Gender Dysphoria

[Nolar Dog]

Not sure where to start really but a bit of interest in my past has been generated off the back of some of my posts on the Manly scars and wounds thread.

As some of you will already know I was born male and only "became" Vicky in 2005/6.

There will be plenty of people that didn't know and probably even more that don't care but I thought I'd start this thread (after Oobster said it was a good idea ) to see what debate came of it.

It's a bit of an unusual topic for a car forum with lots of guys on but there might be someone else who reads this that's in the same position as I was a few years ago.

If anyone is interested in any aspect of my transformation/transition either medically, surgically, physically, emotionally or logistically I'm more than happy to answer any questions openly and honestly.

But please only serious questions. I've heard all the daft stuff before.

Over to you really (if anyone's still reading).

[Nolar Dog]

missdiane said:

I have some queries.

When did you 'know'?
What age did you decide this was the right thing to do?

I'm saving myself a bit of typing here by quoting how I answered that on the other thread yesterday.

I said:

Age? I was 9 when I first realised something was "wrong" and 12 when I realised exactly what it was and that something could be done about it.

That was in 1983/4 when Keith Hull/Stephanie Anne Lloyd was "outed" by The Daily Mirror after her surgery.
She had just returned to work as a MD of a factory just up the road (coincidentally) from where I lived as a child.
When I read her story I knew I was not alone and I had an "option" if that makes sense?

I didn't do anything about it until the bell finally went off in my head and told me enough was enough. That was in mid-2005 at just turned age 33.

I told my immediate family and some close friends just before christmas 2005 and transitioned on Christmas Day of that year.

I started hormones in Feb 2006, got a referral for SRS in March 2006 by which time I'd already booked and paid for it (so it's a good job the specialists believed me!) and had surgery in October 2006, still aged 33.

missdiane said:

How has society (away from net) accepted you?

It differs really, day by day, place by place. A lot of the time I can go anywhere and do anything and no-one bats an eyelid. Then other times it seems everyone is staring at me.

I'm about 6' tall so I'm never going to blend in to the crowd so I understand people will stare sometimes. Some people laugh and call me a tranny, others just get on with their business.

Professionally all my clients are great, in so much that no-one ever mentions anything to me. I assume they just take me as Vicky as they didn't know me before but I'm under no illusion that some could be thinking "Is she, isn't she?" to themselves.

Family and friends have been wonderful with the exception of my eldest sister who's reaction was:

"How am I meant to tell my friends that my brother is going to be my sister now?"
I never did really get on with her anyway and IMO that says more about her than it does me.

missdiane said:

And in as polite way possible, do you have any pictures? you can say no if you like

I destroyed all pictures of me as "a lad" growing up and as a young man.
I may have some somewhere of the early stages of my transition where I was a bit "inbetween" but I'd rather not post those.
I have a few of me now but they are all professional shots from when I did a bit of modelling.

Most of them are either not suitable to show publicly or are Photoshopped but you can still see the "real me" under the airbrushing.
I'll have a look in Photobucket and see what there is...

Edited by Nolar Dog on Monday 11th May 22:17

[Nolar Dog]

Groober said:

Fair play to you for being so open about this subject, I suppose if its something you felt you needed to do and your happy with the way you are why would it be hard to talk about.

I have seen my next door neighbour go through what you have (Also in Tailand) And in all honesty at first it was kind of strange but now its as though nothing has changed and she was always a she.

She says that she misses being able to go for a piss standing up but doesnt miss the gents loo's.

Can I ask... were you close (friendship, not distance before anyone starts ) to the neighbour before she transitioned? If so, did "he" becoming "she" affect your friendship/relationship at all?
I'm interested how it must be for someone on the other side of the "change".

I can listen to how my family and friends felt/feel but I have no actual idea just what it must be like to see someone become someone else.

I have to say I don't miss the toilet side of things, although granted guys do get it easy in so much as they can more or less go where/when they want.

Edit: Spelling error

Edited by Nolar Dog on Monday 11th May 22:23

[Nolar Dog]

Yes, missdiane I have short (dyed) blonde hair.

[Nolar Dog]

Mrs Trackside said:

How did you "know"?

What made you decide to a) dress as a woman and b) become a woman, because they are both very different things. What makes you think you are a woman? (that sounds accusatory, but that's not how it's meant).

Not sure how I originally "knew" something was wrong but as I posted above I started to feel "different" at about aged 9. Typical tale which I'm sure some people will have read about that I felt different from other lads my age and it was very difficult to try to be like them.

At 13/14 when the Keith Hull/Stephanie Anne Lloyd story "broke" in the media I sat in my bedroom at home one Sunday afternoon and read, re-read and re-read again the story.
Everything I had felt was written right there in front of me and I knew what was "wrong" and more importantly that one day I would be able to do something about it.

It's very hard to explain/justify/qualify why I think I'm a woman to someone who hasn't been in a similar position. But knowing that you think like a woman, feel like a woman but when you look in a mirror seeing a man looking back at you is an awful feeling.

I don't think I've explained that very well have I?

I was a bit different from most TS girls in that I never dressed "as a girl" throughout my childhood. Most do. The first time I ever wore women's clothes was towards the end of December 2005, the day I had my initial consultation in London with Dr. Reid.

Imagine how scary going to London was that day!
For me it was never about the clothes and if I'd have had to spend the rest of my life naked as long as my body matched my mind that would be fine.

Mrs Trackside said:

And, if it's not too personal, do you find men/women/both sexually attractive?

Both. As I see it someones gender isn't going to get in the way of me fancying them. If there's attraction there, then it's there. No matter who, what or why.

Who knows "what" they really are inside anyway, until you get to know them.

[Nolar Dog]

Nobody You Know said:

Do you find that men or women are more excepting?

I ask this because some things I have seen/been involved with have suggested that women can be very very unnaccepting wereas men just see the 'person and get on with the business or freindship.

Generally, men seem to be more accepting. I don't know if it's because they see a woman as less of a threat to them so you pass under the radar or because they are too busy staring at my boobs to notice anything "suspicious" about me.

I have to say lots of women are very nice but there are some (mainly late 20's/early 30's) that can be very bhy and rude.

I'm not sure why? Maybe they are insecure abou their looks so try to make me feel the same?
I honestly don't know.

But yeah, to most guys I'm "just Vicky/Victoria" and to some it's even better that I'm into cars.

[Nolar Dog]

Steamer said:

Seeing as you are opening up for question time I'm going to proper nosey git and ask something pretty much unrelated, what is it you do for a living Vicky? I've always known youve had a enviable garage collection that must take a bit of funding. I'm guessing its a safe bet your not a spanner monkey down the garage anymore Have you hung up the tools for good (no pun intended)?

I hung up my tools at the beginning of 2005 as I didn't think it would be in my best interest (if at all possible) to carry on a career in the motor trade.

Now I have a few business interests: I/we (when I say "we" I mean me and my dad) have a few houses/flats we rent out, mostly corporate lets.
I do corporate airport transfers, I buy and sell a few cars and a few other little bits. I also just recently closed my beauty/nail salon.

Most of it is someone else's hard work

Steamer said:

Is it easier living as a chick or dude?

"Chick". I don't have to pretend to be anything I'm not. And no matter what crap happens in a day I'm happy inside.
Having to pretend to be somebody you're not for 33 years is very hard work.

[Nolar Dog]

Groober said:

Close ish I suppose, I have lived next door for nigh on 15 years. But no it didnt change the relationship I had with her atall, I consider myself to be very open minded and who am I to judge people for doing things they feel they need to do...

I still live next door and nothing has changed, we still call her round for bbq's in the summer as we always have done and do all the same things we did before, all normal.

Thanks for answering.

It's nice to hear the other side and it's great that you're friendship wasn't/isn't affected.
Good on you.

[Nolar Dog]

stackmonkey said:

Once you're on the hormone therapy, are there any changes that simply aren't expected, that aren't simply a direct result of the drugs, or known side -effect?

Slightly more daft, does the hormone therapy change the way you think about certain things? or feel about them?
i.e. more like a woman, separately from the physical changes?

To be honest I didn't really notice a massive change.

Everyone was telling me I'd be an emotional wreck and constantly crying (no woman jokes please!) but I think the relief of finally "starting" the transition and the excitement of upcoming surgery outweighed any noticeable changes.

[Nolar Dog]

R60EST said:

I've not seen any of your pics , but from your posts on the scars thread I've read about the surgery you had. How do you disguise what must be / have been a male sounding voice and have you had to do anything about your adams apple.

One of the only things I have done on the NHS is get a referralt to my local hospital for speech therapy. It is bloody hard work!

It's all about speaking from your head rather than from your chest if that makes any sense.
It takes lots of practice and I was going there weekly from early 2006 to early 2007, with a 3 month break when I was away for surgery.

Even now I still get referred to as "Mr" or "Sir" on the phone sometimes but it's not a big deal.
Some of the sexiest female voices are deep.

I'd rather sound as I do rather than a "typical" TS over-therapied voice which IMO is almost parody of a feminine voice.

Adams Apple: I had surgery on that almost as soon as I transitioned. Before the surgery it was huge but he managed to get it down to an acceptable size with minimal scarring.

I had it done by Dr. Brian Musgrove at the Alexandra Hospital in Cheadle, Cheshire if anyone's interested. He's one of the best surgeons in the UK for facial reconstruction IMO.

[Nolar Dog]

CommanderJameson said:

Could you or would you have gone through what is undoubtedly a huge change, if your family and close ones had not been supportive?

Yes I'd have done it with or without them.

I told my parents how I felt by way of a letter. I explained what it meant and how it (hopefully) justified a few silly things I'd done as a lad.

I also told them that they would be losing a son either way but now had the chance to gain a happy daughter.
It sounds blunt thinking about it but I figured that if it was written down they had chance to read it again.

If I'd gone and said it to them they may not have listened properly, not taken it in fully or just got angry and thrown me out. With a letter the worst they could do is rip it up but it could always be pieced back together to read again to help them understand.

CommanderJameson said:

Top bombing, by the way, for posting this thread.

I've never heard that phrase before. Is that a good thing or a bad thing?

[Nolar Dog]

LHDisbest said:

To me it shows PH in a positive light, who cares who you are as long as you can help others.

That was my thought too.

LHDisbest said:

P.S, Vicky, i've had a proper blast in the Focus RS. Words fail me to discribe how good it is. The order is in for November/December!

Glad you liked it. What colour have you ordered and what spec?

Edit: Spelling

Edited by Nolar Dog on Monday 11th May 23:26

[Nolar Dog]

Bed is calling but I'll check thread tomorrow and reply if needed...

G'nite all.

[Nolar Dog]

Lil' Joe said:

I am so very pleased I started that Manly scars thread because it has led to one of the most interesting threads I've yet rad on PH, along with a few choice others. After people leaving et al it's good to read a more serious thread with honest answer's and intelligent conversation.
You make me proud...
<sniff>

Shut up you girl

Lil Joe said:

I would also genuinely like to see some photo's if you would be kind enough to post some Vicky.

I'm posting from my phone at minute as I'm out and about today but I will post a couple of pics of me later.

Lil Joe said:

Oh, and did your insurance go down? I must know, mine are ridiculous and I always said I'd do anything to lower them

In all seriousness yes it did but I think that's more to do with me not being silly any more.

For a few years before I transitioned I was doing some daft things some of which were motoring related.

To cut a very long story short I was banned from driving 3 times and went to prison twice. That bumps up your premium quite a bit!

I'm all legal now and my insurance is cheap again.

[Nolar Dog]

drivin_me_nuts said:

Interesting posting ND.

So, what was the trigger for making the final decision to start the process of change?

As I've just alluded to in a post above I was getting into more and more trouble and mixing with some bad people towards the end of my male life.

I was trying too hard to hide my feelings and be "one of the boys".

I thought the time was here were I had to do something or I would end up either dead or in prison for a very long time.

Edited by Nolar Dog on Thursday 14th May 00:47

[Nolar Dog]

Amused2death said:

I don't wish to make you appear as an object, but if you have a passport.....how do the authorities classify you on there?

BTW..."Top bombing"...I think that came from a tv advert years ago, possibly John Smiths bitter

It's cool no offence. One of the first things to do when you start living as the opposite sex is to change your name by Deed Poll. Then get a letter from your GP confirming you are under their care and that in his opinion you intend to spend the rest of your life in the new role.

You can then apply for a passport and driving licence in your new ID and to reflect your new title.
This is one of the first things you must do if you intend having genital surgery as you must prove you are "committed" to the change before you get a referral letter.

Birth certificates can be changed but that's a different matter.

[Nolar Dog]

Poledriver: you admitting what you have on this forum probably takes more bravery than my posts.

It's nice that you talk about it though as it shows just a few more people that TS girls are "normal".

The girl you dated: How old was she if you don't mind me asking and how long had she been transitioned?
Do you know which surgeon she had been to?

[Nolar Dog]

hugo a gogo said:

Not having a go at nolar dog here, but I have to say it says something about society that people feel they have to modify themselves with surgery and drugs to fit in

Firstly what I did surgically was purely for me and me alone. I knew inside I was female but I also knew women didn't have a penis.

I couldn't change my mind/brain so the only other option is to change my genitals to match my mind.
It had nothing to do with society's acceptance of me as for the most part people won't know what is in your pants until you take them off.

I think TS people do get the rough end of the stick in acceptance terms. It seems much easier to be gay or a cross dresser. But I have to say, a lot of transexuals don't really help themselves.

They seem to have some kind of "Woe ist me" attitude and often very bad dress sense.
I think the biggest problem for trans people is that they "come out" to late in life for one reason or another.

[Nolar Dog]

Thanks missdiane and thanks for clearing up the "top bombing" bit Commander.

Letters are good, I agree.

[Nolar Dog]

Mrs Trackside: I'm not sure how to explain other than to say it's very difficult to accept yourself when your mind is telling you one thing and your body (image) is telling you something totally different.

There needs to be congruity between the two, or at least there did in my case.