need to grow some' but because I think it only fair to her that I colour the picture a little.
For her sins, she works for a bank, and like many other bank workers, is having a pretty s
t time of it at the moment i.e. she is under a lot of pressure and stress and not her normal happy go lucky self. The whole peeing in the kettle thing would not normaly drive her to blood lust (although it would/did 'piss' her off, as it would anyone). However..... the day before yesterday she had to tell a close freind (who also happens to work with her) that the bank no longer requires her services. She was genuinely in tears over this because she knows the impact this is going to have on her family (hubby laid off a few weeks ago)............Cue the next morning: she goes to check her email and stumbles into my PH account that I have left open mid thread on the screen! being inquisitive she poked her nose in. Right or wrong, that is what she did. No malice intended, just a temptation thrust in front of her. If I'm honest, I would likely have done the same.
Really could not have happened at a worse time. On seeing that I had told the world of my drunken kettle pissing antics she flipped out! big time, and well we all know what happened next
The 'late for work' thing was an idle threat that was not acted on, and Marcus is NOT my real name. She called me Marcus after a particularly unsavoury character we once had the misfortune of knowing. (The poor chap in the picture is a Marcus she randomly selected from google images in a moment of fervour).
So there you have it! Just make sure you sign out when you're finished
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