Where does all the money go?
Discussion
I don't know what this post is other than perhaps a little bit of a self-important whinge, but it's the sort of subject I felt can't be discussed with mates or is hard to bring up without sounding like, well, having a self-important whinge.
But where does all the money go? And how on earth are people living the lives they seem to be?
Us? Mid-30s couple, no kids yet, both doing comfortably well for ourselves to the point that I know I can't discuss this with our circle of friends as the likelihood is it would come across as more than a little boastful, but I'm on mid-£50s and she gets just over £70k. After pension contributions, her student loan, tax etc we're left with around £6.5k combined per month. Even writing that makes me come back to my first question, but where the F does all that go every month?!
We live in a reasonable 4-bed place in the London-commuter side of Hampshire, smidge over £400k on mortgage with repayments currently just over 2% at about £1800/month. Knowing what rates are doing we've been over-paying this to the tune of £500/month in an attempt at damage limitation and to accustom ourselves to this new sum when it comes in summer '25. Council tax (£250), gas/electric (£200), water (£40), TV licence (£13) bring us down to £3700 or so.
Then we have to think about the car payment (£380) - Thankfully one is paid off and we told ourselves we'd do one car at a time, because two at that price would be crazy but it still feels like a huge sum for an average car and wouldn't buy us the same again today, so no doubt that will go up/we'll downgrade when the time comes and we're putting £150/month away for a larger deposit next time around in an attempt to get off the PCP treadmill.
Then you've got insurance; Two cars at £500 each per year, £150 for the house, £100 or so for the cat, £200 or so for a travel policy. We put away £150/month to cover these when they come up and to ensure there's a soft landing if any of them jump. Then we put away £300/month for a combination of rainy-day fund, car servicing, "oh s
t it broke fund", and holidays etc if we take them.
We're down to £2700 already and we haven't even been to the supermarket yet (~£500/month), put diesel in (~£300/month), paid for the internet (£43), or either of our phone plans, (£32 and £17.50, both sim-only despite being at figures that used to get you a new handset a few years ago). Two gym memberships (£86 at the council leisure centre with a pool), Apple family plan (£32), and then Netflix or Amazon Prime or Disney depending on which one has the show we want at any time (we never run multiples) is another £15 or so.
Nothing here feels out of the ordinary but we've already spent the average salary twice over and we've not eaten out yet, gone to the pub, taken a pet to the vet, had a haircut, bought a birthday present, serviced a car, had the windows cleaned... Or got married, or had a child, both of which just feel unfathomably expensive.
So how the hell is everyone else doing it? How are our neighbours ferrying their multiple kids around in fancier cars than ours? Paying for their gardens to be landscaped? Going on their trips to the Spanish islands every summer with the whole brood when our trip to Gran Canaria later this year has required dedicated planning and saving for just two of us?
Am I just completely detached from the reality of this country and living a lifestyle others could really only dream of? Is it skewed by living in such an expensive area (necessitated by commutes)?
A 4-bed semi and a 3 year old Hyundai don't feel very top-10%-of-earners but that's where we find ourselves. And I don't even feel like this is bitterness in the sense that I want the nicer car or anything, I just want to be able to live my life without worrying about the next big bill. I want to ask her to marry me and not worry about paying for the wedding. I want to have kids and not have to think twice about feeding and clothing them. And it just feels out of reach.
But where does all the money go? And how on earth are people living the lives they seem to be?
Us? Mid-30s couple, no kids yet, both doing comfortably well for ourselves to the point that I know I can't discuss this with our circle of friends as the likelihood is it would come across as more than a little boastful, but I'm on mid-£50s and she gets just over £70k. After pension contributions, her student loan, tax etc we're left with around £6.5k combined per month. Even writing that makes me come back to my first question, but where the F does all that go every month?!
We live in a reasonable 4-bed place in the London-commuter side of Hampshire, smidge over £400k on mortgage with repayments currently just over 2% at about £1800/month. Knowing what rates are doing we've been over-paying this to the tune of £500/month in an attempt at damage limitation and to accustom ourselves to this new sum when it comes in summer '25. Council tax (£250), gas/electric (£200), water (£40), TV licence (£13) bring us down to £3700 or so.
Then we have to think about the car payment (£380) - Thankfully one is paid off and we told ourselves we'd do one car at a time, because two at that price would be crazy but it still feels like a huge sum for an average car and wouldn't buy us the same again today, so no doubt that will go up/we'll downgrade when the time comes and we're putting £150/month away for a larger deposit next time around in an attempt to get off the PCP treadmill.
Then you've got insurance; Two cars at £500 each per year, £150 for the house, £100 or so for the cat, £200 or so for a travel policy. We put away £150/month to cover these when they come up and to ensure there's a soft landing if any of them jump. Then we put away £300/month for a combination of rainy-day fund, car servicing, "oh s
t it broke fund", and holidays etc if we take them.We're down to £2700 already and we haven't even been to the supermarket yet (~£500/month), put diesel in (~£300/month), paid for the internet (£43), or either of our phone plans, (£32 and £17.50, both sim-only despite being at figures that used to get you a new handset a few years ago). Two gym memberships (£86 at the council leisure centre with a pool), Apple family plan (£32), and then Netflix or Amazon Prime or Disney depending on which one has the show we want at any time (we never run multiples) is another £15 or so.
Nothing here feels out of the ordinary but we've already spent the average salary twice over and we've not eaten out yet, gone to the pub, taken a pet to the vet, had a haircut, bought a birthday present, serviced a car, had the windows cleaned... Or got married, or had a child, both of which just feel unfathomably expensive.
So how the hell is everyone else doing it? How are our neighbours ferrying their multiple kids around in fancier cars than ours? Paying for their gardens to be landscaped? Going on their trips to the Spanish islands every summer with the whole brood when our trip to Gran Canaria later this year has required dedicated planning and saving for just two of us?
Am I just completely detached from the reality of this country and living a lifestyle others could really only dream of? Is it skewed by living in such an expensive area (necessitated by commutes)?
A 4-bed semi and a 3 year old Hyundai don't feel very top-10%-of-earners but that's where we find ourselves. And I don't even feel like this is bitterness in the sense that I want the nicer car or anything, I just want to be able to live my life without worrying about the next big bill. I want to ask her to marry me and not worry about paying for the wedding. I want to have kids and not have to think twice about feeding and clothing them. And it just feels out of reach.
My wife and I have the same conversations. I know full well where it is all going through exhaustive budgeting spreadsheets but I feel much poorer now (15 years into an oil and gas career) than I did as a fresh graduate in 2009... We have already done the wedding and kids bit so a good chunk of our disposable income goes on nursery fees but even so, it's not a great feeling.
Appreciate it's 100% a first-world problem but agree that it's not something that can be easily discussed with friends, even if they're ostensibly in a similar position.
Appreciate it's 100% a first-world problem but agree that it's not something that can be easily discussed with friends, even if they're ostensibly in a similar position.
alscar said:
What are you doing with the "spare" £1600 or so a month - saving ?
Add back in the £300 rainy day fund and you've basically got £2k a month spare after all expenses. Or £2500 if you count the overpayment on the mortgage.That's £30k a year pocket money
Seems OK to me.
Edited by Harry H on Friday 1st March 14:48
alscar said:
What are you doing with the "spare" £1600 or so a month - saving ?
Quite likely p4ssing it away. Usually we get from posters similar run down with the punch line .... " so what stock fund should we be investing this £1600 a month we don't need right now " or " should we be upsizing our house now / get out of Hampshire into Surrey " Serious side ? Take your portion and put it away while the sun is shining. She may ( or may not) have other plans for her portion of the spoils . OR Live it up a bit while you are both young and free of children , and mortgage is low.
alscar said:
What are you doing with the "spare" £1600 or so a month - saving ?
That's the question, really. Living?Going back over the bank statement for February we spent just over £330 on "eating out". Local Italian on a Friday night is an easy £85 with a bottle of wine, a mid-week pizza is £30, coffee from Costa while out shopping another £10, one round at the pub for 5 of you is an easy £30+ and then chips on the way home is another £6 or so... Went to the pub three times with mates last month, twice we bought £30ish rounds, once it was just a drink each so about £15, plus two take-aways and some other Costa trips during the week.
Hair cuts, mine is £30 every few weeks, maybe twice a month. Hers is £70 or so but less often so let's call that £100/month on average combined?
Birthday presents (my mum, her sister) £75
£10 prescription, £22.50 contact lenses, £35 at Boots on her card, I assume some sort of cosmetics...
Dishwasher pods on amazon for a big bag was £39 last month, she got some home bits in TkMaxx which was £20... again it's all so trivial, but it does add up quickly and nothing screams "excessive" or "flashy".
I think that's my point. We don't feel like we're living a luxury lifestyle despite incomes which get talked about online as thought we're the aristocracy... (I exaggerate, but you seem my point?)
alphanumeric said:
That's the question, really. Living?
Going back over the bank statement for February we spent just over £330 on "eating out". Local Italian on a Friday night is an easy £85 with a bottle of wine, a mid-week pizza is £30, coffee from Costa while out shopping another £10, one round at the pub for 5 of you is an easy £30+ and then chips on the way home is another £6 or so... Went to the pub three times with mates last month, twice we bought £30ish rounds, once it was just a drink each so about £15, plus two take-aways and some other Costa trips during the week.
Hair cuts, mine is £30 every few weeks, maybe twice a month. Hers is £70 or so but less often so let's call that £100/month on average combined?
Birthday presents (my mum, her sister) £75
£10 prescription, £22.50 contact lenses, £35 at Boots on her card, I assume some sort of cosmetics...
Dishwasher pods on amazon for a big bag was £39 last month, she got some home bits in TkMaxx which was £20... again it's all so trivial, but it does add up quickly and nothing screams "excessive" or "flashy".
I think that's my point. We don't feel like we're living a luxury lifestyle despite incomes which get talked about online as thought we're the aristocracy... (I exaggerate, but you seem my point?)
Hair cuts, mine is £30 every few weeks Going back over the bank statement for February we spent just over £330 on "eating out". Local Italian on a Friday night is an easy £85 with a bottle of wine, a mid-week pizza is £30, coffee from Costa while out shopping another £10, one round at the pub for 5 of you is an easy £30+ and then chips on the way home is another £6 or so... Went to the pub three times with mates last month, twice we bought £30ish rounds, once it was just a drink each so about £15, plus two take-aways and some other Costa trips during the week.
Hair cuts, mine is £30 every few weeks, maybe twice a month. Hers is £70 or so but less often so let's call that £100/month on average combined?
Birthday presents (my mum, her sister) £75
£10 prescription, £22.50 contact lenses, £35 at Boots on her card, I assume some sort of cosmetics...
Dishwasher pods on amazon for a big bag was £39 last month, she got some home bits in TkMaxx which was £20... again it's all so trivial, but it does add up quickly and nothing screams "excessive" or "flashy".
I think that's my point. We don't feel like we're living a luxury lifestyle despite incomes which get talked about online as thought we're the aristocracy... (I exaggerate, but you seem my point?)
I have been saying for ages that everyone thinks 100k+ is the key to being ‘rich’ and those not earning it thinks everyone that is are rich, most people spend to their means, I know people earning £1m+ per yr and they still have none left….the normal holidays just become £30k holidays and the car payments become £1200pm etc.
I looked at every price you could influence and though you are paying too much. Yes mortgage, insurance and utilities are difficult to actively save on these days, but as mentioned phone sim broadband and no doubt a lot of other stuff you could save a bit on. Not going to make much difference to you spend admittedly but you have to start somewhere. A bit of thought would no doubt save 10 -20% without even noticing.
Prohibiting said:
You’re fine. You have £1.5k spare each month. Stop whining.
Most people have zilch left on a mortgage <£1k /month on a small 2-bed with no savings. If you adjusted your living situation you could live an even more luxury life.
This is why this topic is so hard to discuss. It always comes across like "woe is me", which really isn't the tone I intended. I'm well aware many people have a lot less, which is why I struggle to reconcile what I know to be a solid income with a lifestyle that doesn't feel particularly luxurious.Most people have zilch left on a mortgage <£1k /month on a small 2-bed with no savings. If you adjusted your living situation you could live an even more luxury life.
markiii said:
I didn't read it as moaning persee, but he's right discussing finances with friends is not an easy conversation
Right? I think I just want someone on a similar income to say "yeah we're the same" or "yeah it's tough but actually things aren't so bad because X Y Z"Outside of London / SE people must be struggling?
The last few years (during and since Covid) have seen massive cost increases across the board and I have not seen a single thing come down during that period. Combine that with the highest taxes since the War and you can see that you get squeezed from both ends.
Imho interest rates are now starting to bite as people come off of fixed rates.
Sit at home and watch the TV until it all sorts itself out?
TX.
The last few years (during and since Covid) have seen massive cost increases across the board and I have not seen a single thing come down during that period. Combine that with the highest taxes since the War and you can see that you get squeezed from both ends.
Imho interest rates are now starting to bite as people come off of fixed rates.
Sit at home and watch the TV until it all sorts itself out?
TX.
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