Divorce & Finances
Discussion
Yep - her dad pays his fees currently, but she said that he is going to help her pay for her new place in future, so we (as in me and her) are going to have to go halves on his school fees.
To be fair to him, he is incredibly bright and did bloody well to get into Dulwich, so happy to pay for him to give him a great start in life.
To be fair to him, he is incredibly bright and did bloody well to get into Dulwich, so happy to pay for him to give him a great start in life.
SpydieNut said:
.
and breath - at least i'm out of the situation - except i'm not, as she seems to be able to disregard the court orders about contact, while professing how hard she is trying and how upset my daughter is - and the courts back right off. try mediation they say - yeah, like that's going to help - at £200 each for a 2 hour session
angry? sure! can i do *anything* about it, except throw more time and money at it (without any guarantee of a result)? - no - and you know why? the first angry word or raised voice and they run back to court claiming they feel threatened and i'm hostile and aggressive and they won't talk to me without a session of mediation. and she can be as unreasonable as she likes.
honestly - f
king snakes with tits (i know it's an overused cliche on here, but 
) - i wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire.
It will be 10 years this fathers day that I gave up the fight to remain a part of my children's lives after battling three years through the courts. It's saddening to see that little has changed in the legal farce in that time.and breath - at least i'm out of the situation - except i'm not, as she seems to be able to disregard the court orders about contact, while professing how hard she is trying and how upset my daughter is - and the courts back right off. try mediation they say - yeah, like that's going to help - at £200 each for a 2 hour session
angry? sure! can i do *anything* about it, except throw more time and money at it (without any guarantee of a result)? - no - and you know why? the first angry word or raised voice and they run back to court claiming they feel threatened and i'm hostile and aggressive and they won't talk to me without a session of mediation. and she can be as unreasonable as she likes.
honestly - f
king snakes with tits (i know it's an overused cliche on here, but ) - i wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire.I did say that..... but im lucky that i earn enough monthly for his school fees to not be an issue. All the 'ongoing' expenses im fine about.
Its just the sale of my flat and her 'right' to any of that which annoys me. Giving her 60% of marital home i can live with, but why should she benefit from something i worked hard to buy when i was younger way before she was a nuisance on the horizon??
Its just the sale of my flat and her 'right' to any of that which annoys me. Giving her 60% of marital home i can live with, but why should she benefit from something i worked hard to buy when i was younger way before she was a nuisance on the horizon??
My ex was a rotten egg, fleeced by bank account, I stupidly never looked at my statements, opened my mail and maxed my credit card. Then went for the gullet with the assets split.
I was advised by the cc company to report her to the police. I decided I didn't want my daughter to grow up with a mother holding a criminal record. I lost out a lot.
In hindsight I walked away with my head high and luckily no debts. I tried to fight as long as I could with regards to the stupidly indecent separation of assets but it's difficult when they have an utter cow representing them paid by legal aid and all your money is draining out to solicitors. I even asked for money to be put in a trust for our daughter but she declined this.
Good luck. It won't be easy, if they go off like bad fruit expect the worst.
I found her on mumsnet and she'd spouted utter lies about me, the mumsnet crew loved this and gave her some magnificent amunition. When I registered and complained I was quickly banned from the forum.
She was blacklisted before I met her and managed to get blacklisted again after the split and she'd dwindled all the cash away.
Time is a healer, we are now mates, well, as matey as we can be, you have to for the children. It's only money.
I was advised by the cc company to report her to the police. I decided I didn't want my daughter to grow up with a mother holding a criminal record. I lost out a lot.
In hindsight I walked away with my head high and luckily no debts. I tried to fight as long as I could with regards to the stupidly indecent separation of assets but it's difficult when they have an utter cow representing them paid by legal aid and all your money is draining out to solicitors. I even asked for money to be put in a trust for our daughter but she declined this.
Good luck. It won't be easy, if they go off like bad fruit expect the worst.
I found her on mumsnet and she'd spouted utter lies about me, the mumsnet crew loved this and gave her some magnificent amunition. When I registered and complained I was quickly banned from the forum.
She was blacklisted before I met her and managed to get blacklisted again after the split and she'd dwindled all the cash away.
Time is a healer, we are now mates, well, as matey as we can be, you have to for the children. It's only money.
birdcage said:
Call her bluff on school fees, if its not financially viable to send kid there it cant be done and if he's bright like you say he will do well in any school
True. Plus, your financial situation is likely to change over the next few years, which will put pressure on any commitments you make now.
Ursicles said:
I did say that..... but im lucky that i earn enough monthly for his school fees to not be an issue. All the 'ongoing' expenses im fine about.
Its just the sale of my flat and her 'right' to any of that which annoys me. Giving her 60% of marital home i can live with, but why should she benefit from something i worked hard to buy when i was younger way before she was a nuisance on the horizon??
Because it's worth money and she doesn't like you any more, and because she likes money, and because the legal system is loaded in her favour.Its just the sale of my flat and her 'right' to any of that which annoys me. Giving her 60% of marital home i can live with, but why should she benefit from something i worked hard to buy when i was younger way before she was a nuisance on the horizon??
Accept that and find a way to negotiate a settlement.
singlecoil said:
because she likes money, and because the legal system is loaded in her favour.
And thats really the crux of it.... she loves money.... loves to shop and waste it.... im going to the house on sat(to get my son) and taking pics of all the shoes (an entire wall floor to ceiling with shoe boxes) etc etc to show the courts how much money she wastes and why she wants a large settlement.
Ursicles said:
I did say that..... but im lucky that i earn enough monthly for his school fees to not be an issue. All the 'ongoing' expenses im fine about.
Its just the sale of my flat and her 'right' to any of that which annoys me. Giving her 60% of marital home i can live with, but why should she benefit from something i worked hard to buy when i was younger way before she was a nuisance on the horizon??
In all honesty if you have for example £100,000 equity in your flat and there is £100,00 equity in the former marital home, she will get the £100,000 in the home without any effort whatsoever. If you are fighting for a share of the home on something like this basis, don't.Its just the sale of my flat and her 'right' to any of that which annoys me. Giving her 60% of marital home i can live with, but why should she benefit from something i worked hard to buy when i was younger way before she was a nuisance on the horizon??
With a 9 year marriage all assets are joint assets regardless of when they were acquired.
Ursicles said:
its about £140 in my flat, and £360 in the house... she wants £300k
If these are the only assets, joint £500, she would get at least £250. Think seriously if the costs of fighting over £50 is worth it.If you earn a lot more than her the chances of her getting more than 50% are greater.
You need to get a financial clean break, save for child maintenance if applicable.
Ursicles said:
Part of me thinks i just scupper the whole thing.... dont agree to a divorce and let it drag on til 2019 when it will have been 5 yrs and she can divorce me without my consent.
In which case, she'll likely just divorce you on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour with a load of made up horsest to avoid waiting the 2/5 years.Even if she doesn't, you'll still need to sort the financial settlement sooner or later.Ursicles said:
she said £300... then said she wanted 70% ... and didnt want to give me joint custody!
er... no.. sorry.. you cant have everything!
It won't be easy for her to prevent you getting joint custody. When I went through a divorce my ex was told that she would need to provide evidence that I was in some way a bad father.er... no.. sorry.. you cant have everything!
Think you might struggle with the financial stuff tho.
Good Luck!
I'll never marry again, and I got off lightly.
Married 10 years ish, 2 boys. I have full custody, the house, and work full time. I very luckily got offered redundancy about 2 weeks before the financial hearing for the divorce and the payout was very generous and equal to about 11 months wages + bonus + car money + money to not slag them off to customers, so used it to take a year off while getting divorced.
The look on her barristers face at the financial hearing when I told her I was unemployed was brilliant... f*&king cow. Due to my unemployment I managed to negotiate a consent order that included a clean break, full custody and permission to leave the country with the kids for work, but did have to give up part of a pension and some equity in the house when I eventually sell it.
Married 10 years ish, 2 boys. I have full custody, the house, and work full time. I very luckily got offered redundancy about 2 weeks before the financial hearing for the divorce and the payout was very generous and equal to about 11 months wages + bonus + car money + money to not slag them off to customers, so used it to take a year off while getting divorced.
The look on her barristers face at the financial hearing when I told her I was unemployed was brilliant... f*&king cow. Due to my unemployment I managed to negotiate a consent order that included a clean break, full custody and permission to leave the country with the kids for work, but did have to give up part of a pension and some equity in the house when I eventually sell it.
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