My fiancé isn't interested in sex any more.

My fiancé isn't interested in sex any more.

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Mark Gruffalo

Original Poster:

1 posts

122 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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The initial message was deleted from this topic on 15 August 2014 at 13:27

grumbledoak

31,795 posts

239 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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You need to talk to her. I certainly wouldn't be going ahead with the marriage until this is resolved.

rollondeath

317 posts

125 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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Does she actually want to be with you? have you asked her?

GT03ROB

13,542 posts

227 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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Read a book.... The married man sex life primer by Athol Kay.

It's insightful. You'll soon see you are probably doing a lot wrong from your description

carreauchompeur

17,994 posts

210 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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Wow.

dai1983

3,004 posts

155 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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grumbledoak said:
You need to talk to her. I certainly wouldn't be going ahead with the marriage until this is resolved.
Does she get all defensive and distant when you mention it?

Edited by dai1983 on Sunday 9th August 20:52

rollondeath

317 posts

125 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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dai1983 said:
grumbledoak said:
You need to talk to her. I certainly wouldn't be going ahead with the marriage until this is resolved.
This x a million. Sounds like a similar situation to me but we've been together since 2009 and married since 2011. Had three months of awesome sex then down hill from there which is st. Got married hoping things would change and her PND would get sorted. Not a day goes by where I wish I wasn't here but we don't actually argue and I know id hardly see my son.

Does she get all defensive and distant when you mention it?
You're only here once pal. Sounds like a bad situation to be in.

MajorProblem

4,700 posts

170 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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Bin her. Even if you sort it out you'll get a blowy and that for a week or two and then it'll go back to how it was.

Prepare for a st storm about your house and maintenance payments.

BoRED S2upid

20,292 posts

246 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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3 times in 12 months crikey!

Bradgate

2,941 posts

153 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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What a mess frown.

Your relationship clearly has serious problems and, for both your sakes, any plans to marry should be postponed indefinitely until you have addressed and resolved these problems together.

It sounds like you need to get some form of counselling to help you work through the situation, starting with the most fundamental question : do you both actually want to be together?

Good luck.



Edited by Bradgate on Sunday 10th August 18:15

Xaero

4,060 posts

221 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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Have to ask the rude question: Do you actually love her? Because that's not coming across. You had a few dates, barely saw each other then a surprise baby came along. It doesn't sound like either one of you have built much of a relationship at all, where/when/why did the engagement occur in all this? It sounds like you're closer to being strangers than in a loving long-term relationship, which is why she is rejecting sex, try taking her and your daughter out for a few days without asking anything in return, then she may open up a bit. As soon as you start thinking you're doing this in exchange for sex though, you've already lost.

It's an uphill struggle if you want to make this work I'm afraid.

MajorProblem

4,700 posts

170 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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Maybe she's into something really mental in the bedroom and doesn't know how to approach you about it?

pad58

12,548 posts

187 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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Xaero said:
Have to ask the rude question: Do you actually love her? Because that's not coming across. You had a few dates, barely saw each other then a surprise baby came along. It doesn't sound like either one of you have built much of a relationship at all, where/when/why did the engagement occur in all this? It sounds like you're closer to being strangers than in a loving long-term relationship, which is why she is rejecting sex, try taking her and your daughter out for a few days without asking anything in return, then she may open up a bit. As soon as you start thinking you're doing this in exchange for sex though, you've already lost.

It's an uphill struggle if you want to make this work I'm afraid.
I agree with this.

Anonamoose

442 posts

141 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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If there had never been a baby, would you have stayed together after those 3-4 dates?

Also and I don't want to be offensive but do you know absolutely that the baby is yours? Statistically getting pregnant first time etc is ridiculously small. Most couples take a year to get pregnant when actually trying to have a baby. I'm not saying things like that don't happen but it's damn coincidental if you ask me.

I hope you get it sorted but sometimes you have to break something down to build something better, as hard as that may be.

otherman

2,207 posts

171 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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dai1983 said:
Sounds like a similar situation to me but we've been together since 2009 and married since 2011. Had three months of awesome sex then down hill from there which is st. Got married hoping things would change and her PND would get sorted. Not a day goes by where I wish I wasn't here but we don't actually argue and I know id hardly see my son.
You know it's possible to bobble along like that for 20 years? A surprising number of people do, because it seems to hard to break up. Life is once only though, sort it or end it.

BoRED S2upid

20,292 posts

246 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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Does she work or is she 100% with the baby? Does she have a good support network? Friends with babies etc.. It's tough for a mother if all her life is is babies, poo, sick and the constant chasing after them for you to come home and bother her about sex.

I too have a 1 year the little man is in nursery 3 times a week and it's still flat out for both of us were nackered come the weekend.

MajorProblem

4,700 posts

170 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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Get a DNA test find out the kid ain't yours then dump her and the child and get on with your life.

TheLordJohn

5,746 posts

152 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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MajorProblem said:
Get a DNA test find out the kid ain't yours then dump her and the child and get on with your life.
Lol, love this.
We were at it like rabbits when girlfriend/boyfriend.
Now I'm married....

TheChampers

4,097 posts

144 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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pad58 said:
Xaero said:
Have to ask the rude question: Do you actually love her? Because that's not coming across. You had a few dates, barely saw each other then a surprise baby came along. It doesn't sound like either one of you have built much of a relationship at all, where/when/why did the engagement occur in all this? It sounds like you're closer to being strangers than in a loving long-term relationship, which is why she is rejecting sex, try taking her and your daughter out for a few days without asking anything in return, then she may open up a bit. As soon as you start thinking you're doing this in exchange for sex though, you've already lost.

It's an uphill struggle if you want to make this work I'm afraid.
I agree with this.
If I could, I would also quote Gaz as well. Do you both actually love/know each other truly, as individuals with hopes ambitions fear insecurities family issues etc etc? Complex beasts human beings, the sex bit being only a part of a long term bonding/child-raising partnership.

Seriously, if you can sort baby-sitting out, just go out in the day for a walk and a coffee or lunch and talk, talk lots, you need to really get to know, and like each other first imho.

I do hope it works out well.

jonamv8

3,178 posts

172 months

Sunday 10th August 2014
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That is not right, not healthy.

Be honest tell her wedding postponed until you sort it out.

And probably DNA test too...