Marriage breakdown
Discussion
After 5 years of marriage (and 3 or 4 years of living together before that), my wife left me last week and is currently staying with friends. The split is entirely driven by her and she acknowledges that there is no “fault” on my part and that I’ve been a good husband, but that she doesn’t feel the same way about me as she did when we got married.
She’s now suggesting we go through mediation to decide how to divide our assets. She hasn’t yet mentioned divorce, but my understanding is that grounds for divorce are either adultery, unreasonable behaviour or being separated for at least 2 years. I’m confident she has no grounds on the first 2 and clearly the last one doesn’t yet apply as we’ve been separated for little over a week.
What I’m trying to understand is whether the discussion on the division of assets is even relevant unless or until she petitions for divorce? Things are pretty amicable at the moment and we are both reasonable people, so I’m more than happy to have a sensible discussion about the division of “stuff”. I’m not about to try and deprive her of her CD collection, but should we even be discussing the bigger financial aspects, such as the property itself, savings, pensions and so on?
She seems to be after some money to set herself up with a property of her own, but I’m unsure whether there would be any benefit to me in agreeing to giving her any money at this stage and if I did how this would be reflected in any future divorce settlement?
Some background which may or may not be pertinent:
She’s now suggesting we go through mediation to decide how to divide our assets. She hasn’t yet mentioned divorce, but my understanding is that grounds for divorce are either adultery, unreasonable behaviour or being separated for at least 2 years. I’m confident she has no grounds on the first 2 and clearly the last one doesn’t yet apply as we’ve been separated for little over a week.
What I’m trying to understand is whether the discussion on the division of assets is even relevant unless or until she petitions for divorce? Things are pretty amicable at the moment and we are both reasonable people, so I’m more than happy to have a sensible discussion about the division of “stuff”. I’m not about to try and deprive her of her CD collection, but should we even be discussing the bigger financial aspects, such as the property itself, savings, pensions and so on?
She seems to be after some money to set herself up with a property of her own, but I’m unsure whether there would be any benefit to me in agreeing to giving her any money at this stage and if I did how this would be reflected in any future divorce settlement?
Some background which may or may not be pertinent:
- The house is in my name and was purchased with a substantial deposit from my savings as she was essentially penniless when we got together.
- All bills are in my name and she has been paying me a monthly fixed “rent” which doesn’t even cover half the mortgage payment, let alone any of the other bills & costs
- All house improvements have been funded by me
- She is now ceasing these payments (after agreement from me)
- We both work full time, although I earn more than she does
- We don’t have any children
- Things are currently amicable and we both want to keep it that way. She says she doesn't want to force the sale of the house or "screw me over" financially but I'm aware that this can easily change over time, particularly when 3rd parties get involved, so I'm keen to protect my interests however I can.
Wow, a week and she to talk about her share already!
She will likely make up some unreasonable behaviour to get the divorce quickly.
Based on what you have said assets will likely go 50:50 if it gets to a judge to decide. Try to negotiate you getting more based on financial contribution.
She will likely make up some unreasonable behaviour to get the divorce quickly.
Based on what you have said assets will likely go 50:50 if it gets to a judge to decide. Try to negotiate you getting more based on financial contribution.
It wont go 50:50.
She has to prove what she has contributed, both in assets and in time / services (Making dinner etc...)
From what you have said, you will just need to set her up in some rented accommodation. Pay the first 3 months rent or so, with a lump of cash to keep her going (Food, bills etc...) And give her back her CD collection.
Just because you married her does not entitle her to half of everything you own. Especially when no children are involved.
Get a good lawyer, and if you have some spare money laying about, get a private detective to find out who shes been shagging. If you can prove that she already has some one looking out for her "interests", then you can use this to reduce the financial burden she can place on you. Unless he is a waster... then you might end up supporting him too.
She has to prove what she has contributed, both in assets and in time / services (Making dinner etc...)
From what you have said, you will just need to set her up in some rented accommodation. Pay the first 3 months rent or so, with a lump of cash to keep her going (Food, bills etc...) And give her back her CD collection.
Just because you married her does not entitle her to half of everything you own. Especially when no children are involved.
Get a good lawyer, and if you have some spare money laying about, get a private detective to find out who shes been shagging. If you can prove that she already has some one looking out for her "interests", then you can use this to reduce the financial burden she can place on you. Unless he is a waster... then you might end up supporting him too.
Having gone through a similar thing, I am going to suggest the key factor here is you have no kids, at this stage (no kids,) what you brought in to the marriage remains yours, with house the key document is the TR1.
This will state how you hold the house and really is the key to division of assets.
All I suggest is get a good solicitor.
This will state how you hold the house and really is the key to division of assets.
All I suggest is get a good solicitor.
Ignore advice about finding out who she may or may not be shagging........meaningless nobody cares.
While she is in amenable mode get to a lawyer NOW get an agreement sorted.....get her some independent advice or agreement won't stand up.
NOW NOW NOW get the agreement sorted before she gets influenced by the bitter and twisted man hater brigade
While she is in amenable mode get to a lawyer NOW get an agreement sorted.....get her some independent advice or agreement won't stand up.
NOW NOW NOW get the agreement sorted before she gets influenced by the bitter and twisted man hater brigade
Rangeroverover said:
Ignore advice about finding out who she may or may not be shagging........meaningless nobody cares.
While she is in amenable mode get to a lawyer NOW get an agreement sorted.....get her some independent advice or agreement won't stand up.
NOW NOW NOW get the agreement sorted before she gets influenced by the bitter and twisted man hater brigade
This +1, her 'friends' will make this process much-much-much more difficult the longer they have to corrupt her brain with silly ideas that she has a right to half your house, half your pension, half your future earnings etc...While she is in amenable mode get to a lawyer NOW get an agreement sorted.....get her some independent advice or agreement won't stand up.
NOW NOW NOW get the agreement sorted before she gets influenced by the bitter and twisted man hater brigade
Regardless of what you may or may not feel at the moment, get a solicitor pronto.
There's a very good chance that there's a third party involved, and if this is the case then you'll probably be shocked at the speed and intensity of how she turns totally against you, and how quickly things get really nasty.
I hope things work out for you, but be prepared for whatever gets chucked at you.
There's a very good chance that there's a third party involved, and if this is the case then you'll probably be shocked at the speed and intensity of how she turns totally against you, and how quickly things get really nasty.
I hope things work out for you, but be prepared for whatever gets chucked at you.
Sorry to hear this 
In full agreement
AndrewEH1 said:
Rangeroverover said:
Ignore advice about finding out who she may or may not be shagging........meaningless nobody cares.
While she is in amenable mode get to a lawyer NOW get an agreement sorted.....get her some independent advice or agreement won't stand up.
NOW NOW NOW get the agreement sorted before she gets influenced by the bitter and twisted man hater brigade
This +1, her 'friends' will make this process much-much-much more difficult the longer they have to corrupt her brain with silly ideas that she has a right to half your house, half your pension, half your future earnings etc...While she is in amenable mode get to a lawyer NOW get an agreement sorted.....get her some independent advice or agreement won't stand up.
NOW NOW NOW get the agreement sorted before she gets influenced by the bitter and twisted man hater brigade
Rangeroverover said:
Ignore advice about finding out who she may or may not be shagging........meaningless nobody cares.
The OP may very well care!If there were something going on behind his back, it would be unlikely (although not impossible) that the court would care, but that would be a different question.
If she is being reasonable you could do the same. Save some legal fees and then just get on with your life. You could also pay for a few hours with a solicitor to tell you how much a court would make you give. Then work out how much the legal fees would be. Add the two together and you have your exit fee. If you can give her less than this, you are winning. If you give her that amount you have saved yourself a load of hassle and stress and have still won.
Relationships break down. It happens. She is living with a friend. If you were a guy people would be jumping up and down saying how it was unfair and telling you to move back in. She is playing nicely, so do the same.
Oh and I wouldn't take advice from anyone on here including me. None of us really know what we are talking about. There are a few exceptions, but for the most part we are all idiots just spouting what we think should happen rather that what will happen.
Relationships break down. It happens. She is living with a friend. If you were a guy people would be jumping up and down saying how it was unfair and telling you to move back in. She is playing nicely, so do the same.
Oh and I wouldn't take advice from anyone on here including me. None of us really know what we are talking about. There are a few exceptions, but for the most part we are all idiots just spouting what we think should happen rather that what will happen.
I went into a marriage some years ago. I bought more to the table than my wife, and have had the biggest income for the whole of our marriage.
It wouldn't even occur to me to bring that information to a divorce, but them my wife has never paid me 'rent'
Can't you get an annulment on the basis neither you or her even really acted as if you were married?
It wouldn't even occur to me to bring that information to a divorce, but them my wife has never paid me 'rent'
Can't you get an annulment on the basis neither you or her even really acted as if you were married?
Meet her in a pub or somewhere else neutral where you can talk. Find out what she wants, tell her what you want, try to stay calm and stay there until you reach agreement. Then go to your respective solicitors and tell them what you’ve agreed. It’ll save a fortune if you can avoid fighting. It worked for me and we managed to part amicably- albeit it did mean selling my house.
flemke said:
The OP may very well care!
If there were something going on behind his back, it would be unlikely (although not impossible) that the court would care, but that would be a different question.
Seriously? You're going to post that. How many times in a simple straightforward divorce has a court asked about the cause of divorce when dividing assets?If there were something going on behind his back, it would be unlikely (although not impossible) that the court would care, but that would be a different question.
The OP should get proper legal advice and take it from there, all he'll get on here is mysoginistic crap, such as snakes with tits and other garbage.
LoonR1 said:
flemke said:
The OP may very well care!
If there were something going on behind his back, it would be unlikely (although not impossible) that the court would care, but that would be a different question.
Seriously? You're going to post that. How many times in a simple straightforward divorce has a court asked about the cause of divorce when dividing assets?If there were something going on behind his back, it would be unlikely (although not impossible) that the court would care, but that would be a different question.
The OP should get proper legal advice and take it from there, all he'll get on here is mysoginistic crap, such as snakes with tits and other garbage.
Honestly get legal advice now. IT is amazing how quickly an amicable separation can turn into a money grabbing bun fight. She may seem reasonable now but who knows what her new partner or friends will be encouraging her to do. Plus you want everything tied up so she can't come back at you in 10 years with demands should you win the lottery or have some huge business success.
I'm not a lawyer but based on what you have said it wouldn't seem 'fair' that she should get 50% of everything when there are no kids involved and she has not contributed 50%. But these things rarely end up being about what is 'fair'.
The fact that everything is in your name could actually be twisted against you - for example maybe she is divorcing you because you are 'controlling' her financially.....
I'm not a lawyer but based on what you have said it wouldn't seem 'fair' that she should get 50% of everything when there are no kids involved and she has not contributed 50%. But these things rarely end up being about what is 'fair'.
The fact that everything is in your name could actually be twisted against you - for example maybe she is divorcing you because you are 'controlling' her financially.....
Edited by VolvoT5 on Wednesday 2nd September 21:22
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