Blackmail, I think...
Discussion
I think if I was the bloke in the relationship I'd be as upset that I was only being told because she was being blackmailed as I was she cheated in the first place.
Agree with others, police should be involved though, even if it doesn't help couple involved will probably prevent future victims.
Agree with others, police should be involved though, even if it doesn't help couple involved will probably prevent future victims.
Rude-boy said:
I just have a romantic notion that you judge a person for who and what they are as an individual regardless of colour, religion, sex, sexual orientation, etc. Stand or fall on your own merits.
I could not agree more ...but exactly as you say, Stand [or fall] on your own merits.My opinion remains unchanged.
thainy77 said:
TwistingMyMelon said:
Word for word this was in the local paper, lady slept with married man, male friend of lady blackmailed married man along with lady, he paid then some more, 3rd time he went to police
Lady and male doing blackmail got over a year in prison, lady had young kids, was surprised how serious they took it and threw the book at them (no previous offences etc)
OP: tell friend to go to police with evidence
Or get a copy of this article and send the blackmailer the link.Lady and male doing blackmail got over a year in prison, lady had young kids, was surprised how serious they took it and threw the book at them (no previous offences etc)
OP: tell friend to go to police with evidence
QuickQuack said:
I would agree with those who suggest owning up to partner (+/- police).
In response to the comment "soon to be ex-" and the ligitimate worry of your friend regarding the loss of her partner, things may not be as bleak as she thinks. In my younger days, I would've had that feared response; if you cheat on me, you're on your own. Then I met the woman who would one day become my wife and realised what true love was. Then I helped a very close friend through infidelity within their marriage. And one day I sat down and thought about it all, how would I react now if my wife cheated on me. The conclusion I reached surprised me, to be honest, as I had thought that this would've been a fleeting moment and nothing would've changed. I realised that I loved my wife far too much and would work at saving our relationship and mariage if she had an affair; I wouldn't be able to just walk away. In fact, if it was a one off, drunken mistake, I would rather not know as it wouldn't change anything and I know she would feel rubbish herself. Neither is ever likely to happen but I had the scenarios playing through my head.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that your friend may have much less to fear than she thinks by talking to her partner openly. He may well be very supportive of her and it could make their relationship much stronger. In any case, good luck to her through this difficulty.
Welcome to PH, and that's a good post. I've been on both sides of the coin, like others on here. However, understand this is PH and from what I've seen in my short time here, many, many contributors seem to have limited experience of the opposite sex, in real terms. Witness the endless cringe-worthy relationship, ego-dunted, whinging threads going on about SWT's...In response to the comment "soon to be ex-" and the ligitimate worry of your friend regarding the loss of her partner, things may not be as bleak as she thinks. In my younger days, I would've had that feared response; if you cheat on me, you're on your own. Then I met the woman who would one day become my wife and realised what true love was. Then I helped a very close friend through infidelity within their marriage. And one day I sat down and thought about it all, how would I react now if my wife cheated on me. The conclusion I reached surprised me, to be honest, as I had thought that this would've been a fleeting moment and nothing would've changed. I realised that I loved my wife far too much and would work at saving our relationship and mariage if she had an affair; I wouldn't be able to just walk away. In fact, if it was a one off, drunken mistake, I would rather not know as it wouldn't change anything and I know she would feel rubbish herself. Neither is ever likely to happen but I had the scenarios playing through my head.
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that your friend may have much less to fear than she thinks by talking to her partner openly. He may well be very supportive of her and it could make their relationship much stronger. In any case, good luck to her through this difficulty.
Rude-boy said:
fatjon said:
I didn't see anyone who made any distinction between a man and a woman cheating so your comments on gender equality seem quite irrelevant. As for why she cheated being excused by any of those factors mentioned, well they are not excused. There is an accepted order in which to do these things, dump old partner, start relationship with new one. Dropping your knickers (or trousers) before ending the first relationship gets you labelled quite correctly.
To be fair there is no immediate distinction in the thread itself but the thread is an illustration of the sort of comments regularly seen on PH when it is found that a woman has put a leg out of bed compared to the sort of reaction that we see when it is a bloke who has done so. I do not offer excuses for the lady in questions action, indeed my imagined scenario could be well out of line with reality. Perhaps the lady is actually a serial cheat and possibly in line for some strong labelling - but we don't know. That is what gets me a little (as much as one ever can with internet debates). Woman cheats - insta slag. Man cheats - what's the back story before we suggest that he is better suited to the single life?
Nearly every thread I've read on PH which involves a bloke 'fessing up that he's even thinking of cheating on his partner and 95% of the replies will be along the lines of "get a grip/be a bloody man/stop thinking with your middle leg/don't be a downright t
t/speak to your other half and try to sort your problems out before you break her heart" etc etc. The other 5% will be the typical boringly PH cheap laughs of bang her back doors in/pics?/is she fit type response.She should have told the blackmailer to setup an Ebay account, and then charge her for the services through that.
She could have then paid by Paypal, raised a dispute and got her money back. Ebay always sides with the buyer.
In all seriousness, she needs to tell her long term partner and then contact the police. Or, tell her partner, make a united stand and both confront the blackmailer.
She could have then paid by Paypal, raised a dispute and got her money back. Ebay always sides with the buyer.
In all seriousness, she needs to tell her long term partner and then contact the police. Or, tell her partner, make a united stand and both confront the blackmailer.
Am I missing something? The blackmail is based on the other guy threatening to tell her partner, but now she's told him herself then he has nothing on her. Then it's the aspect of the police - tbh he sounds like scum for blackmailing her but at the same time what does she want out of it? I can't see the courts showing much sympathy if it even got that far. This one has to be put down to experience and very bad judgement imo.
The whole thing stinks. Friend zone OP is fully buying into the victim story, shes not the victim shes the perpetrator whose run into an equally shadey shag on the side and its come back to bite her. Now she's forced to tell the other half, not through conscience but unfortunate circumstances. She'll have done it before and she'll do it again, or was she just unlucky on her one and only one night stand. Hope she hasn't given the boyfriend an std. Police will see this for what it is, horrible woman meets horrible man and sells poor me sob story, move along please.
Jaroon said:
The whole thing stinks. Friend zone OP is fully buying into the victim story, shes not the victim shes the perpetrator whose run into an equally shadey shag on the side and its come back to bite her. Now she's forced to tell the other half, not through conscience but unfortunate circumstances. She'll have done it before and she'll do it again, or was she just unlucky on her one and only one night stand. Hope she hasn't given the boyfriend an std. Police will see this for what it is, horrible woman meets horrible man and sells poor me sob story, move along please.
And today's "Sherlock Holmes, holier than thou, make some wild assumptions add nothing useful" award goes to....Do you think the police and courts make moral judgements on the lifestyle of a victim of crime before deciding to apply the law against a criminal?
JustinP1 said:
And today's "Sherlock Holmes, holier than thou, make some wild assumptions add nothing useful" award goes to....
Do you think the police and courts make moral judgements on the lifestyle of a victim of crime before deciding to apply the law against a criminal?
"Wearing that belt for a skirt and a top so low you could almost see her nipples she was asking for it your honour..."Do you think the police and courts make moral judgements on the lifestyle of a victim of crime before deciding to apply the law against a criminal?
My lords your steeds await 
. Alas white knight internet dwellers aren't the heros this type poor virtuous woman go for so you're out of luck. If you were a blackmailer whose willing to shag a bird behind her fellas back you would clearly be into to this poor misunderstood victim in two shakes 
Nearest to this I've seen is a mate who caught his missus red handed bent over the sofa. He tells the cheating blokes wife and everyone else in the village who'll listen. The poor misunderstood girl goes to police claiming harassment who tell her to pull her knickers up and do one. This lady won't go to the police because then the other half of the story may come out, the one where she's not mother teresa out for a walk and happened to trip over and landed on satans cock by accident
. Alas white knight internet dwellers aren't the heros this type poor virtuous woman go for so you're out of luck. If you were a blackmailer whose willing to shag a bird behind her fellas back you would clearly be into to this poor misunderstood victim in two shakes Nearest to this I've seen is a mate who caught his missus red handed bent over the sofa. He tells the cheating blokes wife and everyone else in the village who'll listen. The poor misunderstood girl goes to police claiming harassment who tell her to pull her knickers up and do one. This lady won't go to the police because then the other half of the story may come out, the one where she's not mother teresa out for a walk and happened to trip over and landed on satans cock by accident
Edited by Jaroon on Friday 4th December 16:26
Jaroon your humour is noted an appreciated.
Honestly not trying to be a white knight, more trying to say just because we know she dropped her knickers for some bloke she should not have done it for we have no idea if she made one big fkup or if she is a serial cheat who has just had a date with karma.
On the big scale of things that people could do to me that would piss me off though blackmail is one of the very lowest things. Your mate's experience though leaves me with no such distaste - fair play if he called her out. Going round demanding money to keep your trap shut is a totally different thing.
Honestly not trying to be a white knight, more trying to say just because we know she dropped her knickers for some bloke she should not have done it for we have no idea if she made one big f
kup or if she is a serial cheat who has just had a date with karma.On the big scale of things that people could do to me that would piss me off though blackmail is one of the very lowest things. Your mate's experience though leaves me with no such distaste - fair play if he called her out. Going round demanding money to keep your trap shut is a totally different thing.
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