Removing cheating spouse from home - URGENT advice needed

[theboss]

jeff666 said:

To the OP,

I have also followed this saga from the beginning, pleased to hear things have settled down for you and life is treating you a lot better now.

Quick question if you don't mind ? can your ex wife lay claim to your medical neg claim or has that been settled in the divorce settlement ?

That risk has been closed.

She initiated a financial remedy claim stating any hypothetical settlement should be marital and demanding a significant lump sum.

Then she realised upon disclosure of all the facts that even if I succeeded it would be years away, not next week, so tried to put the brakes on and get proceedings adjourned pending outcome.

Court said no this has to be dealt with in the present time, and also asked why in any case she thought she should get a fully paid for detached house out of the marriage when we had never owned property in the marriage.

She then changed her tune to demanding maintenance and we negotiated a periodic payment and pension sharing order in return for a capital clean break.

She can always “try it on” I guess.

Edited by theboss on Thursday 3rd September 22:38

[theboss]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

Thanks.

The health issues are debilitating and it’s only through flexibility in working arrangements and understanding of my circumstances that I’ve been able to keep going - not to be taken for granted as a contractor as no client has had any contractual duty of care for me.

The M5 is still going strong - a high miler now but she’s done me proud as a daily for over 5 years. I’ve shifted most of my miles onto an EV now.

[theboss]

mr rusty said:

I too have followed your saga, and reading your medical situation a thought crossed my mind which I will share. I am a bowel cancer survivor (fortunately caught early and 4 years after surgery still AOK and fine). However, when it first occurred there was a real risk of a colostomy bag, so I did a fair bit of research. It is fair to say that no-one would rush to have one, but those that have had to seem to live very close to normal lives. On the forums there are several cases of people with a "temporary" colostomy then deciding not to have a reversion because it would change from a controllable situation to a "hit and miss".

Have you ever considered this? I don't have one, but my research suggests that it takes away all the anxiety of urgent toilet issues and allows people to deal with their "system" when and where they choose.

I'm not advocating it by any means, but just passing on some thoughts which may or may not have already crossed your mind.

Best wishes and good luck.

Thank you.

It is something I have thought about and indeed it’s inevitable for later in life... but when I have broached the subject at this stage it seems doctors don’t like taking an intact albeit neurologically deficient bowel and removing it to fit a stoma. I guess they figure if it’s currently “manageable” they don’t want to do unnecessary surgery. I do intend to take it up with them at the next review as enough years have passed now to conclude that the nerves aren’t going to just fix themselves, although I can live in hope.

A close friends father in his 60’s has had bag fitted just as you say, as a temporary measure, but decided to stick with it rather than face the likelihood of ongoing bowel issues and accident risk and it’s working really well for him so it’s been useful to get a first hand report from somebody who has undergone this change.

thanks again.

[theboss]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

They are still knocking around in some sort of relationship but it doesn't seem to be substantive.

My instinct says the guy was always a bit of a fantasist but there's probably some half truths. If I had to place a wager I'd bet he has some income but has been good at hiding it from the courts / ex-wife. He still manages to take holidays and flaunt around in newish cars but declares nil income to the CMS. Probably has some limited co set up in a friend/relatives name. I'd rather not speculate.

CubanPete said:

What a read OP.

You have showed real emotional intelligence through this.

This might sound like a crazy thing to say... But do you think the CES helped you with your mental state? About 10 years ago I had a change of boss, he was a bully, subtle, combined with a new bullying of a neighbour, between them they caused me all sorts of anxiety / depression issues over quite a long time. I then suffered from bilateral brachial plexus neuritis, which was really pretty unpleasant, ten years on it has recovered as much as it will, but it really did help me rationalise the anxiety issues and I have bizarrely been much happier ever since!

Thanks.

I don't know whether the CES helped me get through the divorce, or vice versa, but I think its fair to say the combined events have been character building and helped me gain mental resilience.

The time I spent in hospital immediately after my (delayed) emergency surgery, when the prognosis was very unclear, had a profound effect on my mental state. I had the immediate shock of an unexpected health crisis to contend with but also the growing realisation of impending marital doom. My parents were providing emergency childcare cover at home which helped me to realise some pertinent truths such as the fact that it was taking her 3-4 hours to drive 30 miles whenever she visited me in hospital and that she would take an hour to get dressed beforehand.

I remember wondering whether I would be walked or wheeled out of the place and at the same time wondering whether I would even be returning to the marital home or somewhere else. I had a profound sense of sadness that my world had changed irrevocably, but also extreme determination.

Edited by theboss on Saturday 5th September 15:23

[theboss]

Starfighter said:

It was probably stressful for her as well. That in now way make her entitled to anything it is just part of having a partner.

I don’t doubt it. She was quoted as saying “how can this be happening to me”. Bless her.

[theboss]

anonymous said:

[redacted]

The other mum was my own! My mum and stepdad had moved in with me temporarily as I was walking with sticks at the time and could hardly do anything, so I let my mum take care of all the child hand overs and didn’t have any direct contact with the ex. About 5 months post separation mum was at the school to collect my girls and the ex had turned up for some sort of end of day awards event just before the kids were let out. She ended up breaking down on my mums shoulder in front of the whole school saying how sorry she was.

This was barely a month after she gone to children’s services claiming my mother had done something deeply inappropriate towards my autistic daughter resulting in us all being interviewed by social workers.

That itself was her cunning ploy to undermine my family support network whilst unilaterally setting out the kids living arrangements having discovered that the 50/50 we’d been doing until then didn’t provide the maintenance she felt entitled to.

Not sure how my mother didn’t strangle her tbh.

Edited by theboss on Tuesday 8th September 19:37

[theboss]

Deathmole said:

Oh I assumed it was a "my husband has been left in a poor physical state by bungling doctors and his (read: our, or more selfishly, my) quality of life has been diminished" rather than a "I've fked up" one.

My bad!

Considering she had already found a new house with her partner and probably signed the tenancy agreement by the time of my injury, and was taking advantage of being able to meet him whilst I was laid up in a spinal ward, I think her concern was that the “clean looking” separation plan they were orchestrating was dead in the water and that there was no way she could come out of it smelling of roses whilst her husband was left paralysed and incontinent.

She was also present in a meeting in the hospital in which it was suggested by medical professionals that if they were in my shoes they might be inclined to seek specialist legal advice. At that moment she realised the potential monetary aspect. I’d love to have been a party to the next phone convo she had with her lover after that meeting!

Edited by theboss on Tuesday 8th September 19:47