What has your "friend" been up to?
Discussion
My friend bought a cheapo POS Rice Rocket (1999 Honda Accord Coupe 2.0 VTEC) on eBay for some buttons, to give to his brother, who is down on his luck. The car evidently looked so dodgy on its slightly (very) Barried after market wheels that a geezer in a van approached my friend at a fuel station and tried to sell him a telly*. My friend pretended to be French and the geezer went away. Honi soit qui mal y pense. Then my friend took the car to his brother, but the nearside wheel arch liner caught fire when the aircon compressor bearing collapsed and showered hot metal onto the plastic. At one point chunks of burning plastic were to be seen by following motorists spaffing off the car. All turned out well in the end, and some dude in a shed is going to fit a shorter belt from crank to alternator bypassing the aircon pulley. FFS, the thing's got windows, ain't it?
* Yes, this was in Manchester.
* Yes, this was in Manchester.
My friend, as a clueless 19 y-o, bought a dog of a Ford Falcon camper when in Oz. It came complete with four bald tyres and no PAS.
In amongst various misadventures he got bored with diving under the bonnet to short the starter so performed his first bodge and fitted a length of cable and push switch.
He also got stopped for speeding, done for the tyres and an oil leak and told to get the car sorted and checked. Obviously being young and having failed to register it in his own name (claiming it belonged to his cousin) he filed the note with all the parking tickets and went home shortly afterwards.
In amongst various misadventures he got bored with diving under the bonnet to short the starter so performed his first bodge and fitted a length of cable and push switch.
He also got stopped for speeding, done for the tyres and an oil leak and told to get the car sorted and checked. Obviously being young and having failed to register it in his own name (claiming it belonged to his cousin) he filed the note with all the parking tickets and went home shortly afterwards.
My friend's latest manky old shed is a 1989/90 BMW. The car is evidently haunted by a 1989/90 BMW driver, as just today my friend:-
(1) jumped a long line of cars that, unbeknown (genuinely!) to my friend, were waiting for some temporary traffic lights at roadworks to change; and
(2) indicated late for a left turn and got honked by white-van-driver-up-your-chuff.
Plainly, the stripy shirt clad ghost is a tad weak, because my friend was able to operate the indicator, even if he did so late. A stronger ghost-yuppie would have stopped any use of the indicator. Still, at least with (1), my friend showed all the modern Audi drivers how driving like a
is really done, old school stylee.
(1) jumped a long line of cars that, unbeknown (genuinely!) to my friend, were waiting for some temporary traffic lights at roadworks to change; and
(2) indicated late for a left turn and got honked by white-van-driver-up-your-chuff.
Plainly, the stripy shirt clad ghost is a tad weak, because my friend was able to operate the indicator, even if he did so late. A stronger ghost-yuppie would have stopped any use of the indicator. Still, at least with (1), my friend showed all the modern Audi drivers how driving like a
is really done, old school stylee. My friend had an E30 325i between 1989 and 1992, when he was aged 27 to 30 and was a vile yuppie. He often drove it like a . He grew old only by waiting to be let out at junctions, as no fker would let a BMW out, and he had to wait for another BMW to come along, and even then they wouldn't let him out because the driver of the other BMW would invariably be a . If he had not sold the car he would probably still be stuck at the same junction now.
. He grew old only by waiting to be let out at junctions, as no fker would let a BMW out, and he had to wait for another BMW to come along, and even then they wouldn't let him out because the driver of the other BMW would invariably be a . If he had not sold the car he would probably still be stuck at the same junction now. My friend once did similar to your friend's traffic light error, many years ago, BV. My friend thought that the cars in front were bunched up behind a stationary bus. So, being young and thrusting, he pulled out to overtake. Shooting by, he realised far too late that he was passing temporary lights, entering a coned off single carriageway and that a stream of traffic was headed his way.
My friend had no option other than to stop and carefully reverse all the way back up the road, past the bus and the half a dozen cars that had been waiting for the lights to change. All the while feeling the other drivers' eyes burning into him.
My friend had no option other than to stop and carefully reverse all the way back up the road, past the bus and the half a dozen cars that had been waiting for the lights to change. All the while feeling the other drivers' eyes burning into him.
When my friend was that vile yuppie in his E30, he did something not dissimilar near the Blackwall Tunnel, by accident, (no, really!) and was pulled over and spoken to most severely by two cozzers in an SD1. Only the fact that his then girlfriend was a Chanel Number Five fragranced Sloaney hottie who turned on the charm with the Peelers saved him from a right shoeing by the local Mags.
As a student my friend overtook a queue of slow-moving cars on his loud and lairy motorbike (Honda 175 with megaphones).
Nearing the front of the cars, he thought "yeah, this is how rufty-tufty bikers give it to the car-driving fairies".
He then proceeded to miss the hearse turning right into the cemetery by less than a foot.
I'm sure we've all been there in our younger days.......
Nearing the front of the cars, he thought "yeah, this is how rufty-tufty bikers give it to the car-driving fairies".
He then proceeded to miss the hearse turning right into the cemetery by less than a foot.
I'm sure we've all been there in our younger days.......
Breadvan72 said:
My friend pretended to be French and the geezer went away. Honi soit qui mal y pense.
"Those who laugh at this today, tomorrow will be proud to wear it...", which beautifully sums up les modes of the classic car market. Though one automatically excludes any BL beauty succumbing to such market vulgarities...Some things my "friend" got up to........
Back in the pre-driving licence days our only means of transport was either parents, public transport or bicycle. So my friend went out with a group of friends on their bikes and had a bit of a cycle around. They eventually ended up in the multi-story car park in the middle of town and had fun cycling up and down. Being a Sunday the car park was empty, and in those days Sundays used to last forever. So they got a bit bored. They egged each other on, gathering up a few loose supermarket trolleys, took them up to the top of the car-park and errrr..... threw them off..... They did this a few times, forgetting that this car-park was right opposite the cop shop.
Naturally the filth roll up at the bottom of the multi-story and come face to face with my friend. Thinking on his feet my friend says that there are some guys on the top of the car-park throwing trolleys off. He then pedalled off as fast as he could leaving his friends to their fate. He was really sorry that he couldn't save everyone!
A few years later my friend thought it would be a good idea to teach his friend how to do handbrake turns....... without telling him! They rolled up at the pub and as his friend swung into a parking space my friend yanked on the handbrake causing the car to go out of control and demolish the fence. His friend wonders what the hell happened so my friend shrugs his shoulders and says "Dunno...." and they both decide to leave the scene as quickly as a newly dented Vauxhall Astra will carry them! 30 odd years laterwe're they're still friends and his friend still doesn't know the full story about his first handbrake turn!
Back in the pre-driving licence days our only means of transport was either parents, public transport or bicycle. So my friend went out with a group of friends on their bikes and had a bit of a cycle around. They eventually ended up in the multi-story car park in the middle of town and had fun cycling up and down. Being a Sunday the car park was empty, and in those days Sundays used to last forever. So they got a bit bored. They egged each other on, gathering up a few loose supermarket trolleys, took them up to the top of the car-park and errrr..... threw them off..... They did this a few times, forgetting that this car-park was right opposite the cop shop.
Naturally the filth roll up at the bottom of the multi-story and come face to face with my friend. Thinking on his feet my friend says that there are some guys on the top of the car-park throwing trolleys off. He then pedalled off as fast as he could leaving his friends to their fate. He was really sorry that he couldn't save everyone!
A few years later my friend thought it would be a good idea to teach his friend how to do handbrake turns....... without telling him! They rolled up at the pub and as his friend swung into a parking space my friend yanked on the handbrake causing the car to go out of control and demolish the fence. His friend wonders what the hell happened so my friend shrugs his shoulders and says "Dunno...." and they both decide to leave the scene as quickly as a newly dented Vauxhall Astra will carry them! 30 odd years later
Edited by mattlad on Tuesday 27th October 23:21
Quite some time ago, after a few social beverages, my mate was picked up from the pub by my his mate. Somehow, over the course of the journey home, the boot mysteriously filled up with some objects; a few signs, some cones, a bollard, a set of temporary traffic lights. The next day, we they realised that they needed rid of them but in daylight it wasn't so easy. Never mind, they stored them in an old Land Rover which was kept on the farm they helped on. Unfortunately, later that day, the farmer mentioned that said old Land Rover had just been fixed and was going to be collected by it's owner, a fairly well ranking CID detective. All ended well and the illicit goods were disposed off by other means.
My mate and his mates also 'borrowed' some signs and traffic cones from some nearby roadworks to set up their own contraflow in their mates 'empty'.
My mate and his mates also 'borrowed' some signs and traffic cones from some nearby roadworks to set up their own contraflow in their mates 'empty'.
My friend was waiting to cross the road, except the entire crossing was blocked by a bendy bus when the green man came on. So he kicked the bus, somehow connecting with the indicator, which was smashed by the impact. He was never one for steel-capped boots, or ballgames, so he was quite surprised at this.
My friend, when he was in his teens, had a new family move in next door. It consisted of mum and dad, dad's senile old father, daughter 1 who was old enough and up for it, daughter 2 who was nearly old enough and up for it, a son and daughter 3 who was much too young and therefore off limits.
First encounter was with daughter 2, he drove his car up and down the road a few times as she was walking back from school, trying to impress her when the car suddenly went up in smoke as the accelerator linkage rubbed through the battery cable. (Fortunately it didn't catch fire and lived to fight another day.)
A few weeks later he gave daughter 1 a lift to a job interview and back. After getting her back home she invites him in for a "coffee"
One thing leads to another and they leave her senile old grandfather in the lounge (the rest of the family are out BTW) while they go up to her bedroom to do the dirty deed. There is a knock at the door and the grandfather lets in daughter 1's boyfriend. Cue much panicking, gathering of clothes, hiding in the wardrobe then creeping downstairs and out through the backdoor all while avoiding grandfather and evading the boyfriend before jumping half naked over the fence into the sanctuary of his own home...... 
First encounter was with daughter 2, he drove his car up and down the road a few times as she was walking back from school, trying to impress her when the car suddenly went up in smoke as the accelerator linkage rubbed through the battery cable. (Fortunately it didn't catch fire and lived to fight another day.)
A few weeks later he gave daughter 1 a lift to a job interview and back. After getting her back home she invites him in for a "coffee"
One thing leads to another and they leave her senile old grandfather in the lounge (the rest of the family are out BTW) while they go up to her bedroom to do the dirty deed. There is a knock at the door and the grandfather lets in daughter 1's boyfriend. Cue much panicking, gathering of clothes, hiding in the wardrobe then creeping downstairs and out through the backdoor all while avoiding grandfather and evading the boyfriend before jumping half naked over the fence into the sanctuary of his own home...... When my friend was about seventeen he was in his then girlfriend's living room - becoming more warmly acquainted with her than hitherto - when her mum arrived home unexpectedly. He hid behind the sofa. Mrs Girlfriend's-Mum waited a couple of minutes before saying "are you going to come out now?"
This was a real life version of a probably apocryphal story told about Maurice Bowra. My friend first heard that story a year or two later and was able to say whatever was the 1980s equivalent of "been there, done that".
This was a real life version of a probably apocryphal story told about Maurice Bowra. My friend first heard that story a year or two later and was able to say whatever was the 1980s equivalent of "been there, done that".
On recounting the above fumbling forays to my friend he responded that he had plenty of such experiences.
Like the time he was exploring the finer points of interfacing with the female anatomy in the middle of a hay field on a very warm summer's day when his attentions were distracted somewhat by a hound, out for a walk with its master, which came lolloping up and proceeded to lick my friend's arse!
Like the time he was getting acquainted with the best wobbly bits of his girlfriend, in her parents' lounge, when something caught his eye, that something being her younger brother examining closely the goings on.
Like the time at Uni when his girlfriend visited and the guy with whom he shared a room in the hall of residence nobly vacated the room for the duration. The first morning however, just at the onset of the vinegar strokes, the door flew open and in marched his room mate declaring he needed to retrieve his shaving gear!
Edited to correct my friend's awful apostrophelessness.
Like the time he was exploring the finer points of interfacing with the female anatomy in the middle of a hay field on a very warm summer's day when his attentions were distracted somewhat by a hound, out for a walk with its master, which came lolloping up and proceeded to lick my friend's arse!
Like the time he was getting acquainted with the best wobbly bits of his girlfriend, in her parents' lounge, when something caught his eye, that something being her younger brother examining closely the goings on.
Like the time at Uni when his girlfriend visited and the guy with whom he shared a room in the hall of residence nobly vacated the room for the duration. The first morning however, just at the onset of the vinegar strokes, the door flew open and in marched his room mate declaring he needed to retrieve his shaving gear!
Edited to correct my friend's awful apostrophelessness.
Edited by Garvin on Wednesday 28th October 09:50
My friend claims that he once became especially friendly with a woman of his acquaintance while she was sitting on his lap in the crowded bar at Kettner's on Romilly Street, early one evening. It so happened that the woman was the same person who had once been my friend's seventeen year old girlfriend, but they had struck up a renewed, er, friendship when in their forties. Not long after the ex girlfriend had removed herself from my friend's lap, her hard working but frankly rather dull investment banker husband arrived to meet her for a pre-theatre drink, and my friend was off behind a pillar and out of the door in a timely manner. My friend has since reformed his behaviour and is no longer that sort of rotter.
Yesterday morning my friend relied on his parking sensors to tell him how close he was to a bollard.
Yesterday afternoon this same friend spent the afternoon taking the bumper off and repairing it.
Today he is going to put it back on again....when it finally stops raining
When all is back together my friend will have added to his life experiences and try not to do such a stupid thing again
For all time my friends wife will never let him forget................
Yesterday afternoon this same friend spent the afternoon taking the bumper off and repairing it.
Today he is going to put it back on again....when it finally stops raining
When all is back together my friend will have added to his life experiences and try not to do such a stupid thing again
For all time my friends wife will never let him forget................
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