Vulnerable young adults. My son. The law. Help please.
Discussion
Hello folks,
I have never written anything personal in here before and never thought i would get to the situation i find myself in but i know there are some of you with great advice for others and i need some help. The following is a very brief outline of my life for the last 23 years and is copied and altered from a letter sent to social services which i will explain about after.
Please take some time to read...
"My son Thomas was born April 2003 at West Middlesex hospital where i was present for the birth and my name as father on his birth certificate.
I separated from G when Thomas was 8 months old as G had an affair and moved out of her house. We were not married and she had three older children from a previous relationship.
For the next few years G made my contact with Thomas very sporadic and on her terms, although I still saw him regularly. Many times i would arrive to see Thomas as per her arrangement only to be told he didn't want to see me. G would phone me 15 minutes after I had left to say he changed his mind and so i would go back and she would still not let me see him.
Thomas underwent many tests before being diagnosed with CDLS. ( this consists of severe learning difficulties, no speech and growth problems) I was with Thomas for all his tests and operations up until he was 11. I attended every appointment including staying overnight in hospital whenever Thomas had to.
From roughly the age of 4 Thomas stayed at my house every single weekend overnight and after school during the week as well as extra time in the school holidays. I travelled to Scotland many times to see my family over the years with Thomas. I bought my first house literally a few streets away so i could be near him. I was in regular contact with his schools and attended parents evening, sports days etc. until he was eighteen and moved to Dover.
I met my future wife, T, when Thomas was 11 and when informed that i was moving in with her, G completely denied me access to Thomas for 7 months. This only resumed after we sought legal advice and took her to court which resulted in us being allowed to have Thomas with us every other weekend. I then also gained parental responsibility for Thomas and a CAFCASS report was completed in our favour.
I ensured, even though T had a daughter and was pregnant with our son, that my relationship with Thomas didn't change. I moved house and had an extension built so Thomas would have his own bedroom here. I even arranged my wedding dates to coincide with Thomas's weekend as i knew that G would never have let him attend. Thomas attended holidays with us and enjoyed swimming and cycling as part of family life.
This continued until the school informed me on a regular parents evening that G was taking Thomas out of school and moving to Dover before his 18th birthday. I had no prior knowledge of this. G prevented us seeing Thomas again for several months after his eighteenth birthday. She told us that Thomas no longer needed his father and, as my parental responsibility had finished, I had to return to the solicitor. After several legal letters and money on our part, access was resumed once a month.
Since Thomas moved to Dover i have continued to see him at least once a month and we enjoy fantastic family times where he is greatly loved by my wife, stepdaughter (J) and my youngest son ( S) . I have bought annual family tickets to the local safari parks as Thomas loves animals, we have visited the beach many times, been on train and boat trips and been to Dover castle. You can see from the photographs attached that Thomas has an absolutely brilliant time with our family and very much enjoys being with us. I have attached a selection of photos taken over many years to hopefully show his happiness at being included in my family.
I even signed Thomas's first ever passport application early 2014 for G.
This arrangement continued until March 2014 which was the last time Thomas had contact with me . After that G claimed that Thomas was too unwell to see us, gave us false information regarding an operation Thomas was due and then finally would not answer calls or texts at all. I have missed Thomas's 21st birthday and Christmas 2014. I have driven to Dover several times and left cards begging her to contact me but not found her to be at home until two weeks ago (28th Feb 2015). G was furious that I had turned up and, despite Thomas being happy to see me, she forced him physically away from me and telephoned the police. She acted hysterically swearing and shouting and assaulted me at the door. The police arrived, and although very sympathetic with my situation, said I had to leave. They suggested some mediation but G refused.
I strongly believe it is in Thomas's best interest to continue to spend time with us and have involvement with our family. With Thomas's communication difficulties this has always had to be arranged via his mother and we are now forced to take action as we feel she is not meeting his social and emotional needs in accordance with Kent County Council's policy on the safeguarding of vulnerable young adults. G has a very persuasive influence over Thomas decisions that she has used to her advantage over the years and we strongly feel that Thomas's own needs and wishes are not being met. Thomas needs to have his needs as an individual met and his wishes heard away from any influence as far as practical.
I believe that the mental and emotional abuse that Thomas is suffering needs to be addressed and his mental capacity needs to be assessed in order for Thomas to be able to choose his friends and family and live in dignity which his mother is currently denying him."
The above is really just the tip of the iceberg. I have walked on eggshells with this woman for 22 years as she is so volatile and temperamental. She has used Thomas's disability to a great advantage over the years both financially and emotionally. Before anyone thinks there are always 2 sides, I can swear on my sons life that i have no skeletons to hide, i have never done anything wrong, never swore, shouted, got angry with her ever due to the ever present danger of losing him.
To recap, my son has severe learning difficulties, has no speech at all, been in and out of hospital all his life for his epilepsy and general mobility issues.
This is where Kent social services and their care of vulnerable young adults come in. Basically i have been pushed form pillar to post by them for 3 months now with nothing happening unless i really pushed them. They didn't even know Thomas was seeing me and my family even though he has a care worker that he sees very 3 months. They went to see Thomas but his mother was, in their words, aggressive and confrontational.
Eventually i was in contact with someone who seemed to care. They suggested meeting Thomas and if they agreed that Thomas best interests were to continue seeing myself and my family we could make a joint application to the court of protection. They were due to see Thomas at his day centre last Thursday without his mother knowing and then all of a sudden i received a phone call saying that they had received a letter from G's solicitor saying who knows what but they are now not allowed to contact me.! I am supposed to begetting a letter from Kent social services to tell me officially to stop contacting them!
So that was Friday. They would not let me know what was in the letter. All they said was there is nothing more they can do and i am not allowed to speak to them again. I have explained so many times that this is a safeguarding issue and their policies state they must intervene and conduct an investigation but no, nothing. I have tried to phone the senior manage of the department this morning but she isn't available.
I am just totally despondent at the moment. I have been the best father that my boy could ever have had and have literally lived my life for the last 22 years doing everything humanley possible for my son. As mentioned i have NEVER put a step wrong in anyway over all these years and i am being punished in the most awful way.
Thomas doesn't have a clue to what is going on as the last time he seen me his mother was assaulting me on the doorstep. I have spoken to the social services so many times about this and they have a duty of care to help him and look after his best interests but now nothing.
My next step is obviously back to the solicitors but another few thousand pounds is something very difficult to find right now but of course i will if i need to.
Sorry for such a long post but i really really need some help.
Dave.
I have never written anything personal in here before and never thought i would get to the situation i find myself in but i know there are some of you with great advice for others and i need some help. The following is a very brief outline of my life for the last 23 years and is copied and altered from a letter sent to social services which i will explain about after.
Please take some time to read...
"My son Thomas was born April 2003 at West Middlesex hospital where i was present for the birth and my name as father on his birth certificate.
I separated from G when Thomas was 8 months old as G had an affair and moved out of her house. We were not married and she had three older children from a previous relationship.
For the next few years G made my contact with Thomas very sporadic and on her terms, although I still saw him regularly. Many times i would arrive to see Thomas as per her arrangement only to be told he didn't want to see me. G would phone me 15 minutes after I had left to say he changed his mind and so i would go back and she would still not let me see him.
Thomas underwent many tests before being diagnosed with CDLS. ( this consists of severe learning difficulties, no speech and growth problems) I was with Thomas for all his tests and operations up until he was 11. I attended every appointment including staying overnight in hospital whenever Thomas had to.
From roughly the age of 4 Thomas stayed at my house every single weekend overnight and after school during the week as well as extra time in the school holidays. I travelled to Scotland many times to see my family over the years with Thomas. I bought my first house literally a few streets away so i could be near him. I was in regular contact with his schools and attended parents evening, sports days etc. until he was eighteen and moved to Dover.
I met my future wife, T, when Thomas was 11 and when informed that i was moving in with her, G completely denied me access to Thomas for 7 months. This only resumed after we sought legal advice and took her to court which resulted in us being allowed to have Thomas with us every other weekend. I then also gained parental responsibility for Thomas and a CAFCASS report was completed in our favour.
I ensured, even though T had a daughter and was pregnant with our son, that my relationship with Thomas didn't change. I moved house and had an extension built so Thomas would have his own bedroom here. I even arranged my wedding dates to coincide with Thomas's weekend as i knew that G would never have let him attend. Thomas attended holidays with us and enjoyed swimming and cycling as part of family life.
This continued until the school informed me on a regular parents evening that G was taking Thomas out of school and moving to Dover before his 18th birthday. I had no prior knowledge of this. G prevented us seeing Thomas again for several months after his eighteenth birthday. She told us that Thomas no longer needed his father and, as my parental responsibility had finished, I had to return to the solicitor. After several legal letters and money on our part, access was resumed once a month.
Since Thomas moved to Dover i have continued to see him at least once a month and we enjoy fantastic family times where he is greatly loved by my wife, stepdaughter (J) and my youngest son ( S) . I have bought annual family tickets to the local safari parks as Thomas loves animals, we have visited the beach many times, been on train and boat trips and been to Dover castle. You can see from the photographs attached that Thomas has an absolutely brilliant time with our family and very much enjoys being with us. I have attached a selection of photos taken over many years to hopefully show his happiness at being included in my family.
I even signed Thomas's first ever passport application early 2014 for G.
This arrangement continued until March 2014 which was the last time Thomas had contact with me . After that G claimed that Thomas was too unwell to see us, gave us false information regarding an operation Thomas was due and then finally would not answer calls or texts at all. I have missed Thomas's 21st birthday and Christmas 2014. I have driven to Dover several times and left cards begging her to contact me but not found her to be at home until two weeks ago (28th Feb 2015). G was furious that I had turned up and, despite Thomas being happy to see me, she forced him physically away from me and telephoned the police. She acted hysterically swearing and shouting and assaulted me at the door. The police arrived, and although very sympathetic with my situation, said I had to leave. They suggested some mediation but G refused.
I strongly believe it is in Thomas's best interest to continue to spend time with us and have involvement with our family. With Thomas's communication difficulties this has always had to be arranged via his mother and we are now forced to take action as we feel she is not meeting his social and emotional needs in accordance with Kent County Council's policy on the safeguarding of vulnerable young adults. G has a very persuasive influence over Thomas decisions that she has used to her advantage over the years and we strongly feel that Thomas's own needs and wishes are not being met. Thomas needs to have his needs as an individual met and his wishes heard away from any influence as far as practical.
I believe that the mental and emotional abuse that Thomas is suffering needs to be addressed and his mental capacity needs to be assessed in order for Thomas to be able to choose his friends and family and live in dignity which his mother is currently denying him."
The above is really just the tip of the iceberg. I have walked on eggshells with this woman for 22 years as she is so volatile and temperamental. She has used Thomas's disability to a great advantage over the years both financially and emotionally. Before anyone thinks there are always 2 sides, I can swear on my sons life that i have no skeletons to hide, i have never done anything wrong, never swore, shouted, got angry with her ever due to the ever present danger of losing him.
To recap, my son has severe learning difficulties, has no speech at all, been in and out of hospital all his life for his epilepsy and general mobility issues.
This is where Kent social services and their care of vulnerable young adults come in. Basically i have been pushed form pillar to post by them for 3 months now with nothing happening unless i really pushed them. They didn't even know Thomas was seeing me and my family even though he has a care worker that he sees very 3 months. They went to see Thomas but his mother was, in their words, aggressive and confrontational.
Eventually i was in contact with someone who seemed to care. They suggested meeting Thomas and if they agreed that Thomas best interests were to continue seeing myself and my family we could make a joint application to the court of protection. They were due to see Thomas at his day centre last Thursday without his mother knowing and then all of a sudden i received a phone call saying that they had received a letter from G's solicitor saying who knows what but they are now not allowed to contact me.! I am supposed to begetting a letter from Kent social services to tell me officially to stop contacting them!
So that was Friday. They would not let me know what was in the letter. All they said was there is nothing more they can do and i am not allowed to speak to them again. I have explained so many times that this is a safeguarding issue and their policies state they must intervene and conduct an investigation but no, nothing. I have tried to phone the senior manage of the department this morning but she isn't available.
I am just totally despondent at the moment. I have been the best father that my boy could ever have had and have literally lived my life for the last 22 years doing everything humanley possible for my son. As mentioned i have NEVER put a step wrong in anyway over all these years and i am being punished in the most awful way.
Thomas doesn't have a clue to what is going on as the last time he seen me his mother was assaulting me on the doorstep. I have spoken to the social services so many times about this and they have a duty of care to help him and look after his best interests but now nothing.
My next step is obviously back to the solicitors but another few thousand pounds is something very difficult to find right now but of course i will if i need to.
Sorry for such a long post but i really really need some help.
Dave.
Hi Dave,
I am truly sorry to hear about the awful situation that you find yourself in, and as someone on the inside of the sausage machine, can only say that family members like you are few and far between, so keep up the good fight.
I work in a neighbouring authority to Kent in LD services, and lets say that Kent haven't exactly got the best of reputations for getting things right, although local government, and especially Adult Social Care, have taken a hammering over the last 5 years and about to do so again over the next 5, so if they are like us, they will be stretched ever so thin.
I'm not a lawyer, so please take this advice as what it is; advice and tips of how to work the system to get the proper and right outcome in what looks like a sh**ty situation.
Its not clear from the letter if G already has an award by the court of protection for Apointeeship or Deputyship? If so, that does pose some difficulties in that G would have the decision on what is, and is not, in the best interest of your son although as you can demonstrate, this is far from always the case.
First things first, if you do have serious concerns for the welfare of your son, then I would recommend contacting the Safeguarding Team at KCC, link attached http://www.kent.gov.uk/social-care-and-health/repo... or the local police.
It might be worth finding out who the named social worker is at KCC for your son, and send a special delivery letter stating that you are an interested party to your son's welfare and ask them to state on what grounds you are not being included or purposely excluded from his care planning process. If this on the say so of G, then a call to the local Independent Mental Capacity Advocates (IMCA's) for his area, to challenge the decision, on the basis that your son would be the sound of things, be able to indicate that he would have a desire for you to be involved in his life and 'may' have capacity to make this specific decision, which is something that KCC should then honour.
A lot (really so many I cannot even begin to describe) of social work staff are not very good, diligent or professional due to poor incentive & Moral, locum working, high caseloads etc. So ask the admin staff in the team that they work for who their line managers and practice manager are in a calm way, along with contact details for them, and use them if you are not getting responses or the answer you want.
KCC will also have a formal complaints process that they will have to follow to the letter, find out what it is and if you have to, make a complaint. It will be investigated by someone from outside of the department you are dealing with and you will inevitably be able to find out more of what is going on.
The final stage would then be to go to the local government ombudsman if KCC are not helpful and the LGO are known to be "fair" in their decisions on complaints about the conduct of authorities.
I'm happy to offer any further advice if you want, happy if you want to drop me a PM but if it does go very quickly to a messy stage, then getting a good and experienced lawyer in this particular field, will be the best advice I can give.
Cheers
Steve
I am truly sorry to hear about the awful situation that you find yourself in, and as someone on the inside of the sausage machine, can only say that family members like you are few and far between, so keep up the good fight.
I work in a neighbouring authority to Kent in LD services, and lets say that Kent haven't exactly got the best of reputations for getting things right, although local government, and especially Adult Social Care, have taken a hammering over the last 5 years and about to do so again over the next 5, so if they are like us, they will be stretched ever so thin.
I'm not a lawyer, so please take this advice as what it is; advice and tips of how to work the system to get the proper and right outcome in what looks like a sh**ty situation.
Its not clear from the letter if G already has an award by the court of protection for Apointeeship or Deputyship? If so, that does pose some difficulties in that G would have the decision on what is, and is not, in the best interest of your son although as you can demonstrate, this is far from always the case.
First things first, if you do have serious concerns for the welfare of your son, then I would recommend contacting the Safeguarding Team at KCC, link attached http://www.kent.gov.uk/social-care-and-health/repo... or the local police.
It might be worth finding out who the named social worker is at KCC for your son, and send a special delivery letter stating that you are an interested party to your son's welfare and ask them to state on what grounds you are not being included or purposely excluded from his care planning process. If this on the say so of G, then a call to the local Independent Mental Capacity Advocates (IMCA's) for his area, to challenge the decision, on the basis that your son would be the sound of things, be able to indicate that he would have a desire for you to be involved in his life and 'may' have capacity to make this specific decision, which is something that KCC should then honour.
A lot (really so many I cannot even begin to describe) of social work staff are not very good, diligent or professional due to poor incentive & Moral, locum working, high caseloads etc. So ask the admin staff in the team that they work for who their line managers and practice manager are in a calm way, along with contact details for them, and use them if you are not getting responses or the answer you want.
KCC will also have a formal complaints process that they will have to follow to the letter, find out what it is and if you have to, make a complaint. It will be investigated by someone from outside of the department you are dealing with and you will inevitably be able to find out more of what is going on.
The final stage would then be to go to the local government ombudsman if KCC are not helpful and the LGO are known to be "fair" in their decisions on complaints about the conduct of authorities.
I'm happy to offer any further advice if you want, happy if you want to drop me a PM but if it does go very quickly to a messy stage, then getting a good and experienced lawyer in this particular field, will be the best advice I can give.
Cheers
Steve
Like the others I cant add any useful suggestions on practical steps you can take, but just want to add my support for all that you and your family are doing for your son. Don't give up and explore every avenue you can to keep up your efforts.
Good luck and I hope it gets resolved quickly for you.
Good luck and I hope it gets resolved quickly for you.
I'm saddened to read this. Your post portrays your efforts over the years very well and to keep calm with such a manipulative woman whilst pining for your son must be so hard. I'd find it impossible.
Who can this be elevated to outside of the current team who refuse to speak to you? What can be done by those in power locally. How can you get them to listen?
She's an abuser from what you have said.
Who can this be elevated to outside of the current team who refuse to speak to you? What can be done by those in power locally. How can you get them to listen?
She's an abuser from what you have said.
Vegas' advice above sounds spot on to me though I've never been remotely involved in such matters.
What I'd add though is if you can get to speak to someone with some authority and tell them you are aware of the further options available to you which will make their lives difficult, state you don't want to have yo go there but you will for the sake of your son. Hopefully they will realise you are well informed and back off and change their stance.
Otherwise can I say you sound like a great Dad and I'm sure everyone here will wish you well.
What I'd add though is if you can get to speak to someone with some authority and tell them you are aware of the further options available to you which will make their lives difficult, state you don't want to have yo go there but you will for the sake of your son. Hopefully they will realise you are well informed and back off and change their stance.
Otherwise can I say you sound like a great Dad and I'm sure everyone here will wish you well.
I assume the 2003 birth year is incorrect as you go on to talk about his eighteenth birthday? (just to clarify).
Your story is heartbreaking, I hope it gets resolved in a favourable way. You seem like a really good dad and deserve better treatment than you've had.
Your story is heartbreaking, I hope it gets resolved in a favourable way. You seem like a really good dad and deserve better treatment than you've had.
Edited by calibrax on Monday 29th June 14:39
elanfan said:
Vegas' advice above sounds spot on to me though I've never been remotely involved in such matters.
What I'd add though is if you can get to speak to someone with some authority and tell them you are aware of the further options available to you which will make their lives difficult, state you don't want to have yo go there but you will for the sake of your son. Hopefully they will realise you are well informed and back off and change their stance.
Otherwise can I say you sound like a great Dad and I'm sure everyone here will wish you well.
+1What I'd add though is if you can get to speak to someone with some authority and tell them you are aware of the further options available to you which will make their lives difficult, state you don't want to have yo go there but you will for the sake of your son. Hopefully they will realise you are well informed and back off and change their stance.
Otherwise can I say you sound like a great Dad and I'm sure everyone here will wish you well.
As a parent and somebody involved with Children and Adults through work I know and feel your isolation, frustration and the rest.
Hope all works out
You could try contacting your MP. Sometimes a letter from them can really get action from a local council not to mention the pressure they can add to a council by asking questions in Parliament, and to the Local Government Minister.
You might also want to try asking 'Fathers for Justice' for advice.
I hope this works out for you.
You might also want to try asking 'Fathers for Justice' for advice.
I hope this works out for you.
hi doubt i could help at all, but keep going, don't let the b
ds grind you down fella.
i am at a loss as to what could have been said in the solicitors letter that could make them say they would not contact you and you need to stop contacting them.
if you raise it as a safeguarding issue as has been said they must investigate it.
I do have family that are in the NHS and I know they talk to the SS (social services
) often, I may be able to find out some info. I also have a friend who is a manager of a social care company (carers and in home support etc) she may have some pointers as I know a few years back she ran a home for vulnerable adults and has some on her carers books.
ds grind you down fella.i am at a loss as to what could have been said in the solicitors letter that could make them say they would not contact you and you need to stop contacting them.
if you raise it as a safeguarding issue as has been said they must investigate it.
I do have family that are in the NHS and I know they talk to the SS (social services
) often, I may be able to find out some info. I also have a friend who is a manager of a social care company (carers and in home support etc) she may have some pointers as I know a few years back she ran a home for vulnerable adults and has some on her carers books.Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement.
Vegas, thank you especially for all your advice and some great stuff there I shall explore further.
Oh and Thomas was born in 1993 so is now 22.
As far as I am aware G has full guardianship over Thomas but as you say that means that his wishes and thoughts must be respected and not hers which just isn't happening.
I have just scratched the surface with all the awful things she has done to us over the years. Like when I phoned to tell him when my son was born and she shouted at him that daddy hates you as he has a new son and won't ever be coming to see you. Like finding out at his parents evening that he was moving 120miles away two days later. Like turning up one Christmas Day to see him and her smashing all his presents up on the doorstep and throwing them at me. I could unfortunately go on and on.
I was in touch with the care worker who was meeting with Thomas and his mother every quarter for the last few years and myself and my family were never mentioned despite us seeing Thomas very regularly. She was surprised to hear this. She went to see G and Thomas but when it was mentioned she was there to discuss this matter she wasn't allowed to speak to Thomas and G was aggressive and confrontational.
Since then it moved to the rudest, most uncaring person I have ever dealt with who actually put the phone down on me one day! She never returned my calls or emails at all until I started speaking to her manager. All I wanted them to do was to see Thomas away from his mum and ask him gently about me and my family and take it from there. This was arranged for last week and if positive we would jointly apply to the court of protection together.
This was then all changed on Friday when I was told about a letter they revived which meant that they couldn't speak to me any more. Wouldn't tell me why, wether they seen Thomas or anything.
Now I raised this as a safeguarding issue which requires certain steps to be taken and they have done nothing. Not spoke to him, assessed his mental capacity, investigated anything and now silence.
But I have a couple of avenues to look into so thanks again and see what happens.
Oh and a couple of pics just to show you how happy Thomas is with me and my family and how could anyone deny him of this.
[url]
|http://thumbsnap.com/yuIXNXDE[/url][url]
|http://thumbsnap.com/A3xAHmOC[/url]
Vegas, thank you especially for all your advice and some great stuff there I shall explore further.
Oh and Thomas was born in 1993 so is now 22.
As far as I am aware G has full guardianship over Thomas but as you say that means that his wishes and thoughts must be respected and not hers which just isn't happening.
I have just scratched the surface with all the awful things she has done to us over the years. Like when I phoned to tell him when my son was born and she shouted at him that daddy hates you as he has a new son and won't ever be coming to see you. Like finding out at his parents evening that he was moving 120miles away two days later. Like turning up one Christmas Day to see him and her smashing all his presents up on the doorstep and throwing them at me. I could unfortunately go on and on.
I was in touch with the care worker who was meeting with Thomas and his mother every quarter for the last few years and myself and my family were never mentioned despite us seeing Thomas very regularly. She was surprised to hear this. She went to see G and Thomas but when it was mentioned she was there to discuss this matter she wasn't allowed to speak to Thomas and G was aggressive and confrontational.
Since then it moved to the rudest, most uncaring person I have ever dealt with who actually put the phone down on me one day! She never returned my calls or emails at all until I started speaking to her manager. All I wanted them to do was to see Thomas away from his mum and ask him gently about me and my family and take it from there. This was arranged for last week and if positive we would jointly apply to the court of protection together.
This was then all changed on Friday when I was told about a letter they revived which meant that they couldn't speak to me any more. Wouldn't tell me why, wether they seen Thomas or anything.
Now I raised this as a safeguarding issue which requires certain steps to be taken and they have done nothing. Not spoke to him, assessed his mental capacity, investigated anything and now silence.
But I have a couple of avenues to look into so thanks again and see what happens.
Oh and a couple of pics just to show you how happy Thomas is with me and my family and how could anyone deny him of this.
[url]|http://thumbsnap.com/yuIXNXDE[/url][url]|http://thumbsnap.com/A3xAHmOC[/url]Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement.
Vegas, thank you especially for all your advice and some great stuff there I shall explore further.
Oh and Thomas was born in 1993 so is now 22.
As far as I am aware G has full guardianship over Thomas but as you say that means that his wishes and thoughts must be respected and not hers which just isn't happening.
I have just scratched the surface with all the awful things she has done to us over the years. Like when I phoned to tell him when my son was born and she shouted at him that daddy hates you as he has a new son and won't ever be coming to see you. Like finding out at his parents evening that he was moving 120miles away two days later. Like turning up one Christmas Day to see him and her smashing all his presents up on the doorstep and throwing them at me. I could unfortunately go on and on.
I was in touch with the care worker who was meeting with Thomas and his mother every quarter for the last few years and myself and my family were never mentioned despite us seeing Thomas very regularly. She was surprised to hear this. She went to see G and Thomas but when it was mentioned she was there to discuss this matter she wasn't allowed to speak to Thomas and G was aggressive and confrontational.
Since then it moved to the rudest, most uncaring person I have ever dealt with who actually put the phone down on me one day! She never returned my calls or emails at all until I started speaking to her manager. All I wanted them to do was to see Thomas away from his mum and ask him gently about me and my family and take it from there. This was arranged for last week and if positive we would jointly apply to the court of protection together.
This was then all changed on Friday when I was told about a letter they revived which meant that they couldn't speak to me any more. Wouldn't tell me why, wether they seen Thomas or anything.
Now I raised this as a safeguarding issue which requires certain steps to be taken and they have done nothing. Not spoke to him, assessed his mental capacity, investigated anything and now silence.
But I have a couple of avenues to look into so thanks again and see what happens.
Oh and a couple of pics just to show you how happy Thomas is with me and my family and how could anyone deny him of this.[url]
|http://thumbsnap.com/yuIXNXDE[/url][url]
|http://thumbsnap.com/A3xAHmOC[/url]
Vegas, thank you especially for all your advice and some great stuff there I shall explore further.
Oh and Thomas was born in 1993 so is now 22.
As far as I am aware G has full guardianship over Thomas but as you say that means that his wishes and thoughts must be respected and not hers which just isn't happening.
I have just scratched the surface with all the awful things she has done to us over the years. Like when I phoned to tell him when my son was born and she shouted at him that daddy hates you as he has a new son and won't ever be coming to see you. Like finding out at his parents evening that he was moving 120miles away two days later. Like turning up one Christmas Day to see him and her smashing all his presents up on the doorstep and throwing them at me. I could unfortunately go on and on.
I was in touch with the care worker who was meeting with Thomas and his mother every quarter for the last few years and myself and my family were never mentioned despite us seeing Thomas very regularly. She was surprised to hear this. She went to see G and Thomas but when it was mentioned she was there to discuss this matter she wasn't allowed to speak to Thomas and G was aggressive and confrontational.
Since then it moved to the rudest, most uncaring person I have ever dealt with who actually put the phone down on me one day! She never returned my calls or emails at all until I started speaking to her manager. All I wanted them to do was to see Thomas away from his mum and ask him gently about me and my family and take it from there. This was arranged for last week and if positive we would jointly apply to the court of protection together.
This was then all changed on Friday when I was told about a letter they revived which meant that they couldn't speak to me any more. Wouldn't tell me why, wether they seen Thomas or anything.
Now I raised this as a safeguarding issue which requires certain steps to be taken and they have done nothing. Not spoke to him, assessed his mental capacity, investigated anything and now silence.
But I have a couple of avenues to look into so thanks again and see what happens.
Oh and a couple of pics just to show you how happy Thomas is with me and my family and how could anyone deny him of this.
[url]|http://thumbsnap.com/yuIXNXDE[/url][url]|http://thumbsnap.com/A3xAHmOC[/url]VeegasRS6 said:
I work in a neighbouring authority to Kent in LD services, and lets say that Kent haven't exactly got the best of reputations for getting things right, although local government, and especially Adult Social Care, have taken a hammering over the last 5 years and about to do so again over the next 5, so if they are like us, they will be stretched ever so thin.
I'd like to pick your brains if I may. YHM Just to say, adults social services are stretched so thin I know of social workers carrying cases loads of 60+. In reality they can become little more than gate keepers of money.
In all likelihood they will have visited, noted he is happy and moved on. You will be saying X, Y and Z about your ex and she will be countering with similar.
Obviously its not right or proper given the information you have supplied but it what it is.
My suggestion would be this, make it easier to deal with you than ignore you;
find out who the named social worker write to them giving them 7 days to respond and then when they don't make a stage one complaint. When you are fobbed off make a stage 2 complaint.
Phone every few days always be polite and note, the names of people you speak to and what they say will happen, this will help build a chronology for your stage 2 complaint.
Write down every thing you can remember in date order to help with your complaint and add this to your stage two complaint as background information. It's important to leave out all the emotive stuff as its irrelevant.
I happy to help if required.
Go back over all your contacts
In all likelihood they will have visited, noted he is happy and moved on. You will be saying X, Y and Z about your ex and she will be countering with similar.
Obviously its not right or proper given the information you have supplied but it what it is.
My suggestion would be this, make it easier to deal with you than ignore you;
find out who the named social worker write to them giving them 7 days to respond and then when they don't make a stage one complaint. When you are fobbed off make a stage 2 complaint.
Phone every few days always be polite and note, the names of people you speak to and what they say will happen, this will help build a chronology for your stage 2 complaint.
Write down every thing you can remember in date order to help with your complaint and add this to your stage two complaint as background information. It's important to leave out all the emotive stuff as its irrelevant.
I happy to help if required.
Go back over all your contacts
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