Discussion
Guys,
cutting a long story short, i'm having hell with my ex and access to my son.
Rights and Responsibilities were granted around 5 years ago, access rights a few years before then. Needless to say these both required court visits.
Recently my ex has stopped me contacting my son directly, changing his mobile number. Most recently she has threatened to get some kind of termination of rights, she called it an 88e form? any ideas?
My son is really struggling, his school work is really suffering and he has taken to self harming.
Today i've had an email from her Lawyer telling me not to contact her again, saying the tone and nature of my phone calls are not acceptable. Before anyone asks, i record my phone calls with my ex and I am extra careful about what i say.
So, can a child or an ex terminate the rights of a parent? If so what is the process?
Craig
P.S. i should add, having been made redundant last year I cannot afford a lawyer nor am i entitled to legal aid.
cutting a long story short, i'm having hell with my ex and access to my son.
Rights and Responsibilities were granted around 5 years ago, access rights a few years before then. Needless to say these both required court visits.
Recently my ex has stopped me contacting my son directly, changing his mobile number. Most recently she has threatened to get some kind of termination of rights, she called it an 88e form? any ideas?
My son is really struggling, his school work is really suffering and he has taken to self harming.
Today i've had an email from her Lawyer telling me not to contact her again, saying the tone and nature of my phone calls are not acceptable. Before anyone asks, i record my phone calls with my ex and I am extra careful about what i say.
So, can a child or an ex terminate the rights of a parent? If so what is the process?
Craig
P.S. i should add, having been made redundant last year I cannot afford a lawyer nor am i entitled to legal aid.
PurpleMoonlight said:
If you have a court order for contact, then she would need to apply to the court to have that revised.
Likewise though, if she refuses to comply with the order currently in place it's up to you to drag her s
tty arse back to court to try to get her to comply.
Seems like this is the only (expensive) option. My total spend on Lawyers fees since my son was born are in excess of £12k! Lawyers seem very very reluctant to go to court, my last chat with a Lawyer suggested I reduce contact as opposed to court action.Likewise though, if she refuses to comply with the order currently in place it's up to you to drag her s
tty arse back to court to try to get her to comply.Devil2575 said:
craig-A said:
Devil2575 said:
Why are you not entitled to legal aid?
Around £2k in a business account was deemed too much. Either way I'd suggest that you spend a bit of it getting some proper legal advice.
bmw535i said:
1. How old is your son?
2. What are his wishes and feelings?
3. Is there a court order stating what contact he is supposed to have with you?
4. I would strongly recommend represnting yourself if you are articulate and can maintain composure.
My son is 13, not seen him since last September though when he was 12.2. What are his wishes and feelings?
3. Is there a court order stating what contact he is supposed to have with you?
4. I would strongly recommend represnting yourself if you are articulate and can maintain composure.
I have a letter from him he sent just over a year ago stating he wished to remain in contact, this was after my partner told me i wasn't seeing him for the holidays.
The court order states, 1 week in Easter, 2 weeks in summer, 1 week in October, xmas day from 2pm till 6pm on the 2nd of January. Access every other weekend from 5pm Friday till 6pm Sunday.
Rights to school and medical matters.
My partner is adamant it is my son who is refusing to contact me, but will not pass on his (new) mobile number. This seems to be her get out clause and so far it's working.
The thought of representing myself is pretty daunting, i'd need a lot of advice prior to this.
craig-A said:
The thought of representing myself is pretty daunting, i'd need a lot of advice prior to this.
(I am not a lawyer as a disclosure)As I understand it, family court is much "friendlier" than others.
A judge will not confuse you with complex language.
The clerk of the court will advise you on process and what to expect in terms of process, though obviously not on your case. The judge has one focus - the interests of the child.
There used to be friendly barristers on this forum but sadly they got driven away by idiots spouting rubbish.
If you send a private message to Breadvan72 he may advise - he isn't family court, but his may connect you with someone that will provide you with general advice.
craig-A said:
My son is 13, not seen him since last September though when he was 12.
I have a letter from him he sent just over a year ago stating he wished to remain in contact, this was after my partner told me i wasn't seeing him for the holidays.
The court order states, 1 week in Easter, 2 weeks in summer, 1 week in October, xmas day from 2pm till 6pm on the 2nd of January. Access every other weekend from 5pm Friday till 6pm Sunday.
Rights to school and medical matters.
My partner is adamant it is my son who is refusing to contact me, but will not pass on his (new) mobile number. This seems to be her get out clause and so far it's working.
The thought of representing myself is pretty daunting, i'd need a lot of advice prior to this.
I have gone through a very similar experience which resulted in me representing myself in court and eventually getting full custody of my son - he is the same age as yours. Yes, it can be daunting, but it really is worth it.I have a letter from him he sent just over a year ago stating he wished to remain in contact, this was after my partner told me i wasn't seeing him for the holidays.
The court order states, 1 week in Easter, 2 weeks in summer, 1 week in October, xmas day from 2pm till 6pm on the 2nd of January. Access every other weekend from 5pm Friday till 6pm Sunday.
Rights to school and medical matters.
My partner is adamant it is my son who is refusing to contact me, but will not pass on his (new) mobile number. This seems to be her get out clause and so far it's working.
The thought of representing myself is pretty daunting, i'd need a lot of advice prior to this.
If you can show that you are reasonable and respectful of the process, the judge will look favourably on this. I can recommend making a meticulous record of every bit of dialogue you have with your ex. Do not be tempted to get into a text conversation with her and always be polite.
Ultimately the court will want to see that you have the best interests of your son as the focus of your energy. They are not interested in point scoring attempts of either party against the other. Refer to the contact between you and your son as him having contact with you - they will not be interested in how distressed you are, only how he is feeling.
They will certainly take his feelings and considerations into account given his age. He will be interviewed alone by a CAFCASS officer. You need to get this person on side as essentially their report to the court is what holds the most sway.
Your first step is to apply to the court to enforce the order that already exists. (You could always write to her first to inform her that you wish contact to resume otherwise you intend to refer the matter to court for enforcement) The court will want to see that you have made the very best effort to resolve this. They also take a very dim view of people not abiding by orders they have made. The judge will take into consideration that you are representing yourself and will explain the process fully when you appear. I really wouldnt waste my money on a solicitor - there are vast amounts of information online to help people represent themselves in court in these situations.
I wish you the very best of luck with it - I know it can be a painful experience, but it will be worth it in the end.
PurpleMoonlight said:
That's a shame Craig. Was your relationship with him okay before contact stopped?
If you apply to court the chances are the mother will state the same and the Judge will order a CAFCASS report to ascertain if what she says is true. At least you will know the truth then.
My relationship was good, though in the last few years the levels of lies and manipulation by my ex have been ramped up to almost unbelievable levels. An example being after parents evening this year, which she didnt go to and hasnt since primary 6, i called her to discuss some issues raised by his maths teacher. She denied there was issues, refused to contact the school herself and told me that any issue between the school and CJ(our son) was not her responsibility!If you apply to court the chances are the mother will state the same and the Judge will order a CAFCASS report to ascertain if what she says is true. At least you will know the truth then.
And yes i did record the phone call.
Back to my relationship with my son, it has become strained where he would tell me stuff his mum has said and i would counter this by producing court documents showing other wise which obviously adds to his confusion and stress.
craig-A said:
producing court documents showing other wise which obviously adds to his confusion and stress.
Don't do this, however tempting it is. You recognise it distresses your son and it will also damage your case if your son tells the CAFCASS case worker you have done it. Nobody will benefit from this sort of thing.Hugely feel for you OP. Took me 3 years of hell, heaps of cash and heartache. My son won:... He got his dad back and is so happy for it. Keep at it. The advice to get legal support is very sensible, as is always having the mindset that the law will act for your son. You will win if he wins. They will not support you.
Good luck
Good luck
bmw535i said:
craig-A said:
producing court documents showing other wise which obviously adds to his confusion and stress.
Don't do this, however tempting it is. You recognise it distresses your son and it will also damage your case if your son tells the CAFCASS case worker you have done it. Nobody will benefit from this sort of thing.Being slightly devious for a moment....If you are in touch with his school, could you ask the school to pass on a short letter to him, write in this if he wants to contact you then he is free to do so. As he gets older his life will revolve less around what his mum wants or thinks and he'll figure things out for himself. If you want to stop your ex finding out suggest to him that he puts your number in his phone but calls it some "imaginary" friend he has rather than "Dad"
Hope the Mods don't mind, but there is a growing forum here...... http://www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/index.php Plenty of NRP's facing similar situations (And many far worse)
Hope the Mods don't mind, but there is a growing forum here...... http://www.separateddads.co.uk/forum/index.php Plenty of NRP's facing similar situations (And many far worse)
craig-A said:
Guys,
i record my phone calls with my ex and I am extra careful about what i say.
Have you told her you are recording the calls? If not they won't be admissible in court as far as I am aware and it may not be a good idea to admit you are doing this, although it is probably still worth doing to aid your memory.i record my phone calls with my ex and I am extra careful about what i say.
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