I'm mentally broken
Discussion
Thanks all.
I am taking everything on board and the advice being given on here is amazing.
I had a better day today because I have tried to stop worrying and have changed the way I think. I have got beyond the worry of not having this job and am going to invest the time in finding something else. Ive taken a step back at work and it's amazing what you see when you do this.
I see a very bitter department being run by a cocky, arrogant, rude, damn right nasty control freak. I have noticed that for all of the bullying and crap that he has thrown at me, he isn't a strong person at all. He likes to control people and bully them to get his way. If you stand up to the bully, he will break.
I have really cracked on at work over the last few days and have shown him a lot of progress. He seems surprised by this. I have sat at my desk, quietly getting on with things. I'm only really speaking when I have to and when I'm spoken to.
I have noticed that my dept consists of spiteful, opinionated women who rely on my manager and jump when told to. They are ignoring me at the moment, but that doesn't bother me. If anything, my company have a bad track record of helping employees who are sick for genuine reasons. You are treated like an outsider; like someone who has done something odd abs isn't towing the company line.
It's all bulls
t. It's utterly pathetic and all that matters to me are my family.
I'm staying there for as long as I need to. However, I don't care about the place anymore and I am certainly not going to let it make me Ill.
I'll see about a doctors appointment after the weekend.
Thanks again all.
I am taking everything on board and the advice being given on here is amazing.
I had a better day today because I have tried to stop worrying and have changed the way I think. I have got beyond the worry of not having this job and am going to invest the time in finding something else. Ive taken a step back at work and it's amazing what you see when you do this.
I see a very bitter department being run by a cocky, arrogant, rude, damn right nasty control freak. I have noticed that for all of the bullying and crap that he has thrown at me, he isn't a strong person at all. He likes to control people and bully them to get his way. If you stand up to the bully, he will break.
I have really cracked on at work over the last few days and have shown him a lot of progress. He seems surprised by this. I have sat at my desk, quietly getting on with things. I'm only really speaking when I have to and when I'm spoken to.
I have noticed that my dept consists of spiteful, opinionated women who rely on my manager and jump when told to. They are ignoring me at the moment, but that doesn't bother me. If anything, my company have a bad track record of helping employees who are sick for genuine reasons. You are treated like an outsider; like someone who has done something odd abs isn't towing the company line.
It's all bulls
t. It's utterly pathetic and all that matters to me are my family.I'm staying there for as long as I need to. However, I don't care about the place anymore and I am certainly not going to let it make me Ill.
I'll see about a doctors appointment after the weekend.
Thanks again all.
Edited by funkyrobot on Thursday 17th March 22:57
Edited by funkyrobot on Thursday 17th March 22:59
Still in the stupid job, but just about to can it I think.
Have been trying to arrange some things with the company for the new system this week. However, I've had people tell me they have no time, people not turning up (this morning I got into work early only to be told that nobody is coming to the training today) and people harassing me for jobs that my manager should do, but has left.
And speaking of the star manager in question, he hasn't provided any help at all. He hasn't even turned up today yet and he knows we were dealing with problem people today. I tried to ask for some management oomph off him yesterday, and he hasn't done anything.
Anyway, not feeling good today and just called home. Nearly started crying on the phone. How bad is that?
ToXXers!
Edited to add - I know what the advice is on here. Thanks all.
Have been trying to arrange some things with the company for the new system this week. However, I've had people tell me they have no time, people not turning up (this morning I got into work early only to be told that nobody is coming to the training today) and people harassing me for jobs that my manager should do, but has left.
And speaking of the star manager in question, he hasn't provided any help at all. He hasn't even turned up today yet and he knows we were dealing with problem people today. I tried to ask for some management oomph off him yesterday, and he hasn't done anything.
Anyway, not feeling good today and just called home. Nearly started crying on the phone. How bad is that?
ToXXers!
Edited to add - I know what the advice is on here. Thanks all.
Edited by funkyrobot on Tuesday 22 March 08:38
DuncanM said:
This thread makes for sad and shocking reading in 2016.
You do realise that pretty much everything your manager had done can be considered as bullying?
Unless you work for a tiny company, you should have a bullying HR page/pdf that you can look through, and familiarise yourself with.
If I were you, I'd do that, and threaten to take him through HR and out the door for his behaviour.
Very sorry to read that people are still having to deal with this ste in their working life 
Small company.You do realise that pretty much everything your manager had done can be considered as bullying?
Unless you work for a tiny company, you should have a bullying HR page/pdf that you can look through, and familiarise yourself with.
If I were you, I'd do that, and threaten to take him through HR and out the door for his behaviour.
Very sorry to read that people are still having to deal with this s
te in their working life He is loved by HR. I don't think it will do a lot, but could be worth noting.
We'll see. Thanks.
andy-xr said:
I don't buy the earlier comments relating to 'you shouldn't have said you needed time off and it wasn't your decision
It absolutely was, you're in charge of your own actions/reactions especially when it comes to how you mentally deal with your boss
I can't tell you what to do but I think from the sounds of it, whatever move you make next will be a considered one, so is probably the right one.
Thanks Andy. It absolutely was, you're in charge of your own actions/reactions especially when it comes to how you mentally deal with your boss
I can't tell you what to do but I think from the sounds of it, whatever move you make next will be a considered one, so is probably the right one.
Vaud said:
It's a bit trite, and an excerpt from West Wing but it's a quote I remember (and shamelessly copy/paste) and it seems apt for this thread.
"This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out.
"A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
"Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on
"Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'"
Very good. "This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out.
"A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
"Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on
"Then a friend walks by, 'Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'"
wolf1 said:
Hi Funkyrobot, as the others have said already you aren't alone in this. I can't offer any advise as I feel we are all different in how we go pop and how we heal (not only that but I hit things with big hammers for a living so what the hell do I know 
).
Like you I've looked down the barrel of despair and somehow blundered through to still be here. You're looking in the right direction and are talking to professionals. The hard part is done and we are all here if and when you need us.
Thanks. Good to know there are others around who know how this feels. ). Like you I've looked down the barrel of despair and somehow blundered through to still be here. You're looking in the right direction and are talking to professionals. The hard part is done and we are all here if and when you need us.
vanordinaire said:
Even if they aren't inclined to go against the manager, they are likely to be more risk averse/greivance savvy and will try to avoid a dispute situation. At worse it will buy you a bit of time and relief from the bullying as even if they try to 'manage you out', they will be trying to cover their backs by ticking all the right boxes.At best, they might side with you and force changes which suit you.
Could be worth a punt then. xjay1337 said:
Waste of time. Find another job.
It's a bit frustrating. You post up saying you are upset and hate your job, have no support etc. But you don't appear to be doing anything to get out of that situation.
Like getting another job.
I am working on it. It's a bit frustrating. You post up saying you are upset and hate your job, have no support etc. But you don't appear to be doing anything to get out of that situation.
Like getting another job.
There is a bank holiday coming up where I get paid for two days work for nothing. Might as well make the most of them before I leap.
Yes, you are right. It's me. It's all little old me.
It's my fault that people who normally spoke to me completely ignored me when I got back to work. It's my fault that I was dragged into a HR meeting that I didn't know anything about, and was analysed by my lovely, caring manager who was ready to deny everything I said.
It's my fault that I have had some issues with mental health that leave me happy one moment, then terribly sad the next.
It's also my fault that I have ended up stuck in a rut and haven't been able to, as yet, find a clean way out.
Yes, I post on here when at work, but it's not all day every day. We are allowed breaks from our work and our company IT policies even state we can use the Internet.
Some of it is my fault, but not all of it. It's easy to say 'we all know the best way out is a quiet, dignified exit.' However, it doesn't always happen that way.
It's taken a while for me to get to this point of frustration here. I have smiled, put up with st and turned a blind eye to it for well over a year. Guess what, I have finally had enough.
I kept this thread running as I thought it would be useful for others in my situation. I also used it to ask for help as PH is full of people from all walks of life.
Thankfully, I can assure you that I don't come across like this in interviews because I haven't had a year or so of st from someone at an interview.
My thanks again to all that have helped me on here.
It's my fault that people who normally spoke to me completely ignored me when I got back to work. It's my fault that I was dragged into a HR meeting that I didn't know anything about, and was analysed by my lovely, caring manager who was ready to deny everything I said.
It's my fault that I have had some issues with mental health that leave me happy one moment, then terribly sad the next.
It's also my fault that I have ended up stuck in a rut and haven't been able to, as yet, find a clean way out.
Yes, I post on here when at work, but it's not all day every day. We are allowed breaks from our work and our company IT policies even state we can use the Internet.
Some of it is my fault, but not all of it. It's easy to say 'we all know the best way out is a quiet, dignified exit.' However, it doesn't always happen that way.
It's taken a while for me to get to this point of frustration here. I have smiled, put up with s
t and turned a blind eye to it for well over a year. Guess what, I have finally had enough.I kept this thread running as I thought it would be useful for others in my situation. I also used it to ask for help as PH is full of people from all walks of life.
Thankfully, I can assure you that I don't come across like this in interviews because I haven't had a year or so of s
t from someone at an interview.My thanks again to all that have helped me on here.
Just a quick update for anyone interested.
I have decided to resign from my current role in an amicable fashion. I don't have anything else to go to yet, but I can't stay where I am. I'll use the time off to rest, get my fitness sorted out and look for something better.
Thanks for the help all.
I have decided to resign from my current role in an amicable fashion. I don't have anything else to go to yet, but I can't stay where I am. I'll use the time off to rest, get my fitness sorted out and look for something better.
Thanks for the help all.
Thanks all.
Been to HR and informed them of my decision. Have asked me to think about it as they do not want me to leave. Apparently, she is quite shocked by what I want to do. She said she knew I couldn't tell the truth during my return to work interview, and was only a bit surprised about the other shenanigans that have happened. She asked if she could try to fix the situation for me. However, I personally don't think she can.
I said I'll work my month's notice, and I want to leave everything amicably.
Have arranged a meeting with the MD of the company tomorrow to give him a low down on the main project progress. This is nothing to do with my resignation as I wanted to do this anyway. My manager is not happy with me for doing this, and has now told me we need to have an emergency meeting this afternoon to discuss things.
I think he is unhappy because I started leaning on him over the last few weeks. I hit a brick wall ages ago in terms of my main project due to people not doing their allocated work, not listening to me, not turning up to planned training sessions etc. (had a consultant here last week who left after an hour or so because nobody bothered turning up). The system seller has also gone to ground, is offering little help and we have now been told we need to update our whole wireless infrastructure (at a cost of £36k) to make the new system work. This is something we were assured wouldn't need to happen. This is all stuff that he is supposed to sort once I escalate, and he hasn't. Therefore, because I want to raise issues with the MD, he is kicking off.
In the meantime though, the sneaky git had been to see the MD on his own. The result of this was deadlines for work this week (sent over on Sunday evening) that I can't achieve. This is because nobody is doing anything, hence why I wanted a meeting with the MD anyway.
Anyhow, my decision is made so anything he does doesn't bother me anymore. I have a month of this hell to go and am looking for something else in anger.
Been to HR and informed them of my decision. Have asked me to think about it as they do not want me to leave. Apparently, she is quite shocked by what I want to do. She said she knew I couldn't tell the truth during my return to work interview, and was only a bit surprised about the other shenanigans that have happened. She asked if she could try to fix the situation for me. However, I personally don't think she can.
I said I'll work my month's notice, and I want to leave everything amicably.
Have arranged a meeting with the MD of the company tomorrow to give him a low down on the main project progress. This is nothing to do with my resignation as I wanted to do this anyway. My manager is not happy with me for doing this, and has now told me we need to have an emergency meeting this afternoon to discuss things.
I think he is unhappy because I started leaning on him over the last few weeks. I hit a brick wall ages ago in terms of my main project due to people not doing their allocated work, not listening to me, not turning up to planned training sessions etc. (had a consultant here last week who left after an hour or so because nobody bothered turning up). The system seller has also gone to ground, is offering little help and we have now been told we need to update our whole wireless infrastructure (at a cost of £36k) to make the new system work. This is something we were assured wouldn't need to happen. This is all stuff that he is supposed to sort once I escalate, and he hasn't. Therefore, because I want to raise issues with the MD, he is kicking off.
In the meantime though, the sneaky git had been to see the MD on his own. The result of this was deadlines for work this week (sent over on Sunday evening) that I can't achieve. This is because nobody is doing anything, hence why I wanted a meeting with the MD anyway.
Anyhow, my decision is made so anything he does doesn't bother me anymore. I have a month of this hell to go and am looking for something else in anger.
Edited by funkyrobot on Tuesday 29th March 12:35
andy-xr said:
I dont think getting any more involved does anyone any favours. It's nice to vent, call them s if you have to, but ultimately if you're leaving, do it with dignity and respect, whatever's gone before doesnt matter now or in the future
That's the plan. No more concerns for me, I'm off. Anything else is a waste of time. s if you have to, but ultimately if you're leaving, do it with dignity and respect, whatever's gone before doesnt matter now or in the future Derek Smith said:
I wish you all the best.
Something similar worked for me. I understood the saying, which Google can't find easily, that most of us spend our time bailing when fixing the hole would be easier. I hope you understand it, if not now, then soon.
Thanks. I know what you mean. Something similar worked for me. I understood the saying, which Google can't find easily, that most of us spend our time bailing when fixing the hole would be easier. I hope you understand it, if not now, then soon.
Bizarrely, he was quite mellow. But that was probably due to the fact that I wasn't taking any nonsense in the meeting. I have been busy over the last week or so too, so had plenty of work updates for him anyway.
I told him what had been done, what hadn't and what my plans were for this week and the next. He re-iterated the fact that some work he wanted me to do this week simply had to be done by Friday at the latest, as the MD wants to see it. This is even though some people who I need to work with are on holiday.
He asked me again what I want the meeting tomorrow for. I told him straight that it was because I'm stuck, I've escalated issues and nothing has been done. He went quiet then and didn't really say anything else.
Then he asked me if I had anything to say, I said no, it went quiet for a bit and we walked out. Meeting was a waste of time really as he knows what I'm doing work wise. He also asked about my ill fated work log that he showed no interest in the other week.
He won't know what is happening re my resignation yet. I asked HR to leave all the details until after the meeting tomorrow (so it won't be cancelled) and I think she has obliged.
I told him what had been done, what hadn't and what my plans were for this week and the next. He re-iterated the fact that some work he wanted me to do this week simply had to be done by Friday at the latest, as the MD wants to see it. This is even though some people who I need to work with are on holiday.
He asked me again what I want the meeting tomorrow for. I told him straight that it was because I'm stuck, I've escalated issues and nothing has been done. He went quiet then and didn't really say anything else.
Then he asked me if I had anything to say, I said no, it went quiet for a bit and we walked out. Meeting was a waste of time really as he knows what I'm doing work wise. He also asked about my ill fated work log that he showed no interest in the other week.
He won't know what is happening re my resignation yet. I asked HR to leave all the details until after the meeting tomorrow (so it won't be cancelled) and I think she has obliged.
Thanks Andy.
Meeting was a waste of time in the end. My manager had sent a list of things to the MD beforehand. No matter what I mentioned or spoke about, nobody was really interested. If anything, stuff was turned around and pointed at me.
Just confirms everything, so I'm glad I'm off.
Meeting was a waste of time in the end. My manager had sent a list of things to the MD beforehand. No matter what I mentioned or spoke about, nobody was really interested. If anything, stuff was turned around and pointed at me.
Just confirms everything, so I'm glad I'm off.
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