Racially abused - advice please.
Discussion
Rick101 said:
Sounds like you're more bothered than she is.
Thought it was probably upsetting for her at the time, its really no big deal. Personally I'd just forget about it. Kids Get called that in school every day.
I would have thought a mother should be able to go shopping or for lunch with her 4 year old son without wondering if she might meet somebody who will racially abuse her. Thought it was probably upsetting for her at the time, its really no big deal. Personally I'd just forget about it. Kids Get called that in school every day.
Yes, it probably does bother me more than it bothered her at the time. She has a pretty thick skin as she often gets abused at work and that rarely comes to much. However, being abused at work by a mentally ill patient is one thing, having somebody abuse you in a shopping centre when you minding your own business with your young son is another, I am thinking.
Anyway, I asked for advice and I will take it all on board, thanks.
jimbop1 said:
Agree.
Just to clarify..are you more bothered that she was called black than you are that she feared she may get punched?
I think both elements bother me equally, actually. I would still be wanting to report this, even if the racial abuse had not been there. I agree that the thread title suggests I am more bothered by the racial aspect than the threat of violence. I know there are people out there who resort to violence and aggression without a second thought, I just find it doubly depressing that there are still scumbags like this who think it's ok to abuse people like this.Just to clarify..are you more bothered that she was called black than you are that she feared she may get punched?
Just to clarify, I'm not some caped crusader fighting for racial equality. I've been with the other half 5 or 6 years and nothing like this has ever cropped up before. I'm just an average bloke who prefers to mind his own business. However, what occurred earlier just does not seem right.
Edited by andy118run on Saturday 26th July 01:51
andy118run said:
I don't think the other mother was particularly the problem at any point, but the father just sounds like he was a nasty piece of work (apparently my partner first noticed him when he entered the food place about 10 minutes before the incident as he was loudly and repeatedly effing and blinding at his young son).
My feeling was the same as Mk3Spitfire, as soon as he preceded his abuse/threats with the word "black" it becomes racially motivated.
Sounds to me like it was not racially motivated at all, the bloke is a nasty bMy feeling was the same as Mk3Spitfire, as soon as he preceded his abuse/threats with the word "black" it becomes racially motivated.
d to his own kid so probably is to everyone, he happened to choose colour as part of his malice to your Mrs because he has very little imagination or vocabulary.Still unacceptable behaviour though and because he applied a comment about her race the police will be much more interested than if he had done it to my OH so if you want to report it you may well get some result.
Rick101 said:
Kids Get called that in school every day.
No they don't, unless you're stuck in 1972.As a former school governor, I can assure you you are talking utter twaddle. And my experience is with a W.London comp. Calling someone a black c*nt would be a very serious matter. Fortunately in the 8 yrs of my involvement, we never had a verbal incident of that seriousness.
I personally wouldnt bother (I am African). If she's easy going tnen let it slide. The bloke is probably a loser anyway and I am sure he wouldnt have used that term if you were there with the missus. It was easy for him to pick on a defenceless woman.
CCTV will not prove anything apart from the fact that the loser was in the same area as your missus. John Terry was caught on Sky TV calling a fellow player a black ct and PC Alex MacFarlane was caught on tape calling an arrested suspect a nier. Both were cleared.
Maybe Norwich police are better but if you went into a London police station with this report, you'll probably be laughed at or threatned with arrest yourself.
CCTV will not prove anything apart from the fact that the loser was in the same area as your missus. John Terry was caught on Sky TV calling a fellow player a black c
t and PC Alex MacFarlane was caught on tape calling an arrested suspect a nier. Both were cleared.Maybe Norwich police are better but if you went into a London police station with this report, you'll probably be laughed at or threatned with arrest yourself.
Too many to reply to.
Most haven't met me, but as a black person, it's water off a ducks back.
I'd definitely raise it if it haven't in a work environment (with my management). Some random in the street, I really wouldn't bother.
I'm not saying it right, or that it's acceptable, simply that not something I'd waste my or the police's time with.
If there had actually been violence, not just (probably empty) threat of it, then thats a different matter.
I remember growing up to my mum saying something about 'sticks and stones'.
Most haven't met me, but as a black person, it's water off a ducks back.
I'd definitely raise it if it haven't in a work environment (with my management). Some random in the street, I really wouldn't bother.
I'm not saying it right, or that it's acceptable, simply that not something I'd waste my or the police's time with.
If there had actually been violence, not just (probably empty) threat of it, then thats a different matter.
I remember growing up to my mum saying something about 'sticks and stones'.
Osinjak said:
Absolute horsest.
Many of us put up with all sorts of stuff on a daily basis but because it's not a 'hot' subject like race we just ignore it.t.I have a speech impediment. Barely a day goes by where I don't get a snigger or a sarky comment from someone. Shop keepers, receptionists, cold callers, etc... They all do it. There's even a well loved and often repeated sitcom where the main joke is the stutter of the main character. Even the politically correct BBC don't object to this.
Eclassy said:
I personally wouldnt bother (I am African). If she's easy going tnen let it slide. The bloke is probably a loser anyway and I am sure he wouldnt have used that term if you were there with the missus. It was easy for him to pick on a defenceless woman.
CCTV will not prove anything apart from the fact that the loser was in the same area as your missus. John Terry was caught on Sky TV calling a fellow player a black ct and PC Alex MacFarlane was caught on tape calling an arrested suspect a nier. Both were cleared.
Maybe Norwich police are better but if you went into a London police station with this report, you'll probably be laughed at or threatned with arrest yourself.
Thanks for that and also to Rick101. It doesn't surprise me at all that a couple of black fellas have come along and said it really isn't worth it. Certainly deterred me from making that call. However, I have now been on the Norfolk Constabulary website and reported it. We shall see where that goes.CCTV will not prove anything apart from the fact that the loser was in the same area as your missus. John Terry was caught on Sky TV calling a fellow player a black c
t and PC Alex MacFarlane was caught on tape calling an arrested suspect a nier. Both were cleared.Maybe Norwich police are better but if you went into a London police station with this report, you'll probably be laughed at or threatned with arrest yourself.
andy118run said:
Thanks for that and also to Rick101. It doesn't surprise me at all that a couple of black fellas have come along and said it really isn't worth it. Certainly deterred me from making that call. However, I have now been on the Norfolk Constabulary website and reported it. We shall see where that goes.
Glad you reported it. You've done your bit.And please, don't take too much notice of Eclassy's posts, be he black, white, purple or Martian.
OP I know you've reported it now, but it fundamentally is down to how your partner feels, and whether she's willing to go through a process that could include court. I'd always encourage people to report it.
Eclassy said:
CCTV will not prove anything apart from the fact that the loser was in the same area as your missus.
It would show all the non-verbal communications. Potentially Speed, tone, movement, proximity, other gestures, whether words or were spoken or not (he could say he said nothing) and it provides corroboration. Not quite that limited, then. Eclassy said:
PC Alex MacFarlane was caught on tape calling an arrested suspect a nier. Both were cleared.
He was sacked for gross misconduct, so put the whole picture. er. Both were cleared.Eclassy said:
Maybe Norwich police are better but if you went into a London police station with this report, you'll probably be laughed at or threatned with arrest yourself.
Someone has come on here asking for advice for a serious matter and you write utter garbage like this. alock said:
I have a speech impediment. Barely a day goes by where I don't get a snigger or a sarky comment from someone.
That's out of order, but speech impediments haven't been fundamental to many genocides, apartheid, inequality laws and riots. Rick101 said:
I remember growing up to my mum saying something about 'sticks and stones'.
But on the other-hand, who are the type of people who change society for the better? Those who stand-up. Or refuse to, in the case of Rosa Parks! Not that I'm putting it on the same scale, but you get my meaning! Some interesting observations here. At the outset I should say that I almost never agree with Eclassy about anything, but on this one, at least in part, I do.
I have been married to a non white lady for over 25 years, Our experience of racism in this country is that it permeates every aspect of our lives. I have lost count of the number of overt incidents. For example being spat at in the street and other pleasurable occurrences. In all but one occasions we have let them ride. On the one occasion, about ten years ago, my wife did report being harassed and harried by a group of young thugs (solely because of her ethnicity) my wife was able to give a good description of the offenders who it transpired were well known to the local police. A few weeks later my wife was asked, by the police, to withdraw the complaint as; "..race crimes were very serious and it would affect the rest of their lives."
Whilst unpleasant, these overtly racist incidents have not been half as damaging as the devastating consequences of the deep-rooted and subtle racism she has experienced in her professional life.
All in all I would say that the well mannered white thugs, suited and booted, with all their liberal credentials on display have been much much more dangerous.
Declaration of conflict of interest. I am white
I have been married to a non white lady for over 25 years, Our experience of racism in this country is that it permeates every aspect of our lives. I have lost count of the number of overt incidents. For example being spat at in the street and other pleasurable occurrences. In all but one occasions we have let them ride. On the one occasion, about ten years ago, my wife did report being harassed and harried by a group of young thugs (solely because of her ethnicity) my wife was able to give a good description of the offenders who it transpired were well known to the local police. A few weeks later my wife was asked, by the police, to withdraw the complaint as; "..race crimes were very serious and it would affect the rest of their lives."
Whilst unpleasant, these overtly racist incidents have not been half as damaging as the devastating consequences of the deep-rooted and subtle racism she has experienced in her professional life.
All in all I would say that the well mannered white thugs, suited and booted, with all their liberal credentials on display have been much much more dangerous.
Declaration of conflict of interest. I am white
Edited by IanA2 on Saturday 26th July 11:59
Edited by IanA2 on Saturday 26th July 12:05
I was going to say that you should ask your wife what she would like to do and if she says no whether it was because it doesn't bother her of because she doesn't want any fuss, but it's past that now.
I can see how a situation like this would come about.
Perhaps the ride was one where one kid sits at the front and one behind and your lad was at the front.
The woman wanted to put 50p in for a ride and her kid was at the back and she saw this a her kid not getting the full monies worth if you see what I mean.
Your missus is struggling because your lad isn't happy about this (and I wouldn't be if I had a nice seat on a ride at his age) and then enter pissed off, been dragged around the shopping centre dad who has just lost it and said what he said.
I think we've all been there and when people lose it, what lies beneath comes to the surface.
The bloke is obviously a short tempered, miserable racist and deserves the law coming down on him if only to prevent someone else being subjected to his behavior.
It sounds like he is busy training is kids to be short tempered, intolerant people too. Let's hope his other attitudes don't rub off too.
Does your lad remember anything of it or did the whole thing just wash over him?
I can see how a situation like this would come about.
Perhaps the ride was one where one kid sits at the front and one behind and your lad was at the front.
The woman wanted to put 50p in for a ride and her kid was at the back and she saw this a her kid not getting the full monies worth if you see what I mean.
Your missus is struggling because your lad isn't happy about this (and I wouldn't be if I had a nice seat on a ride at his age) and then enter pissed off, been dragged around the shopping centre dad who has just lost it and said what he said.
I think we've all been there and when people lose it, what lies beneath comes to the surface.
The bloke is obviously a short tempered, miserable racist and deserves the law coming down on him if only to prevent someone else being subjected to his behavior.
It sounds like he is busy training is kids to be short tempered, intolerant people too. Let's hope his other attitudes don't rub off too.
Does your lad remember anything of it or did the whole thing just wash over him?
Mk3Spitfire said:
Steve H said:
Sounds to me like it was not racially motivated at all.
Have a look at Liga's quote at the bottom of page one!La Liga said:
Crime and Disorder Act 1998 S.28 said:
(1) An offence is racially or religiously aggravated] for the purposes of sections 29 to 32 below if:
(a) at the time of committing the offence, or immediately before or after doing so, the offender demonstrates towards the victim of the offence hostility based on the victim’s membership (or presumed membership) of a racial or religious group; or
(b) the offence is motivated (wholly or partly) by hostility towards members of a racial or religious group based on their membership of that group.
(a) at the time of committing the offence, or immediately before or after doing so, the offender demonstrates towards the victim of the offence hostility based on the victim’s membership (or presumed membership) of a racial or religious group; or
(b) the offence is motivated (wholly or partly) by hostility towards members of a racial or religious group based on their membership of that group.
t who will fall out with anyone and falling out with the OP's OH was all about that and not about race. The fact that he used a racial description does not necessarily mean that the offence of assault (which I think probably was committed) was racially aggravated in terms of how it is described in the above quote.IanA2 said:
On the one occasion, about ten years ago, my wife did report being harassed and harried by a group of young thugs (solely because of her ethnicity) my wife was able to give a good description of the offenders who it transpired were well known to the local police. A few weeks later my wife was asked, by the police, to withdraw the complaint as; "..race crimes were very serious and it would affect the rest of their lives."
Declaration of conflict of interest. I am white
You dont say! The police really told your missus to withdraw the cimplaint?! I dont believe it! Declaration of conflict of interest. I am white
The threat of vilence should be reported.
When I was wee we used to say "sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me".
The "racist thing" seems more like name calling than anything overtly racist. I'm a white sweaty sock, by the way and the most racist person I ever met was an asian from Manchester who hated everyone else in the whole world, especially other castes, Hindus, and white people. He had names for all these groups that made my toes curl.
When I was wee we used to say "sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me".
The "racist thing" seems more like name calling than anything overtly racist. I'm a white sweaty sock, by the way and the most racist person I ever met was an asian from Manchester who hated everyone else in the whole world, especially other castes, Hindus, and white people. He had names for all these groups that made my toes curl.
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