Tuesday 19th February 2013

PH Ad Break: Chrysler Laser

As if the Chrysler Laser wasn't evil enough already they got Darth Vader to voice the ad

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Old car ads make bloomin’ brilliant viewing these days. Watching cars we now consider to be crusty old heaps touted as the next big thing never fails to amuse. And so much the better if said ad includes ‘snazzy’ graphics, utterly retro music and glorious hyperbole.

Ah, see, it goes around cones. It must be sporty.

Now that so many of such ads are popping up on video hosting sites, it feels like the perfect time to take a nostalgic look back at them. Welcome to PH Ad Break. A bit like Time For Tea?, but for old car ads. And with less tea. Or not, should you wish.

First up is a commercial that typifies what we’re talking about. It’s for the Chrysler Laser, a mostly-forgotten American sportscar that was anything but. It was launched in 1984, with marketing that pitched it as the car of the future; with front-wheel drive and turbocharged engines, it was the ultimate combination of efficiency, practicality and pure driving enjoyment. Or so the spiel would have had you believe. In reality, the top-line 2.2-litre 142hp turbo was asthmatic, while the entry-level naturally-aspirated 2.2-litre was downright embarrassing, with all of its 93hp to play with. The suspension had more lean in it than the USS Nimitz, and there wasn’t even the usual US car payoff of silly rear-drive tail-happiness to make things more enjoyable. It was, in short, an 80s American muscle car with all of the bad bits and none of the good.   

Ooh look. A brain. Supposedly.

Which is what makes this old ad for the Laser all the more mirth-inducing. Without so much as a hint of irony, James Earl Jones tells us that ‘Lee Iacocca told his engineers to build a sports car,’ before going on to inform us of the Laser's ‘fuel-injected turbo power’, that it ‘breaks new ground in advanced technology’, and that they’ve given it ‘a brain’ – also known, if the overlaid VT is to be believed, as a digital dash. Oh yes, it certainly is a cracker, this one. Enjoy.

 

[JREwing]

I can spend hours watching these.

This isn't the worst of them, though

[imp75]

Laugh fest! And why would you request fwd? Ever?

[chryslerben]

Another quiet day at ph towers?

[GTiFrank]

as and AD I think it works though...

is it just me that thought WANT all through that?

[Rawwr]

chryslerben said:

Another quiet day at ph towers?

I could never imagine why you wouldn't find this funny

[anonymous-user]

LASER

[wst]

For all the horribleness of the car and the cheese, it's nice to see old adverts like this where they advertise the car doing car things and mentioning performance...

[MX7]

Seen it before.

[dry664]

An ex girlfriend owned one of these (non turbo, under Dodge badging) when I was at uni in South Carolina. We both loved it because of how it looked but assumed it was on its last legs because the engine was so asthmatic. 93bhp with a dodgy old 3 speed auto? It was probably a minter!
What a complete and utter POS yet one of my more memorable car experiences!!

[chiark]

"Make it front wheel drive. We did"

I'm astonished that this was ever called out as a positive on something billed as a sports car, especially of this era!
Lovely rouched leather on the interior. Cracking!

[hiltoa]

I had a Dodge Daytona (same car, different badging) back in the 80s and it was awesome. Mine seemed to have a thumping V8 and the ability to power oversteer at will though.
One of my favourite matchbox cars, and the dream is now shattered.

[g3org3y]

Genuine LOL. OMG FWD!!

And in contrast to that, check out these delightfully simple and elegant adverts from BMW (back when they didn't have that Joy st chat)

Power steering on the 318i: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qf0jvHfTODw

3 Series Cabrio: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c7XzSkbnFao

Those were the days.

[phast]

hiltoa said:

I had a Dodge Daytona (same car, different badging) back in the 80s and it was awesome. Mine seemed to have a thumping V8 and the ability to power oversteer at will though.
One of my favourite matchbox cars, and the dream is now shattered.

ha ha... I had this matchbox car... one of my favourites too.

[Mavican]

phast said:

hiltoa said:

I had a Dodge Daytona (same car, different badging) back in the 80s and it was awesome. Mine seemed to have a thumping V8 and the ability to power oversteer at will though.
One of my favourite matchbox cars, and the dream is now shattered.

ha ha... I had this matchbox car... one of my favourites too.

Ditto, great looking car when its only 6cm long or whatever.

Should also mention it looked great when Frank Sinatra drove one past Sammy Davis Junior and Dean Martin in Cannonball Run 2. Probably more Frank than the car.

[Scrof]

hiltoa said:

I had a Dodge Daytona (same car, different badging) back in the 80s and it was awesome. Mine seemed to have a thumping V8 and the ability to power oversteer at will though.
One of my favourite matchbox cars, and the dream is now shattered.

OMG. I owned one of these! The Matchbox car, that is, not the real Daytona. Apparently it soldiered on long after the Laser died, gaining a series of facelifts and becoming progressively less cruddy. Or so I read.

[anonymous-user]

Another hideous car from across the pond.

[chryslerben]

Rawwr said:

chryslerben said:

Another quiet day at ph towers?

I could never imagine why you wouldn't find this funny

[Twincam16]

Great voiceover.

Although I thought they were going to end it with:



"Chrysler. Join us, and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son!"

[Mavican]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?NR=1&v=3gztHZZnQ...

Just because the cheese was immense in the Chrysler Lazer, here's the Dodge Daytona version.

[TinyCappo]

The actual dash and "brain" as it were was the epitomy of over nannying

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBFdvJwl8T8&fe...

80s digi tastic