Divorce & Finances

[Ursicles]

PurpleMoonlight said:

As you are married you both automatically have custody until one of you applies to court for a sole residence order. Do you mean equal care/contact?

I think so.... probably!

Have an appt with these guys next week, so will know more then.
http://www.stowefamilylaw.co.uk/

[ZOLLAR]

SpydieNut said:

sorry, but now that she's heard (friends, family, internet etc) that she's 'entitled' to virtually everything of yours, you will not get away without going down the legal route. the only real winners in this case will be the lawyers.

get ready for a legal fisting. and spending a stload of money on lawyers.

i've just spent over 18 months in and out of court, to sort finances and contact with my daughter. the amount of crap my ex and her dad made up is unbelievable. but as she's the mom, the court seems to be more inclined to believe her than me - granted, without any proof, it's all 'he said/she said' anyway and they are really only interested in the welfare of the child. but i still feel like i got fked by a horse. and that was going with a firm that came recommended - and naturally, promised me that 'i had a very strong case' and would walk away with so much more than i did.

and breath - at least i'm out of the situation - except i'm not, as she seems to be able to disregard the court orders about contact, while professing how hard she is trying and how upset my daughter is - and the courts back right off. try mediation they say - yeah, like that's going to help - at £200eachfor a 2 hour session

angry? sure! can i do *anything* about it, except throw more time and money at it (without any guarantee of a result)? - no - and you know why? the first angry word or raised voice and they run back to court claiming they feel threatened and i'm hostile and aggressive and they won't talk to me without a session of mediation. and she can be as unreasonable as she likes.

honestly - fking snakes with tits (i know it's an overused cliche on here, but ) - i wouldn't piss on her if she was on fire.

I know how you feel, I've been in the exact situation and especially the bolded bit.
Was told court orders etc and you would see your kids but there's ways to get around them and make the meetings very awkward like saying the kids aren't well or they want me there too etc etc

I hope it all works out for you, unfortunately even though the finances were there should I stretch them I couldn't keep paying for it all and as such I haven't seen my two kids in well over a year now.
Still send recorded delivery for birthdays and Christmas to their grandparents so think they get the cards and vouchers but very much agree it's geared towards the mothers.
It's likely I won't really get to meet them until they are of the age where the decision is theirs, I hope your situation doesn't go the same way.

I know she may read this too as she stalked me back on another post a year or two ago

[TheLordJohn]

I can see this thread growing legs...
When did you lot, who've been through it, start questioning your marriage?
Or was it there just a realisation it was over?

Edited by TheLordJohn on Thursday 26th May 17:18

[Trabi601]

TheLordJohn said:

I can this thread growing legs...
When did you lot, who've been through it, start questioning your marriage?
Or was it there just a realisation it was over?

If you're asking that question, it's probably too late...

[spookly]

Yeah, I got very lucky. Helped that she managed to get herself sectioned about 12 months after we originally split.
Seriously considering jobs out in the middle east for a few years, only downside is the dog wouldn't like the heat and she's a bit big and would cost a few grand to fly out there.

[SpydieNut]

TheLordJohn said:

I can this thread growing legs...
When did you lot, who've been through it, start questioning your marriage?
Or was it there just a realisation it was over?

briefly - after about 8-9 years in. me having less and less say about what went on - both with the house/finances and our daughter - what she ate, bedtimes etc. my wife is horse crazy - we moved to a farm with a livery yard attached, started renting out stables. also wife took to breeding ponies. me working full time and every extra hour on the farm - fixing things horses broke etc etc, money running out, but she wouldn't work more or spend less. i had to borrow just to pay tax and even that didn't phase her one bit - she said, borrow more next year. after 4-5 years of the 'business' making a year-on-year loss, even our accountant was saying HMRC would view this as a hobby - she still didn't care less. everyone else is wrong and she's right. always a reason she couldn't sell the horses. poor market etc, but that didn't stop her breeding them.

i enjoy cooking and cook from scratch. kids go through phases of not liking foods etc, but if we were at the table and our daughter said 'i don't like that', rather than saying, well that's what for supper, eat it or don't and go hungry tonight, my wife would get up and 'make' her a store bought ready made meal or more often, a pizza. bedtimes - daughter shared our bed until i moved out of the room when she was 4-5 yrs old, despite there being a cot, then a kids bed for her. her bedtime used to be my wife's bedtime - 10-11pm. i'd go to bed 10pm to get up early (to train and work on the farm, before going to work) and if i said, bedtime - it was always, i'll bring her up soon. short of dragging her upstairs (my wife would have literally refused to let her go) then there was no way to get her into bed before this time. it didn't help my father in law lived in our house (still does) as he moved country to help us with our daughter - we couldn't take her to and from school and couldn't afford childcare. he obviously supported her all the time.

she has *massive* control issues and really is not on this planet. she spins stories to the court about how unreasonable i was, reducing payments to the mortgage (omitting the fact it was so that i could actually pay my tax bills) etc and how i never wanted to be part of my daughter's life (working on the farm all the spare hours i had left little time to join the day outings they used to go on).

i just had to get out.

[bigbob77]

spookly said:

Seriously considering jobs out in the middle east for a few years, only downside is the dog wouldn't like the heat and she's a bit big and would cost a few grand to fly out there.

You're still living together after the divorce?

[spookly]

TheLordJohn said:

When did you lot, who've been through it, start questioning your marriage?

Funny thing was she asked me to move out, so I holed up in a 5 star hotel. asked me to move back 5 days later and I had already decided I'd had enough of her unless she bucked her ideas up - she never did.

In hindsight, she'd been intolerable for a few years and worse after the kids came along. I only stuck around that long because of the kids.

[spookly]

Bigbob77 - no we don't live together, although my dog is a bh too :-) My ex used to be fit, but now probably weighs more than the dog and the dog is 57Kg.

[Pieman68]

TheLordJohn said:

I can see this thread growing legs...
When did you lot, who've been through it, start questioning your marriage?
Or was it there just a realisation it was over?

Edited by TheLordJohn on Thursday 26th May 17:18

To put it bluntly, the day she told me that she was shagging a bloke from work. We'd been married for 14 months and I'm still paying for it now

[TheLordJohn]

spookly said:

Bigbob77 - no we don't live together, although my dog is a bh too :-) My ex used to be fit, but now probably weighs more than the dog and the dog is 57Kg.

Very glad to hear you're taking your responsibilities as a dog-Dad
Most people are happy to shunt 'the dog' onto someone else and pass the problem.

[PurpleMoonlight]

I've been divorced twice.

First one was relatively easy, both wanted it. Only dispute was over a set of saucepans, which I still have incidentially.

Second one was a nightmare even though a very short marriage. Got home one day and she had gone, along with the baby. She is manipulative and a sociopath. She got legal aid and milked every penny (including a barrister at final hearing), caused my house to be repossessed rather than allow it to be sold (I'm still paying off the negative equity 10 years later) lied throughout claiming I had assets I didn't and even got a copy of my fathers Will as he died during the process in case she could claim a share of anything I received. Never met such a nasty piece of work in all my life. Oh, and she was engaged to be married to someone else 3 months after leaving me and before divorce proceedings had even started

Edited by PurpleMoonlight on Thursday 26th May 17:29

[TheLordJohn]

Apparently I've changed, but I think it's the other way round... Lol.

[Pieman68]

TheLordJohn said:

Very glad to hear you're taking your responsibilities as a dog-Dad
Most people are happy to shunt 'the dog' onto someone else and pass the problem.

I had to rehome my lovely retriever as I had to take on a part time job as well as the full time one and it simply wasn't fair on her to be left alone so much

I know which bh I miss the most out of the two

[ShyTallKnight]

TheLordJohn said:

I can see this thread growing legs...
When did you lot, who've been through it, start questioning your marriage?
Or was it there just a realisation it was over?

Edited by TheLordJohn on Thursday 26th May 17:18

Dec 2009 things came to a bit of a head but love is blind as they say and I muddled on until May 2012 when they came to a head again. With the benefit of hindsight the fear of potentially losing my kids, breaking up the family and not wanting to be alone meant I muddled on again until the 'bombshell' was dropped in Jan 2013 when I discovered her numerous indiscretions. Separated straightaway (she was asked to leave). Decree absolute in Feb 2015.

[spookly]

TheLordJohn, I had the same thing. Also had her trying to be very controlling while claiming it was the reverse.

Pieman, that sucks. I work from home most of the week so losing the dog isn't necessary. Helps that everyone loves her too, so I'm never short of a dog sitter.

I think if you're in a relationship and it isn't an equal level of give and take, then ultimately it's doomed. I'm really easy going, and put up with too much for too long, but in the long run I am far happier being single. I like my space now, casual hook-ups and short term relationships work for me :-)

[jonamv8]

FFS - why do people do it

I had enough issues separating assets when not married and no kids.

I'm not religious so I wouldn't enter into a religious ceremony, which marriage stems from

[Rick101]

No married, no kids, we both paid 50% deposit on the house and pay equal amounts monthly into an account, in her name, to cover mortgage and bills each month. Rest of our money is our own to do what we want with.

bks to romance. Keep it simple.

[Oh Behave]

Give Sara Mounsey a call at Barnes Marsland (she is Kent based). I'd highly recommend her, knows her stuff and is straight talking and to the point. She will at least give you some good advice and initial consultation is about £75 if I recall correctly. Best of luck

[Rangeroverover]

One case locally that really warmed my heart

Wife's father is a property spiv, had a bunch of land he was intending to sell to a national housebuilder; to save a bit of tax registers a bunch of it in daughters name, along the lines of "'ere Doris sign this"..."wot is it Dad"..."don't you worry Doris"

scroll forward10 months, Doris starts shagging her personal trainer, cannot live without him etc etc........tells husband I want a divorce........husband eventually agrees, he has done nothing wrong, works his nuts off, very nice bloke etc etc.

Come division of assets..........ooh look £2.4m worth of land.........father in law goes ape......"but I only did that to save a bit of tax"....so husband was nice about it and accepted a large six figure sum as well as the normal division of assets.

Just makes you warm all over

His ex father in law must be thrilled that her shagging the gym monkey cost him so much......she incidentally left the gym monkey after 18 months