Favourite Motoring Comments

[Esprit]

Driving a numptymobile has meant that my PH juices have stopped flowing recently and havent been in as much but today I was thinking of the perfect thread, inspired by listening to a couple of Clarkson's cool lil motoring quotes... was trying to think of a few and I wanted to see if you guys (and gals) had any pearls to add from either yourself or ones you've heard.
One of my faves is Clarkson's slating of the Countach where he says:

"It's not the worst car I've ever been in because of course I've driven a Nisan Micra, but it's damned close, it's like driving a washing machine only the visibility is worse"

Theres a few other gems but ill leave them for now..... now over to you, lets see what ones we can come up with?

[phib]

Stirling Moss (from his book)

After moss had slightley cut up a bus :

Bus Driver "Are you fu**ing stupid or something"

Stirling "No, thats why I am driving the jag and you are driving the bus"

How I laughed !!!!

And second one from a female friend with a 996 conv in traffic :

Van driver " Oi you (trying to attract attention), you fu**ing rich b*tch"

Female friend "Yes poor person, what do you want"

At which point exit rapid stage left !!!!

[Eric Mc]

"When I see an accident, I put my foot down harder, because I know everbody else is lifting theirs" - Phil Hill. 1961 World Champion.

"Racing is in my blood" - Ayrton Senna

"I've always thought that the one thing a racing driver needs is a complete lack of imagination. If a driver could imagine what it would be like to drive into a tree at 150mph, he wouuldn't even get in the car" - some 1950s racing driver whom I can't remember.

"I allow myself one mistake a year" - Michael Schumacher.

"Racing driverss are just like light bulbs, When one burns out, you just screw in another one" - Patrick Head.

"How's your car Stefan?" "It's f*****d" - Stefan Johannson to a TV interviewer after he wrote his car off in a Formula 3 race at Brands (I think).

I'll post a few more if any bubble to the top of my brain.

>> Edited by Eric Mc on Thursday 6th February 12:03

[Deester]

Can't remember what car Clarkson was driving but this is my favourite quote.

"This car is like an elephant, its great to look at but you would never want to own one"

[williamp]

From Perry McCarthy book "Formula 1 the hard way"

..I remember Le mas one year, Eddie Irvine was driving one of those Toyota GT1 cars which were quick but looked really difficult to drive.

Eddie came towards me, his overalls down round his waist, dripping with sweat, looking absolutly exhausted.

I asked him:

"Hi Eddie, just finished a stint??"

"F**K off. I'm just about to GET IN the bloody thing!"

Excellent book

Also read STEP ON IT by Stoker Ace.

[danhay]

Another Clarkson one, this time he's describing some posh bloke at Ascot that thought a Maserati seemed quite reasonably priced:
"He had more money than sense. He wasn't short on sense though, just very long on money"

[stedale]

Clarkson:

"The only smooth thing about this car is the spare tyre!"

[plotloss]

Clarkson on Jeep Cherokee:

'This car cleaves the air with all the style and grace of a garden shed.'

Matt.

[TheLemming]

"We all know that small cars are good for us. But so are cod liver oil. And jogging."

Yet another Clarksonism

Edited to add the classic:

THE BBC MOTORING correspondent Jeremy Clarkson one day found himself sitting next to supermodel Kate Moss at a lavish banquet in London. "Good evening", he purred to the waif-like figure beside him. "I'm Jeremy Clarkson. I do TOP GEAR." Moss turned her huge blue eyes on him and said, "No 'fanks, mate. I don't do drugs no more."

I haven had verification of this one, but Ive heard it so many times...

>> Edited by TheLemming on Thursday 6th February 13:07

[deltaf]

My favorite one is a Murray Walker.
Commentating on a rallycross race from the late 70s early 80s i think.
" And thats the advantage of having a clear track in front of you".....leading Mini then loses it bigtime and cartwheels thru the air dropping panels and wheels all over the place. Laffed my head off at it.
A true classic .

[plotloss]

deltaf said: My favorite one is a Murray Walker.
Commentating on a rallycross race from the late 70s early 80s i think.
" And thats the advantage of having a clear track in front of you".....leading Mini then loses it bigtime and cartwheels thru the air dropping panels and wheels all over the place. Laffed my head off at it.
A true classic .

Famous clip!

Keith Ripp in a yellow mini as I remember.

Matt.

[ErnestM]

"Horsepower sells cars, Torque wins races" - Carrol Shelby

"Carburetor is a French word meaning 'leave it alone'" - Dick O'Kane

"Aerodynamics are for people who cannot build engines" - Enzo Ferrari

"I build them to go, not to stop" -Ettore Bugatti

ErnestM

[foggy]

Can't remember the quote exactly, but its something like

'if a Ferrari sings like Pavarotti, a TVR sounds like 2 lesbians making love in a bucket.'

Larf, I nearly fell off my chair!

[gtir]

TheLemming said:
THE BBC MOTORING correspondent Jeremy Clarkson one day found himself sitting next to supermodel Kate Moss at a lavish banquet in London. "Good evening", he purred to the waif-like figure beside him. "I'm Jeremy Clarkson. I do TOP GEAR." Moss turned her huge blue eyes on him and said, "No 'fanks, mate. I don't do drugs no more."

I haven had verification of this one, but Ive heard it so many times...

>> Edited by TheLemming on Thursday 6th February 13:07

I think he said on patrick Kielty that it was actually Goldie that said "dont do drugs etc" it, as he was on the same table.?

Come along way since Blue Peter.

[littlegearl]

you could go on for ever with jeremy clarkson quotes:
"soggier than a blamonge soaked in soggy fluid..." - mitsubishi 3000GT

one of my all time favourites was at the '96 rally of GB, gwyndaf evans had just well and truely wrote his escort off, flipped it about 3 times...

and his co-driver (howard davis) says "i don't think there's much chance of us carrying on... the cars best part of fked really!!!" lol

[Graham.J]

"It corners like a limpet in a glue factory" - Westfield Megabusa

"That car is unique, apart from the one behind it, which is identical" - Murray Walker

[Graham.J]

Oh and I can't remember who it was or where it was but it was a rally, they hit something and flipped the car a few times, it rolled down a hill and when the car came to a stop at the bottom, the driver turned to the co-driver and said "oops!"

[plotloss]

Sticks to the road like shit to a blanket.

Sticks to the road like a dried on fox carcas.

Matt.

[TheLemming]

"Watch this"

A comment made by my mate Joe shortly before placing his car into a wayy during a failed J-turn.

"Im in complete control"

A comment made by my mate Joe shortly before placing the next car in a ditch

"Im not driving too fast"

You see the connection here. The moment he says something like that passengers try to go limp...

[drux]

I think it was Jeremy Clarkson who said this about a TVR.

"It can snap knicker elastic at half a mile"

and on that recomadation i went out and bought a Chimaera

Drux