Removing cheating spouse from home - URGENT advice needed
Discussion
You can't throw her out.
Informing the wife sounds great, but it may upset the plans she has to move out. She's planning to go ASAP and that's a good thing. As hard as it may be, I'd do nothing that might slow that down.
Never let on about what you know. Not now, not in 20 years time.
Get a mate to come around and collect / store anything you don't want her to take. Might be a bit dodgy legally, but if there's little monetary value and the stuff is not exclusively hers then you're as entitled as she is. Do it whilst she's out.
Informing the wife sounds great, but it may upset the plans she has to move out. She's planning to go ASAP and that's a good thing. As hard as it may be, I'd do nothing that might slow that down.
Never let on about what you know. Not now, not in 20 years time.
Get a mate to come around and collect / store anything you don't want her to take. Might be a bit dodgy legally, but if there's little monetary value and the stuff is not exclusively hers then you're as entitled as she is. Do it whilst she's out.
Vaud said:
There is a reverse strategy.
Be as nice as possible. Stay in the house today. Offer her help to move her stuff out. Pay for a van and a mate to help, etc. Wish her well. Smile. Offer for the girls to come round anytime. Make it clear that they are always welcome.
etc
I've tried this and its proven impossible.Be as nice as possible. Stay in the house today. Offer her help to move her stuff out. Pay for a van and a mate to help, etc. Wish her well. Smile. Offer for the girls to come round anytime. Make it clear that they are always welcome.
etc
Thanks for all your help guys. I've confronted her and told her I think she should speed up her moving out plans.
theboss said:
I've tried this and its proven impossible.
Thanks for all your help guys. I've confronted her and told her I think she should speed up her moving out plans.
Good for you.Thanks for all your help guys. I've confronted her and told her I think she should speed up her moving out plans.
I think I would have done this too. Hopefully the chances of you coming home one evening and finding the house stripped bear are less now.
Change the locks immediately she leaves.
Look after yourself and the children, they are and will be the most important thing in your life. Act with dignity. These things happen all the time and the difference is you know about it in advance.
Put things in place - for example transfer money out of any joint accounts and close them if possible and open a new account in your own name
and do anything you can to make the next period easier for you when the relationship has become openly difficult.
Personally I would alert the other wife to cause a scene, but only after you have made sure you have put these things in place
Put things in place - for example transfer money out of any joint accounts and close them if possible and open a new account in your own name
and do anything you can to make the next period easier for you when the relationship has become openly difficult.
Personally I would alert the other wife to cause a scene, but only after you have made sure you have put these things in place
Vaud said:
The tenancy is in both names. Do you think this is legal?
The question is what could/would she do about it. By the time she got to court, she'd have alternative accommodation, she'd have the two younger kids and on hearing that she was planning to move out with them anyway, a judge would be rather unlikely to let her return.I'd change the locks today.
Vaud said:
PurpleMoonlight said:
Change the locks immediately she leaves.
The tenancy is in both names. Do you think this is legal?ETA - If the only reason people are suggesting changing the locks is to stop the house being cleared. The better option is to hide all the small valuables/sentimental items, in the property so you haven't removed them either. Potentially put a discrete kensington lock on an expensive tv to the tv stand.... How far do you go? If her coming in and swiping the sofas etc speeds up her exit it may well be cheap at the price.
Edited by Black_S3 on Friday 6th May 11:34
Black_S3 said:
Even if it was in sole name, it's almost certainly a breach of a tenancy agreement. One call to the landlord/letting agent would cause a problem that could find him evicted within a few months.
ETA - If the only reason people are suggesting changing the locks is to stop the house being cleared. The better option is to hide all the small valuables/sentimental items, in the property so you haven't removed them either. Potentially put a discrete kensington lock on an expensive tv to the tv stand.... How far do you go? If her coming in and swiping the sofas etc speeds up her exit it may well be cheap at the price.
I've already pretty much agreed she can take any furniture items, appliances and obviously anything the kids need. I'm more worried about her doing something out of spite or trying to make off with things I've bought which aren't the above.ETA - If the only reason people are suggesting changing the locks is to stop the house being cleared. The better option is to hide all the small valuables/sentimental items, in the property so you haven't removed them either. Potentially put a discrete kensington lock on an expensive tv to the tv stand.... How far do you go? If her coming in and swiping the sofas etc speeds up her exit it may well be cheap at the price.
Edited by Black_S3 on Friday 6th May 11:34
Really messy situation. Horrible. I feel my mind has cleared somewhat since blowing it all out in the open.
V6Pushfit said:
That's mischievous scaremongering right there....
Change the locks on a rental property, then inform the agent/landlord of a break up and see what response you get. I imagine they'd look to protect the property. Scaremongering or not, changing the locks is a moronic idea.theboss said:
I've already pretty much agreed she can take any furniture items, appliances and obviously anything the kids need. I'm more worried about her doing something out of spite or trying to make off with things I've bought which aren't the above.
Really messy situation. Horrible. I feel my mind has cleared somewhat since blowing it all out in the open.
If they're your things not joint, get them out the house if you can.Really messy situation. Horrible. I feel my mind has cleared somewhat since blowing it all out in the open.
Good luck OP.
My concern is that the shoe could very soon be on the other foot. OP comes home and finds it's the other half that's changed the locks, they argue (she claims), she calls the police and says she's afraid, and the police turn up. They will, very simply and very fimrly tell him to go away. Or be arrested.
Then the occupation/preventative steps orders (etc) are made and he's the one trying to find justice from the Family Courts, CAFCASS, etc.
Black_S3 said:
Even if it was in sole name, it's almost certainly a breach of a tenancy agreement. One call to the landlord/letting agent would cause a problem that could find him evicted within a few months.
Well, first, if the rent is paid, the landlord has no incentive to get involved in a potentially costly case. And even if the landlord wanted to, getting an eviction in a family break-up situation won't be straightforward.My concern is that the shoe could very soon be on the other foot. OP comes home and finds it's the other half that's changed the locks, they argue (she claims), she calls the police and says she's afraid, and the police turn up. They will, very simply and very fimrly tell him to go away. Or be arrested.
Then the occupation/preventative steps orders (etc) are made and he's the one trying to find justice from the Family Courts, CAFCASS, etc.
Escapegoat said:
Good luck OP.
My concern is that the shoe could very soon be on the other foot. OP comes home and finds it's the other half that's changed the locks, they argue (she claims), she calls the police and says she's afraid, and the police turn up. They will, very simply and very fimrly tell him to go away. Or be arrested.
Then the occupation/preventative steps orders (etc) are made and he's the one trying to find justice from the Family Courts, CAFCASS, etc.
This is why I'm determined to stay calm and not leave the house!Black_S3 said:
Even if it was in sole name, it's almost certainly a breach of a tenancy agreement. One call to the landlord/letting agent would cause a problem that could find him evicted within a few months.
Well, first, if the rent is paid, the landlord has no incentive to get involved in a potentially costly case. And even if the landlord wanted to, getting an eviction in a family break-up situation won't be straightforward.My concern is that the shoe could very soon be on the other foot. OP comes home and finds it's the other half that's changed the locks, they argue (she claims), she calls the police and says she's afraid, and the police turn up. They will, very simply and very fimrly tell him to go away. Or be arrested.
Then the occupation/preventative steps orders (etc) are made and he's the one trying to find justice from the Family Courts, CAFCASS, etc.
Black_S3 said:
Change the locks on a rental property, then inform the agent/landlord of a break up and see what response you get. I imagine they'd look to protect the property. Scaremongering or not, changing the locks is a moronic idea.
More scaremongering. All of what you have said is irrelevant what will you come up with next - notify car insurers? FFS sake man get a grip. OP please ignore this red herring your landlord couldn't give a toss as long as the rent etc is being paid and you've got enough on your mind. Anyway moving on....
Escapegoat said:
Well, first, if the rent is paid, the landlord has no incentive to get involved in a potentially costly case. And even if the landlord wanted to, getting an eviction in a family break-up situation won't be straightforward.
My concern is that the shoe could very soon be on the other foot. OP comes home and finds it's the other half that's changed the locks, they argue (she claims), she calls the police and says she's afraid, and the police turn up. They will, very simply and very fimrly tell him to go away. Or be arrested.
Then the occupation/preventative steps orders (etc) are made and he's the one trying to find justice from the Family Courts, CAFCASS, etc.
Let's not go too far into the hypothetical... In any tenancy agreement I've signed changing the locks is a massive no. Exactly how they could enforce it I don't know - it's not an additional problem I'd want and don't see how it is productive in any way.My concern is that the shoe could very soon be on the other foot. OP comes home and finds it's the other half that's changed the locks, they argue (she claims), she calls the police and says she's afraid, and the police turn up. They will, very simply and very fimrly tell him to go away. Or be arrested.
Then the occupation/preventative steps orders (etc) are made and he's the one trying to find justice from the Family Courts, CAFCASS, etc.
Attack isn't the best form of defense.
Edited by Black_S3 on Friday 6th May 12:03
(1) Look after #1. You and your health more important than anything (including the kids. They are old enough to deal with this sort of thing and will prefer to see you healthy and happy). If you lay down and let her walk over you and let your health deteriorate you're no good to yourself or the kids.
(2) Don't be nice or 'take the high ground' at all. Pre-empt. You know she is making plans - get rid of all her stuff out the house now. Don't agree to give her any furnishings. She can get her own.
(3) get a good lawyer.
Good luck with a s
t situation.
(2) Don't be nice or 'take the high ground' at all. Pre-empt. You know she is making plans - get rid of all her stuff out the house now. Don't agree to give her any furnishings. She can get her own.
(3) get a good lawyer.
Good luck with a s
t situation.I don't think the landlords would have any problem with changing the locks - I'm on very good terms with the owner of the estate I rent from and have spoken to her this morning to make her aware of the situation and to seek advice re changing the contract when the wife agrees she's leaving. I didn't ask the question specifically though. She also has a legal background and has been able to confirm equal access rights etc.
I'm not going to prevent the wife from entering the property but I'm certainly going to resist any attempt to compell me to leave or to remove property (I'm the sole income provider and have bought everything but don't mind her taking some essentials as stated above).
I'm going to alert his wife too. I've gone through hell for 18 months and now I feel he needs to feel some pressure.
I'm not going to prevent the wife from entering the property but I'm certainly going to resist any attempt to compell me to leave or to remove property (I'm the sole income provider and have bought everything but don't mind her taking some essentials as stated above).
I'm going to alert his wife too. I've gone through hell for 18 months and now I feel he needs to feel some pressure.
Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff