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hillbob
Original Poster
68 posts
72 months
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Because I never asked for money, if ever I was short her response was 'I'll SEND you money'. In which my response was no I don't want it, you have gave me enough already. So this carried on with no repayment whatsoever. Surely if it was a loan she would expect some payment for the previous transactions before sending more?
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Caulkhead
4,938 posts
26 months
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hillbob said: I never said I was refusing to pay as even though it wasn't a loan its obviously the best thing to do to offer to pay back someones generosity. I asked where I stood as she has gone through the courts now. If you're not refusing to pay, why has she had to resort to the courts?
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otherman
1,068 posts
34 months
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I don't think you necessarily need to pay her either legally or morally. If it was gift, it was gift whatever happened between you later.
You call her 'your ex' are you married anddivorced? If so, then the divorce settlement draws a line under affairs and no money should change hands. If there's no divorce or settlement, this could just be the start. What other things might she have given you during the course of the relationship which she will now decide were loaned.
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PurpleMoonlight
1,328 posts
26 months
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It is very common for people to suddenly decide that what was a gift is in reality a loan when splitting up, even inlaws try it.
If you honestly believe it was a gift then stick to that and call her bluff. If she goes to court she will have to satisy a judge that on the balance of probabilities that it was a loan not a gift, and belive me judges have seen this numerous times before and aren't easily fooled.
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hillbob
Original Poster
68 posts
72 months
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Cause we hadn't been in contact then loads of texts got sent to each other(some nasty on both our parts).both arguing about what it was. which then she said she will go through the courts to get it.so even now its gone to the court is it too late to sort it between ourselves
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Cockey
850 posts
97 months
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otherman said: I don't think you necessarily need to pay her either legally or morally. If it was gift, it was gift whatever happened between you. I agree with this. IF it was genuinely a gift, then there's no moral obligation to pay anything back. It's like any of us going after our ex's asking to return every gift we ever gave them.
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hillbob
Original Poster
68 posts
72 months
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Thing now is I am just thinking to just agreeing to it all and agreeing with what she says. As I don't know how the courts see these things. And if they agree with her, I am lumbered with the money she is claiming was a loan plus all the court cost and legal fees.so is it better to sort it between us 2 before all this
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wolf1
2,354 posts
119 months
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OP ignore the keyboard kids, PH seems to attract more and more of them these days. Can you clarify a few things that would aid anyone with a better legal view, understand what exactly has gone on. How long were you together Were you living together and sharing bills etc Were you married to this ex What amount are we talking about And finaly just so I can keep my good PH posters badge. Any pics and does she take it up the wrongun? 
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k99
243 posts
37 months
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hillbob said: Thing now is I am just thinking to just agreeing to it all and agreeing with what she says. As I don't know how the courts see these things. And if they agree with her, I am lumbered with the money she is claiming was a loan plus all the court cost and legal fees.so is it better to sort it between us 2 before all this Go and see a solicitor or Citizens Advice, I don't think you know what you want and airing your thoughts on this forum is not going to help.
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Deva Link
26,911 posts
114 months
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hillbob said: Because I never asked for money, if ever I was short her response was 'I'll SEND you money'. Seems an odd relationship, but, one question: Is she still unattached?
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hillbob
Original Poster
68 posts
72 months
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Finally some sense getting spoken. Looks like it must of just been after school club allowed on the computer
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Engineer1
7,168 posts
78 months
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A few points:
1. ignore the I have a £1000 in cash that I put down but can't find and can't be arsed to look for brigade that appear on any thread about finances.
2. Did your Ex earn considerably more than you?
3. was it her place or your place or both your places?
4. what lead to the requirements for loans?
The reason I ask is if the EX was helping you out or lending you money rather than buying things it feels different. - After all if you paid for everything then where left skint or did all the travelling and were left skint it's different almost her way of paying half if you get what I mean.
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Breadvan72
10,206 posts
32 months
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Here is an answer from a lawyer (me).
In some circumstances, such as an intimate relationship, a court amy regard the parties as not having intended to create legal relations.
On the limited facts supplied so far, the payments sound more like gifts than loans to me. I helped a friend successfully defend a claim of this kind made by an angry ex.
OP, be polite, but hang tough. If you feel a moral obligation to pay some money, that is creditable, but make any offer to do so without prejudice and without accepting a legal liability to pay.
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hillbob
Original Poster
68 posts
72 months
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Thanks breadvan. I was polite and she said any contact through her solicitor. But she carried on texting and I just quoted in reply what she said about solicitor. She has now put a claim through money claim or something like that and I have received a claim form, which she keeps referring to as a court order? Are they the same? Now she says she has been advised for her solicitor not to represent her unless it goes to court. I'm guessing he has told her that she hasn't much to go on hence why she has gone through the claim form route. would you mind pm regarding what you mentioned?
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Breadvan72
10,206 posts
32 months
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A claim form is not a court order Post it up here, names removed if you like (though it is a public document), and I can possibly suggest a possible draft defence.
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hillbob
Original Poster
68 posts
72 months
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I don't have a scanner. I will try and log onto the online form and could email it. Not a problem if not. Thanks
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Jasandjules
45,376 posts
98 months
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Lurking Lawyer said: It's not conclusive but in my experience the court does tend to start from a presumption in family/personal relationships that money is a gift rather than a loan, unless there is evidence to the contrary. This. The general presumption is that money between family/partners is gifted, I used to have caselaw somewhere or other with a nice quote to that effect as well. So, then the question is what did you agree with her about the money? Did you say "b**er, I have no money" and she said "don't worry I'll sort you out" or did she say "well, I can lend you some cash until payday" etc etc..
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Du1point8
14,255 posts
61 months
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I can see both sides....
In a relationship you dont usually turn to someone and make it a contractual obligation to pay the money back as its a loan as its unwritten rule that it is... writing out a contract means you dont really trust them in the first place to pay it back, therefore a lack of trust in the relationship.
However in cases like yours it means in devil advocate mode it can be all claimed to be a gift.
As you have mentioned you didnt want the money as you havent paid any back (so it was a loan), then despite not paying any money back and saying you dont want it, you still take it so therefore they can look at that and maybe twist it into a loan.
So you really know its a loan and want to morally wash yourself of it and make out its a gift instead, which can be done... but its not a nice thing to do if someone that loved you was helping you out.
An Ex did it to me over £5k and I made damn sure I got it all back, I paid for her share for the brand new flat and moving costs, she said it was a gift (if I didnt pay we couldnt move from Leeds to London)... So I waited till she was out of the country for xmas and delivered the court papers, she lost on default and was delivered the final court based demand on Valentines day 2007 or her work place would be notified.
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Caulkhead
4,938 posts
26 months
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hillbob said: Cause we hadn't been in contact then loads of texts got sent to each other(some nasty on both our parts).both arguing about what it was. which then she said she will go through the courts to get it.so even now its gone to the court is it too late to sort it between ourselves Moneyclaim gives you plenty of opportunity to pay up before court action. Unless the court date is passed you can still pay up any day before - it sounds to me like you've had plenty of chances to pay and have chosen not to.
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Breadvan72
10,206 posts
32 months
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You meet such delightful human beings on PH!
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