Ex - Hacked accounts, BPD, Obsession... Help /advice please
Discussion
So...
Seven years ago I left my wife and son for my childhood sweetheart. She was my first kiss, we were together at 13, 15, 17, 20, and 15 years on I believed that we would make it stick this time... Then after a few months the "mental" started (see *Several* other PH threads!). Every problem was my fault and even the tiniest thing meant "the end", I was either the white knight or the devil incarnate... We've all heard the story... I spent four years in therapy sorting out my shizzle, and the day I was assessed for BPD (which I didn't score on!) her life was spread out in front of me. Parental abandonment, abusive stepfather, eating problems, booze and coke, random behaviour within defined patterns. It was a revelatory moment, and my psychologist admitted that she had introduced it deliberately to try and show me the root of my own problems: the BPD relationship.
I stuck with it for another three years, God help me then finally ended things with her at the end of February. A week later she is "Facebook Official" (as I believe the young people say) with a mate - for whom I am deeply concerned - yet still sending me twisted messages even now.
A week ago I tried to log in to my Facebook account and found that my password had been changed. I regained access and found that further to a hack she made back in December (where she had deleted our entire message thread going back to before we even got back together) she had been snooping in messages with others, deleting references to stuff she'd done that could come back to bite her. Same in my Gmail account.
Having spent the whole day double locking all my account, I then downloaded Facebook and Google security logs... which make very interesting reading: other than my own logins (which are immediately obvious: BT Broadband, win xp, firefox, IP address established, Android and Chrome likewise), from Mar 25 to April 9th alone over 200 - Two! Hundred!! - logins were made from Sky Broadband, iPhone and iPad - all of which she uses, with IP's attached too.
Here's my dilemma. She's kind of in the public eye, and likely to be considerably more so in the coming months. I also know that she has been writing an "only the names changed" kiss and tell "novel".
A legal chum advises that it's criminal rather than civil and therefore a police matter - section 2A (3) of the PHA 1997, (d) monitoring the use by a person of the internet, email or any other form of electronic communication, and Sections 2, 3, 35 & 38 of the Computer Misuse Act 1990 - but I don't want to go down that route, even if I'm overly nervous about a BPD reaction. I just want her to leave me alone, and leave me out of her book.
Is there any such thing as Plod gently having a quiet word any more?
Thank you PHers. Be gentle...
Seven years ago I left my wife and son for my childhood sweetheart. She was my first kiss, we were together at 13, 15, 17, 20, and 15 years on I believed that we would make it stick this time... Then after a few months the "mental" started (see *Several* other PH threads!). Every problem was my fault and even the tiniest thing meant "the end", I was either the white knight or the devil incarnate... We've all heard the story... I spent four years in therapy sorting out my shizzle, and the day I was assessed for BPD (which I didn't score on!) her life was spread out in front of me. Parental abandonment, abusive stepfather, eating problems, booze and coke, random behaviour within defined patterns. It was a revelatory moment, and my psychologist admitted that she had introduced it deliberately to try and show me the root of my own problems: the BPD relationship.
I stuck with it for another three years, God help me then finally ended things with her at the end of February. A week later she is "Facebook Official" (as I believe the young people say) with a mate - for whom I am deeply concerned - yet still sending me twisted messages even now.
A week ago I tried to log in to my Facebook account and found that my password had been changed. I regained access and found that further to a hack she made back in December (where she had deleted our entire message thread going back to before we even got back together) she had been snooping in messages with others, deleting references to stuff she'd done that could come back to bite her. Same in my Gmail account.
Having spent the whole day double locking all my account, I then downloaded Facebook and Google security logs... which make very interesting reading: other than my own logins (which are immediately obvious: BT Broadband, win xp, firefox, IP address established, Android and Chrome likewise), from Mar 25 to April 9th alone over 200 - Two! Hundred!! - logins were made from Sky Broadband, iPhone and iPad - all of which she uses, with IP's attached too.
Here's my dilemma. She's kind of in the public eye, and likely to be considerably more so in the coming months. I also know that she has been writing an "only the names changed" kiss and tell "novel".
A legal chum advises that it's criminal rather than civil and therefore a police matter - section 2A (3) of the PHA 1997, (d) monitoring the use by a person of the internet, email or any other form of electronic communication, and Sections 2, 3, 35 & 38 of the Computer Misuse Act 1990 - but I don't want to go down that route, even if I'm overly nervous about a BPD reaction. I just want her to leave me alone, and leave me out of her book.
Is there any such thing as Plod gently having a quiet word any more?
Thank you PHers. Be gentle...
LordGrover said:
Silent1 said:
If she's in the public eye then she deserves to be shafted by the police.
itsrodders said:
I just want her to leave me alone, and leave me out of her book.
Change your passwords to something she cannot possibly guess - remember, she knows you WELL, so has got a head start on any social engineering to try to guess them.Then... ignore her. Block her on FB etc. (Hell, you'll survive without FB!) Filter her email straight to the spam bin. In a while, she'll get bored.
As for the novel, in the very unlikely event it gets published (other than by a vanity pay-per-print outfit), will anybody other than you actually _care_ if she's written a character that could perhaps be a bit like you?
She's after a reaction. Don't give it her.
TooMany2cvs said:
Change your passwords to something she cannot possibly guess - remember, she knows you WELL, so has got a head start on any social engineering to try to guess them.
Best thing for sites that demand an answer to a security question is to set it up with the wrong answer! That way, even if somebody does know your history, it won't do them any good. Slidingpillar said:
Best thing for sites that demand an answer to a security question is to set it up with the wrong answer! That way, even if somebody does know your history, it won't do them any good.
It amazes me that anyone would provide actual DOB, mother's maiden name, town of birth, etc to any website/organisation except when absolutely necessary; passport, GP/NHS, etc.itsrodders said:
Then after a few months the "mental" started (see *Several* other PH threads!).
...she had been snooping in messages with others, deleting references to stuff she'd done that could come back to bite her. Same in my Gmail account.
She's deleted all your old PH threads too...?...she had been snooping in messages with others, deleting references to stuff she'd done that could come back to bite her. Same in my Gmail account.
JustinP1 said:
itsrodders said:
Then after a few months the "mental" started (see *Several* other PH threads!).
...she had been snooping in messages with others, deleting references to stuff she'd done that could come back to bite her. Same in my Gmail account.
She's deleted all your old PH threads too...?...she had been snooping in messages with others, deleting references to stuff she'd done that could come back to bite her. Same in my Gmail account.
New gmail account, change password of old one to something VERY complex like 38Hxvyauy_Kq62
Set up new account and allow it to access the old one (so you get visibility of mails sent to it)
Retire this PH account and ask the mods to lock it - they will allow you to set up a new account, new name, etc providing the old one is locked.
Vaud said:
OP - If I were you I would start afresh.
New gmail account, change password of old one to something VERY complex like 38Hxvyauy_Kq62
Set up new account and allow it to access the old one (so you get visibility of mails sent to it)
Retire this PH account and ask the mods to lock it - they will allow you to set up a new account, new name, etc providing the old one is locked.
Just as a point of interest, I read an article recently on passwords and apparently the ones like you mentioned are amongst the worst to use. Difficult for us to remember and use, but very easy for computers to read. And its computers that break the passwords. Phrases are supposedly much better. New gmail account, change password of old one to something VERY complex like 38Hxvyauy_Kq62
Set up new account and allow it to access the old one (so you get visibility of mails sent to it)
Retire this PH account and ask the mods to lock it - they will allow you to set up a new account, new name, etc providing the old one is locked.
Anyway, nothing to add other than something I found interesting!
ozzuk said:
Just as a point of interest, I read an article recently on passwords and apparently the ones like you mentioned are amongst the worst to use. Difficult for us to remember and use, but very easy for computers to read. And its computers that break the passwords. Phrases are supposedly much better.
Anyway, nothing to add other than something I found interesting!
Yup, a phrase like "My dog smells of fish" is easier to remember, yet far harder for a computer to crack..Anyway, nothing to add other than something I found interesting!
ozzuk said:
Just as a point of interest, I read an article recently on passwords and apparently the ones like you mentioned are amongst the worst to use. Difficult for us to remember and use, but very easy for computers to read. And its computers that break the passwords. Phrases are supposedly much better.
Anyway, nothing to add other than something I found interesting!
Yes, and no.Anyway, nothing to add other than something I found interesting!
She is unlikely to be mounting a machine attack, but she does know him well, so picking something hard for her to guess is the key here... But yes, I saw that as well.
LordGrover said:
slinky said:
Yup, a phrase like "My dog smells of fish" is easier to remember, yet far harder for a computer to crack..
I'm not sure that's accurate. Dictionary words are used by these crackers - better off misspelling and making up words? mydoggschmells0ffihshttp://xkcd.com/936/
Vaud said:
And now when I rack my brain to think of a new password all I can think of is Correct Horse Battery StapleGassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff