Need some really good divorce advice!
Discussion
9mm said:
Op - you need to spend the time you're posting on here talking to a solicitor instead.
I know where you're coming from but I've received some great advice from a lot of knowledgeable people on here. Also made some good friends so it's usually the first place I turn to when I need help.Why is she getting a divi and a wage?
Knock all that on the head straight away. If you now have another trading entity wholly owned by you (or maybe by a nominee so they cannot trace ultimate shareholder). Then pay yourself a wage that will cover your expenses.
People bang on and on about 'remember it is the kids home too' and ' thank about the kids...'.
Children are very resilient and not stupid. They'll know she's being an arse and won't respect you if you roll over. No need at all to be mean spirited - but merely stand up for yourself and don't let he take you for a mug. It will end badly.
As someone mentioned above, hard to recommend someone without knowing your region. But you do need a good lawyer. Make sure you remind the wife that the £5k accountant valuation cost her £2.5k too.
Good luck and don't take any s
t. Life's hard enough as it is.
Knock all that on the head straight away. If you now have another trading entity wholly owned by you (or maybe by a nominee so they cannot trace ultimate shareholder). Then pay yourself a wage that will cover your expenses.
People bang on and on about 'remember it is the kids home too' and ' thank about the kids...'.
Children are very resilient and not stupid. They'll know she's being an arse and won't respect you if you roll over. No need at all to be mean spirited - but merely stand up for yourself and don't let he take you for a mug. It will end badly.
As someone mentioned above, hard to recommend someone without knowing your region. But you do need a good lawyer. Make sure you remind the wife that the £5k accountant valuation cost her £2.5k too.
Good luck and don't take any s
t. Life's hard enough as it is.caziques said:
Sometimes "ignoring" or keeping silent is a really powerful tool, not used enough in my opinion.
Perhaps the only other thing to say to a threat to phone the police is to say "good idea".
Absolutely. Hard to do I admit. But if someone's trying to get a reaction, then when nothing comes it kinda throws them.Perhaps the only other thing to say to a threat to phone the police is to say "good idea".
Good luck, keep calm and think first. Not nice.
MrTurtle said:
9mm said:
Op - you need to spend the time you're posting on here talking to a solicitor instead.
I know where you're coming from but I've received some great advice from a lot of knowledgeable people on here. Also made some good friends so it's usually the first place I turn to when I need help.A sensible person will get advice from a forum such as this, and then decide if a solicitor is the best way to go. Some solicitors will do everything they can to run up costs.
MrTurtle said:
Oh and I forgot to mention. Picked two of my kids up on Monday morning to take them out for the day. Whilst I was waiting I popped the garage door open to get a couple of things out and my wife appears at the door. Ordered to get off her property and if I didn't she's call the police. I ignored her and carried on doing what I was doing, she laughed and said 'okay then, you leave me no choice'. She then goes inside and in front of my 11 year old son calls the police. My son then appears at the door and we leave.
!
Until the court makes a ruling on the house you both own it and you can move back in at any time. !
Edited by MrTurtle on Tuesday 25th August 21:40
My wife's ex husband refused to move out while there divorce was going on and slept in there bed so she had to sleep in one of the kids beds. There was nothing she could legally do about that so ended up living with me. The kids were all in there teens so not a major problem. She would go back and clean the house as he left never bothered.
Once the divorce came through and money divided the kids wanted to live with us and did. As said the kids will see through most of the crap that is slung once there old enough.
As the business is you as you say there is no value to it so pointless getting it valued.
A mate of mine was awarded almost nothing because he made it clear he was going to pay maintenance and therefor the Judge awarded her most of the assets and money. So don't do any thing stupid.
MrTurtle said:
Yup, crazy to spend 5k when it's obviously worth nothing without my involvement.
I'd love to know my actual rights re entering the house or even moving back in Not sure if I can, now that I've moved out?
While you own equal shares of the house you can move back in at any time. I moved out and ex stopped my from seeing my daughter so I went to move back in. She locked me out and called the police. They warned me not to talk to her (police powers gone crazy 4 cop cars arrived) When I told them I owned half the house they agreed that I could move back in but did ask me leave it a day so she would calm down. (still not allowed to talk to her once in the house) I told them I would need a police escort as I did not want a repeat performance they agreed. Following day the police were to busy what a shocker. went on for 3 days later they agreed to assist but I decided against it as I did not want to upset my daughter and I had now taken on a solicitor who wrote and told the ex I would be seeing my daughter.I'd love to know my actual rights re entering the house or even moving back in Not sure if I can, now that I've moved out?
Sounds like your being bullied
johnfm said:
And change all your passwords on your emails etc.
My wife's friend was logging into her ex's emails during the divorce negotitations - where he was emailing his mum about where he'd stashed various assets, bank accounts, offshore funds etc.
He was confused as to how her lawyer knew where all his stuff was hidden!
How long ago did this incident w your wife's friend and her ex take place - since July, 2010?My wife's friend was logging into her ex's emails during the divorce negotitations - where he was emailing his mum about where he'd stashed various assets, bank accounts, offshore funds etc.
He was confused as to how her lawyer knew where all his stuff was hidden!
In that month, there was a landmark Court of Appeal ruling that forbade the use of information that was obtained without the permission of the owner (of the information). It was called "Imerman v Tchenguiz".
Not trying to digress, this potentially could be relevant to OP, or to anyone else in the midst of a divorce.
OP,
You have made the mistake many divorcing men make (I made it) and that is thinking if you do exactly what she wants, it will all be fine and dandy.
As others have said, stop paying for anything above the bare minimum you have to. Rent a decent place for yourself, spend money on a decent car, new clothes, gym membership whatever.
If you show the courts that you can afford to finance her lifestyle then that is exactly what will happen, possibly forever. Set your own budget to live comfortably.
And if this upsets her, what's the worse she can do?
You have made the mistake many divorcing men make (I made it) and that is thinking if you do exactly what she wants, it will all be fine and dandy.
As others have said, stop paying for anything above the bare minimum you have to. Rent a decent place for yourself, spend money on a decent car, new clothes, gym membership whatever.
If you show the courts that you can afford to finance her lifestyle then that is exactly what will happen, possibly forever. Set your own budget to live comfortably.
And if this upsets her, what's the worse she can do?
flemke said:
johnfm said:
And change all your passwords on your emails etc.
My wife's friend was logging into her ex's emails during the divorce negotitations - where he was emailing his mum about where he'd stashed various assets, bank accounts, offshore funds etc.
He was confused as to how her lawyer knew where all his stuff was hidden!
How long ago did this incident w your wife's friend and her ex take place - since July, 2010?My wife's friend was logging into her ex's emails during the divorce negotitations - where he was emailing his mum about where he'd stashed various assets, bank accounts, offshore funds etc.
He was confused as to how her lawyer knew where all his stuff was hidden!
In that month, there was a landmark Court of Appeal ruling that forbade the use of information that was obtained without the permission of the owner (of the information). It was called "Imerman v Tchenguiz".
Not trying to digress, this potentially could be relevant to OP, or to anyone else in the midst of a divorce.
hunton69 said:
Until the court makes a ruling on the house you both own it and you can move back in at any time.
This. When my ex-husband left me for another woman, I wanted to change the locks but was told by my solicitor that I couldn't until his name had been taken off the mortgage.Be clear on what you want as an outcome from this. It may not be the obverse of what she wants.
When I divorced my first wife, I spent years fighting her financial demands until, in a moment of clarity whilst skiing,I'm realised that whilst winning for her was getting as much money out of me as possible, winning for me wasn't keeping as much money from her as possible. Winning for me was getting on with my life without the distraction of her looming over everything I wanted to do.
Eight years on, I have made the money I had to give her many tens of times over and have got on with a wonderful life with my second wife and children. My ex is still in a dead-end relationship with a married man who will never leave his wife for her, realising that the £250k and house in Balham that she got isn't really life changing and still boring her friends with tales of how she "won" in our divorce settlement
When I divorced my first wife, I spent years fighting her financial demands until, in a moment of clarity whilst skiing,I'm realised that whilst winning for her was getting as much money out of me as possible, winning for me wasn't keeping as much money from her as possible. Winning for me was getting on with my life without the distraction of her looming over everything I wanted to do.
Eight years on, I have made the money I had to give her many tens of times over and have got on with a wonderful life with my second wife and children. My ex is still in a dead-end relationship with a married man who will never leave his wife for her, realising that the £250k and house in Balham that she got isn't really life changing and still boring her friends with tales of how she "won" in our divorce settlement
MrTurtle said:
No fault here. Had a few issues to deal with from some st in my childhood which was a bit traumatic for me through 2014 (only discovered at the start of 2014). Ended up getting accused of being emotionally abusive (had to look that up TBH).
I'm usually in the 'SWT' camp, but I have a friend who left her husband last year based on a 'few issues' from his childhood, as he put it. His 'few issues' were here 'feckin' nuclear issues' and he could not understand the effect that was having on her. It had a huge effect.t in my childhood which was a bit traumatic for me through 2014 (only discovered at the start of 2014). Ended up getting accused of being emotionally abusive (had to look that up TBH). It sounds to me like she eased you out the door and slammed it behind you. She may have been suffering more than you realise...
My OH and I were chatting only last night about behaviour post split (we are both divorced) and I still hate women who use the children as weapons against the father ("if you do anything wrong, you aren't seeing the child/ren" and similar). Who are they punishing here?
My ex pays a pittance for our son but I have never withheld access to see him under any circumstances. I did not want to punish my son for his father's failings. My ex has no rights to see his son, he only has responsibilities, my son has rights to see his father. Those are the rights that I am protecting.
To the OP, I do not think any judge will take the business from you, it is not in the children's interest to remove your ability to support them. Sod the wife, this is about the children.
My ex pays a pittance for our son but I have never withheld access to see him under any circumstances. I did not want to punish my son for his father's failings. My ex has no rights to see his son, he only has responsibilities, my son has rights to see his father. Those are the rights that I am protecting.
To the OP, I do not think any judge will take the business from you, it is not in the children's interest to remove your ability to support them. Sod the wife, this is about the children.
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