'PH Celebrity' Death Match
Discussion
So, the question I pose is this: Who would you like to see an MTV Celebrity Death Match-style fight between on PH and how would it go?
I'll start with....
Luuuurdaiiies annnnnd Gentlemaannnnnnn.... Welcome to the PH-arena for FIGHT NIGHT 2004!
And now, for the THE MAIN EVENTTTAAAHH!
monster mungo vs the slasher flasher (No holds barred)
Crowd chanting, "2 men enter, one man leaves! 2 men enter, one man leaves!"
Flasher enters the arena to the sound of 'Simply the Best'. He's wearing a red silk robe with the hood up with 'FLASHER' emblazoned in gold on the back. He's punching the air whilst hurling abuse at someone in the crowd who looks like he might once have disagreed with something flasher said.
Crowd chanting, "2 men enter, one man leaves! 2 men enter, one man leaves!"
Flasher vaults into the ring and parades around baiting the crowd into a frenzy. He has a mad look in his eyes and is clearly out for blood.
Crowd chanting, "2 men enter, one man leaves! 2 men enter, one man leaves!"
Mungo bursts into the arena to Right Said Fred's 'I'm Too Sexy'. He's wearing nought but a leopard skin posing pouch, kind of like that guy off Big Brother. Several women in the crowd faint as mungo strikes a variety of bodybuilder poses.
Crowd chanting, "1.5 men enter, one man leaves! 1.5 men enter, one man leaves!"
Mungo struts to the ring Prince Naseem style, sweet-talking the ladies as he passes. Let's just hope his mind is on the fight when he gets in the ring or slasher is going to take him apart!
With a single bound mungo reaches the first step into the ring. Same again three more times and he's able to walk in under the bottom rope.
Now they're eyeballing each other and Flasher is shouting something about imaginary girlfriends and a Noble. Mungo shouts back something about not being able to go the distance with a dodgy lung. This is undoubtedly personal - these guys really hate each other!
From the pre-fight talk and the girly insult exchange there's clearly an interesting divergence in tactics here - slasher is going for the early knockout whilst monster is planning a more drawn out and strategic fight, maybe even a points victory, to take advantage of flasher's perceived weakness. It's just too close for this commentator to call.
The bell is about to go and the time for big talk is over - can either of these guys really back up their talk with action?!
Ring ring!! Rounnnddddd Oneah!
What a start!! Flasher is living up to his ring name and pushing mungo back with a flurry of slashing right hands. Mungo is playing it safe and absorbing the early pressure - are these Ali-esque rope a dope tactics from the compact Southerner? No! Suddenly, *bang* from nowhere mungo unleashes a ferocious left hand that literally takes flashers legs from under him! Triumph is written all over mungo's face - the cameras clearly pick up him mouthing the words, "I'm gonna make you my bitch pretty boy!"
Incredibly flasher is back on his feet after an eight-count, though he's clearly got a limp from what was an unexpected strike. The ref backs off and they're straight into each other again! Bang, bang, flasher catches mungo with two stinging left hand jabs and follows with an overhand right that lands sweetly on mungo's freshly shaved (for police training) bonce. Mungo is clearly staggered but shows he has a big heart by staying up. Flasher shows no mercy and drives forward in a frenzy. He's now screaming something about a yacht whilst frothing at the mouth. Mungo is obviously stung by Flasher's harsh words but then momentarily drops his guard to thrust his crotch Michael Jackson-style at a cute blonde in the crowd. That's all the opportunity flasher needs to stoop to the floor and power a right uppercut into Mungo's opening mouth, slamming it shut just as he's saying something about Flasher's T350! Mungo's limp body flies into the air doing several somersaults before landing on a drink mat on a table outside the ring. They always said woman-trouble would do for him in the end - this is a fight the truncheon-wielding Seat driver could have won.
So, the fight is over and Flasher is stomping round the ring shouting, "Who's yo daddy m@therf@cker?!" to anyone who'll listen. He's spotted Peter Wheeler in the crowd and is calling him out. The big 6'6" Yorkshireman is clearly angered by flasher's rant and camp posturing and roars into the ring, stripping off his shirt to reveal a six-pack etched from stone and pecs forged from cuffing errant workers around the ear and manually bending speed six engines back into shape. The bellowing giant strides around the ring cajoling the crowd into ever greater apoplexy. As he turns to face flasher a "No Entry to 911 Owners" tatoo is visible on his back just above his shorts. No idea what that's all about.
Anyway, strange tatoos aside, it's the clash of the titans in the ring and flasher is looking worried as the powerful Yorkshireman towers over him. As Wheeler stalks forward a high-pitched whine can be heard..... is it a Maserati engine? No!! It's flasher begging for mercy!! "Please don't hurt me Mr. Wheeler!! I was once a proud TVR owner but I was led from the path of righteousness by dark forces within the government, I mean PH!" Wheeler looks in no mood to hold back tonight and glances to the royal box where PetrolTed is holding out his hand, flat and horizontal. Suddenly there is silence. Ted rocks his hand from side to side. The crowd are tense waiting for the decision and breathe in sharply with each motion of his hand. Then it comes!! The thumb points down and Wheeler grins like a man possessed as flasher sobs and trys to make a run for it. Too late!! Wheeler has him by the hair and is dragging him around the ring - kind of like Hercules did to Henry at the battle of Troy (I think). Then Wheeler reveals his full strength and rips flasher's limbs from his body one by one, casting them to the far corners of the PH arena whilst muttering something about half glueing them back on one day. With that the moustached-maestro exits the ring - Wheeler truly is, The Guvenor.
And thus end all those who would deny the greatness of TVR on PH and dare to mention that actually other marques might be quite good too!!! (Perish the thought!)
Disclaimer: I've never met mungo or flasher (and should probably hope I never do now!
) but from their numerous posts I feel like I know them both and I hope you both take this in the friendly way it was intended - I know you are the best of friends these days, but I've never been one to let the facts spoil a good story 
I'll start with....
Luuuurdaiiies annnnnd Gentlemaannnnnnn.... Welcome to the PH-arena for FIGHT NIGHT 2004!
And now, for the THE MAIN EVENTTTAAAHH!
monster mungo vs the slasher flasher (No holds barred)
Crowd chanting, "2 men enter, one man leaves! 2 men enter, one man leaves!"
Flasher enters the arena to the sound of 'Simply the Best'. He's wearing a red silk robe with the hood up with 'FLASHER' emblazoned in gold on the back. He's punching the air whilst hurling abuse at someone in the crowd who looks like he might once have disagreed with something flasher said.
Crowd chanting, "2 men enter, one man leaves! 2 men enter, one man leaves!"
Flasher vaults into the ring and parades around baiting the crowd into a frenzy. He has a mad look in his eyes and is clearly out for blood.
Crowd chanting, "2 men enter, one man leaves! 2 men enter, one man leaves!"
Mungo bursts into the arena to Right Said Fred's 'I'm Too Sexy'. He's wearing nought but a leopard skin posing pouch, kind of like that guy off Big Brother. Several women in the crowd faint as mungo strikes a variety of bodybuilder poses.
Crowd chanting, "1.5 men enter, one man leaves! 1.5 men enter, one man leaves!"
Mungo struts to the ring Prince Naseem style, sweet-talking the ladies as he passes. Let's just hope his mind is on the fight when he gets in the ring or slasher is going to take him apart!
With a single bound mungo reaches the first step into the ring. Same again three more times and he's able to walk in under the bottom rope.
Now they're eyeballing each other and Flasher is shouting something about imaginary girlfriends and a Noble. Mungo shouts back something about not being able to go the distance with a dodgy lung. This is undoubtedly personal - these guys really hate each other!
From the pre-fight talk and the girly insult exchange there's clearly an interesting divergence in tactics here - slasher is going for the early knockout whilst monster is planning a more drawn out and strategic fight, maybe even a points victory, to take advantage of flasher's perceived weakness. It's just too close for this commentator to call.
The bell is about to go and the time for big talk is over - can either of these guys really back up their talk with action?!
Ring ring!! Rounnnddddd Oneah!
What a start!! Flasher is living up to his ring name and pushing mungo back with a flurry of slashing right hands. Mungo is playing it safe and absorbing the early pressure - are these Ali-esque rope a dope tactics from the compact Southerner? No! Suddenly, *bang* from nowhere mungo unleashes a ferocious left hand that literally takes flashers legs from under him! Triumph is written all over mungo's face - the cameras clearly pick up him mouthing the words, "I'm gonna make you my bitch pretty boy!"
Incredibly flasher is back on his feet after an eight-count, though he's clearly got a limp from what was an unexpected strike. The ref backs off and they're straight into each other again! Bang, bang, flasher catches mungo with two stinging left hand jabs and follows with an overhand right that lands sweetly on mungo's freshly shaved (for police training) bonce. Mungo is clearly staggered but shows he has a big heart by staying up. Flasher shows no mercy and drives forward in a frenzy. He's now screaming something about a yacht whilst frothing at the mouth. Mungo is obviously stung by Flasher's harsh words but then momentarily drops his guard to thrust his crotch Michael Jackson-style at a cute blonde in the crowd. That's all the opportunity flasher needs to stoop to the floor and power a right uppercut into Mungo's opening mouth, slamming it shut just as he's saying something about Flasher's T350! Mungo's limp body flies into the air doing several somersaults before landing on a drink mat on a table outside the ring. They always said woman-trouble would do for him in the end - this is a fight the truncheon-wielding Seat driver could have won.
So, the fight is over and Flasher is stomping round the ring shouting, "Who's yo daddy m@therf@cker?!" to anyone who'll listen. He's spotted Peter Wheeler in the crowd and is calling him out. The big 6'6" Yorkshireman is clearly angered by flasher's rant and camp posturing and roars into the ring, stripping off his shirt to reveal a six-pack etched from stone and pecs forged from cuffing errant workers around the ear and manually bending speed six engines back into shape. The bellowing giant strides around the ring cajoling the crowd into ever greater apoplexy. As he turns to face flasher a "No Entry to 911 Owners" tatoo is visible on his back just above his shorts. No idea what that's all about.
Anyway, strange tatoos aside, it's the clash of the titans in the ring and flasher is looking worried as the powerful Yorkshireman towers over him. As Wheeler stalks forward a high-pitched whine can be heard..... is it a Maserati engine? No!! It's flasher begging for mercy!! "Please don't hurt me Mr. Wheeler!! I was once a proud TVR owner but I was led from the path of righteousness by dark forces within the government, I mean PH!" Wheeler looks in no mood to hold back tonight and glances to the royal box where PetrolTed is holding out his hand, flat and horizontal. Suddenly there is silence. Ted rocks his hand from side to side. The crowd are tense waiting for the decision and breathe in sharply with each motion of his hand. Then it comes!! The thumb points down and Wheeler grins like a man possessed as flasher sobs and trys to make a run for it. Too late!! Wheeler has him by the hair and is dragging him around the ring - kind of like Hercules did to Henry at the battle of Troy (I think). Then Wheeler reveals his full strength and rips flasher's limbs from his body one by one, casting them to the far corners of the PH arena whilst muttering something about half glueing them back on one day. With that the moustached-maestro exits the ring - Wheeler truly is, The Guvenor.
And thus end all those who would deny the greatness of TVR on PH and dare to mention that actually other marques might be quite good too!!! (Perish the thought!)
Disclaimer: I've never met mungo or flasher (and should probably hope I never do now!
) but from their numerous posts I feel like I know them both and I hope you both take this in the friendly way it was intended - I know you are the best of friends these days, but I've never been one to let the facts spoil a good story Gazboy said:
You're gonna be in trouble for this!
It isn't meant nastily! Gazboy said:
Sod it.
Thom, Calvin, MadMike, PeterPeter, Mojo, and 968, Hell in a Cell match, War rules.
I was kind of thinking derestrictor vs outlaw/roadrage/whatever - an interesting clash of style if ever there was one. I reckon outlaw would have chinned der before der was halfway through telling him what he was going to do to him, al la:
outlaw: I'm gonna kil u pig!
derestrictor: Lend me your ears peasant and prepare for a vocal chastisement of the most pro-
*BANG*
And the new, undisputed heavyweight champion is.... oh, he's nicked the f@ckin' trophy... AGAIN!
Great stuff Roadsweeper. 
Why??? What's Cosmos done to WD? Or vicky-vercky? Or were you thinking along the lines of me and my 'Tina O'Brien and Phillipa Forrester bikini-wrestling in a chocolate-filled paddling pool' fantasy? Gassing Station | General Gassing [Archive] | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff