Divorce & Finances
Discussion
Tried to google this.... but confused as hell so wondering if some here can provide some info before i go to solicitors who will probably confuse me further.
In short me/wife separated (i moved out) In November 2014 back to a flat i had pre us being married. Bought a new place in March this yr as was a 1 bed and wanted to give my son his own room.
Anyway - were totally amicable etc, well til last night when she informed me that she was 'entitled to' 60/70% of all my assets!
She has no assets - everything she earns (pharmacist) she pisses away on whatever crap she can buy, and if she is short her dad (very well off) pays for it.
Ive been paying mortgage since i left.
Need to go get some guidance as she wants to sell our marital home (about £400k of equity) to buy a new place and pretty much wants all of it!
Thoughts???
In short me/wife separated (i moved out) In November 2014 back to a flat i had pre us being married. Bought a new place in March this yr as was a 1 bed and wanted to give my son his own room.
Anyway - were totally amicable etc, well til last night when she informed me that she was 'entitled to' 60/70% of all my assets!
She has no assets - everything she earns (pharmacist) she pisses away on whatever crap she can buy, and if she is short her dad (very well off) pays for it.
Ive been paying mortgage since i left.
Need to go get some guidance as she wants to sell our marital home (about £400k of equity) to buy a new place and pretty much wants all of it!
Thoughts???
If she is the resident parent for your son (she has the majority of nights) then, while not entitled, she may succeed in obtaining that sort of percentage of the marital assets (everything you both own at time of divorce) but is it in theory based on the needs of each spouse but putting priority on the welfare of the child (and by default the parent with the child).
How long have you been married?
Are you what you would consider rich?
How long have you been married?
Are you what you would consider rich?
Erm... rich id guess is a 50bed nursing home in richmond, an 8 bed house in richmond and a 5 bed house in richmond and a few houses abroad - he can afford to go large at Maccy D shall we say 
Ive agreed to pay half my little boys' school fee - he def isnt going to miss out on anything as thats the main priority for us both. He does live with her, but lives with me for 50% of the time as well - which is why i sold the flat for a house so he could do that.
Were married for 9 yrs.
Def need to speak to someone - so any recommendations local to Kent / Central would be appreciated!
Ive agreed to pay half my little boys' school fee - he def isnt going to miss out on anything as thats the main priority for us both. He does live with her, but lives with me for 50% of the time as well - which is why i sold the flat for a house so he could do that.
Were married for 9 yrs.
Def need to speak to someone - so any recommendations local to Kent / Central would be appreciated!
Ursicles said:
Erm... rich id guess is a 50bed nursing home in richmond, an 8 bed house in richmond and a 5 bed house in richmond and a few houses abroad - he can afford to go large at Maccy D shall we say
Ive agreed to pay half my little boys' school fee - he def isnt going to miss out on anything as thats the main priority for us both. He does live with her, but lives with me for 50% of the time as well - which is why i sold the flat for a house so he could do that.
Were married for 9 yrs.
If there is sufficient wealth to provide for both parties needs a 50:50 split is more likely.Ive agreed to pay half my little boys' school fee - he def isnt going to miss out on anything as thats the main priority for us both. He does live with her, but lives with me for 50% of the time as well - which is why i sold the flat for a house so he could do that.
Were married for 9 yrs.
Ursicles said:
is there an issue that she want to move to putney so house prices are stupid high???
Depends how she dresses up the 'need'. If it's to be near family and friends for 'support' a gullible judge will likely fall for it and award her a greater share.Thing to remember with divorce is there are no written rules as such. Everything is up for grabs for either party if they can string together a coherent argument and a judge falls for it.
A judge doesn't have to decide for you both of course, you can, hopefully as it's cheaper, agree between you and then the judge authorises it as a Consent Order.
Don't forget pensions at thrown into the mix too these days.
Yep ... i think she even wants my green shield stamps!!
Id prefer to sort it out way out of court etc, but she seems hell bent on this 'entitlement' she has... even tho she has contributed sod all to the purchasing of the house.
I did offer her 60/40 on sale of the house... she said not enough - she wants more, hence money from my flat is needed for her to buy a place near her parents - even though my son will be doing to school in dulwich, which is nowhere near her parents and means an hours bus ride for him every morning!
Id prefer to sort it out way out of court etc, but she seems hell bent on this 'entitlement' she has... even tho she has contributed sod all to the purchasing of the house.
I did offer her 60/40 on sale of the house... she said not enough - she wants more, hence money from my flat is needed for her to buy a place near her parents - even though my son will be doing to school in dulwich, which is nowhere near her parents and means an hours bus ride for him every morning!
In this case nothing!!
I was spending £3k a month on everything trying to stay afloat on £100 a week ... she was spending £2500 a month on crap for herself on her credit card, knowing full well i was on the breadline!
Found Stowe Family Law online... looks quite good, so dropped them a line.
I was spending £3k a month on everything trying to stay afloat on £100 a week ... she was spending £2500 a month on crap for herself on her credit card, knowing full well i was on the breadline!
Found Stowe Family Law online... looks quite good, so dropped them a line.
I feel your pain OP. I'm going through very similar at the moment. She came into the marriage with literally nothing financially. I put up the deposit for the house, paid for all the home improvements and paid the bulk of the mortgage and bills.
We split about 10 months ago and initially she said all the right things - "it's not your fault the marriage has broken down", "I'm not interested in the money", "I won't force you to sell the house", "I want it to be amicable and don't want to get solicitors" involved.
Next thing I know, I get a letter from a solicitor I didn't even know she had saying she's divorcing me for unreasonable behavior (huh?) and she wants me to sell the house and give most of the proceeds to her (eh?). No kids involved so she can Foxtrot Oscar. Had a long drawn out negotiation with her solicitor which has got us nowhere, despite me offering to give her every penny I have to my name AND take out a loan to top this up by a further £15k. Apparently this doesn't meet her "needs".
How long did you live together before getting married? For reasons I don't quite understand, they class that as part of the marriage which is what's scuppered me a bit as without that my marriage would be classed as a "short marriage" (typically 5 years or less).
We split about 10 months ago and initially she said all the right things - "it's not your fault the marriage has broken down", "I'm not interested in the money", "I won't force you to sell the house", "I want it to be amicable and don't want to get solicitors" involved.
Next thing I know, I get a letter from a solicitor I didn't even know she had saying she's divorcing me for unreasonable behavior (huh?) and she wants me to sell the house and give most of the proceeds to her (eh?). No kids involved so she can Foxtrot Oscar. Had a long drawn out negotiation with her solicitor which has got us nowhere, despite me offering to give her every penny I have to my name AND take out a loan to top this up by a further £15k. Apparently this doesn't meet her "needs".
How long did you live together before getting married? For reasons I don't quite understand, they class that as part of the marriage which is what's scuppered me a bit as without that my marriage would be classed as a "short marriage" (typically 5 years or less).
Every time I read one of these threads I think, why the heck do people do it?
Though being noted as the 'miserable' one for hating weddings in general, I do think, thankfully, more people are realising what a ridiculous thing a marriage is.
Sound's like you're fairly well off so though you'll lose a lot, hopefully you won't be destitute.
Though being noted as the 'miserable' one for hating weddings in general, I do think, thankfully, more people are realising what a ridiculous thing a marriage is.
Sound's like you're fairly well off so though you'll lose a lot, hopefully you won't be destitute.
TheGreatSoprendo said:
I feel your pain OP. I'm going through very similar at the moment. She came into the marriage with literally nothing financially. I put up the deposit for the house, paid for all the home improvements and paid the bulk of the mortgage and bills.
We split about 10 months ago and initially she said all the right things - "it's not your fault the marriage has broken down", "I'm not interested in the money", "I won't force you to sell the house", "I want it to be amicable and don't want to get solicitors" involved.
Next thing I know, I get a letter from a solicitor I didn't even know she had saying she's divorcing me for unreasonable behavior (huh?) and she wants me to sell the house and give most of the proceeds to her (eh?). No kids involved so she can Foxtrot Oscar. Had a long drawn out negotiation with her solicitor which has got us nowhere, despite me offering to give her every penny I have to my name AND take out a loan to top this up by a further £15k. Apparently this doesn't meet her "needs".
How long did you live together before getting married? For reasons I don't quite understand, they class that as part of the marriage which is what's scuppered me a bit as without that my marriage would be classed as a "short marriage" (typically 5 years or less).
That's not true based on my divorce a few years ago. Lived together for 10 years then married for a further 3. No kids. Negligible payout from me. We split about 10 months ago and initially she said all the right things - "it's not your fault the marriage has broken down", "I'm not interested in the money", "I won't force you to sell the house", "I want it to be amicable and don't want to get solicitors" involved.
Next thing I know, I get a letter from a solicitor I didn't even know she had saying she's divorcing me for unreasonable behavior (huh?) and she wants me to sell the house and give most of the proceeds to her (eh?). No kids involved so she can Foxtrot Oscar. Had a long drawn out negotiation with her solicitor which has got us nowhere, despite me offering to give her every penny I have to my name AND take out a loan to top this up by a further £15k. Apparently this doesn't meet her "needs".
How long did you live together before getting married? For reasons I don't quite understand, they class that as part of the marriage which is what's scuppered me a bit as without that my marriage would be classed as a "short marriage" (typically 5 years or less).
Edited by snorky782 on Thursday 26th May 15:08
sorry, but now that she's heard (friends, family, internet etc) that she's 'entitled' to virtually everything of yours, you will not get away without going down the legal route. the only real winners in this case will be the lawyers.
get ready for a legal fisting. and spending a s
tload of money on lawyers.
i've just spent over 18 months in and out of court, to sort finances and contact with my daughter. the amount of crap my ex and her dad made up is unbelievable. but as she's the mom, the court seems to be more inclined to believe her than me - granted, without any proof, it's all 'he said/she said' anyway and they are really only interested in the welfare of the child. but i still feel like i got fked by a horse. and that was going with a firm that came recommended - and naturally, promised me that 'i had a very strong case' and would walk away with so much more than i did.
and breath - at least i'm out of the situation - except i'm not, as she seems to be able to disregard the court orders about contact, while professing how hard she is trying and how upset my daughter is - and the courts back right off. try mediation they say - yeah, like that's going to help - at £200 each for a 2 hour session
angry? sure! can i do *anything* about it, except throw more time and money at it (without any guarantee of a result)? - no - and you know why? the first angry word or raised voice and they run back to court claiming they feel threatened and i'm hostile and aggressive and they won't talk to me without a session of mediation. and she can be as unreasonable as she likes.
honestly - fking snakes with tits (i know it's an overused cliche on here, but 
) - i wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire.
get ready for a legal fisting. and spending a s
tload of money on lawyers.i've just spent over 18 months in and out of court, to sort finances and contact with my daughter. the amount of crap my ex and her dad made up is unbelievable. but as she's the mom, the court seems to be more inclined to believe her than me - granted, without any proof, it's all 'he said/she said' anyway and they are really only interested in the welfare of the child. but i still feel like i got f
ked by a horse. and that was going with a firm that came recommended - and naturally, promised me that 'i had a very strong case' and would walk away with so much more than i did.and breath - at least i'm out of the situation - except i'm not, as she seems to be able to disregard the court orders about contact, while professing how hard she is trying and how upset my daughter is - and the courts back right off. try mediation they say - yeah, like that's going to help - at £200 each for a 2 hour session
angry? sure! can i do *anything* about it, except throw more time and money at it (without any guarantee of a result)? - no - and you know why? the first angry word or raised voice and they run back to court claiming they feel threatened and i'm hostile and aggressive and they won't talk to me without a session of mediation. and she can be as unreasonable as she likes.
honestly - f
king snakes with tits (i know it's an overused cliche on here, but ) - i wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire.Part of me thinks i just scupper the whole thing.... dont agree to a divorce and let it drag on til 2019 when it will have been 5 yrs and she can divorce me without my consent.
Win here is my son will be local to me so lots more time together, and i have time to sort my current place out and sell it on, equity into a new business venture which if it fails, ive really lost nothing!
Main issue is - which superhero to dress up as for my Father for Justice inauguration??
Win here is my son will be local to me so lots more time together, and i have time to sort my current place out and sell it on, equity into a new business venture which if it fails, ive really lost nothing!
Main issue is - which superhero to dress up as for my Father for Justice inauguration??
Rick101 said:
Every time I read one of these threads I think, why the heck do people do it?
Though being noted as the 'miserable' one for hating weddings in general, I do think, thankfully, more people are realising what a ridiculous thing a marriage is.
Sound's like you're fairly well off so though you'll lose a lot, hopefully you won't be destitute.
Agree 100%. Mrs BC and I have been together for over 20 years and really don't want to marry.Though being noted as the 'miserable' one for hating weddings in general, I do think, thankfully, more people are realising what a ridiculous thing a marriage is.
Sound's like you're fairly well off so though you'll lose a lot, hopefully you won't be destitute.
There are potential problems tho. For example we spend a lot of time in the USA where if one of us were to be taken sick the other would not be considered next of kin.
Costs will likely rocket if you start bickering about who gets what.
Solicitors can only advise on division of assets, but it will be down to you or the courts to finalise it.
I am no solicitor, nor am I a court representative, but what I can say is, the cheaper option is the amicable one, where you get your heads together, thrash out an agreement in principle and ratify via the courts.
Swallow your pride and get your negotiating hat on.
Solicitors can only advise on division of assets, but it will be down to you or the courts to finalise it.
I am no solicitor, nor am I a court representative, but what I can say is, the cheaper option is the amicable one, where you get your heads together, thrash out an agreement in principle and ratify via the courts.
Swallow your pride and get your negotiating hat on.
Ursicles said:
Ive agreed to pay half my little boys' school fee - he def isnt going to miss out on anything as thats the main priority for us both. He does live with her, but lives with me for 50% of the time as well - which is why i sold the flat for a house so he could do that.
If you going to be shafted and her parents are that rich then perhaps they should pay for the rest of the optional school fees? I can see the conflict but there has to come a point where you can't keep giving money out especially if its going to affect your own place where you live. I dont know how a court would view school fees but I view them as optional.
Gassing Station | Speed, Plod & the Law | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff