Notification of death or serious injury

[JulianHJ]

bucksmanuk said:

At an IAM talk one evening the policeman presenting told of his colleague knocking on the door of a house and informing the woman of said property, her husband had just died in an RTA. She responded in a flash with an incredibly fast right hook, which knocked him out cold. It was the total shock which made her do it and she apologised immediately.
The police thought that pressing charges under the circumstances would be inappropriate this time.

A similar thing happened to a couple of guys on my team late last year. They went to inform a family of a drug-related death and the deceased's sister smacked one of them round the face. No damage done and nothing more said, it's just one of those things. I've seen everything from calm bordering on nonchalance (no doubt shock) to hysterics. It's the latter that I dread.

[silverfoxcc]

Mrs Fox No 1 had gone out for the evening. Knock on door and PC and WPC were standing there. After the pleasantries and checking i was who they thought i was, they informed me Fil had fallen off the perch. As this was the first of the parents to go, i didnt know what to do and asked them if they could wait. They contacted the local station and said they were staying at an 'agony call' until wife had arrived back, Bacj in 1974 didnt have a phone at home and mobiles??? stuff of Star Trek.
Mrs F was given the news and a 'spirited' drive from Peterborough to Muswell Hill followed.
Wen Mum and Dad went, got a call from Mrs fox No 2 that Dad had gone and mums demised was given by my sister.
But seeing plod on the doorstep really shook me all those years ago

[Drawweight]

A couple of years ago I was knocked off by bike. (broken collar bone, nothing too serious)

The policeman who attended rang my wife and said 'XXXX police here, I'm afraid your husband's had an accident'.

To which my wife replied 'Oh my God he's dead!!'

The policeman hastily had to explain that I wasn't and anyway they would have called in person if I had been.

[Dr Jekyll]

Toltec said:

Several years ago we received a call from the hospital saying my father in law had had an accident and could we get there asap.

We were pretty sure what that meant, however I still might have ignored a few traffic laws on the drive there. As it happens he had a heart attack and cracked his head open as he fell down so he had actually been dead for some time.

I understand why the system is as it is, however not knowing how urgent the call is could lead to further consequences.

What's the procedure if the relative on the phone asks point blank "Have they died?".

[Bigends]

Dr Jekyll said:

Toltec said:

Several years ago we received a call from the hospital saying my father in law had had an accident and could we get there asap.

We were pretty sure what that meant, however I still might have ignored a few traffic laws on the drive there. As it happens he had a heart attack and cracked his head open as he fell down so he had actually been dead for some time.

I understand why the system is as it is, however not knowing how urgent the call is could lead to further consequences.

What's the procedure if the relative on the phone asks point blank "Have they died?".

Have to be straight with them and tell them. We'd had to break into a house years back following a concern for welfare call by the elderly householders daughter. We'd broken in and were checking the place when the phone rang downstairs just as we found the old boy dead in his bedroom. Turned out it was the daughter on the phone who'd kept ringing. One of the other cops who'd turned up for a nose and was downstairs answered it not knowing what we'd found upstairs. We had to be straight with her and let her know over the phone. Only time I ever delivered an agony message over the phone - always in person otherwise whether sudden illness or death

[Elroy Blue]

I'm a Family Liaison Officer and don't just do Death Messages (Every age and circumstance over the years), but stay with the family during the subsequent investigation. It's just about the most mentally exhausting thing I've ever done. (Particularly when it involves what might be described as an 'anti-Police' family)

[paolow]

Bigends said:

Have to be straight with them and tell them. We'd had to break into a house years back following a concern for welfare call by the elderly householders daughter. We'd broken in and were checking the place when the phone rang downstairs just as we found the old boy dead in his bedroom. Turned out it was the daughter on the phone who'd kept ringing. One of the other cops who'd turned up for a nose and was downstairs answered it not knowing what we'd found upstairs. We had to be straight with her and let her know over the phone. Only time I ever delivered an agony message over the phone - always in person otherwise whether sudden illness or death

One absolute is that there should be no ambiguity. "I am afraid everyone did all they could but I am sorry to inform you that he died earlier this evening at home" might be cold but "he's moved on" or "he's passed" or whatever only confuses and further disorients the recipient.
In my previous career I have given numerous such messages and the reactions are varied from joy to utter despair. I can confirm the stereotpe of freshly polished shoes and hat removed on greeting exists - but not one I rigidly adhered to - and I don't believe it is formal policy.
Ironically having been woken by two traffic officers at my door (complete with above stereotype including - "are you Paolow - can we come in") I really should have seen the message coming but utterly failed to. RIP PH'er Sierranut
I did at least thank them for telling me in person and appreciated that it was a st job to do and that I appreciated that they had done it.

Oh - and the golden rule of 'don't answer the phone' applies also - I know one colleague who did and of course the first questions are always "Oh hi officer - why are you there and where's xyz" which is always worse than a personal attendance.

Edited by paolow on Wednesday 22 April 20:01

[bucksmanuk]

paolow said:

reactions are varied from joy to utter despair

...Joy....????

[Meoricin]

gareth_r said:

Thank you all.

If it's true that the Americans use the phone rather than personal notification by the local police, I think our system is better, not least because of the possible reaction of the relative.

I inferred from a couple of the replies that the notification is always made by a uniformed officer?

Are you basing this assumption that the Americans use the phone purely on television shows?

If so, they show a visit to the door in Dexter, at least - I'm sure there are other shows that show this.

[The Mad Monk]

silverfoxcc said:

Mrs F was given the news and a 'spirited' drive from Peterborough to Muswell Hill followed.

Why?

[Silvs]

Dealt with the sudden death of a 4 month old girl whose father was working nights and the mother had, being completely exhausted, taken her into bed to feed, fell asleep and rolled onto her.

We worked on her until Ambo turned up and whilst in the back of their van on the way to the hospital, with her mother watching on hysterically. Both us and the paramedics knowing it was totally in vain and she had been gone hours.

Another unit had picked up the father up and met us at the hospital. Doctors ultimately passed the message as they confirmed life extinct. The poor bloke went mental and smashed the resus room to bits. Must have caused thousands of pounds of damage. Honest working man whose live had been shattered. Naturally he was never prosecuted given the horrific circumstances.

People react in all sorts of different ways. Safe to say I won't ever forget her and quite often think about her whilst holding my daughter!

[kwk]

Elroy Blue said:

I'm a Family Liaison Officer and don't just do Death Messages (Every age and circumstance over the years), but stay with the family during the subsequent investigation. It's just about the most mentally exhausting thing I've ever done. (Particularly when it involves what might be described as an 'anti-Police' family)

I was an FLO for the last 10 years of my service. As well as the above, you do meet a lot of very nice people at the worst time in their life.

[gareth_r]

Meoricin said:

gareth_r said:

Thank you all.

If it's true that the Americans use the phone rather than personal notification by the local police, I think our system is better, not least because of the possible reaction of the relative.

I inferred from a couple of the replies that the notification is always made by a uniformed officer?

Are you basing this assumption that the Americans use the phone purely on television shows?

If so, they show a visit to the door in Dexter, at least - I'm sure there are other shows that show this.

Yes, that was the original question, whether the US police use the phone.

[Medic-one]

gareth_r said:

Would notification of life-threatening injury also be made in person?

I've been to a few serious incidents and/or RTC's where the person was still alive when we were working on him/her, but the outcome wasn't good and in some of those cases whilst we rushed the patient to the hospital, the police would drive to the famiies house and collect them and take them to the hospital (on blue lights) so they can say their final goodbye's if the ineffable does happen.

[Jonleeper]

bucksmanuk said:

...Joy....????

Unfortunately you never know the circumstances. We, British Army, have Notifying Officers (immediate notification and leave) and Liason Officers (assist throughout the next months) who do these tiles. On the course we were told of a wife who when hearing the news was overjoyed. It turned out the relationship had been both physically and mentally abusive and she was relieved it was finally over. You can never tell what you are going to get when they open the door.